A
female
age
41-50,
*amsine83
writes:I have been with the guy Im seeing for 7 months,I am also 5 months pregnant which caused tons of probs but seem to be sorting themselves out now. So after an awful few months of finding out we'd be parents we have recently started getting on. I've always been suspecious of him as he's cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had,and he won't even give me the commitment of calling himself my boyfriend. He came over a couple of days ago and when i looked in his bag i found a toothbrush, then his jeans had 2 condoms in it. I asked him why he said that he took the toothbrush to the gym and must have left the toothpaste there,though i know he doesnt normally take it so thats odd. Then he said the condoms are just incase him and i want to use them although there are some in my place and he knows that. I feel he's lying but he wont admit it. I dont know what to do, he has a huge list of women on facebook and only girls i may add 133!! then he's been back and forth on a dating site 2 times behind my back since we both met on there,and came off. He wont let me see his phones,and I havent been to his place since we knew that i was pregnant as he says its too far for me, none of his friends know i exsist and he hasnt told friends or family about me or the baby.
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female
reader, tamsine83 +, writes (28 June 2008):
tamsine83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, so I spoke to him 2nite and I said if two people are ssing each other and one of them does something with someone else is it cheating. He came out with avasive answers. Then I said so if I did something with someone I would consider myself that I cheated on you, and his reply was ''well you see yourself as with me,and that we're together''. I feel really stupid to have liked and even loved this guy so much, and although I dont regret the baby I'm carrying because its not its fault I feel so sad and that im prob going to be single forever.
A
female
reader, tamsine83 +, writes (28 June 2008):
tamsine83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, to Liam - It's a girl xx. You are all right, the reason why he said about the condoms being used for him and I even though I am pregnant,is he found out two weeks ago he has an std, I have been tested and I am waiting 4 the results (icing on the cake it seems) So I know I was clear B4 i met him as I was tested after the last cheating ex, I have not had many partners either,yet he is always suspecious of my movements. I have a daughter of six,who I was with her father for 4 years,he walked out when she was two and I've had one relationship since. I was on the pill, but still got pregnant after the chap that I'm with now. He says I have ruined his life because I decided to keep the baby, but I just couldn't handle the guilt if I had an abortion. I feel very low and depressed, and sometimes feel crazy as he makes me think I'm paranoid when I accuse him of cheating. I think that's why I came here to reassure myself that I wasn't mad!! I didn't know half the bad things about him at first, and I never assumed everything would be ok either, I am a single parent already so I am realistic about the way it all works.
I can't believe I have 2 go through it again, I will sort my head out and be strong but I feel lonely, scared and that there must be something wrong with me, it's all really knocking my confidence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): Yeah, you need to get away from this whole thing.
Honestly you sound like just a plaything to him. You might be able to press him into telling you whatever you want to hear about changing his ways and supporting the baby and all that, but he'll probably just go right on doing what he's doing.
How did you really not expect this to happen? You knew he cheated on every other girl he's with, but you get mixed up with him anyway? Did you think he was gonna change for you all of a sudden? Come on, time to grow up a little.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): Oh wow. I have been through almost the exact same scenerio to the point I could almost swear it was the same guy and that I had written this post. Hope he doesnt live in Dallas ;)
I can tell you from personal experience that when they are that secretive, they are hiding something. Condoms is exactly how I caught my ex cheating, used ones in his trash and later found out he had also cheated on his ex wife.
Also, mine always had tons of females on his myspace and would never update it to say in a relationhip which is also another very bad sign. Didnt want to tell his friends about my pregnancy which now in retrospect, I know was because he didnt want me to find out about the other women.
I went through my entire pregnancy alone after catching him cheating, and he still keeps our son on the backburner seeing him once in a blue moon but the good news is, being a single mom does not seem to really make dating that much harder, many guys actually seem to like being part of a family scenerio. I recently got married and my husband treats my son who is now one like his own. The loser ex keeps getting his karmic kick in the rear.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (28 June 2008):
 You are a single mother...sorry to be blunt but you must know you are not having a proper relationship with this guy. You have every right to be worried since he has cheated in the past and he is not even acknowledging you as his partner. Bringing up a baby is hard work (I write from experience!) and your emotions are all over the place post-natally. I think you should start thinking of this man as a sperm-donor rather than anything else and start focusing on what you want in the future for the baby. You cannot stop him having access to his child but you can stop him walking all over you and treating you, as the mother of his child, disrespectfully.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 The person you describe does not inspire any confidence. The biggest red flag I see here is that he won't acknowledge a relationship with you even though your common child means he does have one, that will last for a lifetime. He seems to want to act as if he were always single, free and with absolutely no strings attached, even if he does have a huge responsibility towards you and the baby.
I think that all women must always be ready to stand on their own feet even if they have the most loving husband. Incidentally, I think the same about all men. I believe that two complete persons make a better match than two people who can't function on their own.
So I recommend that you start acting as if he were not going to be around you at all. You have to call your own shots: you're having a baby, and you have your whole life ahead ofyou. He might be in your life, or not; and, if he's in your and your baby's lives, then he would need to be a responsible person, and he doesn't seem willing to become one.
The condoms he had in his bag were not to be used with you, dear. Last time I checked, you can't be impregnated again once you already were. Of course he was going to use them with someone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Hi there, I read your question, and couldn't help relating to my Sisters life, in the way she chooses to love the guys that treat her worst lol...
You clearly love him right? But with everything you described, it would be crazy not to jump to the assumption that he is cheating on you, maybe thats why he won't class himself as your boyfriend, to keep a clear mind, and so he feels technically he isn't cheating on you...
In my opinion lovee, your relationship is going to go either two ways with him;
- When your child arrives, he will stop messing about, and finally take control of his priorities, stay with you and the kid, looking after and support both of you...
Or...
- When the child arrives, he will prove what an idiot he truly is, continue to walk all over you, as it seems he has been doing recently, and abandon you and the kid...
I hope he stays with you, and gets his act together, but if he is really treating you this bad, to the extent you ask for help on the internet, then is he really worth all the bother?
Well, sorry if some of what I wrote seems a lil bit harsh lol, just trying to be honest and help, anyways good luck, wish you the best for you and your baby...
P.S Is it going to be a boy or a girl lol??
Liam x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): im sorry ot say this, but why did you get involved with this man? did you think that he wouldnt cheat on you? he hasnt just done the one thing wrong (cheating!)but, finding condoms,the facebook, the dating sites- how on earth would you want to be with someone like that!? no one deserves to be treated in such a way! and not letting you go to his house or see his phones - not even letting his friends or family know about you is surely telling you something!! i hate to be blunt but seriously, why are you putting up with this, or why did you want to put up with this before you got pregnant!! the things he's done is just wrong, you are better off alone!! there is no way things will change and be all fairy tale like!! he doesnt have respect for himself, let alone YOU!! you should be his main priority!! YOU are carrying his child!! you should NOT put up with it! you deserve better! im sorry if you thing im being horrible, but imsure other people will say the same. you need to leave him, no matter what he says or does, he will never change, he has doe to much to change, and it will always be in the back of your mind his past, the things he could have possibly done while you were together and carrying his child. you need to leave him and make a better life for you and your baby. you do NOT deserve to be treated in this way. have some respect for YOURSELF, you and your baby need to be happy- he isnt going to make you happy. he needs to learn. no man should treat a partner that way- no woman should either. you should be honest and committed to each other. he isnt. you need to be happy,and not let this man run around behind your back and not be honest to you!! its wrong! the next thing you'll find wont be a condom- it will be finding him cheating or something crazy like that!! please just for you and your babys sake, leave the looser, you deserve a good and happy life.
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