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female
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anonymous
writes: hey i am not doing well with guys. i have been out with 3 guys in the past 5 months and all of them have forced me into bed i suppose it is cos i am small so they can keep me down. i see my self as a slut. have had sex 7 times between 3 lads and i am not 15 yet. i now have a lovely boyfriend that looks after me and give me hugs but he knows theres something wrong cos everytime he kisses me i cringe what do i do my virginity has been taken as if it was a theif my boyfriend might go off me if he finds out i could have aids help i am really unhappy what do i do! thanx
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (6 June 2006):
 If you have been *held down* and forced to have sex against your will then this is rape. You need to speak to somebody in a position of authority who will listen and can help you. A school counseller, GP, parent etc. If it was consensual then you ahve to move on and leave your past behind.
But, I do feel you will get more help from somebody who can talk to you face to face rather than over the internet like this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): Please understand that having sex with three different guys does not make you (or anybody) a slut (so don't classify yourself as being one). Also, do get to a doctor (visit a clinic if necessary) to check for STDs. As far as your relationship with your new boyfriend goes, please do your best to not allow any guilt any guilt over your previous sexual history interfere with this guy. What's done is done, and you can make a fresh start of things this time around. Also, realize that all too often guys will use size/strength to get their way. You aren't the first and won't be the last victim of forced sex (and I'll bet other girls have also been victim to those same boys).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): Hey anonymous
Negative thinking about your past will get you nowhere, it will only ruin things in the future for you, and your relationships.
You say 3 partners at 15 is bad, but what has being with these people taught you? It's taught you that you want to, in future, save sex for someone you really care about. It's shown you that you are worth much more than who you've previously been. Believe me, some girls don't realise this in their 50s! And others never realise!
Don't hate your past, accept that you have done things you don't like, but, instead of hating yourself for it, tell yourself that from RIGHT NOW! things are going to be different. From now on, you are going to choose carefully who you allow yourself to have sex with.
You have nothing to be ashamed about. By writing your problem on this website it shows you are remarkably mature and care for yourself, and for your boyfriend. You've done something most people wouldn't do, you've taken a big step in changing who you've been.
Do not focus on your past. Think what you have now. You are so young, and your past does not need to affect the brilliant, loving relationships you can have in the future.
Take things carefully and slowly with your boyfriend. Once you feel like he respects you, you will feel much more comfortable with things become more sexual. And if he is the one for you, he will not mind waiting for as long as it takes.
Look luck with everything, ok? :)
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (5 June 2006):
 You have very poor self esteem and you definitely need to work on that because you are not a 'slut' (that is a stupid word). You do have to stop this destructive pattern of relationships with men now though because otherwise you will go through life being someone's doormat. Fundamental to this is standing up for yourself and demonstrating self respect - if you love yourself then other people love you too! If someone forces you to have sex against your will then it is rape, and should be reported to the authorities as such. If someone emotionally forces you into sex then it is an abusive relationship that you must walk away from. Since you don't suggest that contraception was used, then you need to be checked out at a family planning clinic for STD's etc - I am sure you are ok, but surely you would like the reassurance of a checkup. Basically everyone makes mistakes in their relationships with other people but the key to a happy life is to learn from your mistakes. I am not saying it is entirely your fault that you have ended up in bed with 3 boys at such a young age BUT you also have to learn about reading the danger signals from such encounters so you don't make the same mistake twice, three-times, four-times. Don't mistake sex for love as there is a big difference - men/ boys love girls regardless of whether they have sex with them or not.
At your age your body is still developing and growing and you are the only person who will take care of you at the end of the day - others can support you, but ultimately if you don't treat yourself with respect, how will anyone else? Please don't call yourself a 'slut' and please don't think that your self esteem is all hanging on getting a boy to like you. You should be honest with your boyfriend because if he is a real 'man' he will stand by you no matter what happens. If he runs away, he just wasnt right for you.
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