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female
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*ulberry06
writes: I would really like if someone could help me because I'm hurting really bad. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. He is 4 years younger than me and when we first started going out he was doing all the running. Lately he is always off with his friends and doesnt spend any time with me. If we have made plans and his friends call him he just drops me and goes off with them. I asked him if he thinks he can do better than me and he told me that he could get a better looking girl than me but he couldnt do better than me!!! What does that mean? He told me that I could get good looking guys but only if I wear a mini skirt and put on lots of make up where as he doesnt need to do anything to himself to get good looking women. He says he has never seen make up transform a person as much as it does me!! Does that mean I'm really ugly without it? Then he thinks after saying this stuff he can just kiss and hug me and I'm to be okay about it. Can anyone please give me advice as I'm losing the liitle bit of self esteem I have left rapidly!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): You must really love to get abused by guys. You sound like a very immature person. [sighing profusely] Oh noes! Look at my ratings go down again!!! [laughs]
Alright, I 'promised' I would be more compassionate. [sigh] Fine!
1. Are you f, erm, are you so in love with guys who treat you like the dead maggots on doggy shit, that you just allow them to abuse you emotionally?
2. If you're Christian, you must really believe he is Jesus to allow him to treat you this way.
3. Your entire comment is your answer. It's almost insulting that you have to post a comment seeking for advice. Why must you do that when everything is so blatantly obvious!?!?!?!?
Sorry ladies/guys, this is as compassionate I can give - no matter how poor of a self-esteem she has. Things like this happen a zillion times a day. If the first billion similar posts doesn't teach her, then I don't know what will.
A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 staying with this guy will destroy your self esteem. he must think he's doing you a favour by being with you or something.
doesn't seem like he's putting much effort into your relationship so whats the point in putting up with him?
Find someone who'll treat you right
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (8 June 2006):
 There is a line in a song, it goes "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you..........." I wont say the rest.
I am sorry but this guy of yours is a jerk. How can he have the audacity to say you only look good in make up? Thats damn rigght disrespectful and totally uncalled for. My dear I believe that you deserve better than that. He should be complimenting you and not putting you down. You said this:Then he thinks after saying this stuff he can just kiss and hug me and I'm to be okay about it
Well thats only if you let him, you need to put your foot down and tell him straight that he needs to stop this nonsense because its not fair to you. My dear, stand up to him, if he thinks that there is better out there for him, let him go, leave him. Find a decent guy who will love and respect you. All the best. xXx
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female
reader, Smiler +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Hey sweetie
Firstly listen to me.... I'm sure that you are not ugly at all. this guy is an ass! i completely agree with my good friend Dr psych who is always spot on with her advise you need to sack this fool, kick him to the kerb where he belongs sweetie you can do better than this you deserve someone who will treat you the way you should be treated with love and respect, sweetie he is ment to boost your self asteem and self confidense not take a big stick and smash it all... how hurtful his words must sound to you honey ignore this fool. you could indeed get yourself a man that will treat you properly, don't stay with him and settle for second best get out from under his shadow and take the spot light you rightly deserve he is a complete jack ass to be putting you down this way and as for him saying he could get someone better without even trying to me that smacks of desperation so just tell him to go get out leave what ever way you tell him you need to tell him straight stand up to him he ain't worthy to kiss the ground you walk on sweetie....
i hope my advise was able to help you, Good luck ok, if you ever need a friend to talk to or just a chat or more advise don't hesitate to email me ok i'm always here for you and would love to hear from you again ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 June 2006):
 This bloke has serious self confidence issues of his own and he is lashing out at you as he is being very insecure. People who are 100% ok about themselves rarely lash out this way. However, personally if a man said that I only looked good when I wore certain attire then you wouldn't see the dust for the speed at which I run away in the opposite direction. Basically the whole BF thing is really simple - they are supposed to be nice to you, and make you feel good. When they are not, it is just like a non-performing employee...sack them and get someone else who does a better job. He is putting you down because he is partly scared that you will indeed find someone else so reducing your self esteem is a good strategy. He is also not that into you because when men are dating women they really like then they will just drop their plans to run after them. It is ok to wear makeup sometimes but do it when you feel like it, and certainly not for the benefit of this man. Sadly, I probably look like Ozzy Osbourne after a good night out but I dont see my husband reaching for a bag for my head. I rather think men shouldn't be so bothered by these things, and where they are then they are insecure, superficial and rubbish partners.
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female
reader, Anja +, writes (8 June 2006):
 How much effort do you make over your appearence? It is obvious to men if you don't make any effort with you appearence. He is probably trying to help by suggesting that you need to make a little more time with your apperence. It's nice to put on a bit of make up and look good, but not to pile on the make up - that just looks trashy!!
By the sounds of it he is just saying that while you have the looks, make up enhances your face even more. Of course it helps to have a nice face to start with (which I'm sure you do!!). My concern here is that it sounds like he does want you to dress a bit OTT, while it's good to be proud to be seen with your other half if they look good, does he want to show off to his mates how great you are? (like a trophy on his arm?!) Bit of a fine line here.
Other then this if you have a loving ,secure and trustworthy relationship, then you don't have anything to worry about.
I understand about the low self esteem thing - most men don't understand that it hurts our feelings when they say that we should dress like this, dress like that etc. As long as he is not trying to change you I think this is harmless, men can be a bit blunt, take comfort in the fact that he could'nt do better then you.
Of course we all could be with people who are even better looking then our other halves, but would we love them and be emotinally attracted to them too? Relationships based on looks alone don't last.... All the best, take care, keep us posted! x
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female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Hey there,
You poor thing, this is what I would call a form of abuse - emotional probably, as this is really hurting you and if he is not careful and you do not get yourself away from this boy, then I'm afraid to say you'll probably have low self-esteem for the rest of your life and be battling not feeling good enough, which can leave to conditions like depression.
I am not meaning to scare you, just give you a firm warning of what COULD happen if you don't get yourself out of this relationship.
Please look deep within you and realise that you are worth more than this! I know the thought of leaving probably really hurts, but you are beautiful just the way you are - au-natural and in big baggy sweatshirts, where you are COMFORTABLE. Comfortable is sooooo sexy.
Leave him before he leaves permanent scars on your soul, heart and very being. xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): GAWD !!!! im speechless if he's meant to be your B/F and he really loves you he should accept you for what you are with or without make up. And then he says he can get a better looking girl than you,You sound like a good person and in time these comments will knock your self esteem. Next time he makes any of these comments and he tries to make up with a kiss and cuddle pull yourself away from him and tell him straight his comments about your looks hurt you and if he thinks he can get a better looking girl then tell him to go a head and leave the rest up to him because putting yourself through these comments must hurt and you have to question is it worth it putting yourself through it because if it carries on it will only add stress to the relationship. Beauty comes within not what you look like and too me you sound beautiful.xxx
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