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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Is my boyfriend a bludger, or am I too focussed on money?
Q. Hello, my boyfriend and have been dating since November of last year. We go out at least once a week. The problem I have is that every time we go out, I am always the one who pays. To be quite honest, he has never bought me one thing. I know t...
A. 18 June 2006: Whatever you do, don't put the phone is your name as it will affect your credit rating in the future if he defaults on the payments - you might not be able to get a mortgage, loans and credit cards. I think this guy is using you. I totally ... (read in full...)
My sister is always making a play for my boyfriends!
Q. My younger sister always makes plays for my boyfriends. She is now 22 and about to get engaged, but whenever I bring a date or guy I am seeing around she gets all googly-eyed and starts flirting with him like crazy. She even hooked up with one of ...
A. 18 June 2006: Your sister must be feeling deeply insecure to need to seek out such attention from your suitors. You should feel sorry for her really because of her need to flirt uncontrollably with people who should be off limits. She lacks self control, respect ... (read in full...)
I have a nice BF but he is not the most handsome chap!
Q. hi i am 14 years old and i have a bf that is 16. he is the kindest person i have ever met. the thing is he is not the best looking guy out there. i love him to bits and has the nicest personality ever. he gives me hugs and doesnt push me into ...
A. 18 June 2006: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...some girls may find him to be handsome! Whatever the situation, personality is much more important than looks. Sure there has to be a basic physical attraction, but long term relationships are built on ... (read in full...)
I am falling in love with my wife's sister
Q. Might be falling for my wife's sister... not sure where to go from here I've been married for three years, and I love my wife, but I'm not sure if I've ever been "in love" with my wife (not sure there's a difference, actually). As my wife's yo...
A. 17 June 2006: Your attraction to your sister in law, and your marital problems are separate issues really. If you were 100% happy in your marriage you wouldn't be gazing kindly at your sis-in-law. I know you say that you have problems with your wife at the ... (read in full...)
Just hit my 30s... and I'm scared to go out and find the things I want in life!
Q. I’m not sure what’s happening to me, but ever since I hit 30 years old I seem to have been very tearful and started having horrible feelings of anxiety. I have started to lose weight because of the anxious feelings. I didn’t think the weight loss ...
A. 17 June 2006: None of us aunts are able to give you counselling on the net as that is long-term, but you may find a course of cognitive behavioural therapy is the key to sorting out your feelings. However, if I take my professional hat off for a moment and ... (read in full...)
Does which drink you have reflect your personality ?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts. Does what you drink determine your personality, or class or the kind of person you are? I like to drink a glass of red wine when I go out and have been told several times that it's bold and classy, great compliment, then w...
A. 17 June 2006: I drink Tiger beer and my nickname is 'Tigger' therefore it must be true...so drinking beer isn't classy?...back to the trailer park for me then ;-)
Joking aside, I think drinking only reflects certain aspects of your personality when it is in ex... (read in full...)
Im 14 but have these stetchmarks, does anyone know how to fade them ?
Q. hi i am only 14 and i have stratchmarks onm stomace on the top back of my arms on my back and behind my knees. i darednt wear strappy tops because of tem. does any one know how to fade them. if i lost weight would the go or are they here forever . ...
A. 17 June 2006: Stretch marks usually show up in the teen years as a result of rapid weight loss or weight gain. Drinking lots of water sometimes helps with their cosmetic appearance, but pregnant ladies often rub water based creams into their tummies when they ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he is impotent
Q. I'm 18, my boyfriend is 20 and we've been dating 2 months. I found it strange he didn't want sex at all during our relationship. Then he revealed to me he was impotent (and was extremely embarrassed when he said it!) Where do we go next?? ...
A. 17 June 2006: Maybe he isn't impotent but just not ready for a sexual relationship and thinks that will put you off. If he really has an impotence problem then there are a range of medical treatments available dependent on its underlying cause. I am sure you ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm pregnant....what can I do?
Q. So here is the thing... I think I might be pregnant. I havn't had a period in a month and a half and have some symtoms of being pregnant. I've taken 2 tests and they both showed up negative and my insurance won't cover a doctors visit. What should I ...
A. 16 June 2006: Not sure where you are based, but guessing the USA...most communities have free family planning clinics or voluntary sector services related to women's health so get the phone directory book out and start looking. You can only tell if you are ... (read in full...)
My Bf may have a weight problem and I am worried!
Q. Hi there, please help me, I dont know what to do. My boyfriend isnt fat at all, I would never see him as fat, but he is a bit too big for his age. He is nearly 17, and is an X-Large. Not long back, he had to throw some clothes away because they did...
A. 16 June 2006: Lets start with your weight question...congratulations on losing the pounds!!! A size 14 is perfectly ok and that is about average clothing size for women so try not to worry about your weight too much. Herbal diet supplements rarely work on weight ... (read in full...)
I am 14 and want to know if love bites hurt
Q. heya do love bites hurt when a boy is giving you a love bite on the neck does it really hurt or what does it feel like? does it feel nice? im aged 14...
A. 16 June 2006: Love bites...hmmmm lovely...yes I was being sarcastic. You have lots of nerves in your neck, not to mention the carotid artery so it is not a great idea to let dracula near you. Human bite marks are just not attractive, and in my teen years it was ... (read in full...)
Having problems with my friends over a boy
Q. I really like this boy, and he's told me that he likes me. However I'm not quite ready for a boyfriend right now, so we're just like basically acting like a couple but not literally being one.. if you understand. But two of my friends who are really ...
A. 16 June 2006: These girls just are NOT your friends, and they are a bit jealous that you have a relationship with a boy and you are getting some attention. Your real mates just wouldn't try to show off in this way - a bit of teasing is ok, but this is really ... (read in full...)
I think she is shy, but am waiting for her to contact me.. How long should I wait ?
Q. I have posted on here before about this girl who seems shy who I sent a valentines card to, well after three months of trying to approach and talk to her, she seemed to over come her shyness and she opened up and started talking back and over the ...
A. 16 June 2006: I remember you posting about this a while back. She obviously likes you as she invited you to her house - just a shame that she wasn't in when you called around, try ringing in advance next time. Women like to be chased...even the shy ... (read in full...)
I come too quickly... and I'm a woman! Any tips on lasting longer?
Q. I orgasm very quickly whenever me and boyfriend are fooling around. Any tips to stay in the game longer? I'm presuming this is not common among females. ...
A. 16 June 2006: It is common for women particularly in the hands of a good lover. However, what you should do is to wait for the build up before the orgasm (the tingling) is about to happen and get your BF to back off before he tips you over the edge, and you just ... (read in full...)
I still work for my ex, I still sleep with my ex, and I still love my ex! How do I tell him?
Q. I want my ex boyfriend back, we split up in November 2005 and i haven't been able to get over him at all cos i still love him. He has his own business and i work for him and even though this is hard, i love my job and don't want to leave it even ...
A. 16 June 2006: It sounds to me like you have become an 'employee with benefits'. You may have a past with this guy but I don't honestly think you have a future with him on the level you would like. I think that people use the age-gap thing as an excuse for another ... (read in full...)
I really like the guy I slept with on holiday, I regret not getting his contact details, I know what Uni he goes to, should I try and contact him there?
Q. im 19 and in march i went on a girls holiday to tenerife, i met a guy who was 20 and he was with friends from uni, we got on really well and both really liked each other. we were staying in the same hotel and we ended up going back to my room and we ...
A. 15 June 2006: If you turn up at his Uni. the chances are that you will be looking for a needle in a haystack. He may also find it creepy as some people don't like being tracked down this way so probably not a good idea. However, since you know his Uni. and ... (read in full...)
BF of 16 years is abusive & an alcoholic - have tried to leave many times but I keep coming back! I need help!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for sixteen years. We have kids together. He has always been a heavy drinker, but i'm sick of this life. He has lost his driving licence three times due to this and still on a ban. We have just come back from a h...
A. 15 June 2006: While this man maybe a beast, you are in charge of you at the end of the day - you cannot really lay all the blame at his door if you let him abuse you in front of the kids and take him back - it sends a clear message to him that he can do whatever ... (read in full...)
I still bleed when we have sex - how long will this continue?
Q. About 2 months ago I lost my virginity to my bf, before we actually had sex he would pleasure me with his fingers. One night we had figured I had 'popped' because I had bleed a lot. Well now that we are sexually active, I still tend to bleed. I ...
A. 15 June 2006: Bleeding during sex is not normal (except for the first time). It can be a sign of a cervical abnormality, a problem with the vagina or uterus - it isnt necessarily serious but certainly needs checking out with a doctor. I am sure you are aware ... (read in full...)
My date cancelled, I refused to see him again, over-reacted, then apologised - but haven't heard from him! What should I do?
Q. I was supposed to be going out with this guy..."first date" we had been chatting on phone all week and when it came to the day he rang me in the morning to confirm details of the evening. He then rang me 45mins before our date to cancel. He said ...
A. 14 June 2006: Put your trainers on and run, run away fast...some men gawd...I probably would have exploded too if someone stood me up just before a date because he couldn't get rid of his mates. He ignored your messages because he was sulking, and then got in ... (read in full...)
Haven't had a period since March but had 4 negative pregnancy tests - please help!
Q. Im 14 and I have had sex with this lad that I don't even like anymore and he doesn't care about me, neither do I about him. But I did it in April and I haven't had a period from March up until June. I have taken 4 pregnancy tests and they say ...
A. 14 June 2006: At 14 your periods maybe irregular as you are still going through puberty. However, home pregnancy kits are not 100% reliable (a friend of mine was 4 months pregnant and didn't know until she went to the hospital for another issue as her pregnancy ... (read in full...)
How can I make my friend re-think her marriage to this guy who *may* be using her!?
Q. Aaah! My best friend moved to Spain a year ago and has just announced she is getting married to a guy she has met. He is of a different religion to her and not from the EU. I am worried he needs a visa or is using her some other way. I get the ...
A. 14 June 2006: I married someone from a non-eu country, he is younger than me - everyone said I shouldn't because he was living in my apartment for free, didnt have my educational/financial security and everyone said he must be after a visa as he couldn't work at ... (read in full...)
Why would she dump me (nice, fun, giggly) for HER (bi-sexual, sleeps around)... !?
Q. i was dumped three weeks ago for reasons unknown to me. then i found out that he was seeing someone behind my back. this girl was a friend of his. there was always a reason i couldn't meet her. i got very insecure trying to trust him but thinking he ...
A. 14 June 2006: What have you done for him to go off with another girl? That is the wrong question - you should be thankful to him really. If he is sneaking around with another girl then he is really doing you a favour by breaking it off. You deserve better and ... (read in full...)
He won't wear a condom, what should I do?
Q. My new bf sais he wont wear condoms, I am on the pill though. Should i have sex with him?...
A. 14 June 2006: Cross your legs...if the BF won't wear a condom at your request then it means that he doesn't respect you as a person, or respect your body. If he isn't wearing condoms with you, it means he won't have been bothering with former partners either ... (read in full...)
I met up with this guy online, but he hasn't contacted me since...what's wrong?
Q. hi i recently met a guy online .we met up and got on well and he told me he liked me and cant wait to see me again then few days later he just didnt reply to my txt and hasnt contacted me for a few days.does he not like me now or something. i am ...
A. 14 June 2006: If it is just a few days then try not to worry because perhaps he is busy, and you could always drop him an email if you like saying you enjoyed your time out together and would like to know how he is doing. However, you also have to accept that ... (read in full...)
Why am I putting on so much weight? Could I be pregnant or something?
Q. I was 8 and a half stone and am now nine....now I think I checked my weight about a week or 2 ago. Is it normal to put on this much weight in this time or could it be that I am pregnant or something....help!! What is it? ...
A. 14 June 2006: It is normal to put on a few pounds before your period. You maybe retaining water too, as many women do in hot weather or before periods. Try not to worry about it as your weight is perfectly ok 9 stone or 8 and a half! Just relax and wait it out - ... (read in full...)
I had unprotected sex, period was very light, could I still be pregnant?
Q. I had unprotected sex, I got my period but it was very light compared to normal, even though I got my period could I still be pregnant??...
A. 14 June 2006: If you take a pregnancy test at home and it comes back negative then the chances are that you are not pregnant. However, if you want to be doubly sure then get a blood test done at your doctors - they can test your hormones at the same time to ... (read in full...)
I'm taking laxatives every day... Is this a good thing?
Q. Hi all... I am 25ys old. Since I can remember (14-15 yrs old), I never had free bowel movements. I would poo like once every 2-3 days. I figured that it was because of my dieting and irregular eating habits and not drinking enough water. But, now I ...
A. 14 June 2006: Laxatives are not meant for regular use because they make the bowel dependent on them - that means you will find it difficult to use the toilet without taking them. Diet is part of constipation problems, but there are medical reasons why you may ... (read in full...)
I am really angry towards my ex
Q. Since my ex and I broke up, i was devastated, and I'm getting stronger but my feelings for him have changed into anger. i have not called him nor emailed, i dont even want to know that he is on the same planet as me, infact i wish i never met him. ...
A. 13 June 2006: It is not clear why you split up in the first place, but he may have moved on and may not care if he hurt you or not. Whatever he has done cannot be put right as he doesnt have a time machine. Why give him the satisfaction of knowing how much you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has cheated on me with an enemy
Q. hi, i think my boyfriend has cheated on me with my worst enemy....but i love him. what should i do?...
A. 13 June 2006: Relationships are not just about love, they are about trust and communication too. In fact love can never be enough to sustain a relationship on its own. If your boyfriend cheated then it means he doesn't respect you and/or has no moral standards, ... (read in full...)
I am falling for my husbands best mate
Q. iv been married for only a month but have been with my husband for a year and a half but i think that im falling in love with my husbands best friend i love my husband but i have a really good connection with my husbands best friend and i dont know ...
A. 13 June 2006: Hmmmm why did you get married? Perhaps the fuss of the wedding has now passed and you are a little bored. You are supposed to be on the honeymoon period now of your marriage yet you are looking elsewhere. I would look at what is wrong with your ... (read in full...)
My period is 12 weeks late, I'm not pregnant, so what is wrong with me?
Q. Hi, My period is 12 weeks late and I dont know why. I have done a pregnancy test and it is negative and my periods are usually regular does anyone have any ideas why this could be? Thanks x...
A. 13 June 2006: I agree with the others, but one cause of irregular cycles is polycystic ovarian syndrome that affects up to 10 percent of women. A simple blood test at the doctors will exclude pregnancy, and hormone imbalances. A friend of mine took 4 home ... (read in full...)
My friends husband is abusive to her in every way - how do I help her?
Q. I have an age old question for anyone out there that can give good advice. A friend who I have known to be unhappy for a while now finally opened up about her violent and abusive marriage. This man forces her into sex, takes her money, constantly ...
A. 13 June 2006: I am a clinical psychologist in the UK, and I have worked with many families affected by domestic violence issues. You cannot make this woman leave her husband, as she must do that in her own time. Many women in these situations suffer learned ... (read in full...)
Don't want to be the girl who listens to gossip, but...
Q. Um... About three months ago, I meet this really amazing guy... I was just kind of stuck in a rut for 3 years until he came along and I just opened up. I had been in this awful relationship with this guy name Theo. He took my virginity after telling ...
A. 13 June 2006: Hang on...this is complicated! You say you maybe pregnant (again) but aren't you supposed to be using condoms after the last STD??? You cannot possibly tell for sure if this guy is cheating or not, but you can protect yourself against STD's and ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but he likes me as well as two other girls!
Q. There is this guy I really really really like. He likes me, along with two other girls. What should I do? He used to like me a lot before we stopped talking because of something that happened. (I overheard something and stopped talking to him as ...
A. 13 June 2006: Good grief...grab hold of your self respect and run away with it FAST! You don't want to be 'one of his girls', you want to be 'his only girl'. If he is a popular fella with the pick of the bunch then he isn't going to treat you so nice, and ... (read in full...)
How do I adapt from school to university?
Q. i am doing a uni preparation course before uni in september and it is driving me crazy! Don't get me wrong, I love the work but it is so tiring and i am so bad at getting organised and getting assignments done on time..Basically it is a huge change ...
A. 13 June 2006: You have to develop personal organisation skills, but it will come with time. First years usually get study skills classes for example, and there are sometimes academic support assistants at hand to help you get organised. I lived by my diary when I ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to increase ones intelligence?
Q. Is it possible to increase ones intelligence?.. thanks...
A. 13 June 2006: Intelligence tends to measured through IQ tests as a cognitive ability to do mental tests and use short-term memory. I have administered 100's of IQ tests to kids, and I also took an IQ test myself. I can tell you that intelligence is about ... (read in full...)
How do I stop this embarrasing situation from happening?
Q. This is really embarrasing but something has to be done. My boyfreind suggested that he do me up the bum, so I thought, why not! We used a condom. When my boyfriend took his penis out it had my poo on it. I was really embarrased but my boyfriend ...
A. 13 June 2006: It doesn't matter if you go to the toilet or not, the side walls of your bottom/ rectum will have some faecal matter on them - that is why some people have colonic irrigation (a pipe up the bottom) to clean out the rectal area. You only feel the ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my GF, any tips?
Q. I'm planning to have sex with my girlfriend of six months for the first time (and its my first time with anyone). What I want to know is when having sex, does the entire female body become "sensitive" when you touch any part of her body or are there ...
A. 13 June 2006: There are plenty of guides to sex on the internet that you can look at for tips on how to do it. I just wanted to say that women are tactile creatures who like cuddles and being stroked all over, not just those bits! Sex also varies between ... (read in full...)
How do I get the spark back in our sex life
Q. ive been with my bf for over 2years now we have regular sex atleast 5times a week but it just doesnt have the spark it used to. sex is never spontanious we could be laying in bed and one would say to the other u fancy sex? den there would be a dis...
A. 13 June 2006: It is very easy for your sex life to become stale after a while. There is no right or wrong answer for boosting this aspect of your life. However, have you thought of spending a weekend away in a hotel - go to a place neither have you have been ... (read in full...)
The manipulative ex is being nasty to me
Q. Difficult situation..... partner of nearly a year whom I live with has two children from previous relationship which ended about seven years ago. Ex still very controlling. Tried to keep things "friendly" and had her, husband, kids including new ...
A. 13 June 2006: It sounds like you are a nice lady who has done her best to try to play 'happy families'. It is not your fault that the ex has responded badly, and it is a fact of life that people will twist and manipulate if they are not emotionally ready to ... (read in full...)
My husband is a selfish pig but I don't want to be a lone parent!
Q. I have been married for 3 years and I have just had our first child. Although it was not a planned pregnancy my husband and I always knew we wanted children so were both delighted when we found out. Shortly after the celebrations died down my ...
A. 13 June 2006: Well this is partly his fault, and partly yours. Sure this guy is behaving badly but as his wife, why are you letting him get away with it? If my husband rang me to pick him up from the pub at silly o'clock, he would know what sort of response to ... (read in full...)
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