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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Is the age gap to big??
Q. Dear Cupid, I was just wondering... im in the last year of secondary school (year 11) and there is this girl at one of the clubs I go to who is in year 9 (2 years below) and i think she likes me. she is always texting me, giving me presents, eve...
A. 8 May 2006: I am smiling as I write this...my husband is 11 years younger than me! Age gaps are important when you are young because your interests change very quickly. Why not get to know her as a person - she may prove too immature for you, or just like you ... (read in full...)
I'm 36, new into a relationship and pregnant for the first time... I want to terminate but my doctor says "no"
Q. i just wanted to see what you thought of my situation....i am 36 and 6 months.i have never been married or have children.i met a nice guy a month ago who is 39 and never been married or has any children either.sadly ,there was an accident and i ...
A. 8 May 2006: Accidents happen. At 36 your fertility is declining and you need to think about how you will feel if you cannot have another baby after the abortion (it does happen that way sometimes). The doctor is right to point out your age, but they cannot ... (read in full...)
Want to resist the urgies to call ex while on a conference... Any ideas??
Q. I need help on this one. My boyfriend of a few years left me almost a year ago now and relocated to his home city. I am now seeing someone on a fairly steady basis but I will be flying out to his home city tomorrow for a two day work related ...
A. 8 May 2006: I know the ideal solution...DELETE his number from your cell phone...... (read in full...)
He's having problems "keeping it up"... what could be causing this?
Q. im a virgin but my boyfriend has had sex in the past. Im really ready to have sex with him but he seems to be finding it hard to keep it up? what could be causing this?...
A. 8 May 2006: Lots of men have problems with erections from time to time. He could be nervous, feeling insecure about sex, smoking too much, drinking too much alcohol, stressed about something in his life...he should see a doctor if it is a persistent problem to ... (read in full...)
I get nervous everytime I see him... Is this normal??
Q. i resently wanked a boy i really liked off we were in his house on our own im 15 and hes 19. the problem is we both go to a club and now every time i look at him i get really nervous. he also wants to do more soon but he wont do everything unless im ...
A. 8 May 2006: He is waiting until you are legally able to have a sexual relationship at 16. However, only you can decide when you are ready for sex - being 16 isn't the answer, it is all about having a friendship with this man rather than sexual thrills alone. ... (read in full...)
Depression is getting out of hand.. What can I do??
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together now for about 5 months and things seemed to have gone downhill because of my depression. We both get agitated and start getting attitudes with each other. Every relationship I have been in has taken a turn for ...
A. 8 May 2006: You should really try to sort out your depression for your sake, rather than for anyone else. It sounds like a long term condition for you and there are lots of different types of therapies (medication and counselling) that can help you. If your ... (read in full...)
Scared to take things further with my boyfriend incase I get pregnant!!
Q. Been seeing my boyfrind for about 5 weeks now, he has now began to try and iniciate sex with me. i turned him down and asked him to stop. but5 now when i speak with him on the phone he is realy on bout sex all the time! He even rang me and made...
A. 8 May 2006: Don't feel pressured into having sex with him. Of course there are lots of contraception options to prevent pregnancy and your local family planning clinic can help you decide what is best for you. However, you have only known this man a few ... (read in full...)
Who is to blame in this relationship? Me or him??
Q. Hello, here's the problem. I work in an environment where I run into a lot of people who are victims of domestic violence. Furthermore, I met a woman in my college class who was in a violent marriage before and she said, if you're ever going to...
A. 8 May 2006: The guy is a saint! I work with people affected by domestic violence, but I wouldn't say my clients are the first people to offer balanced advice on relationship matters. After all they have suffered terrible situations and depression for years. ... (read in full...)
Did she leave her marriage for me or because she wants released??
Q. A few months ago a girl at work and I slept together.. this has grown into a some sorta relationship and we go out together as much as possible. she is married, 2 kids... She has recently filed for a divorce and has told me she did that because ...
A. 8 May 2006: You cannot tell at this stage what the answer is. Maybe she did leave for you, maybe the marriage just hadn't been working. Clearly if her marriage had been great then she wouldn't have started anything with you in the first place but that doesn't ... (read in full...)
I've become a virtual prisoner in my own home... How do I get rid of this controlling man?
Q. Hello. I have been in a rough relationship for 10 years. You dont realise how bad things are when you are trying to please the man you love, until its too late. He is a very insecure self centred controlling man. as a result, I have bec...
A. 8 May 2006: As a former housing officer and now clinical psychologist I will give you the following advice. Call your local Women's Aid group for some social support - they have a freephone number on their website and can offer lots of tips. It doesn't sound ... (read in full...)
I'll keep this simple...
Q. what does it mean when your boyfriend is using dating web pages without telling you?...
A. 6 May 2006: It means you should tell him you have caught him and know what he is up to...he maybe just browsing but if it upsets you then tell him to stop.... (read in full...)
Married for six years to a man who can't control his anger!
Q. I've been married for 6 years to a man who cant control his anger and often times takes it out on me. I dont know what to do. Im so tired of his little temper tantrums, slamming things around, and trying to make me feel guilty for everything! He is ...
A. 6 May 2006: I have worked with many women affected by domestic violence professionally, and your man is a perpetrator of domestic violence because it includes verbal abuse as much as physical abuse. If he refuses to change (and he would need professional help) ... (read in full...)
I'm engaged to a man whole calls me a "slag"... What do I do?
Q. I am engaged to a wonderful man, well he used to be wonderful. He has recently started being really nasty to me calling me a slag and rough. I have never cheated on him. He always apologises the day after but I can't take much more of it what do I ...
A. 6 May 2006: This isn't 'wonderful' behaviour...it is verbal abuse and not a good start to any committed relationship. Remember that most perpetrators of domestic violence apologise afterwards but it doesn't make it better does it? Perhaps he is not mature ... (read in full...)
All my wife does is nag... I'm very, very close to calling it quits - any suggestions?
Q. I have been married for five years, and my wife become pregnant very early in the relationship. Our first child has special needs and brought us closer together initially. We now have three children and things couldnt be worst. She has given up ...
A. 6 May 2006: I have worked with many families that include children with special needs so I appreciate how stressful it can be! It sounds like you are working very hard to provide for your family, but it is also probably true that she is working very hard ... (read in full...)
Going out for 7 months now we're engaged but haven't had sex for 3 months! I just don't feel like it...
Q. I have been going out with my fiance for 7months now, we used to have sex alot but we have not had it for about 3 months, he is always asking for it but I dont want to, I dont know why because I do fancy him and love him, he is getting upset about ...
A. 6 May 2006: Maybe you are feeling a bit depressed or stressed out some other aspect of your life as that can affect your sex drive a lot. In the busy lives we lead it can be difficult to make the time, and the energy for a sex life.... (read in full...)
Why do I think he's too good for me?
Q. I met this new hot perfect guy who seems really interested in me...trouble is i don't know why,i feel like he's too good for me! What can i do to feel more worthy???...
A. 4 May 2006: This is not about the man, this is about you and your self esteem. Everyone feels a bit anxious about the whole dating thing - it can be bad enough at the best of times, but if you are feeling low about yourself then it can be awful. Best to try ... (read in full...)
I really like this girl, should I go for it?
Q. please publish as i am desperate for an answer. two yesrs ago a girl and i relly liked each other, each night we would talk to each other. after a while she aquired a new number but i never bothered to ask her for it. i dream about her a few times ...
A. 4 May 2006: Life is short...why not ask her for her new phone number? The worst thing she could say is no!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants arthritis, I'm not quite sure what to do about this.
Q. I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20. He wants arthritis and insists: "People with arthritis have the best sex lives and lives in general. Arthritis is cool" What should I do? Our relationship was good up until now. Dannii in Leeds...
A. 4 May 2006: I have no idea why anyone would think arthritis would boost your sex life...I have worked in many hospitals and think it is pretty safe to say that when you are in that much pain, and have that much disability (in the severe stages) then sex is ... (read in full...)
My guy friend was talking about something I didn't quite understand. Can you help me?
Q. I heard one of my best guy friends about D.P'ing his girlfriend. I felt silly asking him what it meant so a was wondering if you could explain what it is?...
A. 4 May 2006: DPing is slang for double posting (on the net anyway) so I would have a guess that he mean't he was well, um, 'double posting' or 'double penetrating' his girlfriend...another words vaginal and anal sex. ... (read in full...)
He wants his ex back, but I like him. Should I go for it?
Q. I really like this guy, but he is still totally hung up over his ex and he is after getting back with her. Do i make a move or wait?...
A. 4 May 2006: If you like him then why not hang on for a while, as it would be horrible if he got with you on the rebound. If you give him some time before jumping in there at least you can be sure he is with you because he likes you, rather than as a ... (read in full...)
I have scars from my bad skin in the past. How can I get rid of them?
Q. Hi I have had bad skin in the past and now im left with the scars!! I was wonderin if anyone knew how to get rid of the remains of my childhood??Anyone know... any help would be great!!...
A. 4 May 2006: I don't know whether you are in the UK or elsewhere but there are Harley Street clinics in London for laser treatment (I have had laser treatment myself and can say it hurts, but seems fairly effective esp. on fair skin). I also recommend zinc ... (read in full...)
Have a big crush on my step sister, She is not blood related, Is it ok??
Q. Ok so im a 16 year old guy with just like any other man a sex drive to many hot women. So anyways my father recently got divorsed and married another women which had 2 daughters one of them is 16 and the other 21. They are very attractive and cause ...
A. 4 May 2006: There is no blood link so technically your intentions are not illegal but it could cause a hell of a lot of trouble in your family. At 16 I am guessing you are still living at home, financially dependent on your father etc and if your father + his ... (read in full...)
How can I gain the respect I deserve without leaving him?
Q. My boyfriend treats me like crap. Sometimes he's just messing around and tells me to get a sense of humor, (which I have) but he goes too far, and hurts my feelings, like he'll tell me not to touch him all day, or to F*** off, or Go to hell, and ...
A. 4 May 2006: You deserve better, and you know it. He reminds me of an ex-BF of mine who used to run hot and cold - all charm one minute, and really abusive the next. We had an on-off relationship for a few years as I thought I loved him, but got tired of the ... (read in full...)
How do I change from sleeping around to being in a serious relationship?
Q. i want to start dating up unil now ive just been sleeping around and i want to get into more serious relationships. the problem is I don't really know how i've never really been in one. if some could please give me some advice it would be greatly ...
A. 4 May 2006: If you want to start dating you have to get to know the person before jumping into bed with them as friendship is really important - the sex will get dull quickly if you have nothing else in common. That is the way to build a loving relationship ... (read in full...)
Should I carry on faking it??
Q. I am in a loving relationship with a fantastic man, we have regular sex and i always fake my orgasm. I really enjoy the sex and dont feel bored that i have to put on my show but iv never had an orgasm, maybe a very slight one on my own but i know n...
A. 4 May 2006: Lots of women have problems with orgasms through sex so you are not alone! A good sex life is an important part of your relationship, and you sound like you have a good relationship with your man. I appreciate you are being sensitive to his ... (read in full...)
I really dont know where i stand with this guy and dont want to scare im off!
Q. I am re-posting this question as the last one didn't get an answer. I am desperate for some advice as I see this guy tonight and am worried because he wants a cuddle and I won't know where to stop and I haven't established if i'm his friend or ...
A. 4 May 2006: I agree with your comment 'friends with benefits' would not be ideal. However, it sounds like you have a good friendship that is blossoming into something more? The only way to find out really is to talk to him directly - sure men and women as ... (read in full...)
Is it posssible to subconsciously try to get pregnant?
Q. Iv been with my boyfriend for 8months,we'r both in our mid-late 20's so age not an issue, and we often end up having unprotected sex. The first time it happened I was quiet drunk but told him the next morning that we had to use condoms from now on, ...
A. 1 May 2006: It is possible to get pregnant subconsciously...it is called a pseudo or psychological pregnancy (very rare) and it is about yearning to be pregnant and tricking the body into thinking it is pregnant when it is not. Anyway, to answer your ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend hasn't said thoose 3 words, Should I be worried??
Q. I am with my boyfriend for 8 months, waited 2 months to sleep with him,we'v been on holidays together and get on really well, he's very considerate,sensitive and a genuinely decent men but has never said "I love you". I feel that he does love me but ...
A. 1 May 2006: Lots of people have trouble expressing their emotions...I cannot remember the last time I told my husband I loved him but I do so much for him that I hope it shows that way. Ultimately I love you are just three words - people often say them and ... (read in full...)
I'm very sexually inexperienced..and am afraid my bf will get bored with me quickly, as a result.
Q. Im with my boyfriend (29) for 7 months, im 23 and had never slept with anyone before him(no pressure was put on me to sleep with him,very sweet guy), i never mentioned this to him as the only reason i was still a virgin was because i was never ...
A. 1 May 2006: It is ok not to have had sex at 23 (I waited too and didn't regret it). Basically there is no such thing as an expert in sex because every man and woman is different in terms of what turns them on etc. The key to a good sex life is a little ... (read in full...)
Am I too adventurous? I ask this, because my bf dumped me after making me feel like a used rag.
Q. I was seeing this guy over Xmas and we stopped it because I was going through a messy marriage break up at the time. Recently he got in touch again and we started seeing each other which involved lots of good sex. Now he tells me he doesnt want to ...
A. 1 May 2006: Congratulations on being a tiger in the bedroom...most real men would love that, and it shows that you have more physical self confidence than most ladies even if you don't know it! It must be a tough time at the moment because you are in the middle ... (read in full...)
Is there any chance we can make good what was wrong??
Q. I'm a 34 year old guy who up until recently and due to a severe lack of confidence, have had no sexual partners. Through internet dating, this recently changed and I met a lovely young woman who I was blissfully happy with but our relationship was ...
A. 1 May 2006: You started your relationship by email, she ended it by letter - it is a terrible reflection on the lonely, emotionless world that we live in, but also suggests communication isnt her strong suit. Don't blame yourself for the relationship break up ... (read in full...)
He told me hes attracted to this girl at work and now I cant trust him!!
Q. Iv been with my bf for 2 yrs now. He just recently told me he met this girl at work who he really gets on with and was attracted to, he gave her his number and given her lifts home a few times. When he told me I was so hurt, he told me he instantl...
A. 1 May 2006: This is a tough one. At one level, he was honest with you and at least confessed his wandering eyes in the office. It doesn't sound like he actually cheated; there was just an attraction. At another level, the fact he is looking elsewhere must be ... (read in full...)
Her words and actions conflcit. Does she just want to be friends??
Q. I just recently became friends with this girl. But back before we met and became friends, she used to have a HUGE crush on me. She would drive by my house to see if I was there (I don't know how she knew where I lived), look up my pictures online, ...
A. 1 May 2006: You have really answered your own question...'she doesn't have [want] to be alone' and you are being nice enough to make sure that doesn't happen. From a psychologist point of view, I don't think her early behaviour towards you such as finding out ... (read in full...)
I think this guy doesnt like me anymore because I wouldnt flash him!!
Q. hey! okay there is a guy that i like and i was talking to him and he was like i like u to but then he wanted me to like flash him and all other stuff and i said no and then he was like oh i thought u were different and he all this stuff and i do...
A. 1 May 2006: Congratulations for having the strength of character to say no to him. Boys are a bit preoccupied with sex and stuff in their teens...not sure they ever grow out of it :-) However, surely such an intelligent young lady as yourself can see straight ... (read in full...)
Dropped by my new friends and I have a drug problem!
Q. Hi, I hope you can give me some advice for my problem. About 2 years ago, I fell in with a bad crowd and began to do drugs alot. At the time I had a really nice boyfriend but we split up cos of the way I was changing. I didnt care that we split up...
A. 1 May 2006: As a so-called expert in drugs misuse, I tend to agree with your parents that it is probably for the best that you have escaped from your friends with similar habits. I have seen so many young people screwed up through what started out as a bit of ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin but want to have sex with my boyfriend, I'm scared of the pain.
Q. Hi I am a 20 year old virgin... I can get almost any guy but the problem is that I'm scared of the pain. My boyfriend and I try having sex a lot but it seems like he's killing me down there and it hurts... Should I take some medicine b4? I need some ...
A. 1 May 2006: The pain is usually due to breaking the hymen which is a small bit of tissue in the vagina that is attached to each wall. Pain killers are a good idea, and remembering it shouldn't be painful after the first time. Basically I would recommend ... (read in full...)
I told my friend about my feelings for her and now things are not the same!
Q. I recently told a female friend that i liked her and have some feelings, but only mentioned this because she was pressuring me into telling her, she made out that she knew what i was going to say so i told her because of this. She said it wouldnt ...
A. 1 May 2006: I agree with Angel ron, it cannot be the same in the future. A friend of mine told me he fancied me and we just couldn't keep the friendship ticking over afterwards because each and every time I couldn't meet him for a drink etc he put it down to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend watches other women...what can we do to fix this problem?
Q. my boyfriend has a problem with watchin other women and we both think that he needs help,so what can we do to get rid of his obsession of watching other women?...
A. 1 May 2006: poor you! Basically I think this is a problem of respect for yourself by this man. I am quite sure most men have a wandering eye for other ladies but they dont make it obvious in front of their partners as they dont wish to start an argument, don't ... (read in full...)
I slept with a girl on Holiday before we dated, but I told her I didn't, I'm feeling quilty.
Q. I have told my girlfriend that I didn’t sleep with this girl on holiday. It was before we started seeing each other. This type of thing has come up before and she has already told me that she would finish with me if I told her that I haven’t slept ...
A. 1 May 2006: Although honesty is the best policy most times, you haven't technically cheated on her since this was prior to your current relationship. If you tell her you lied about the holiday fling, she may wonder what else you have lied about...you are in a ... (read in full...)
She drops me and picks me up again. Should I support her now??
Q. I have fancied my best friend for three years and up until a few months ago we were always close, flirting and she even told me she fancied me. We both have other friends, but spent most free time in each others company (live together)- practically ...
A. 29 April 2006: I am all for helping out other people...but not at your own expense! If you don't put your foot down on her on-off approach to your friendship then she will carry on acting badly to other people in the future. ... (read in full...)
I think french kissing is disgusting! I need tips on ways to enjoy it more.
Q. hey im 16, kissing has always been a problem for me. everyone loves kissing (french kissing) but me! all i can think about when i kiss is that its really disgusting, and i never really enjoy it, even when i like the guy! is there any tips you can ...
A. 29 April 2006: You are not alone, I rather suspect there are more than a handful who aren't keen on it. Basically kissing is a personal thing and what you decide to do to express your feelings is up to you. However, kissing is also an art that has to be ... (read in full...)
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