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male
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*EFMAN
writes: Thanks to all the ladies who posted to my last question but even though their advice was sound I have another question.Why is it that nice guys finish last? I mean all I've ever done is treat women with nothing but respect and I treat them like a queen but I seem to get nowhere.I have been told that I'm too nice to them but I just don't know how to be mean. I want to make sure that they are happy cuz I feel if they are happy then they would tend to make me happy. Any one got any advice on this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): My boyfriend says that he felt like that before he met me - and i met him when he was 26. he awlays tells me how it was worth the wait! So dont give up being a nice guy, it will make it even more special when you find a nice girl too!
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Sometimes i think its the way the cookie crumbles. Its just that you havent found the right girl yet. All woman would prefer a nice guy over a bad one, but some are just looking for the bad guy for more challenges, they sometimes feel they need more excitement and mr nice guy doesnt always come across as mr exciting. We dont all like the same people and i guess it doesnt really have anything to do with you being nice, its what the individual sees and wants. There are plenty out there crying out for a nice genuine guy, they just dont know where to look! Some get used to how they are treated by the bad and some actually get to the point where they know no different so when they do find the nice guy that kinda get a bit scared and a bit daunted and crave more I suppose. We are not all like that and some of us really do indeed want the nice guy, they are few and far between and we really could do with more of them, but cest le vie! Dont go worrying there will be a nice girl around the corner, waiting for a nice guy like you. It just depends on what we all want from a relationship, dont go changing just be the man you are and there will be someone that will find that just as exciting and want to be with you because of the person you are!
Take care
x
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male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (8 June 2006):
Tough one man... I agree with you: nice guys do finish last, and that is experiential. I have mates who (even tho it might sound weird - especially to women) I would shoot rather than see approach my sisters or friend-girls. But the thing is they usually dont have to! they get LOTS of women who they completely disrepect and then drop...but this goes on and on for them and when you get down to it they are lonely people at heart.
so what does this mean to the rest of us? Treat em mean - dont show for dates, fool around on them etc? If its not in your nature then its not going to feel right for you....Irish 49 is right - the kinda girls that go for the 'love rat' are not really the kinda low temperature women that I (and most guys I know) want to be with. So I guess its embrace your kind nature and keep looking for a woman who will appreciate being treated well. Thing is she has probably been burnt by the bad-boys in the past so she can tell the difference.
If it has happened a lot you need to start looking in different places - for different kind of woman - it may feel odd at first but give it a shot..what have you got to lose?
Best of luck Bro!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Why is it that nice guys finish last? It is not true, it just appears that way in the media etc as the 'love rat' is somewhat glorified (no idea why!). As women get older and want to settle down then they are looking for someone reliable, nice and steady...sound like anyone we know? Even if you have had bad experiences with girls in the past, that doesn't mean that you won't find someone lovely in the future who appreciates you for being 'nice'. You just have to stay positive and know that 'nice' wins at the end of the day.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Don't change who you are or start to act mean, its not worth it.
One day there will be a nice girl who realises what a prize she has (a guy that treats her right) and she will be more than happy with you.
Some girls are immature and think that going for the dashing, sexy, dangerous types of men is the way to go but they soon realise, as Irish said, that these men may look glamerous or seem exciting but in reality they often make lousy partners.
Most girls don't realise what they want until they get a little bit older and more experienced. Often this means having their heart broken a lot but in the end they see what they really deserve and need and look for the nice guys.
Hang in there and be yourself. You will be appreciated and loved and by someone who recognises that you are a good guy.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): The quote "you're too immature to recognize" should have read "they're too immature to recognize" Apologies for the oversight, defman.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): I agree with the others, you just havent found that nice girl yet. For some reason a lot of women but not all tend to fall for a bad guy and just get treated bad and it doesnt work out in the long run. You just need to be yourself, treat women with respect but dont try to be too nice, just act natural. Just keep being yourself and maybe that special girl will find you... also if i knew your age that would help a little, but still dont give up. It might not be that the girls you have met dont want a nice guy, maybe you both together isnt right. I've known some nice guys but that didnt mean i fell for them, it took a certain nice guy. So dont worry to much, not all nice guys finish last even if it seems that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): The biggest reason many women never choose the 'nice guy' is their lack of maturity, self-confidenceand discernment in choosing a man, who they want to have a future with. So take heart, there's nothing wrong with you.-you've been meeting a lot of women who like to date jerks . To many of these women, the bad boys seem brash and desirable when you're too immature to recognize that they make lousy husbands, fathers and life partners. Some of these women need to learn to discern that true love entails respect, honor and trust. It takes some of them many tortuous years of dating bad guys to realize this. My recommendation to you...hold out for the right girl and don't change who you are. You will recognize her when you meet her. If a woman won't date you because you are nice, then it's her loss. Move on to the next one. Keep trying...the right one is out there for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): Well I'm a nice girl, and I treat guys nicely too.But for some reason I never get treated nicely myself. I'm 39yrs of age, my ex husband was a physically abusive alcoholic, the realtionships I've had since have all been with total losers.Plus my most recent ex-bf was a gambling womaniser. What can I say, I reckon you've just got to look real hard to find a nice girl. I haven't given up hope yet of finding a nice guy. Maybe when us girls get older, maybe then it's when we appreciate a nice guy, cos we've got to go through all the dregs to find out who really matters. Just be yourself, be kind, but for now don't wear your heart on your sleeve.I'm sure that when that special someone comes your way, they will love you for who you are, a kind caring, considerate man.. very few of them around. Best of luck.xx
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