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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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I feel down all the time and like I am wasting my time
Q. i am a seventeen year old girl..the past few years of my life have been a complete blur as I have refused to face up to circumstances and changes in my life and as a result lived in my own little world, mostly in the past imagining, wishing ...
A. 4 June 2006: To some extent it is perfectly normal to not have any fixed goals or to know for sure what you want out of life at 17. Your teen years are all about confusion, uncertainty and making mistakes and that is NORMAL. In this fast world that we live in ... (read in full...)
I think she's a goddess..how do I get her to notice me?
Q. im not exactly what youd call the most popular kid in school and i see this goddess of a girl and i want her to like me. problem is i dont know how to get her to notice me and her friends are all pretty anonamouse to me. Any suggestions?...
A. 4 June 2006: For a start you have to work on your own confidence, and then take the 'goddess' off that pedestal as she is a normal human being just like you at the end of the day. If you worship at her altar before you get to know her then you may be heading ... (read in full...)
I 'm scared to let him see me naked..I need more confidence Help!
Q. im sammy aged 14 going on 15 and me and y boyfriend not yet sexually active but we go do sexy things. have given him a hand job and we have done things with clothes on but i darednt go all the way because i dont want him to see me naked. i am not ...
A. 4 June 2006: Call me an old lady but at 14 you shouldn't be worrying about being sexually active too much. Most ladies don't like something about their bodies, but you saying you don't want him seeing you naked is really saying you are not ready for a sexual ... (read in full...)
Are my breasts too small for the boys?
Q. I am a teen girl, and I want to know if having small breasts turns off a guy. I'm 32b, tall and slim, considered quite pretty, but it seems like the only girls getting boyfriends are the ones with big chests. Is that what really matters to most tee...
A. 4 June 2006: I recently did some counselling work in a cosmetic surgery clinic in the UK. Part of the clinic's work was booking in ladies for breast enlargement or reduction operations. I can tell you there was more demand for reduction work. Basically big ... (read in full...)
My friend is dancing with death
Q. I need some advice about my friend, as I'm worried about her. She's 19 years old and a lot more immature and naive than me. She gets easily taken advantage of by men that want to use her and I'm worried she's going to end up pregnant or even worse, ...
A. 4 June 2006: You are clearly a good mate to being worried about her. She is a lucky girl to have your friendship! In your situation, I would take her along to a family planning clinic so she can get some objective advice from a nurse or doctor. Coming from you ... (read in full...)
My sisters half my age and pregnant
Q. hi i am lou age 26 and my little sister age 13 is very out going and she is settled with her boyfriend as she says. the other day i was looking after her while her mum was out and i went in her room to ask her what she wanted for her tea and she was ...
A. 4 June 2006: Pregnancy tests work in different ways according to the various brands, but most of the tests I have seen have two windows - one shows a blue or pink line to prove that you have done the test correctly, and the second window is the one that is ... (read in full...)
Too late for the morning after pill...and early on my period!!!
Q. me and my bf are both 15 we had sex without protection 3days ago so its 2 late for the morning afta pill he tried to pull out b4 he came but im sure theres sum up there im on my period but its 2weeks early cud i still be pregnant plz help ...
A. 3 June 2006: Yes, there is a chance of pregnancy at any time of the month when you don't use contraception. Having a period doesn't prevent pregnancy as sperm are nifty little fella's and hang around in the body for several days. It is normal for your periods ... (read in full...)
How do I end this mental torture??
Q. I have this boyfriend who i have a feelings cheating on me people have told me they see him with other girls at clubs even though there just dancing it hurts. He calls me names and tells me i can never do anything right i feel like i'm no longer g...
A. 3 June 2006: People will be treated the way they allow others to treat them. While his behaviour is clearly unacceptable, you are in charge of you, not him. Therefore, you alone can decide to stay with him, or to leave what you admit to be 'mental abuse'. ... (read in full...)
Am I an alien or is it the alcohol?
Q. I keep having a recurring dream. I'm an alien, I recently landed in this country and have found everything to be so different from home. There is something called grass in places thats green (weird or what) and there's all this crazy stuff ever...
A. 3 June 2006: Hello Smilie, I am not an alien but you can set Will Smith on me any day :-)... (read in full...)
I got pregnant but I had sex with two guys
Q. i have a question i had my last period the 8th of january to the 14th . I broke up with my ex january 8 and then got pregnant in january the doctor said but my ultrasound is exaclty 2 weeks off the doctor said thats ok i keep on worrying cause i had ...
A. 3 June 2006: Working out the date of conception is not an exact science, but if you are still concerned once the baby arrives you could have a DNA test done.... (read in full...)
How do I impress my boyfriend?
Q. i am 15 and i really wanna impress my new boyfriend by doing something different with my hair. i want to curl it but i only have straighters. how do you curl your hair using straighteners and would it stay curly for the whole day? second questio...
A. 2 June 2006: I am no hairdressing expert but if you want curly hair from straight hair then you need to set them in curlers/ rollers while your hair is wet and then dry them on a gentle heat (you can buy old-fashioned foam curlers quite cheaply at chemists etc). ... (read in full...)
I sent a lad an email telling him I like him, what next?
Q. right i have liked this lad for a while now and last night my mate help me write an email telling him my true feelings, now at this time we thought he was going out with another girl, so i sent it but then i made a plan up incase it backfired so i ...
A. 1 June 2006: I think he is dropping you a big hint that he is young, free and single but too shy to mention your email...it is his way of telling you that he likes you. Perhaps you should just phone him up and ask him to have a real-life chat/date as msn can be ... (read in full...)
I'm scared I may have HPV now or even be pregnant!!!
Q. Okay im turning 16 june 26th and i really need help with a problem i have...My aunt was messin around with her friends husband(a 36 year old man)...so i hear about this guy for awhile then i meet him...well on my aunts birthday he calls and ask me ...
A. 31 May 2006: Your post has made me feel a bit sick really. This is a 36 year old man having sex with you at 15 - I am sure you know that is illegal, and I know you think this is a 'cool' older man but he is just a creep. He used your body for sex, and he didn't ... (read in full...)
What does beauty is in the eye of the beholder mean?
Q. what does 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' mean?...
A. 31 May 2006: It means that there are individual differences in what people find 'attractive' in others. For example, a girl maybe judged as being beautiful by one man (or woman) but not considered so beautiful by another. I may think Angelina Jolie is a ... (read in full...)
I have a phobia of being sick, and seeing others sick, its ruining my life, what can I try to help ?
Q. hi have a phobia of being sick both myself and other people i think about it after every meal when i go out anywhere and its really ruining my life i know it sounds rediculous i and will avoid eating.If i dont eat then i cant be sick right.i am ...
A. 31 May 2006: Emetophobia (fear of vomiting) is a common phobia. You have to figure out the trigger for this phobia - it is usually connected with a bad experience associated with vomiting in childhood. Perhaps CBT will work for you but you have to give it time ... (read in full...)
Can I have a natural birth after 2 Cesareans ?
Q. is it possible to have a natural birth after 2 c-sections? I want another child but im put off by c-sections. can you help me?...
A. 31 May 2006: Hello
It depends on the reasons why you had c-sections in the past. Some women have them because the baby/ mother got into trouble during delivery or it is a breach (upside down) baby, some women have them because they are physically unable t... (read in full...)
I liked this boy since 3rd grade, how can I get him back?
Q. Hi I am 13 years old.My name is Felicia Lee. My ex boyfriend,Dalton only went out with me for three days then broke up with me.I had liked this boy since the 3rd grade and now I am in love with him. He told me that he might go back out with me next ...
A. 31 May 2006: Take it easy! You don't love him but you have a gigantic crush on the guy. You dated him for three days and then he left. He is just being a typical 13 year old boy and shopping around to work out what sort of girls he likes to date - it is normal ... (read in full...)
Trousers: better tight or loose?
Q. Do teenage boys prefer girls in tight trousers or not tight trousers? I don't wear tight trousers. Will boys still think I am 'fit' even if I don't wear tight trousers?...
A. 31 May 2006: Do you care if boys think you are 'fit' on the basis of your trousers? Surely you should be attractive to them for rather more than showing off your figure? Personality counts - the 'fittest' girl in the 'fittest' trousers who cannot hold a ... (read in full...)
My wife says she thinks of us as just friends, how can I fix this?
Q. My Wife says her feelings for me have changed. She says right now she just thinks of us as friends. She told me this after I directly asked her about her obvious lack of interest in any type of physical affection. Holding hands, a hug, a kiss, sex. ...
A. 30 May 2006: 'She says she doesn't get the urge for sex in general either'...Could she be depressed? Women often go off sex/ relationships as part of clinical depression.
'My wife is in the other camp of the public that thinks your feelings are in control'... (read in full...)
I forgot to get his phone number, what can I do?
Q. heya i reasently went on holiday (camping)wiv my family and i met this boy there and i fancy him a lot and he told me he fancies me a lot. but we forgot to get eachothers mobile numbers! he really really likes me and so do i and i know he will be ...
A. 30 May 2006: Mobile phone companies won't generally give out such information as they are bound by data protection law. I totally understand that you liked this boy, and vice-versa, but you also have to ask yourself if you really like him or if this is a ... (read in full...)
We were texting, but I asked to meet up and haven't heard from her...HELP!!!
Q. I don't know what to think so please help. I was texting this girl last night and it was going great. I have only seen her twice before but anyway we said we would be best friends (even though i have only really started talking to her) and i asked ...
A. 30 May 2006: Call me old fashioned...but that text message thing just doesn't work for dating. Text messages are a bit open to misinterpretation, and you get a better impression of what someone is thinking of you by actually talking to them. There could be lots ... (read in full...)
I'm concerned about how I'm feeling, any advice please!
Q. hi there, im feeling sick, my heatbeat has increased in speed and my underarms are sweating so badly! Whats wrong with me??? Im concerned! Thank you! ...
A. 30 May 2006: Your symptoms could be a range of different conditions from heart disease to panic attacks, stress or drinking too much coffee or cola. Try not to worry, but since this is bothering you then you should seek medical advice from your doctor. Write ... (read in full...)
He lasted under two minutes, was lazy at oral and had a pointyh shaped "thing"... But I was good to him so why did our relationship cool off?!
Q. I recently dated someone who was a good bit younger than I. We're both professionals in our 30s. I'm 38. At the beginning of this short relationship, he did say he was reserved and devoted to work. When it came to sex, he always climaxed in under ...
A. 30 May 2006: There could have been lots of reasons why he cooled down, and it really could be that he is so devoted to his work that he doesn't have time for a relationship. Whatever his reasons, you say that the sex life wasn't great and as a comparatively ... (read in full...)
Torn between two girls, what shall I do?
Q. Hi Everyone! Im 23 and ive been in a relationship with a girl (lets just call her girl A, she's 26 now) for almost 6 years now! We were going out really well, and everything was wonderful for 2 year until she decided to move out of the country to ...
A. 30 May 2006: You say you love them both, but you don't really because if you really loved either of them then you wouldn't be able to cheat. Those basic instincts to be with other women just fade right away when you are truely hooked on someone. I was apart from ... (read in full...)
All of a sudden he doesnt want to get married, and cannot give me explanation! What should I do ?
Q. I was due to get married on August 19th. My fiance told me that he doesnt want to get married and he isnt sure if we have a future. He says he loves me and doesnt want to hurt me, but other than this he cannot give me a reason why this has ...
A. 30 May 2006: I am sure you must be feeling really disappointed, and hurt at the moment. But, in time, you will see this is for the best. Getting married doesn't fix the cracks in a relationship, and it is far better that he leaves now than goes through with the ... (read in full...)
My friend went through the 'Mummy Test' and I might have overreacted
Q. Fellow agony aunts, I have a friend who has been seeing a guy for about a month. Her guy wants a wife and kids - he is at the stage of life where these things should have happened by now. My friend is a few months away from starting her doctorate ...
A. 30 May 2006: I personally don't think it smacks of desperation. You (and your pal) don't know about this man's family dynamics - some parents would be pushy to meet their children's partners and acquaintances; partly out of nosey tendencies and partly because ... (read in full...)
Sex hurts and i just don't know what to do!
Q. At the beginning sex was very wonderful and passionate and i was very turned on. But i still feel those ways but it somewhat hurts. I feel myself being streched or he hits something and it hurts. What should i do. I stil think its wonderful, ...
A. 29 May 2006: What he is hitting is probably your cervix and it sure hurts when it is hit. Different positions are more comfortable so you should experiment to find the most pain free position. If the pain is a serious concern, you need to see a doctor (esp. if ... (read in full...)
Can we get engaged before our divorce is done?
Q. Dear Cupid, We've already been shot with Cupid's bow - but are both currently in the process of getting divorced however haven't been issued with a decree nisi yet. Is it possible for my new partner and I to get engaged before our respective d...
A. 29 May 2006: Absolutely! You are entitled to get engaged as it is just a promise to marry (just do not get married before the divorces come through!). However, divorce is a stressful situation for many people and depending on how straight-forward it is for both ... (read in full...)
I really like my cousin - is what I'm feeling wrong?
Q. Hi there... okay im 21 years old, when i was 18 i did something that I thought was stupid and wrong, i slept with my cousin! Before i get judged at, i couldnt help it, yes we were drunk but there has always been something there between us. Anyway, ...
A. 29 May 2006: The legality of the relationship depends on where you live - for example, in the UK you are allowed to marry a first cousin. However, there are two reasons why it is not a great idea. Firstly, it is discouraged on medical grounds as should you two ... (read in full...)
That time of the month
Q. could anyone give me any help? I started my periods in year 7, so over 3 years ago as im in year 10 now. They seem 2 be abit iregular, as they come about every three weeks and sometimes go over a week. They are very very light at the start and get ...
A. 28 May 2006: Different women have a different cycle for periods so try not to worry. Don't be embarrassed about asking for a medical opinion as you can ask to see a lady doctor who will understand! It is normal for periods to be a bit irregular during the teen ... (read in full...)
Scared that my boyfriend will discover I'm hairy!
Q. Do guys care if their gf is slightly hairy? I'm 13 and my stomach, and back are sorta hairy. I hate it! I get sooo nervous when my bf puts his hand up or down my shirt!! I mean my whole front and back side has hair on it!! Not a lot but there st...
A. 28 May 2006: If a guy really likes you for your personality, then a bit of hair won't get in the way, and if it bothers you then you can take care of it by waxing, shaving, removal creams etc. Sometimes women are excessively hairy because of genetics (it may be ... (read in full...)
An emotive issue - support please!
Q. I found out 2 days ago that I am pregnant. My boyfriend has 3 children already and I don't want us to have anymore children around the house right now. He's asked me if I want to have an abortion and we have both agreed. I made an appointment, but ...
A. 26 May 2006: The decision to abort is yours and your partners, although I would say it should be more about what you want since this is your body, your pregnancy etc. Your partner cannot give 'objective advice' about this because he doesn't want any more ... (read in full...)
Any tips on making friends... and keeping them?
Q. Why am i so a lone. I try to make friends but nothing happens. Or they will be friends with me for a little while then one day they act like they don't no me. I NEED HELP!!!! What do i do...
A. 25 May 2006: I am a bit rubbish at maintaining friendships myself, but I think friendships go through phases where you sometimes have lots, and other times go through a drought. If you try too hard then it looks desperate, and sometimes so-called school friends ... (read in full...)
I want a better sex life with my boyfriend
Q. im 17 and me and my boyfriend skipped the oral stuff + went straight to sex. but i want to do the oral stuff now but dont no what to do! can you help? i think its important as i want to pleasure him more. we have only slept with each other + we are...
A. 25 May 2006: A good sex life is about good communication about your needs and wants. Lets face it, if you are happy to have intercourse with this guy then you can surely talk to him about the rest of your requirements? Both of you are sexually inexperienced, as ... (read in full...)
I'm ill and worried he will leave me!
Q. I've been really ill for 5 years. A year and a half ago i met my boyfriend. 4 months ago i became worse and am in and out of hospital every week. This is now a real strain on our relationship as i'm depressed and scared about my heath. I've had ...
A. 25 May 2006: Try not to stress out about your relationship too much, as stress affects your autoimmune system response! I truely understand how you feel because I am myself juggling several medical conditions requiring daily medication, trips to hospital and ... (read in full...)
Fifteen with a 23-year-old boyfriend. Illegal?
Q. I'm a 15 year old female from New Jersey. I was wondering if it was legal to date (without sex!!) a 23 year old male? If so, besides having sex/oral, if it was possible for him to get in trouble? My mom tells me its illegal for us to even just dat...
A. 25 May 2006: It is not illegal to have a friendship with an older man, but I can understand why your Mum might be telling you so...she is just being protective, and maybe with good cause. I am in an age-gap marriage of 11 years but we are both in our 20's and ... (read in full...)
Really want the girl to know how I feel before uni breaks up. Should I tell her?
Q. I have only a few days left until I leave uni for the summer, and I have had major feelings for someone throughout the year. We are good friends and she knows how I felt about her but considering this, we are still close and flirty. I don't kn...
A. 25 May 2006: Life is short so you need to muster that courage and just tell her...maybe she feels the same way, as you are already good friends! If she declines, at least you are spared the embarrassment of having to see her at Uni. next term. If you don't act ... (read in full...)
Sex isn't painful anymore... it just feels numb. Is that all there is?
Q. I have a problem with my relationship. I'm 22 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We broke up last year because I found out my boyfriend had someone else. He said it wasnt important to him, he just enjoyed the attention he got f...
A. 25 May 2006: I think you are under the impression that sex is a ground-breaking earth-shattering experience like they portray in the movies...it's not usually! First sex is usually a bit painful and few people look back on it as their best ever sexual ... (read in full...)
I have a phobia about hugging, and it's driving me nuts!
Q. I am a normal teen, just trying to live the best I can, except there is one thing that is getting in the way of my everyday life...... my phobia. I have a major phobia against hugging. I don't know why and it's killing me! Showing affectio...
A. 25 May 2006: You are not abnormal as lots of people don't like close personal contact (I am a clinical psychologist). Smeedle is right about aspergers syndrome being associated with a resistance to 'hugs' but not always, and aspergers is about a range of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to sleep with his friend
Q. I'm 18 and have been dating my 21 year old boyfriend for 6 months. He's a virgin, and surprisingly, doesn't want sex at all but suggested to me that I should sleep with his friend instead. I'm not a virgin; I've had sex once with my only other bo...
A. 25 May 2006: I am all for sharing amongst friends...but that takes it a bit too far! He is either being really disrespectful and doesn't really have any deep feelings for you (which may explain why he doesn't want sex - saving it for someone else) OR he is ... (read in full...)
Can a condom cause pain?
Q. Can using a condom make sex more painful? I'm planning sex and I'm on the pill. I'm aware of the STI risks of not using a condom but I don't want to use one if it is going to make anything less pleasurable. ...
A. 24 May 2006: Condoms shouldn't hurt, but rarely people have a latex allergy which can make the whole area sting a lot (you can get non-latex condoms on mail order). I agree with Lisa about using lubricant if it hurts BUT be careful what you use because oil-based ... (read in full...)
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