A
female
age
36-40,
*ammye17
writes:I'am an emotional mess....I dated my first love and everything for almost 5 years...he cheated,lied....you know the deal....i forgave him the 2 times he cheated,,,i always felt resentment but i loved him and decided to continue with him...after all that he dumped me...i was fed up...and met this gorgeous guy...we dated 4 months..when i got pregnant of this guy..he disappeared...he woulnt pick up my phone calls...nothing so i decided togo look for him...he Humiliated me in a way i never thought he would...he left me in the middle of nowhere crying and he said he dint love me enought to have a baby with me...i called my ex and he came right away....he was there with me throught all this chaos in my life...i had an abortion and use to cried myself to sleep for months...it messed me up emotionally to the point that i dint want no relationship with noone......it changed the person who i was....my ex pursiut me for a whole year...i never got back with him...i was still hurt form his lies and cheating...then i started liking this married man @ work...and we started something.....i liked this guy sooooo much...but i always knew me and him would never be...soooo my ex never found out..while he was pursuing me he had a girlfriend all the time thought and that hurt me soooo much....i havent heard from my ex and the married guy is still there...i want to ended with this married man he has a baby on the way and he is 14 years older than me....and iam tired of getting hurt....please give me some wisdom...i want to be happy
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abortion, married man, my ex, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Thanks Tammye for the update,
Hugs babes, things will be alright. I know your sad and hurt and missing that married guy, but he's no good for you, he can't give you the love you need. You gotta love yourself, you got to give all your attention your love to somebody that matters. The person you got to love is YOU. It's hard to give up on love, but your strong, you've been through much, much worse. You got over that, and you can get over this. What your feeling at the moment is perfectly natural, but these sad feelings will go away, all you need is a little time. Try reading this link, it might just help... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
Take care of you babes. Your doing well. Big, big hugs.
A
female
reader, tammye17 +, writes (3 July 2008):
tammye17 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I would like to thank those who answered to my cry for help.....your answers have been something to make me keep on going...the strenght that i have been needing....thank you for not judging me and understanding me.....I'am taking it day by day....the married man has agreed to stop seeing me...he broke up with me and i agreed...knowing that he will probaly cause me some major emotional damage...other than that..thanks alot:)
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A
female
reader, xcharlottex  +, writes (1 July 2008):
There is always a pattern in the bad choices we make in our lives, The 1st thing to do is to figure out your pattern..(and there maybe a number of things you do in this pattern ans issues you have with these things)I mean an obvious part of it is that you have trouble letting go and ending things, the next thing to do is to address the issue, why do you have trouble ending your relationships with people? Perhaps some sort of parental issue where you didnt feel loved enough as a child? The Next thing is to break the pattern, end it with this married guy, no mater how much you like him, recognise he's no good for you, he's not going to make you happy and you deserve better.
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A
male
reader, no_issues +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Making bad choices is like driving down the highway with a flat tire. You can't understand why you're swerving all over the place and your life is making this horrible "flupflupflupflup" sound.
Eventually you realize that something is wrong and you're going to need to call an expert for advice and help. You can ask random people and they all have an opinion, but what it comes down to is that you need someone who does this sort of thing a lot and has a towtruck. No BS, no happy talk, someone who can get down to grease and lug nuts and help you get on the road again.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Ok, advice...leave men alone for a while and concentrate on mending yourself emotionally. You are not in a good state mentally to make wise choices about the opposite sex and there will always be men out there who are willing to exploit opportunities for sex if you let them. It seems to me that it is all about control - you have lost control in your relationships up until now and left the decisions/ outcomes to your partners. This is probably because you have poor self esteem and just feel better when you are in a relationship with someone. You need to learn to love yourself and be contented with being single and independent. You have to get to know yourself and understand what you want from life so you don't stumble through the next 60 years pleasing other people while failing to meet your needs. When you do enter another relationship you should do it with caution and only stay when you are sure that you are being treated with respect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Hi Tammye, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this horrible situation. Big, big hugs.
You must take control of your life, you made these bad decisions, you and you alone must make the change. None of these guys are any good for you romantically, they both belong to somebody else. Out of the 6billion people in the world, you choose to hang around with these two idiots for some reason, and I'm not sure why. Dump them both, they can only bring you pain. Neither of them love you enough to promise to be your boyfriend. They cheat on women and they are cheating on you. For your own safety it's better for you to be on your own than shed any more tears over these two unfaithfull men.
Your ex supported you, well that was nice of him. You might want to hang on to him, but only as a friend. He's unstable, he's not sure if he's coming or going. Where was his "kindness" when he was cheating on you or when he dumped you after five long years. It can't be love, cause he still manages to climb in bed with his girlfriend even after being arround with you. I wonder how she would react if she knew if was trying to sneak away with you. He's nasty, very nasty and you already know he can't be faithfull so would cheat on you again.
Let him go babes, tell him you never can trust him again, tell him you can't get the picture of him and the other women out of your head, tell him anything but put a stop to his flirting before things go to far. There's no reason for you to keep in contact with this guy, he's no good for you and will make you unhappy in the long run.
I won't say anything about that other guy, except be very glad he's gone.
Now your married man...... Again your choice. You choose to get involved with this guy, again that is what you choose to do. You want to be happy, then dump him too. It must really hurt to know that he goes home and sleeps beside his wife every night. It must hurt to know that your a dirty secret, something he's ashamed off and has to hide. It must hurt to know he's been sleeping with his wife and that she has a baby on the way. Dump his unfaithfull arse. If you think it hurts now, just imagine how it will feel when the baby comes. You had to have an abortion, do you think you'll be strong enough to cope with thoughts about this man, his wife and the happiness of the new baby. I bet he'll even show you pictures when the time comes. Dump his sorry arse, you deserve better treatment than this. Stop things before it goes too far and you end up like the ladies at this link... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-love-w-a-married-man-how-do-i-cope-w-break-up.html
Why do you have to be with any man at all. Are you so desperate to be in a relationship that you will put up with any old shit. What happened to your self-respect, what happened to your self-love. You deserve a lot more than your getting. You deserve a man who loves you and only you. You deserve presents, hugs, kisses and lot's and lots of fun. Your under 21, where are your girlfriends, why don't you try hanging out with them. Start putting your attention back on you, find new hobbies, find some interests, go out and meet new people, try things you've never done before. Try embracing the single life as an independent woman. Don't put your self in these degrading positions, don't ever allow anyone to fuck you and dump you in the street every again. Now that really is degrading.
Your choice babes, but I'd suggest you open that prision door and just walk out. You don't have to put up with crap, but you choose to. You want to be happy, then just walk away.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (30 June 2008):
 First, your instincts are 100% spot on about the married guy. Stay out of that trap. You will only get hurt more in that situation.
It's too bad you couldn't open up to your ex when he came back to you, but it's understandable given your emotional state and the fact that he had treated you badly in the past.
As I see it you have two choices.
First, you could scout out things with your ex. Find out if he is involved with anybody now. If he isn't (and ONLY if he isn't ... do NOT try to horn in on a relationship if he's got one going now!!!) you could contact him yourself. Let him know that you still have feelings for him. Tell him that you were hurt the first time and sad that it didn't work out, but that you are sorry you didn't behave more warmly toward him when he was there to help you when he rode to your rescue. Tell him frankly that you'd like to try again. In other words, go to him and just be honest.
Second, you could forget about both the guys in your life and start looking for somebody new who can give you what you need in your life. Starting over is not much fun, but sometimes it's the best solution.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Pleas end it with this married man, you'll only get more hurt. You need time to get over your ex and the abortion, and this guy might seem like a good distraction but will only create more problems. Even if he did leave his wife, he would be abandoning a pregnant mother- would you want to be involved in that? And would he cheat on you? Be the better person, and end it, sooner before you get even more attached. focus on yourself and getting to know other people before you find another guy. Hope that helps.
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