A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone, ive got problems with my best mate. ive made my mind up im finally finishing our friendship. ive put up with her for years and now realising the same as with loser guys dont change neither do mates! i dont need/want to have her in my life anymore. the problem im worried about is how to put it into words to her. she has fallen out with alot of people in the past. she lets everyone down after making big arrangements with them. what she normally does is go off to other functions, etc if she thinks shes going to get a better deal.she really is ultimately selfish and a user (which ive heard her being called) and will promise faithfully to meet you and just not turn up? not even a phonecall or text. the final straw has come for me. afterwards shes really patronising as if when she does ring shes doing you a favour. she promised to be there on my birthday and simply didnt turn up. i found out she had relatives down and decided to go and see them. if you confront her she blows up and will swing everything back at the other person. ive seen this many times when shes been completely in the wrong. shes even been with me when shes supposed to have been with other friends and ive told her to answer the phone or at least give an excuse as to why shes not there. so i know she does this to me. when she makes a mistake over anything she will finds it extremely hard to apologise! after promising me some furniture and telling me to measure my house up etc 3times she promptly told my shed dumped it all as she didnt have time to sort it out?? she promised to take me on holiday 3times and then turned round and said "oh you know i cant take you whilst your with that bloke"?? she apologised then a few months later said shed only apologised to keep the peace and really shed felt like telling me where to go? hows that for a slap in the face?i dont want to be nasty to her. shes still sending me emails but im 100% certain i dont want her 'friendship' anymore. she hasnt had the guts to ring since she let me down on my birthday so that says a lot really. how to i word it to someone so bloody firey. i dont want a massive row. any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks dr psych,what a brill answer,youve completely hit the nail on the head!she definetly wouldnt realise what she'd done wrong.shes too into herself and has been pretty spoilt all her life.one thing i'll miss a bit is the fact that she was good at calming me down in a crises.but you know its stone dead when even the good times are tainted because you wonder what even they were for.she just isnt a genuine person.no wonder her mates are so interchangable like a game.she came close to being beaten up a few weeks ago.no wonder she didnt want to explain the details when i asked.turned out the girl was sick to death of being let down and the final lesson came that night.she had to be pulled off my ex-friend.now i see why.what a fake.dr psych your answer was truling inspiring and made me chuckle at how silly this girl is.ive made some new friends now and theyre already treating me better than she ever did.thanks to you all your answers are fantastic and have made me feel so much better about my decision.thanks again.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (28 May 2008):
 I think this friendship is over (stone-dead) and you don't even need to tell her how you feel. She sounds like the narcissist from hell and she wouldn't really absorb your reasons for relationship termination even if you screamed them at her. You have seen her for what she is and you have said that she hasn't called you since your birthday so why not just leave things there and let the contact drift. If she does call you in the future you can then make it clear that you have moved on and don't wish to see her again when you feel calmer. I have been in a very similar situation with 2 female friends in the past - one school best-mate didn't invite me to her birthday party because her other new friends didn't like me and then after they abandoned her she called me up hoping to go on holiday only to find out I was ill in hospital and then decided that, I quote, 'it wasn't convenient' to her vacation plans to visit me. I made it clear that she was to stay away after that and got a begging letter from her this year asking to meet up but I am staying clear. Another 'close' friend would always promise to meet up and then cancel when her on-off bloke was around at the drop of a hat. In contrast she expected me to drop all family and friend commitments when she was having a personal crisis (usually involving said bloke from hell). She rang my mother at midnight one evening demanding to know where I was as my mobile was switched off (no crisis that time, just curious where I was and found her number in the phone book), so the camels back was broken then and I told her to leave me alone.
These people are just not worth your time and trouble so don't be angry with her, just move on knowing she is like it with everyone!
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A
female
reader, Gio  +, writes (28 May 2008):
Emails are a good way to let people know how you feel, without having to have an argument on the phone or have a big one face to face. A straight forward message saying how you feel and that you had enough of being taken for granted and therefore you would appreciate it if she didn't contact you anymore. We are entitled to choose who we want in our life. So don't be afraid to go ahead with your decision. Once it is over you will feel like 'the weight' has been lifted.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Your post is so similar to what I went through with my ex childhood best friend it is uncanny! I would just say to her that you do not want her in your life anymore, wish her good luck and sever all contact. That way you leave with your dignity intact. My ex best friend was manipulative, controlling, possessive and other people found her deeply unpleasant. After listening to her character assassinate me for 2 hours one day about 12 years ago, I severed all contact with her. However, I always try to see the best in people and was willing to give her a second chance when she contacted me out of the blue again 2 years ago. What a mistake! She tried to control everything in my life, trying to take over my birthday arrangements so it was something she wanted to do and also to the point of dictating who I could have as a boyfriend! She went truly beserk when I decided I didn't want to see a male friend of hers anymore so I decided I had enough of being character assassinated! She also didn't respond to a party invite I sent her. With best friends like that, who needs enemies?!!? Anyway, I am pleased to say that I am SOOO MUCH better without her. I have now made some really good friends in my life, and they know what being a real friend is all about! As the saying goes, Leopard do not change their spots!
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A
female
reader, SexKitten69 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Hi hunn,
Sounds like trying to walk on egg shells around her! I would personally try to keep at a distance! I know this can sometimes be easier said than done....
Keep her at arms length for a while and the friendship might fizzle out on it's own accord.
She sounds like a very self-centered woman with a excuse for everything and also like she always has to have the last say. It's not good for you having her as a friend if you are always wondering what to say to her everytime she doesn't turn up or something.
If keeping distance doesn't work and she asks you why you haven't returned calls etc i would tell her what i thought of her and if it makes her upset then so be it! I'm sure she has upset you before by the things that she has said & done.
Or you could try sending her a e-mail stating that you are un happy in this friendship because it sounds very much like her way or the highway and that's just unfair & extremely selfish!!
Hope this helped :)
Please Rate :)
Take care & keep us updated
xx
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A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 i dont think she deserves the courtesy for u to even tell her u dont want her friendship. to be quite honest ud jus be giving her a taste of her own medicine by ignoring her back. and if u ignore her and she doesnt email u then job done. if she start trying to bridge the gap. she is going to want to know why ure not speakin to her. u jus have to say coz im not a couple of times. then she will be pestering u to find out what is wrong and she has done. u have some time to prepare a list of things she has done wrong as ammo. an u tell her coz she has asked. she can take it on board and try and change or blow up in ure face again. at that point ud just take that as a means to an end!
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