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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Is high school meant to be the best time of your life? If so then why has it been miserable for me?
Q. Is high school meant to be the best time of your life? If so then I must be in for a miserable life. I go to hgh school in the UK (i'm 18 and now at the schools sixth form which is like college) and I was bullied really badly. This one guy from whe...
A. 22 June 2006: I went to a rubbish school in the UK that was closed down for poor standards after I left. It was really rough and there were lots of bullies - I got picked on quite a bit, got into a few fights and didn't understand why I didn't fit it. I look back ... (read in full...)
How do I build confidence... And what *is* confidence?
Q. I sent a question in today and one of the repliers said that I need to build my self confidence in order to not being bullied and look at my good qualities. How do I build up my self confidence and what are examples of good qualities. Is it stuff ...
A. 22 June 2006: Self confidence is about self acceptance - none of us are perfect but you should accept yourself on your good or bad points. When you overly focus on the bad stuff, like failed relationships for instance, then you forget about all the good stuff ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my baby's father, who left us both?
Q. I was with my bfriend for 2 years and we had a baby, when my baby was 4 months old he got up and left. We have been seperated for 6 months now but obviously i still have to see him and it still hurts so much, he has a girlfriend who he lives with ...
A. 22 June 2006: This is all about your self confidence and nothing to do with your ex. Basically you had a baby with a man who left you just a few months after you delivered his child - regardless of how he is as a father, that makes him a lousy partner. It also ... (read in full...)
Everlasting love... ?
Q. I have seen a lot of my friends and family marry only to all split up or separate in less than 5 years. What is wrong with us? Why are we not trying to work hard at a relationship especially when there are children involved.In my parents day they ...
A. 22 June 2006: Marriage is hard work but rewarding too. There are a lot of lonely people out there who cannot find partners for a whole host of reasons - I personally remind myself of that everytime I have an argument with my other half. However in this consumer ... (read in full...)
He persued me for 1.5 years now we hooked up for 4 weeks he's already gotten cold feet!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 weeks. We,ve known each other for about 1yr 1/2, everytime we saw each other he'd ask to take me out, but because he is 2 years younger than me i put off the idea. Eventually i agreed, and we had the best ...
A. 22 June 2006: Give him the space he requires. Some men just like the thrill of the chase and once they have what they thought they want...their attention wanders. You cannot control him or make him change as that is up to him. However if he is hiding out at the ... (read in full...)
Growing my hair to feel attractive
Q. Hey guys I have a yet another problem i would like to have long hair because at the moment ny hair is short to medium length I loike to have long hair as it will help me feel attr45active guys please give me some ideas thanks guys...
A. 22 June 2006: Growing your hair is your choice but growing your inner self confidence probably takes a bit more work and has longer lasting effects. Growing your hair won't make you more attractive as different people think different things 'attractive'. But if ... (read in full...)
I'm married but I'm considering this other guy may make a good, potential f**kbuddy..
Q. I thought this 28yrs old guy at work was very attractive and i knew he was in a serious relationship for the last 3 years. I am 35 yrs and married for 16 years and have 3 kids. We talk alot at work because what we do we need to be in contact alot. ...
A. 22 June 2006: Why you cannot have a f-buddy?
1. He's a man from work - you have to see him over the photocopier for a long time after the lust has worn off. If it gets out in work then you two will acquire a reputation that can harm your professional opportun... (read in full...)
The bastard dumped me and I want him to feel my hurt too!
Q. dear Agony aunts. I was dumped last month still have feelings of anger towards my ex, and I'm feeling angry because of lies and false promises. I really want him to feel bad, I know he felt bad when we broke up- shame, that doesn't help bec...
A. 22 June 2006: The only person who is angry is you, as he walked away. By remaining angry then you are letting him win really so try to let this go. Don't send him messages - some men would get a real ego trip off knowing you are hurting (not normal one's ... (read in full...)
She's keen and so am I, but I don't want her to laugh when I admit I've never kissed before...
Q. I am 15 and have never kissed a girl properly but I told my friends I have. I don't think they believe me but never mind. The thing is there's this girl who has liked me for ages, like 4 yrs, and still does. I would love to lose my fridgedn...
A. 21 June 2006: Its not really about your friends as they are not going to be there giving you marks out of 10 on kissing technique. If this girl likes you THEN SHE LIKES YOU...she isn't going to care about your kissing technique that much, and she won't know you ... (read in full...)
I am rubbish in the bedroom and need help
Q. I am rubbish in bed! I come too soon and don't be able to satisfy a woman in any way. I need help!...
A. 21 June 2006: This is rather more about your self confidence than your physical abilities I think! If you assume you will be bad in the bedroom then you have put yourself in a frame of mind where the inevitable happens. Remember that sex is about two people - a ... (read in full...)
Am I a football widow or does this boy no longer like me?
Q. heya i am 14, my b/f of 2 months suddenly just stopped phoning me and whenever i phone him he always says he is busy! we dont go to the same school, we go to the park every week, thats how we met. (he doesnt really go anymore cos of the world cup is ...
A. 21 June 2006: Boys are sometimes rubbish at expressing their feelings. He may hope you will take the hint and just not call him anymore as he doesn't want to finish it verbally for fear of confrontation. He may be distracted by the football too. My husband is a ... (read in full...)
I have very bad self esteem, help!
Q. My self esteem is at an all time low, I have had my heart broken this year (twice) which has dented my confidence even more. I am starting to think it is me and I must be a rubbish person. How do i get over a broken heart and get my self worth ...
A. 21 June 2006: Heart ache is always painful. YOu just need to give yourself time to get over what has happened, and to like yourself again. Don't expect to meet someone else who will nurse it better, as healing comes from within you.
If you don't like you then... (read in full...)
Boy I like..smokes... should I still go after him?
Q. hi people theres this boy who I want to go out with and he says he dosent know but i have seen him today with a cigarette in his hand and i dont know whether to tell him forget about it or ask him for an answer i need help!!!! tnx frm sxi-blondie...
A. 21 June 2006: If he says he doesn't know then it means he is not that into you so it is not a good start to a relationship. Men rarely need to be asked twice for a date when they like a girl. The fact that he smokes and you don't like that is a secondary ... (read in full...)
I've got a crush on the supermaket guy, but I'm too shy to ask him out!!
Q. I am 16 years old and have a crush on this guy who works at my local supermarket. Everytime he serves me he gives me the most adorable smile, it makes me feel so good. And everytime I walk into the supermarket he rushes to serve me. From that I hope ...
A. 21 June 2006: It sounds as if he likes you so why not just go for it? If you don't want to have an embarrassing scene at check out in front of a queue of customers, why don't you try to find out when he finishes his shift one day so that you can 'bump into him' ... (read in full...)
I cant make a relationship last no matter what I do, is there something wrong with me ?
Q. I am disgusted with my personal life. I'm 25yrs old and have had 3 really serious relationships so far. All three guys had proposed to me, we were engaged and all three ended up as MISERABLE FAILURES. The first guy - after 2.5 yrs of being together...
A. 21 June 2006: Your relationships failed because they just weren't working out, and thank goodness you found out at the engagement stage before commiting to a marriage that was doomed to fail. Don't put yourself down, or look on these experiences so negatively - ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my husband, he has to many troubles!!!
Q. Hello, please if someone can give me some advice! I am 40 and have been married for 10 years. Over a month ago I talked to my husband that I wanted to leave him, but it seems that he doesn´t want me to leave him, is like I feel obligated to stay ...
A. 21 June 2006: You two need to get away somewhere on your own - away from family obligations and distractions. It is only then when you are away from the real stress of daily life that you will be able to know if this relationship is worth trying for or not. As ... (read in full...)
Why do some women feel so jealous over their sons!!!?
Q. Why do some women get jealous if their son has a girlfriend? I mean isn't that sort of wierd. I could probably understand her getting jealous if her son had a close relationship with his step-mom, she may feel replaced. But his wife? I mean how...
A. 21 June 2006: I don't know the answer but I do know that mothers can get jealous of their daughters relationships too. I think it could be an attention thing or a control thing for some parents - they just cannot let go of their babies, and they never think ... (read in full...)
He Started to avoid me but I really like him, not sure whats going on!!!
Q. what should i do? i like someone who said he liked me and when everything was going ok he start to avoid me i think he might of heared somthing from someone eles that liked me at the time. i'm so confused because i like this boy a lot!...
A. 21 June 2006: You cannot control other people and if he wants to avoid you then so it shall be. However you should think that if his reasons for avoiding you are because he has been listening to gossip from someone else then it wouldnt have been a long lasting ... (read in full...)
Dumped by text message, still feel cross about it, what happens when I see him again, dont want to do something stupid!
Q. Dear peops, I got dumped by text message a few days ago and am still reeling. I text back (politely) what I thought of his 'tactics' but dont know if he read it or replied as I lost my phone a few hours later in town. My main worry at the moment...
A. 21 June 2006: Stop worrying because it is he who has the problem, not you. Dumping someone by text message is a bit tragic, and if he is that disrespectful that he cannot even face you with the news then it is his problem, not yours. When you see him again, ... (read in full...)
Been trying to fall pregnant, but no luck after a year! What's next?
Q. Hello I'm 18 and I want to have a baby. I would like to know if anyone knows what I have to go through to get pregnant. I have been trying for about a year and no baby. What dr. do I go see? What can help my chances? I have been with my boyfriend ...
A. 21 June 2006: Hello, I just wanted to say I am going through the same thing - one year and no baby. In my case there are medical conditions that maybe affecting fertility and I have an appointment at the hospital in 4 weeks time - there are ovulation drugs and ... (read in full...)
Will masturbation cause me illness?
Q. i masturbate almost 4-5 times a day . is it normal and would it cause any kind of cancer os some other disease. I am 17...
A. 21 June 2006: Masturbation doesn't give you cancer or any other disease, nor does it make you go blind! YOu will probably find your masturbation olympics will die down a little when you get a partner. Masturbation is NORMAL at your age, or any age and it is a ... (read in full...)
Could I still have an STD?
Q. I've been with my g-friend for 3 years. She's been tested for std's and is clean. Could I still have anything?...
A. 20 June 2006: Yes it is entirely possible that you may have a std if you have a sexual past prior to being with this girl. Certain conditions such as the HPV virus and herpes can just rest in your system for years without symptoms. There is only one way to find ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends flat mates are affecting our relationship
Q. my boyfriend no longer lives with his parents, he lives with a 69 year old man and a couple. The thing thing that i need answering is this 69 year old hates me and now after 3 years of being in the relationship has told us we cannot see each other, ...
A. 20 June 2006: Your boyfriend sure has some strange housing situation going on there! Good relationships are founded on open communication so you really must talk to him about this. The old man maybe controlling for a variety of reasons - he maybe lonely if he is ... (read in full...)
My gay friend is getting married and I feel bad about it
Q. Hi this isn't a relationship problem but I'm desperate for help.My best friend of 20 years has suddenly decided she is gay, I have no problem with that.But now she and her partner are having a civil ceremony (marriage?) I got an evening invite and I ...
A. 20 June 2006: There are two separate issues here. You don't believe in same-sex marriage and that is ok - you are entitled to your opinion and belief. However that doesn't mean you cannot support your friends view that same-sex marriage is ok. Unfortunately it ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to finish with his girl to date me!
Q. I really like this boy, and he's told me that he really likes me too. However he's got a girlfriend. I've told him that I'm not going to do anything with him whilst he's got a girlfriend, but it's soooo tempting! Can anyone please help? HOw do I get...
A. 20 June 2006: Glad to hear you are a clever girl and not willing to do anything while he has another girl around. Basically you can never control what other people do, but the best thing is to sit it out and see what happens in his current relationship. If you ... (read in full...)
Do boys know when girls have a period
Q. do teenage boys know when teenage girls are on their period?...
A. 20 June 2006: I haven't met many men with x-ray vision...you can usually hide it if you want to, but you shouldn't be ashamed of telling boyfriends etc that you have your period because for years it was shrouded in secrecy and now you see adverts for tampons etc ... (read in full...)
Its hard to leave my 19 year old lover behind
Q. I am in love with a 19 yr old girl and she is in love with me (42). We both know that nothing can come from this relationship as she wants children, I cant have any (vasectomy), I am also married. We tried separating but were both unhappy and soon ...
A. 20 June 2006: The age gap shouldn't be a problem if you love each other, the marriage is a big problem! It is unclear if this girl is your mistress or you are separated from your wife. However, if you really want to be together then you should leave your wife ... (read in full...)
Is hair on your body normal?
Q. i would like to know when can someone tell if hair on their body e.g. stomach, arms etc will stomach growing, because i am scared that im the only 15 year old with alot of hair plzzz help me...
A. 20 June 2006: Getting body hair is all part of puberty and your body developing, and you are still growing up - it may not settle down until your 20's. It is really normal and some boys are more hairy than others - its all down to hormones, genetics etc. If you ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a past and I am not sure what to do
Q. Let me get straight to the point. I have a girl friend whose history is really bad. I will let you be the judge. She is 17 and has been with 23 guys. She started having sex when she was 15. She graduated from high school early, so over the course ...
A. 20 June 2006: "When I met her she was a hoe. She gave to me in like 3 days. But I guess I was trying to be captain save a hoe. I did make her a much better person and I am proud of her for that but I don’t know if I should stay with her"...your girlfriend isn't a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has ADHD and his family hate him
Q. I've been with my bf for 4 days, but we went out for 5 weeks or so last year. We're completely crazy about eachother and i've never been this happy in all my life. However, my family really don't like him because he has ADHD and gets himself into ...
A. 20 June 2006: You have known this boy for a short period of time, and his family have been dealing with his symptoms for a long time! They have probably been worn down by his behaviour. I work with a lot of kids affected by ADHD and some of their parents need a ... (read in full...)
Hes always questioned everything I do, I'm now not capable of making my own decisions! What Can I do ?
Q. hi,ihave beenwith my b/f for10 years over the years he has questioned every decision ihave made untill i doubt myself i feel like a child incapable of deciding what is best for my daughter and me,i now cannot make a decision at all,i dont want sex ...
A. 20 June 2006: You have clinical depression, and everything seems bad at the moment because your head is covered in a deep, black cloud. Unfortunately you are with a man who thrives on your depressive state because it keeps him in control of the relationship and ... (read in full...)
I need to find someplace to live, coz I'm being kicked out of home!
Q. I'm 15. I'm bein kicked out my house, because hate my mum so much!!! Do you know any hostels or something I can go to for free? I have no money... xxx wb...
A. 20 June 2006: I used to be a social housing officer in the UK and I will assume this is where you are based as you haven't said. At 15, it is usually social services who have a legal duty of care to you until you reach 16. Therefore, you should go to them and ... (read in full...)
Can I help him work through his anger, or is his "silent treatment" the best I can hope for?
Q. My boyfriend has been to anger management for I think two sessions or something and then he quit because he didn't think he had an anger problem because all the people there he thought were mental, cos they got really angry- this was way before we ...
A. 20 June 2006: You are both young and your man is still trying to grow up. I accept the silent treatment is better than more abuse, but some would say the silent treatment is just emotional abuse. Some people never grow out of this way of communicating. For ... (read in full...)
Broke up 8 weeks ago and now I'm 10 weeks pregnant!
Q. I have just found out that I'm 9 weeks and 6 days pregnant. i had no idea until now!! My boyfriend and I broke up 8 weeks ago. What do I do? It's his child and he has gone overseas and I'm in South Africa!!! I'm going to get kicked out my pa...
A. 20 June 2006: Maybe you won't get kicked out by your parents - they may be a little angry but you could be surprised by their reaction too. As for your ex, well you have to tell him you are pregnant. If you keep the baby then you need to obtain parental support ... (read in full...)
Mantrap!
Q. I want a boyfriend? Can i have advice to get one....
A. 20 June 2006: The best way to get a boyfriend is not to WANT a boyfriend. If you act desperate and needy then you will attract boys who will treat you badly. It is a cliche but love really does come your way when you are not looking! Concentrate on liking ... (read in full...)
Am I pretty?
Q. This is a weird question but..... Do I have a pretty face? Cause I really dont know. Girls I know say I am ugly, some boys say I am hot then others say I'm a 'dog', My work colleagues think i am pretty, my teacher thinks I'm gorgeous but my frien...
A. 19 June 2006: No one can tell you if you are pretty or not because different people like different features. At the end of the day you have to be pretty on the inside - beautiful faces don't make beautiful people! But don't take any notice of your mates opinions ... (read in full...)
He abused me..should I stay or go?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are having problems he physically abused me and was arrested. I love him and I don't know what to do? I don't know whether to stay or go? He is on medication to keep him calm and he has been doing better. He still has mood swi...
A. 19 June 2006: Sort out your self esteem young lady! It never ceases to amaze me what abuse women will put up with for the sake of their relationship - it is not admirable. His mental health issues are not your problem, and being alone is better than being ... (read in full...)
I get this strange pain at the top of my leg when on my period, is this normal ?
Q. when im on my period the top part of my leg starts to hurt, is this normal, is there anything i can do to make this stop?...
A. 19 June 2006: It is entirely possible that is normal, but it could be a sign of endometriosis which is a comparatively common disorder - bits of the lining of the womb wandered into bits of the body they shouldn't be, rather than leaving the body. At that time ... (read in full...)
Shall I study in England for a while???
Q. Hi... I'm 25yrs old and am from India. I'm moving to England in November to be with my sister for a while. My sis and her husband have been living in London for the past 8 yrs. They are both citizens. Although, I'm not particularly kee...
A. 19 June 2006: Studying in London isn't a bad idea BUT you have to plan ahead. First of all, changing your visa from a visitors visa to a students visa is not a walk in the park once you are in the country (I have lots of experience of dealing with the 'lovely' ... (read in full...)
I am married but I fancy a man at my gym!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been married for 9 months now to myhusband who I genuinely thought I love. We have been together for 3 years in total. Since we have been together I have always used a local gym and have fancied a guy that attends the gym for ...
A. 19 June 2006: It seems to me you are bored with your marriage if you are happy to throw it away on a fling with gym guy. Maybe the honeymoon is over but you made your vows with your husband for a reason. You cannot help being physically attracted to the man at ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a bludger, or am I too focussed on money?
Q. Hello, my boyfriend and have been dating since November of last year. We go out at least once a week. The problem I have is that every time we go out, I am always the one who pays. To be quite honest, he has never bought me one thing. I know t...
A. 18 June 2006: Whatever you do, don't put the phone is your name as it will affect your credit rating in the future if he defaults on the payments - you might not be able to get a mortgage, loans and credit cards. I think this guy is using you. I totally ... (read in full...)
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