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female
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writes: I have been married for 3 years and I have just had our first child. Although it was not a planned pregnancy my husband and I always knew we wanted children so were both delighted when we found out. Shortly after the celebrations died down my husband turned into a completely imature, selfish idiot and things have not improved. An example of the things he did during the pregnancy:- -Invited friends and family out for a meal on his birthday then stayed up all night witha freind doing drugs, getting drunk and makin as much noise as possible while I tried to sleep having been up since 6am for work and heavily pregnant. I ended up sleeping in my car to get some peace -Stayed out all night on several occassions and switched his mobile off -Driving while drunk then forgot where he left his £14k sports car and found it impounded the next day at a cost of £250 to release -Called me for a lift home from the pub (45 minute drive each way) only for him to say he was not ready to come home so i drove home alone and in tears (I was 8 months pregnant at this point)-Left the gas on the hob on freely filling my house for 6 hours while I was at work and he spent that time getting drunk. Then drove home drunk with cocaine clearly smeared around his nose-Booked a skiing holiday with his mates when I was left at home pregnant and broke-Arranged to watch the first England game in the world cup with his friends without so much as a second thought for me being stuck at home with our daughter. Then stayed out for 15 hours without so much as a phone call to ensure we were ok! He had only seen her for an hour that day as it was!I really imagined family life to be different to this. Is it him? Is it me? Or are all men selfish bast####? I am so ready to throw in the towel but fear for my little girls future coming from a broken home. What should I do?
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female
reader, shellbama  +, writes (9 November 2008):
I understand your pain. My husband is a good provider, works a full time job. Keeps our bills paid.. but wouldn't know anything about being loving and kind. Constantly would rather be out with his guy friends and football games. Stay at home mom and he doesn't get it that I need a break from four kids.
I guess he thinks I sit around and eat bon bons all day. I want to strangle him when he gets home on Saturdays and 20 minutes later he's out the door to go drink with the boys. Hello ya know it would be nice if you took the kids one night a week and let me get out of this house.
They don't get it.. they never will. Selfish little boys who never grow up!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2006): I just want you to know that you're not alone. Im currently in the same situation except my husband doesnt do drugs or drinks alchohol, he cheats on me. I feel like Im trapped because I have noone to help me. I have no education to get a decent job that pays enough, no car, no family, nothing! I want to leave so bad, but I cant cause I have no place to go. My kids have everything they need right now and if I leave they'll have nothing. And my husbands an a##hole, he says that if I leave him he'll take the kids away from me. My life sucks so bad right now, I feel trapped. Im tryin my hardest to figure out a way to get up out of here, but it almost seems impossible. I need almost a year to finish homeschooling because I didnt graduate highschool. I need to get a job as soon as I do finish school, get my car, and still save money to get up and leave and be able to support me and kids. Its going to take a long while before I accomplish that, but in the mean time, I have to live in this sh##hole of a marriage. I hate it because I have to be strong and pretend that everything is ok. I hate pretending, Im sick of it, and my heart sinks everytime I have to swallow it up that my husband is out there with someone else and im here like an idiot! He says he's not doing anything, but yet doesnt be open with things like letting me see his phone, etc. Either way I dont think that I love him anymore and Im discusted with the fact that this is the person that I have to live with and lay next to in bed till I do, do something. Its like I dont know him anymore. I do believe now that all men are selfish bast###s as you call them! Dont you just hate that they put us, the mother of their children, through this! They're so inconsiderate! I hate them. I hope that you do leave your husband. It sounds like he aint worth trying to save. People who do drugs or those kind of drugs for that matter are people who are addicted, and people who are addicted rarely or dont change, so why stay and waste your young years. I'd leave him. Its like me with my husband, I say that "once a cheat, always a cheat". They dont deserve more chances! Good Luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2006): You know I understand you. I too am married to a selfish Bas---.He drove home drunk from a xmas party with my son with him, vomited in the mini van and fell nearly into the baby cot where my 2 month old daughter was sleeping.He is a chronic drinker. Each night he finihes his job the first thing he must have is a drink. Years later I am still with this piece of Sh@@. I am tired I have had enough and things have to change but you know that It will not and the same thing happens again. We have to think about the kids and ourselves. We know what we have to do.
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (13 June 2006):
 This man sounds truly awful and you deserve a medal for putting up with him for this long. However, you have to think of your daughter. You say you don't want her not to have a father but wouldn't you rather be a loine parent than let her have a dad like that? As she gets older, she will pick up on things like the drugs and the staying out and she will start to think this is normal. You want better for her future relationships don't you? Show her what a strong, independant woman does when she doesn't like the way her life is: walk away and change it.
You will most definitely be better off without this man, it sounds like he's caused you nothing but hurt and trauma. Find someone who loves and respects you and who thinks about your feelings. Although they may not be blood related to your daughter, they will certainly be a better dad than a drunken druggie will be.
I hope you pluck up the courage to save your life from getting any worse, and also that of your daughter who will most certainly not have a nice childhood with him around.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2006): Coming from a broken home is better than a loveless, arguement and tension filled, and might I say drug promoting home. In my opinion you'd be doing your daughter a favour by moving out. Children are very impressionable little beings and they notice and worry about these arguements even if you think they are too young to know what's going on. If I were you I would tell your husband he has one more chance. Only say this if you mean it however as if you threaten it and dont leave if he blows it he will treat you even worse than now as you will be his lifelong doormat.Good luck.
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female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (13 June 2006):
 dear reader do you really want you baby girl to grow up with this man as a guide in life. i've said it so many times before "it take any old fool to be a father but that one special man to be a dad" and i'm sorry but this is no daddy he is selfish and doesn't diserve to be anyones dad (or husband for that matter) i knwo its hard but if things carry on like this there's only one thing you can do. GO!! i knwo for me i would rather be a lone parent then have to put up with that you have one child to take care of why do you need another. also as you well know babies and drugs are not a good mix in any circumstances don't stand for no more give him a short sharp kick up the back side or tell him where to go.i wish you the best of luck and remember being a lone parent isn't so bad i done it with 2 kids you'll have no-one and answer to and you won't be played off against eachother i'm not saying be on your own forever but your daughter comes first and her healthtake care of yourself and if you need anyhting at all feel free to contact me directall the best xxx
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reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 June 2006):
 Well this is partly his fault, and partly yours. Sure this guy is behaving badly but as his wife, why are you letting him get away with it? If my husband rang me to pick him up from the pub at silly o'clock, he would know what sort of response to expect...marriage is supposed to be about mutual respect and caring for each other. That is clearly lost in your relationship, but if you keep giving in to his unreasonable demands then how is he to learn about the standards you expect? I am not saying the guy is a prince, and it must be hard looking after two children at once but you should take charge of the situation. Fear of bringing a child up in a broken home should not prevent you from leaving him. To be honest, your home sounds a bit broken already for all sorts of other reasons. It is not acceptable for Daddy to be using drugs in the family home - your child could pick them up, and he doesn't seem like a fantastic role model. Your baby will just grow up thinking this is a normal way of having relationships with the opposite sex, or normal to take drugs. You have a choice to leave him as you would not be missing much in the way of support on your own, or you can give your marriage a go through counselling etc and setting rules on his behaviour. A trial separation maybe the best option since he may figure out how much he needs his family then, and be receptive to change. Whatever you decide, you have a fundamental responsibility as a parent to protect your child from what is going on, and stand up for her as much as yourself. Good luck!
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