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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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I lost my viginity to the wrong person, now I feel used!
Q. Lost my virginity to the wrong guy! Hi i lost my virginity and im regretting it big time, i wanted to be like kinda special and be in a true deep relationship but i ended up loosing it to a guy who ive been out with b4, hes going out with someone...
A. 17 July 2006: There is enormous peer-pressure to have sex at a young age which is sad because young people are rarely emotionally capable of dealing with sexual relationships, even if their bodies are. You have to remember that lots of people lose it to the ... (read in full...)
I have to "until something happens", unless you know a way around
Q. I am a single mother of a 5 year old girl. I was very briefly with her father and he is now married with a child of his own. I am a recovering alcoholic (sober 7 years). Her father is also an admitted alcoholic and addict. He is drinking again. ...
A. 17 July 2006: I am not that familiar with social services legislation in the USA but in the UK child protection law is centred around children being 'at risk of significant harm' as much as having experienced harm. I rather suspect that a similar arrangement is ... (read in full...)
My husbands secret is making me think of divorcing him.
Q. I'm a mother with a 15-year-old son. Recently I found out my husband has been involved in doping in sport with people from work; it's caused furious arguments between me and my husband; with him insisting he has the right to do it, as long as it do...
A. 16 July 2006: Doping isn't a harmless pursuit. Read this story and tell him about it, he could end up in jail:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/03/09/world/main1386761.shtml
You are entitled to be angry, and your children may react differently because they... (read in full...)
I am having unprotected sex at 13!
Q. i am 13 years old and last nite i had sex wid my bf for only about 20 seconds widout protection i finished my period 21 days ago is there a chance i mite be pregnant? is there any pills i can take now to stop it?? plz plz plz help me!!! ...
A. 15 July 2006: 1. Any sexual penetration can lead to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Boys lose sperm before they actually ejaculate, especially when they are very excited.
2. You can take the morning after pill up to 72 hours after sexual inte... (read in full...)
I am having unprotected sex at 13!
Q. i am 13 years old and last nite i had sex wid my bf for only about 20 seconds widout protection i finished my period 21 days ago is there a chance i mite be pregnant? is there any pills i can take now to stop it?? plz plz plz help me!!! ...
A. 15 July 2006: 1. Any sexual penetration can lead to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Boys lose sperm before they actually ejaculate, especially when they are very excited.
2. You can take the morning after pill up to 72 hours after sexual inte... (read in full...)
Love bites! Are they dirty?
Q. Are love bites dirty and just for tarts? ...
A. 15 July 2006: I have never understood what a human bite mark on the neck or elsewhere has to do with love? lust? or anything else...in my day it was said that if you had love bites for the world to see then it mean't you were sexually active. Love bites can be ... (read in full...)
What subjects should I study to beome a surgeon?
Q. i am 15 years old, i live in london, i am in secondary school (year 10) and i want to become a surgeon (definately not a plastic surgeon but a heart or cardiothoracic surgeon) when im older. i was wondering if you could tell me what subjects to ...
A. 14 July 2006: You need three science subjects at A' level - Chemistry, Biology & Physics seem the most common combinations. BUT getting into medical school is about more than your A' levels - you have to do some work experience while you are a sixth former that ... (read in full...)
My 4 year old has a hyperactivity disorder and it's exhausting me? Any advice
Q. hi, my nearly four year old daughter who I think may have some sort of hyperactivity disorder, is driving me to distraction. she has recently started to have violent tantrums and has hurt my son who is 7, and myself in the process. i can't think of ...
A. 14 July 2006: 1. Get a formal diagnosis from a doctor or psychologist because it will help when she goes to school.
2. There are a range of treatment options. The main drug for ADHD is Ritalin but research has shown that ADHD children are in need of fatty acid... (read in full...)
Her daughter was abused and now Mom needs advice on how to help her little girl.
Q. hey guys n gals. im an aunt on here but i wish to remain anon. my question is on behalf of a member of my family. lets call her lauren. lauren has an 8year old daughter who has just recently told her that she has been sexually abuse...
A. 14 July 2006: Both parent and child require specialist counselling - social services should be able to point her in the direction of the local family therapy centre. Many families affected by abuse need to talk it over. She shouldn't ask the girl if she wants to ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a disobedient 9 year old girl?
Q. I am having trouble with my 9 year old daughter who has recently become quite rude and disobedient. I have tried smacking her but often she just refuses to get over my knee. What should I do? ...
A. 14 July 2006: She is of an age where she will respond to a reward/ punishment system but you should apply this to all your children. You also have to be consistent with the scheme. If she is behaving badly, give her a warning followed by a punishment (remove ... (read in full...)
My son has problems with his eating habits...
Q. My ten year old son suffers from stomach aches,( on and of for about a year now) pretend vomiting and seems to now be afraid to eat anything.He is happy at school and has plenty of friends, he turned vegetarian but wont eat nuts pulses ect. I myself ...
A. 14 July 2006: Your son may have a range of medical or psychological conditions that would explain his behaviour. You have identified that he has a problem, but you need to take that next step now and make sure he is seen by a doctor. If he has a limited diet then ... (read in full...)
My married man. Why is he acting like this?
Q. I have been seeing this man for a year now and yes he is married unfortunately. He was gone for three months on a work assignment and came here a few days ago. My question is, why is he acting so cold if he is the one that called me to go see him? ...
A. 14 July 2006: This is about extra sex to him at the end of the day - he snaps his fingers when he is in the mood and you run to him at his convenience. You have to develop more self esteem to not allow yourself to be used, and to find someone single who treats ... (read in full...)
Sex etiquette: Who should put the condom on (and how)?
Q. i have a little embaressing question, me and my boyfriend are going to have sex. But i dont have a clue about condoms, is it the man or woman that applies it to the penis. and how do you apply it....
A. 14 July 2006: I love the broom story...that made me smile :-)
It is up to you as a couple to decide over the condom issue, but I just wanted to add that if you are nervous and/ or have long nails then it is probably best to leave the condom putting on to your ... (read in full...)
My soul mate is married to someone else!
Q. Help! I've been searching for a while and I've finally found my 'soul mate'. She's perfect! Only problem is...she's married. I know I can't tell her, (I shouldn't have told anyone really but there you go), but it's affecting my life pretty badly. I...
A. 14 July 2006: There are lots of situations that we find ourselves in that are out of our control. If you had a magic wand then maybe this lady wouldn't be married...but the marriage is a fact unfortunately. The only way to get over this is to distract yourself ... (read in full...)
My friend think's she's fat....what can I do to help her feel different?
Q. I have a friend who think's she's fat.. She seems very upset about it. She'd be slightly overweight.. but i think she's lovely. Short of continuously telling her she's lovely when this comes up in conversation.... is there anything else I can say to ...
A. 13 July 2006: If she wants to lose weight then you might want to help by going to gym classes with her - everyone needs a bit of support sometimes! There is little you can say really as if she is thinking she is fat then her mind won't be changed. However, next ... (read in full...)
Married with 2 kids and moving. They've moved ahead of me but I'm living with my Russian girlfriend!
Q. I am 31 years old, married for 8 years with 2 children ages 3 and 1. I am in love with another woman, a brilliant, lovely, sweet woman from Russia living in America named "Elena". I am 100 percent certain that she is my soulmate. I told her that ...
A. 13 July 2006: I am quite sure you will be getting a lot of replies to your post calling you a low-life so I shall try to be more constructive. You have lied to two women and this is probably going to come tumbling down around your ears whatever you do. You are in ... (read in full...)
How do I get a paid job as a teaching assistant?
Q. I really want to be a teaching assistant. I know I could do this as a volunteer, but I need to support my family, so would need a job as a paid TA. Has anyone got any ideas how I could reach this goal, is there a course I need to take or skills I ...
A. 13 July 2006: Depends where you are located, but if you want to be a teaching assistant in higher education then you can usually get hired on the basis of a degree, or masters in your subject. As for school TA's, few require formal qualifications but they usually ... (read in full...)
Any ideas what to do with a maths degree? Or further courses?
Q. Im soooo confused. I really do not know what to do with my degree. I will have a honours in maths from a good uni. Anybody got any suggestions for a career path or any good Masters (ie Post Grad) courses??...
A. 13 July 2006: Maths can take you into a wide range of science and policy jobs. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do when I finished my degree so I worked for a year and then went back to do a masters degree, worked a few more years and then did a PhD. My ... (read in full...)
Getting "the fear" about job interviews... Any tips?
Q. I went to search for job - I have work before for 1 year then contract ended for two year I can't get a job. Now I have fear that went I am attending for my job interview I get scared then I walk off. One day before the interview the fear get ...
A. 13 July 2006: This is not about job interviews - this is a bigger problem of confidence, depression and chronic anxiety. Your response to going into a job interview appears to be the same as your response to social interactions and other opportunities to improve ... (read in full...)
Need help making a big decision about my future!
Q. I am having troubles with making a reallly important decision. First off, I am 17 years old and next year would like to do attent univesity and get a degree in a particular area I have chosen. Problem is the town I live in does not offer it. So m...
A. 13 July 2006: I know moving out is scary...I did it at 18 when I left for Uni. (and yes I brought my washing home by the sack load for 2 years). Don't make a decision based on one guy. Make a choice based on where is the best course for you. When you go to Uni. ... (read in full...)
I would like to start a panic attack help line, would this be a good idea?
Q. Hi I would really appreciate some feedback on my proposed charity. I am starting a help line which is for people who suffer from panic/anxiety attacks and I just want to find out if any readers suffer from anxiety and whether they would ring such ...
A. 13 July 2006: It sounds like a brilliant idea! If you are in the UK and want to start a charity then you would need to look up the charity commission for all the details of Trustees etc. I usually work with young people with mental health problems and their ... (read in full...)
How do I ask out the new manager without causing any awkwardness in the department?
Q. Quick question, I work in a small ofice where everybody knows what everyone else does. However at the moment we have a new manager in for this week from another department. I am a guy aged 20 an it is safe to say am fairly outgoing...
A. 13 July 2006: Why don't you ask her to 'lunch' one day in the office on a work-related excuse (you want to ask her advice on something) - that is a fairly vague non-date work situation that you can use as an opportunity to get to know her better over a sandwich ... (read in full...)
I've always been slim, but now I'm getting skinny!
Q. How Can I Gain Weight? I've always been a in slim/skinny body type area but reccently I've been losing weight like nothing which I think it's cause of the Bristish summer. But now my collar bone is showing and I don't like it, I don't like it...
A. 13 July 2006: My husband is skinny and no matter what I try he stays that way. He has found that seeing an NHS nutritionalist has helped as they have come up with a 'gain weight' plan. The GP did some routine blood tests but that all came back clear - you should ... (read in full...)
I need some advice on Multiple Sclerosis!!
Q. Does any one know anything about Multiple sclerosis I read some stuff on the wikipedia site, however I was wondering if it was genetic. Particularly if my boyfriend has it what are the risks that any children may also carry the disease? ANd...
A. 13 July 2006: Everything you could ever need to know about this disorder can be found here: http://www.mssociety.org.uk/
The exact cause of MS is unknown but it is a neurological disorder affecting the brain and spinal cord. There are a whole host of side eff... (read in full...)
My relationship is going through a rough patch!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 9 months. We have a long distance thing and everything was fine and i was so happy. Then we decided to move in together. I was gonna move there but it all fell through because of his m...
A. 12 July 2006: Only you can decide what to do for the best at the end of the day. It wouldn't be a good idea to stay with him just to be in a relationship, but you do say you want to be with him - only you can decide if you want him, or just don't wish to be ... (read in full...)
Dieting, but no weight lost. Growing hair on my stomach. Anyone have ideas for me?
Q. I have a problem I am 16 yrs old and I have been dieting for nearly 3 months now, but I haven't lost any weight whatsoever. Does anyone know if there are pills I can take or anything like that to help me lose my weight? And my other concern i...
A. 12 July 2006: Gaining weight and developing hair where you might not normally expect it are symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome. It is a common disorder affecting about 10% of women and it often starts to show symptoms in the teen years. I am not saying you ... (read in full...)
Im gaining weight at a rapid rate, could this be due to my period ?
Q. Hi On last sunday i weighed myself and was so happy to of lost a few pounds, then ever since i came on, last thursday i have been gaining a pound every other day. Im so disapointed as im on an eating plan and as far as im concerned doing ...
A. 12 July 2006: Women do sometimes carry water during that time of the month. You shouldn't weigh yourself more than once per week if you are trying to diet as your weight will fluctuate slightly.... (read in full...)
I'm a compulsive liar at 14... Your help needed
Q. I am a 14yr old girl. I have a prolem where i lie to much, but i can't controll it. I'm getting help for it tho. But one of my colsets friends found out that i lied to them and they don't want anything to do with me anymore. What should i do? I ...
A. 11 July 2006: You should explain to your friend that you have a condition that means you cannot help what is happening to you. If they are mature they should understand but don't expect them to believe you in the future. I hope that you are getting effective ... (read in full...)
Does chocolate really give you spots?
Q. My boyfriend said that chocolate gives you spots... is this true? I have loads of spots and eat chocolate all the time! If Cocoa Butter is good for spots/skin, well why when eating chocolate (that contains Cocoa Butter) gives you spots?? Confused...
A. 11 July 2006: Its not the chocolate, it is the sugar as your body has to produce lots of insulin to keep your blood sugar levels under control. The relationship between sugar and acne hasnt been fully explained as yet, but it goes something like if you overload ... (read in full...)
My mother in law doesnt want us to marry!
Q. Dear Cipid I have a fiance whom I got engaged on 16th April 2006. We want to get married on 19th August 2006. The problem isthat my Mother-inlaw doesent want the wedding to take place since my fiance is a bread winner for the family. She thi...
A. 11 July 2006: At the end of the day, it is up to you and your man to pick the wedding day. Your mother in law has a right to disagree with the marriage (everyone will have a view) but not to stop the wedding. Basically she cannot stop the wedding if you and your ... (read in full...)
My holiday romance has left my heart-broken!
Q. I met a guy while holidaying in Germany. He is from Australia and has a finace back home (of four years!!) We had two nights of amazing love and passion. I returned home and a couple of days later he called to say he wanted to come over and see me ...
A. 11 July 2006: You are right in identifying this is a holiday romance. You maybe feeling bad right now but it will get better with time. You cannot be sure he doesn't see this as being just a fling. What's more he doesn't sound like a great guy - I know you don't ... (read in full...)
I'm married and my mother in law is living with us. Now I hate my husband and my mother in law!
Q. To make this short and sweet we have been married for two years we don’t own a house he won’t kids I cant have kids without fertility drugs I feel sick when I take them. His mother lives with use she was going to move out a year ago but she has no ...
A. 10 July 2006: Lots of people threaten to kill people in the heat of the moment but they never really would. If you think he is at risk of being abusive then get out of the house and get the police involved. You sound financially ok and not dependent on his income ... (read in full...)
I think I might have lied on my application for Uni...
Q. I have a problem at school (not bullying) but I don't think this site can help me. Can anyone give me a site which I can speak to like Dear Cupid but for school. Its just that I have sent in an application to go to uni and I think I might have lied ...
A. 10 July 2006: Ok you didn't tell the whole truth, but liking football or not won't affect your application that much unless you have applied to do something like sports sciences. It is your A'level grades that matter, and the references you got from your ... (read in full...)
Ladies, I need your help. After our baby was born my wife has no sex drive and is questioning her feelings for me!
Q. This is a problem that only women can help with. My gf has a zero sex drive, and it is either since our baby was born at xmas or since we argued a bit since then, not sure which triggered it. We have been getting on great, and i mean gre...
A. 9 July 2006: Some women take a while to get back into the mood after a baby because it is exhausting in those early months. Have you considered the possibility that she is suffering from post-natal depression? It is very common and often just creeps up on women ... (read in full...)
I've met a guy on the 'net and things are as serious as they can be... For people who've never met!
Q. PLEASE don't judge me... I know i shouldn't have.. but i dated a guy over the internet. I'm 15 and he's 17.. at first i didn't take it seriosuly at all.. like i figured okay me and him will have fun whenever we are on the computer otherwise no. Then ...
A. 9 July 2006: If you think he has lied then run with your gut instinct. Forget the accent - he could be a Brit abroad...we do travel! If he lies about his location, what else does he lie about? It is the perils of internet dating again - you never know who you ... (read in full...)
Am I paranoid for sending her panties away to be tested for "stains"?
Q. my wife has been working overtime and claims to get comp time but she uses her vacation time. she is working overtime again (she really is) said it was going to be time and a half not showing on check. in january she recieved a phone call letting ...
A. 9 July 2006: This is not about paranoia...it is impossible to tell if she is cheating or not (and lab tests are inconclusive sometimes!). There are many health-related innocent explanations for her underwear soap opera and there are not so innocent explanations. ... (read in full...)
My dressing up just wasn't good enough for him!
Q. The other night, I wanted to dress up for my partner in sexy lingerie but he said that it wasn't spontaneous enough and that I should have been wearing the underwear beneath my clothes when we out for a social evening. The thing is, stockings and ...
A. 9 July 2006: Good grief...most men would be glad that you were willing to indulge them with a bit of 'dress up'. Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh but your man sounds as much fun as a wet weekend! Tell him to be grateful for your offerings...or find a man who will ... (read in full...)
I have some questions before I do "it"...
Q. I'm only 15, but I'm worried about the first time I have sex. I'm worried I wont do it right. And, should I shave my pubic hair before I have sex, will he think I'm weird if I have hair. Please answer my questions. Thanks ...
A. 9 July 2006: A lot of people have said 15 is too young for sex and technically in terms of the law it is. But it is also a fact of life that many girls under 16 do have sex whatever the rights and wrongs of that. I am not going to lecture you on that front. I ... (read in full...)
Tested my boyfriend and he failed! Still want him though...
Q. Hiya, Recently I've been thinking that my feelings for my boyfriend aren't as strong as they used to be. So, my friends decided to test him, see whether he truly liked me, he was talking dirty with them, and stripped off on webcam. He then denied it ...
A. 9 July 2006: Don't mistake avoiding being lonely for a loving relationship. Breaking up is hard but it comes down to self respect at the end of the day - you caught him cheating and you may miss the relationship but it will be founded on a lie and mistrust in ... (read in full...)
We broke up, but we still have 3 months left on our lease!
Q. I have been with a guy for a year. We moved really fast. We moved in together within 3 months of dating. It was for convenience. He got laid off for the winter. His job is seasonal. I paid for eveything. This caused a lot of stress. We fought a lot. ...
A. 8 July 2006: YOu cannot control how someone else feels or behaves. It sounds like your relationship has been under huge financial stress. If he is not paying his way then he is not giving respect to your relationship, or you. You shouldn't carry him unless ... (read in full...)
I am 11 years old and internet dating!
Q. well i am 11 and i talk to this guy on msn, i have never felt the same way about any one ever before, we went out a couple times. And now we arent going out, i want him more than anything else in the world. And trust me, i want alot of things! See ...
A. 8 July 2006: I read your post and it REALLY worried me. It is a little unclear from your post if you have met this 'guy' in real life or not - you say 'we went out' and then 'we've never met'. I am going to assume you have only 'met him' in cyber-space. You ... (read in full...)
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