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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Aged 21, pregnant with twins, father ignores me.
Q. im 21 and 3months pregnant with twins.the babies fateher ia an ex of mine and we use to live together, we split up at the end of january but remained good friends by seeing each other and being in contact everyday.but a month ago when i told him i ...
A. 15 May 2006: The guy is not worthy of your time so just ignore him. However make sure that you pursue him for financial support for your children as twins don't come cheap! He maybe just in shock about being a Dad at the moment and may come around to the idea ... (read in full...)
Why has she dumped me when she is carrying my child?
Q. Hi me and my partner have found out that shes pregnant We found out 2 weeks ago she is 8 and a half weeks. We were ok before hand an also we got on really well, we were good together but now she said that she does not want to see me any more an ...
A. 15 May 2006: Her body will be going through massive changes - she may be having morning sickness and her hormones will be up the creek. Give her some space as she might be very scared about being pregnant as lots of women feel anxious about having children, ... (read in full...)
What makes good oral sex for a guy?
Q. Hey guys how are you I want to know how I can give a good blow job to a man and how to be good with men and be a good lover so that men can't resist me please guys give me some ideas thanks...
A. 15 May 2006: You may be an olympic athlete of blowjobs and that won't make a man like you in the long run; it is all about compatibility, friendship and old-fashioned stuff like that. If you want sex tips then I am quite sure the internet is packed with ... (read in full...)
How can I make a move on a married man I really like?
Q. Listen guys hey how are you? Well I have another problem I fancy one of the Dads at my daughter's nursery, he is really nice, good looking, friendly and I really like him. And he is funny too. I would like to make the first move on to him the only ...
A. 15 May 2006: Messing with married men is not a good idea, messing with married men you have to see at the nursery is doubly not a good idea. Firstly if he knocks you back then it would be embarrassing to see him again. Secondly if he consents to a fling it ... (read in full...)
He wont call me during the day and its making me mad!
Q. I have a question.... I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. We were living together and I just recently moved back home because it was to expensive and i lost my job. I have a big problem with him and that problem is that he doesn...
A. 15 May 2006: Either the guy is phone-phobic or he is just being selfish. He rings you when he wants something, and just stays over at night at his convenience - sounds like he has a good deal! I am not saying he should be calling you all the time day and night ... (read in full...)
I found a topless picture of my girlfriend in a cache on my pc, is she cheating?
Q. My girlfriend asked me to change my display picture on msn tonight. I was going through pictures to choose from and was looking in what was a cache of display pictures other friends have used and I know she doesn't know computers can do that. I ...
A. 15 May 2006: There maybe an innocent explanation but you can only find out if you ask her directly about it. It is surely a sign that something is wrong in your relationship. What I mean by this is that if she is spending time in chatrooms etc talking to ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't trust me
Q. it has been 2 months already. i have known her for one year. she just told me yesteryday, she doesn't trust me because its hard for her to trust people in general. i have been putting 110% and she has giving back 20% in this relationship. she wants ...
A. 15 May 2006: She probably really, really likes you and she is just scared about trusting you in case you hurt her...the way other people may have done in the past. Basically you have to be very patient and show her consistent love and support, but also remember ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals from a girl I like
Q. so, ive liked a girl for ages, ive told her my feelings and she didnt say she didnt like me but she didnt say she did either. Weve been flirty with each other but one minute shes flirty with me and the next shes tellin my friends different stories, ...
A. 15 May 2006: She may feel under pressure from her friends to act a certain way...i.e. like she doesn't fancy you. Girls can be a bit jealous if one of their gang is getting attention from a boy and they can tease her rotten about it. You need to approach her ... (read in full...)
He finished with me...but I want him back!
Q. i went out with a lad and he finishd me after 4months i am guilt its been like 4weeks ago since he did that and i don't no what to do he said he loves me when i went out with him and then he finish me i just want to get back with him what do i do ?...
A. 15 May 2006: Sometimes men just say they love you to manipulate you into doing what they want...sex, running errands...whatever. Basically people show you how they feel through actions not words and he left you. You may really like him but things have changed ... (read in full...)
On a break...I want my man back!
Q. i really need help my boyfriend and i have been on a break for a month now because he's had alot on with work and family death. i have been really patient and not complain or asked to meet up. he has however been texting/ringing and quickly poping ...
A. 15 May 2006: If this is a good relationship you don't have to pretend, or fear being labelled clingy etc. It should be natural to say what you feel to your man - if he rejects your requests to get back together properly then maybe the relationship has run its ... (read in full...)
I love my teacher...help!
Q. im nearly 18 and i am still at school studying A levels. im in love with my teacher, i know this is not a crush as i dont see him as my teacher but a friend in school more than anything. he doesnt act like a teacher towards me and i feel i can talk ...
A. 15 May 2006: I am quite surprised that any parent would encourage you to pursue this. That is not because I think it is a school girl crush...it is because he is a man in a position of trust, and you are expecting him to breach the professional standards that ... (read in full...)
Any advice on my depressed older partner?
Q. i'm with an older man i think the world of him, but he is so depressed. one day he is all over me he loves me and thinks the world of me,then others he is so quiet and ignores me.my confidence is so low he never says i look nice, there is a 24 yr ...
A. 15 May 2006: Depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be treated through antidepressants. However, different people respond well to different types of antidepressants and it is trial and error really. He must see a doctor and get some ... (read in full...)
Worried that I got her pregnant last night
Q. Last night I had sex with a lady who I've known for a while, She's on the pill, I also withdrew, I am now so worried I got her pregnant, Am I just being overtly paranoid? I'm worried sick!...
A. 15 May 2006: If she uses the pill properly then it would be unlikely that she would get pregnant. However, think about your anxiety next time you are about to do the deed and use some contraception to protect yourself for other unexpected consequences, quite ... (read in full...)
Marriage Proposal Rejected? What Next?
Q. Me and my partner have been together for 2 1/2 years. I have three children from a prev relationship,my partner doesnt have any. When we both got together i was sceptical that it would last as i am 11 years older than him,but he said that it was...
A. 14 May 2006: The age gap doesnt have to be a problem (there are 11 years between me and my husband). However, it sounds like he is happy to keep things the way they are, and he also sounds a bit selfish and not too mindful of others feelings from his fake ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be your brothers best friend once hes married?
Q. Me and my brother (Im his sister) used to be best friends, but hes been married now for about a year. We don't really talk like we used to. Is it still possible for me and my brother to best friends? is his marriage now more important or mea...
A. 14 May 2006: Marriage can change a person's priorities but it doesn't mean you cannot remain friends if you both really try hard to maintain the relationship. It doesnt mean his marital relationship is more important than his sibling one but remember this is a ... (read in full...)
How do I make him understand..that he needs a better job to support me and the kids?
Q. me and my husband are having big financial problems and he often blames me for not having enough money. when i say big i mean big. we're constantly getting eviction notices from our landlord! getting diconnection notices from our utility bills! he ...
A. 14 May 2006: Financial stress can easily creep into other aspects of your relationship. I understand his job doesn't pay enough but you need to tackle him about it in a different way. He probably feels that you are attacking him as the man, husband, ... (read in full...)
I really like her but she has this thing for her ex bf..what should I do?
Q. I have had a thing going with this one girl for a while now. She has had a lot of relationships in middle school, i did not. i went on a few dates with her, but when i was going to ask her out, she told me about her feelings for her ex (the only ...
A. 14 May 2006: Why not give the girl some space to get over the ex...you don't want to be 'rebound' guy. You like her, she likes you so why not be friends for a while and see how everything develops from there? If you were mean't to be together then it will just ... (read in full...)
I have feelings for my housemate...
Q. My problem is that I have feelings for my male housemate and best friend, T (although he doesn't know it). We get on so well, but I know he is not attracted to me in that way. Anyway he has just asked out my female best friend who he barely knows, ...
A. 14 May 2006: My best friend was in a similar situation to you regarding her male flat mate a few years ago - I can understand it is painful for you but you just have to take a back seat and try to distance yourself from your friends until you feel a bit better ... (read in full...)
I couldn't meet my online guy and he's saying I don't want to see him. What can I do?
Q. recently met a guy id be chattin to online, he was really nice and all that, he asked to meet again 2 night (bit short notice) and i said i couldnt, now he is sayin that i dont want to see him again. wat can i do to show him i really do care and do ...
A. 14 May 2006: He is probably feeling insecure as you have, in his eyes, knocked him back. But you could just try to rearrange a meet up if you would like to see him again. If he is really keen then he will turn up, if not just don't worry too much - you did ... (read in full...)
He says he likes me but at the dance..he ignored me and danced with all the other girls! What's he up to?
Q. okay well there's this guy that says he likes me but i dunno if he does cause we dont talk that much at school which sucks! but yea so we had this dance and i thought we would like to dance but we never did and he would dance with all these other ...
A. 14 May 2006: It doesn't matter how old, or how young you are as it comes down to one thing - you have got to make friends with this guy first. If you don't talk to him, you might think he is great and he could be a total moron in the conversation department. ... (read in full...)
I 'm bubbly but shy around guys. Do guys think if you're not all over them then you don't like them?
Q. Help! Im 18 and i always seem to give guys the wrong impression. Im pretty bubbly and flirty but when it comes to being around a guy i "like" i get kinda shy and end up giving him the impression i don't really like him. Also,i don't think thats ...
A. 14 May 2006: Men really like women to be 'not slutty' when they are girlfriend material, as opposed to a bit of a fling. So, don't worry about being shy - the right man will see your feelings for what they are! Don't worry about being more confident, try ... (read in full...)
Can people tell me what sort of things he would be doing, if he fancied me?
Q. i'm quite confused about this lad i like him but i'm not sure if he likes me we are good friends and we talk quite alot, i think there is something there please can people tell me wot sort of things he would be doing if he fancied me! i need some ...
A. 14 May 2006: Everyone is different about the ways they should you they fancy you. However, he should be wanting to spend time around you, maybe dropping hints, and his body language should be open towards you - like the occasional touch of an arm, fidgeting ... (read in full...)
He's been w wonderful bf to me so why am I having out of control jealous feelings? Do I need help?
Q. i've been 8 yrs running w/a man who i know w/out a doubt loves me unconditionally.i was very young and very naieve when we first met,and i've put him through alot(during the first 2 yrs)he has always been my knight and shining armor.when other women ...
A. 14 May 2006: It sounds to me like you are under a lot of stress, and maybe feeling a little depressed (which sometimes shows itself as anger and jealousy). He maybe just your nearest target for anger - try to figure out what other aspects of your life are ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that my bf is NOT jealous of my male friends?
Q. I'm 21, my boyfriend's 19. Is it odd that my boyfriend ISN'T jealous of me having other male friends and that he tries to make friends with them instead of being jealous?? Laura xxx...
A. 14 May 2006: Laura, he is a lovely man! Mature for his age too. Jealousy is a sign of immaturity and insecurity - neither are good for relationships. It also means he trusts you which just has to be a nice feeling!... (read in full...)
My ex says his current girl is beautiful but he declares undying love for me! What's going on here?
Q. WOAH Ok a couple of days ago my ex declared his undying love for me, and today he's telling me how beautiful the girl he's now seeing is. What's he playing at?...
A. 14 May 2006: Sometimes men (and women) say things to make us jealous...by saying she is beautiful, he is trying to make himself look better...she is his trophy, and wow look how successful I must be to have such a lady. I must be fab..and worthy of your ... (read in full...)
I'm in a 10 month relationship, which is tearing me apart and breaking every bit of my confidence...
Q. I'm in a 10 month relationship, which is tearing me apart and breaking every bit of my confidence. My bf's dominating. He wants to have the power over me, from changing my sense of dressing, not mixing around with anyone, prioritizing only him, ...
A. 14 May 2006: You are not confused. You know it is wrong. It is wrong - the guy has his own psychological problems connected with control; perhaps he has had a bad past but that is not your fault. Romantic partnerships should be on an equal footing and yours is ... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and pregnant but the kids dad doesn't seem to care...
Q. im 17 and nearly 3months pregnant i decided to keep my baby and my parents and friends are being really supportive im looking forwar to being a mum except for the fact that the father of my baby doesn't seem to care we've known eachother for 4 years ...
A. 14 May 2006: You cannot make him want the baby - maybe he will want to be involved, maybe he is too immature. He should be made to contribute to the financial upkeep of the child however, and you should seek legal advice about this. It sounds like you have ... (read in full...)
How can I make this boy choose ME over his girl?
Q. Hi there's this boy that just moved in my building 3 months ago and he is so cute. We been hanging out and talkin to each other from day one. but i just found out that he has a girlfriend and i really want to be with him. I feel that we have cem...
A. 13 May 2006: If the boy is kissing you when he has a girlfriend, how can you be sure that if you get together with him that he won't be cheating on you a few months down the line? The signs don't look good....... (read in full...)
My boyfriends sister hates me... And I wish he could stop being so sweet to his sister because of this!
Q. my boyfriends sister hates me more than anything. shes 23 and im 20 and my boyfriend is 19. When we started dating everything was nice then around 6months we found out that she was writing all this hateful stuff about me in her livejournal. then 1 ...
A. 13 May 2006: They say blood is thicker than water so you won't be able to change your BF's affections for his sister. It is ok not to like her, and you don't have to fake being nice to her - you are going out with him, not her. Basically she maybe a little ... (read in full...)
How can I get my mp3 player back from the girl who nicked it?
Q. I was doing sport on Friday afternoon at school and had my mp3 player stolen from my jacket when it was hanging up in the changing rooms. The changing rooms are always kept locked when we do sport for this exact reason. I talked to a teacher and ...
A. 13 May 2006: You and your mother need to go to the police and at least report this theft - you will get a crime number. Their involvement may put pressure on the school to act. The police may not be able to make an arrest but they may take finger prints off ... (read in full...)
Things are stale with my new husband... But an old flame has entered the picture! Should I go with my heart?
Q. I have been with my man for 4 years and married for a year and a half, things have gone a bit stale to say the least, we are not even having sex anymore. I have tried many times to sort things out with him and have discussed with im at length, I ...
A. 13 May 2006: It sounds like you are having marital problems and these should be kept separate from any feelings you may have for the other 'friend' who is obviously an exciting distraction. Whats more, getting into a new relationship just to get out of a ... (read in full...)
Will this separation hurt our relationship?
Q. I am 16 years old just graduated high school when my family decided to move 30 miles away. Me and my boyfriend have been together since i started high school he also graduated but he's 18 our relationship is very good we want to get married once i'm ...
A. 13 May 2006: You have to look at the move positively. Marriage is a huge commitment especially for someone so young. If your relationship with your BF was meant to be then it wouldn't matter if you were 3000 miles apart; the commitment would still be there. ... (read in full...)
My mother in law is a total snoop! She found my vibrator hidden under my bed and smirks when she looks at me...
Q. I have a mother in law who is very nosey! She is the only person who we trust to babysit our kids and noone else. Everytime we leave the kids to her in our home, I notice personal things that are missed placed. I leave these things out of reach from ...
A. 13 May 2006: She is snooping because she gets some kind of thrill out of looking at your personal stuff thinking you don't know...so, get some sticky labels and next time you have her over for babysitting make sure you leave a few notes in the draws with some ... (read in full...)
My online relationship has entered stormy waters!
Q. I have a relation online from about 1 year and 9 months...all were pretty good until about 4-5 months in go, when he suddenly change his habits, doesn't answer me to my messages even if he is online, and then tells me that he was not near the ...
A. 13 May 2006: This was an online relationship with someone you haven't met in person from what I understand. The problem with online friendships is that the person at the other end of the computer can be everything you want as you only have the opportunity to ... (read in full...)
Been dating for 2.5 months... All she wants to do is hug and hold hands; is it possible girls are not horny!?
Q. i have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 and a half months now. she says she is innocent and that she is not a horny type of girl. is possible that girls are NOT horny. i don't want to talk to her about it, because i dont want to sound like a ...
A. 13 May 2006: Maybe she is innocent and a bit scared about taking things further. If she is not sexually experienced then it would be understandable that she would not necessarily want to rush into things.
It sounds as if you have a good relationship apart fr... (read in full...)
Tell me... Am I too young to be a mum?
Q. Hi. I need some advise. I am 22 years old, 23 this year and have been with my for a long time. I have always wanted to be a mother, but always wanted it to be later on ie 28years old ish! Recently I have beenthinking of nothing else, I want to ...
A. 12 May 2006: Biologically you are at an ideal age to have a baby as your fertility and health are optimum at 23. However, only you know if you are psychologically ready for a baby which is THE major life event of the century. You should try to borrow friends ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend give me genital warts?
Q. erm.. where do i start? lol i have just found out that i have genital warts. when i asked my boyfriend of three years if he had slept with anyone else and caught this std he said no. it may sound niave but i really want to believe him. i spoke to a ...
A. 12 May 2006: Genital warts are caused by something called HPV - human papilloma virus and some strains show up as warts. You can have it in your system for years unnoticed and, like herpes simplex (which is associated with cold sores) it can show up at times ... (read in full...)
My ex doesn't even buy our daughter presents anymore...
Q. Where do I start,tomorrow is my yougest b/day she will be sweet 16 her father and I split 5 yrs ago BUT we still saw each other up until last yr he had moved in with another family the yr b4 and kept comming back well now it is really over and my ...
A. 8 May 2006: You should remember how you feel right down in the event that he ever comes knocking at your door again in the future looking to reconcile the relationship. Irrespective of what he feels towards you, his daughter should not be neglected. This is a ... (read in full...)
Does this touching make us lesbians?
Q. I was staying over at my best friends house about 3 weeks ago nd we ended up kissin and touchin each other nd since then we both hav been taking it further every day. She slept at mine last night nd we ended up totally naked nd touching each other ...
A. 8 May 2006: You are still trying to figure out your sexuality so don't label yourself lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual. You will learn to 'know' where your preference rests as you get older.... (read in full...)
Should I ask my tech teacher out?
Q. i am in with my teacher he his my technology teacher i think he love me he sexy but i don't now if he got a girl friend do i ask him out or not ? i love him....
A. 8 May 2006: For child protection reasons, if he is a school teacher he would be prevented from dating you and could lose his job. Even in further education with older students, it tends to be a disciplinary matter because they cannot be objective about your ... (read in full...)
Is the age gap to big??
Q. Dear Cupid, I was just wondering... im in the last year of secondary school (year 11) and there is this girl at one of the clubs I go to who is in year 9 (2 years below) and i think she likes me. she is always texting me, giving me presents, eve...
A. 8 May 2006: I am smiling as I write this...my husband is 11 years younger than me! Age gaps are important when you are young because your interests change very quickly. Why not get to know her as a person - she may prove too immature for you, or just like you ... (read in full...)
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