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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Is it possible to contract an STD without having sex ?
Q. Can you get a STD without having Sex?...
A. 29 June 2006: It is entirely possible to have acquired an 'STD' without full penetrative sex - HPV is contracted by skin to skin contact, and cold sores from herpes simplex (which isn't always sexually transmitted) can be contracted by mere kissing when someone ... (read in full...)
Can I make myself any taller ?
Q. hi im a seventeen year old girl, of average height. I wonder if therre's any way to increase my height? or am I too old to get taller? My twin brother is almost 6ft 2" and i'm just 5 4"!! Why? Please help, I desperately want to be taller. ...
A. 29 June 2006: At 17 I was about 5ft 7 but I grew an inch or so by the age of 21. Technically your body doesn't stop growing until you complete your teen years but it varies between person too - your genes tend to dictate how tall you will be. I wouldn't worry ... (read in full...)
How should I proceed with my recreational drug using, open relationship fella?
Q. I posted about a week ago about my situation with my boyfriend. He said he wanted 5 days of open relationship to decide if he wants to be with me or not. In that time i decided to stay out of his way and wait for him to contact me, but he never did. ...
A. 29 June 2006: The key to all this is not to pretend anything, and just be yourself - it is exhausting trying to play mind games and second guess what someone else wants you to be. Basically if he wanted time alone then it just means the relationship wasn't ... (read in full...)
He wants an open relationship, but not THAT open!
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for 6 months - i love him alot, i was a virgin before (oral virgin aswell) but i have kissed other guys in the past. he gets mad at me because i have kissed other guys. anyways, he told me that he has sexual fantasys ...
A. 29 June 2006: You can either talk to him and say the 'open' relationship isn't acceptable or you can leave him and find someone who is exclusive and treats you with respect. Don't stand for shoddy treatment just to have a boyfriend...find someone who treats you ... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant on a period?
Q. can a woman still be pregnant even if she is still having her period? or does the period stop straight when a girl becomes pregnant?...
A. 29 June 2006: Yes it can happen as sperm are able to live inside for up to 5 days. Having said that, it is less likely during your period than at other times of the month BUT still possible so best use protection...periods don't protect against STDS either!... (read in full...)
My BF told me he didn't think I was beautiful when he first met me!
Q. My boyfriend has been telling me that I am beautiful since we have been going out... we just had our 1 year a few days ago. There gets to be a certain point in your realtionship where you actually start to believe that your beautiful. 2 days ago...
A. 29 June 2006: He finds you attractive for the right reasons...your personality is obviously 'beautiful' to him. I wouldn't worry too much as men can just stick their big foot (feet?) in it sometimes! My husband told me months after we started going out that he ... (read in full...)
Captain of the football team or Captain of sleaze?
Q. I am a 17 year old female who has a crush on the captain of the football team. His name is Kevin. He always sees me in the hallways and makes sure he walks by me and he says hey. At lunch one day he was behind me and he rubbed his member past my ...
A. 27 June 2006: Stop having sex and see if he gets bored and starts planting his 'goals' elsewhere. If he is just after sex and you don't give it to him all the time then he will move on elsewhere. Teen boys think girls are turned on with their bits and pieces the ... (read in full...)
My GF doesn't want sex until after marriage, but is it OK to ask her for other sexual activities?
Q. I have been going out with my girlfriend for over 3 months already. We kiss, hug, and cuddle and whatnot. She has no knowledge of the sexual world. She thinks of sexual things as disgusting. I know it isn't right to ask to have sex, especially when ...
A. 27 June 2006: Lots of guys post on here about their girlfriends having lots of previous lovers and how worried they are about it. You may not agree with her moral position but it must surely be nice to know she has an opinion (even if it is not shared by ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for my best mates boyfriend!
Q. Please help i've really fallen for my best friend's boyfriend. Me and my best friend have known each other for six years and we are so close we are like sisters. I would never do anything to hurt her. I live in a different country to her now but I ...
A. 27 June 2006: I agree with the last post! Find a boyfriend who is (a) local to you and (b) not with your best mate. Even if you got together with her boyfriend he wouldn't be a 'prize' anymore because you would be constantly wondering what he was up to if he was ... (read in full...)
My friend is so clingy and boring, its very annoying, I dont know what to do!
Q. This isnt really a love question,but anyway:My friend is such a pain!She is so boring and clingy,I only made friends with her because shes a loner and grew to like her,but then she changed.She bacame boring and clingy!Shes always copying me too!She ...
A. 27 June 2006: This girl has poor self confidence - she would not need to imitate you if she felt happy in her own personality. Instead of thinking about what a drag she is perhaps you should be thinking about introducing her to other people you know so she is not ... (read in full...)
She's lovely now... But has anyone got experience of dating an ex-junky chick?
Q. Where to start!! a few months ago i met this amazing girl, we had a great time, and quickly started a relationship, on our first date, she told me how she had a drug problem when she was younger, and had been forced to rehab 3 times by her parents ...
A. 27 June 2006: I used to work in drugs rehab about ten years ago - lots of people have relationship difficulties once they are clean because of their pasts. However I am sure she has received counselling about her addiction and behaviour during her treatment. You ... (read in full...)
Why am I not invited to go with him to his brothers wedding!?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 15 months. We are both well in our thirties and have been married before. I have met his family and they all really like me. His brother is getting married in August and it looks like he wants to go to his bro...
A. 27 June 2006: Don't be hurt - there maybe lots of innocent explanations. He hasn't refused to take you but just hasn't invited you - he may think you don't want to go to a family wedding or perhaps the bride to be has imposed some rules on the wedding ... (read in full...)
My best mate slept with my girlfriend, but can I ever forget that fact and be friends again?
Q. Hi Everybody, I had a friend for eighteen years, literally a childhood friend. A few years ago he slept with my girlfriend, my first "real" girlfriend/relationship shinanigan. Well he never admitted it to me, which drove me mad at the time as I rea...
A. 26 June 2006: If the guy had admitted he slept with your girlfriend then maybe I would say give him a second chance. The fact he denies it means that he is a cowardly custard...and if he sneaks off behind your back in the future then you may never know! I ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend wear things too big!
Q. Not sure how to handle this...I noticed that my boyfriend wears shoes that are about 2" bigger than his actual shoe size. I had an idea, but when we went bowling the bowling shoes were obviously big on him. I thought maybe they didn't have his size ...
A. 26 June 2006: Withdrawing from social situations can be part of OCD for the same reasons as the bowling shoes - people who suffer from OCD withdraw because they feel other people will contaminate them with their 'bugs'. Research has only recently picked up on the ... (read in full...)
My teacher pays me alot of attention, do you think he fancies me ?
Q. I am really confused about my teacher. He treats me differently to anyone else. He treats me like a lady, he holds doors open for me, tells me that I am a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY able student, he said I am lovely, he thinks all the boys fancy me. ...
A. 26 June 2006: If you are an able student and mature for your age then you shouldn't be welcoming the attentions of your teacher. No one here can tell you if you are getting special attention as 'teacher pet' because you are intelligent (...and therefore the sort ... (read in full...)
I have the chance to go to Uni, is this the right thing to do given that I havent much support ?
Q. I have had quite a rough time so far.im in a relationship i know is doing me no good,and lately everytime i so much as talk to a man i have girlfriends on my back even tho it is innocent it has come to a point where i am scared to look at people in ...
A. 26 June 2006: Don't do a degree course because you think it will make you rich as I am sure you know it doesn't work that way. Do a degree because you are interested in the subject matter, and will gain massive amounts of personal development and satisfaction ... (read in full...)
My Husband as advertised on a sex site, is he bored of me ?
Q. I recently found out that my husband has posted himself on a website for finding adult friends for sex/relationships etc. I have been cheated on before and am going paranoid. He says he's never cheated but has lied to me before about pornographic ...
A. 26 June 2006: Whatever his motives for advertising, if you are still sexually active with this guy then I sincerely hope that you are protecting yourself with appropriate contraception. Just remember that you can repair a broken heart with time, but you can't fix ... (read in full...)
I am in love with a married man
Q. iam 18 years old,attractive, intelligent girl and my problem is that i think in love with a married man with two kids one year and four year children. he is living with his wife the only time i see him is the weekends when his wife is at work. to be ...
A. 26 June 2006: You need to stop the relationship with the married guy as it is not going to develop into anything special. If he is cheating on his wife with you, then he would cheat on you with another woman too. How could you ever trust him? You are young and ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend wear things too big!
Q. Not sure how to handle this...I noticed that my boyfriend wears shoes that are about 2" bigger than his actual shoe size. I had an idea, but when we went bowling the bowling shoes were obviously big on him. I thought maybe they didn't have his size ...
A. 26 June 2006: Your boyfriend has signs of obsessive compulsive disorder but would require a professional consultation with a doctor or psychologist to confirm this. The 'too big' shoes are connected with a reluctance to have skin contact with materials that ... (read in full...)
My partner won't cover for me and I will lose my licence!
Q. i have a total of 6 penalty points on driving license with another 3 pending.Without my license i will lose my job and my familys only source of income.so i suggested to my partner who is not in employment has a clean licence and is a named driver ...
A. 26 June 2006: You are questioning her love for you on the basis of her reluctance to break the law for your benefit. For some women, 'standing by your man' doesn't stretch that far. Maybe she thinks you are a bad driver as you have clocked a fair few points and ... (read in full...)
He met the parents... And they hate him.
Q. I need help ASAP. My boyfriend and I have been dating eachother for about 4 months. About 2 weeks ago, he met my parents. We are 19 and 22- incase that changes any advice. Well, he liked my parents and thought they were okay, while my parents acted ...
A. 26 June 2006: This is a tricky one and it all depends on how your relationship has been with your parents in the past. If they have always been overly controlling about various aspects of your life then perhaps it is time to stand up for what you want as an ... (read in full...)
Refused sex with my online guy now he says he'll post my pictures online!
Q. i really need help, ive met this guy tru the online chatting and we exchange nude photos because we trusted each other, he ask me to have sex with him but i refuse to do it because i dont really just gave sex to any one! i am not a slut,. and then ...
A. 26 June 2006: Sorry to hear what has happened, but hopefully this will be a big lesson for the future about exchanging highly personal material with anyone - online or offline. A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend a few years back and his revenge was to ... (read in full...)
He Broke it off with me over email a while ago, suddenly he texts me to say sorry! I really want to be nasty what should I do ?
Q. Hi I'm in need of advice and courage, and opinions, I'm sure when you read this you'll remember which story this is. I was in a long distance secret gay relationship, and my ex decided after 3years to tell me that he no longer wants this relati...
A. 25 June 2006: DIGNITY is the word of the day for you. He hurt you but you will get over this someday - he wasn't being mature but you are. By telling him how badly you feel you are feeding his ego somewhat - he will know you haven't moved on and got over ... (read in full...)
He was with me, and Im sure he was cheating, we had unprotected sex, now im really worried about my health!!
Q. This question is related to a previous question I have posted on the site for I definitely need some more help! I was with someone as friends for a year and after the year we began a relationship for 10 months.During all this time I was loyal an...
A. 25 June 2006: I am glad you see sleeping with him as a big mistake - but we all make mistakes so don't feel so bad! Time will heal what he has done, as well as separation from him. You cannot control your emotions in such a way as to switch off just like that. ... (read in full...)
My perfect man bolted, I want to get him back, but am scared he will fall for my new friend! Shall I ditch her just in case ?
Q. I thought I'd found the perfect man for me. We got on great in every way. He told me he loved me and wanted a relationship, and talked about things we'd do together 'over the years'. Then without warning he cut off contact, didnt phone or return ...
A. 25 June 2006: Good grief...take it easy! I am reading "as a single woman, I need woman friends. I need advice on what to do..."...even us married ladies need woman friends. Being totally dependent on your partner is just not that healthy! Your 'perfect man' is ... (read in full...)
Dating a 21 year old who may have got me pregnant!
Q. I am worried that i could be pregnant. i am 16 and started going out with someone, we had sex a week ago (with protection) and this was my first time. But before this we had been fooling around and he tried to go in, with no condom and it hurt, but ...
A. 25 June 2006: You could be pregnant (or maybe not!) and need to take a pregnancy test, but remember that the hcg hormone that shows up on such tests tends to be weaker in the first couple of weeks of pregnancy, and more accurate after you have missed your period. ... (read in full...)
Don't know what to do about my best friend!
Q. i have been best friends with a guy for over two years and during that time we have got very close. i care for him deeply n cant imagine my life without him. things have changed since the past 6 months though when i found out he had feelings for me ...
A. 24 June 2006: Reading between the lines, this is a guy who is saying have a sexual relationship with me or we cannot be mates. He isn't your best mate as he wouldn't be setting down rules, demands and being so manipulative of your feelings. Good relationships of ... (read in full...)
Do I pursue my ex-pupil?
Q. I'm a 34 year old female teacher... Last year I had a relationship with an ex pupil (who was 17 at the time) We had a beautiful relationship for an entire year until her parents found out and all hell broke loose. I put my hands up to the blame and ...
A. 24 June 2006: If you are in the UK, I just thought you ought to know the following:
1. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 makes it a criminal offence to have a sexual relationship between a teacher and pupil in the UK due to breach of trust. It is illegal until th... (read in full...)
Online hottie has set my pants on fire!
Q. Hi All, Just a small question really; About a month or so ago, i started talking to a girl i met online, and we've got on like a house on fire! She e-mails me, i email her, she txts me etc etc... we're arranging a meet up, and we've even start...
A. 24 June 2006: You say 'she is the most genuine girl Ive ever met'...you haven't met her, you have an internet-based relationship with a stranger. Sure the internet can put people together who may never have met otherwise, but it is a great medium for deception. ... (read in full...)
My jailbird is about to fly the coop, and wants me to go with him!
Q. I have a little problem....There's this guy I know but right now he's in jail. When he gets out he is going to sign up for the Marines and then he'll get deported to San Diego, CA. He said he wants me to go with him. I've know him for around 5-6 ...
A. 24 June 2006: He's in jail and hasn't had sex with a lady...any lady...for a while! It is only natural that a playboy would want to line up some 'love action' on the outside to give him something to look forward to. At 18 your world is at your feet - sure you may ... (read in full...)
Does anal sex cause long term harm?
Q. My boyfriend always wants to have anal sex and after 3 years I was really in the mood and decided to let him try it. I enjoyed it a bit but not as much as he did. When I am really aroused I do want it. Now he always wants it but it scares me because ...
A. 24 June 2006: There are increased health risks associated with anal sex - 'not glamorous' one's like an increased risk of haemorrhoids (piles) and faecal incontinence because of sphincter problems (the tightness of the muscle preventing leakage wears down over ... (read in full...)
I want a nose piercing and tatoo..my husband says go for it..should I?
Q. I need peoples opinions on this. I come from a very old fashioned family and all, I'm a married woman with kids who is fairly young and I've been wanting to get a tatoo or even getting my nose peirced...my husband agrees with it and says that we ...
A. 24 June 2006: Getting body piercing or a tattoo has nothing to do with being married...I suppose it is one of those silly stereotypes! My Dad flipped when he saw my piercing though so I guess that is parents for you :-)
However, you still need to give it some ... (read in full...)
What was the man in the bank thinking!
Q. i like this man who works in my bank i go in about twice a week, i thought there was a connection between us, i felt like i could be myself when i spoke to him and i make him laugh. Anyway he asked me about 6 weeks ago if i lived on my own or if i ...
A. 23 June 2006: If he was trying to hit on you during worktime then it is hardly professional...but there maybe an innocent explanation...sometimes bank workers get financial incentives from their employers to sell certain products like life insurance (or at least ... (read in full...)
Any views on a career in IT?
Q. I'm thinking of studying computer science at Uni. Is working in IT boring, is it just full of geeks and what sort of jobs can you get involved in? Thanks!!!...
A. 23 June 2006: Working in IT doesn't have to mean being slumped over a terminal programming 24 hours a day but if you want to go into the programming side then you really need to be strong in the field of mathematics and logical analysis. I started a computing ... (read in full...)
10 years of living with a man who has taken everything from me - friends, job etc - how do I get rid of him?
Q. I have been living with a selfish, insecure, opinionated, big mouthed, controlling man for the past 10 years and i want to end this relationship. We are living in my house from a former divorce, but he pays the mortgage(interest only). in fact he ...
A. 23 June 2006: So long as you are not married, he has no legal right over your property and the length of cohabitation doesn't matter (they are changing the law soon though to make living together equal to marriage in the family law courts so get a move on sorting ... (read in full...)
He says our relationship is now a "trial"... Is this worse than just breaking up?!
Q. Me and my boyfriend of over a year have recently had a big argument and now he is saying that he will stay with me but we are on trial to see if i can make him happy. Is this acctually worse than breakin up and is it making me look needy by waiting ...
A. 23 June 2006: Good grief...all I am hearing is 'trial' to see if YOU make HIM happy or 'good enough for HIM'...what happened to mutual happiness? Aren't relationships supposed to be nice and involve a source of mutual support for both people? I think you are ... (read in full...)
We had a baby and our sex life has disappeared
Q. i love my wife like crazy, but we have had our first child and because we have been dedicated to raising our child and focusing on her all this time we hardly get intimate anymore . Now she is a year old , the problem is that we have hardly made ...
A. 23 June 2006: Babies are exhausting and women sometimes suffer post-natal depression and dissatisfaction with their bodies for a long time after pregnancy. Having a fling with someone else will just make you feel cheap and dirty if you truely love this woman, and ... (read in full...)
Why do western women hate their mother in laws?
Q. Why do western women hate it when their husband is close to his mother? Isn't that selfish? How can you hate the women who brought him into the world and raised him?...
A. 23 June 2006: I think that is an exaggeration...I have a fantastic relationship with my mother in law and it is far better than my relationship with my own mother! I think some partners (male and female) from any part of the globe will resent the attention their ... (read in full...)
I'm a social butterfly and he's a recluse... How can I get him to make an effort?
Q. Help! My fiance is getting way too boring! We have a pretty good relationship, with some quirks here and there (like everyone does). We both love eachother and we have a healthy ratio between together-time and alone-time. This is the problem: I ...
A. 23 June 2006: I smiled when I read your post because it reminds me of my relationship. I am the happy hermit, and my husband is the party animal. Anyway it can work but you have to make a compromise - I sometimes make the effort to mix socially with his friends ... (read in full...)
My friend has has developed a bad self-image because of her BF - how do I help her?
Q. Hi, my best friend has a two year relationship with such a jerk, but she puts up with it. Recently she's been depressed and has gotten a bad body image and suddenly stopped eating food we normally love together because she found out her boyfriend ...
A. 23 June 2006: At the end of the day it is not her boyfriend making her feel bad, she is doing that job to herself. I am not saying his actions are very nice, but someone who was feeling good about themselves would not care about an ex too much. She has probably ... (read in full...)
Is high school meant to be the best time of your life? If so then why has it been miserable for me?
Q. Is high school meant to be the best time of your life? If so then I must be in for a miserable life. I go to hgh school in the UK (i'm 18 and now at the schools sixth form which is like college) and I was bullied really badly. This one guy from whe...
A. 22 June 2006: I went to a rubbish school in the UK that was closed down for poor standards after I left. It was really rough and there were lots of bullies - I got picked on quite a bit, got into a few fights and didn't understand why I didn't fit it. I look back ... (read in full...)
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