A
male
age
30-35,
*irgin89
writes:ok well tonight my gf came over and was outside with my friend and i who just got done with a run.. so my mom and dad say we need to go somewhere else to hang out bc my gf was there and "she's not welcome here" at my house bc of an unknown reason at the time.. well i was like aight and i told them to park across the street and we went over there to talk and my step dad comes outside and says we need to go on somewhere else.. well i'm sorry this might sound disrespectful but he's like 5'9 5'10 220 stalky guy and i'm a college linebacker 6'1 230 all muscle.. when i walked up to him pissed bc he was being Very rude to her pointing at her like get out of here like you would a dog.. i got pissed and walked up and he said she wasn't welcome here bc she doesn't follow the how rules which he is speaking of a time a long time ago when they went out of town and i wasn't suppose to be home.. like they changed the locks bc they didn't want me to throw a party well i made a house key and stayed there but they had a neighbor watch the house and they called them and my parents showed up while i was in the shower and my gf was at my house.. so they were very pissed about that and that's the reason why she's not allowed and he said this in front of her and had her in tears which really pissed me off. i would have stuck him but he pays for college and i'm driving his old truck living at home.. kinda couldn't.. but after that long story can you please give me some advice on maybe how to fix this problem my parents have.. how can I help the situation on both sides my gf and then my parents?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 "i would have stuck him but he pays for college and i'm driving his old truck living at home.. kinda couldn't.. but after"...long after that girlfriend is out of your life, you will still need your family so put the fists away. I was brought up in a teenage concentration camp thanks to my mother's rules...I left home at 18, worked and paid my own college fees. If you don't like their rules, don't live at home as you are now an adult with choices. I had a better relationship with my mother when I didnt live under her roof and wasnt financially dependent on her...we still argue from time to time but family tensions can fade when you don't share an address.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Do you work? Is it your house? Can you pay for your own college fees? Have you broken your promises and their trust? Unfortunately it is because of your own behaviour an actions why your girlfriend is not welcome in the house.
If you want any chance you need to get her to write a letter of apology, for being in their house without their permission. Then you need to start behaving as a responsible young adult. Behave better, become considerate, polite and helpful. When they notice how much of a better person you've become tell them it's because of your girlfriends influence. Tell them that she's spoken to you and told you to become a better son. Give them a reason to like her.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (14 May 2008):
 They are blaming her and might think she is a bad influence on you. Sit them down alone first and talk to them about this explain that they havent really given your gf a chance and that you were old and daft enough to throw the party without her help. If for some reason they have a problem with this girl you have to tell them you need to live your life your way even if it means you might make mistakes along th way. Then arrange a meeting together with you gf so they can get to know the real her. Dont hit him - ever - whether he is smaller than you or not your parents deserve respect too.
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A
female
reader, sweetheart03 +, writes (14 May 2008):
Talk to him tell him it wasn't her fault she was there you asked her to come. Give him and example if that was him when he was a college student what would he have done? You broke the rules but she didn't he toldd you what to do at the house not her!! Really talk to him and tell him to give her a change until she disrespects him then he needs to be fair! Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Hi Hunny
Instead of wanting to pop him one sweetheart go and ask them in a nice polite way if you can talk with them. Then explain it was you who did this party behind there backs it was your mistake love and you want to say you now understand that it was well out of order to disrespect there home like this, But it had nothing to do with your girl she just happened to be there. You understand there anger and you are willing to accept the blame for that mistake but could they find it in themselves to forgive your g/f for something she wasnt to blame for. As you now realise that making mistakes like this do not always affect just you hunny..And hope for the best, Thats all you can do I hope you can get this sorted love TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): It's their house, so they make the rules.
Hey, be reasonable. If you're daft enough to deliberately defy them by using the house and having your girlfriend in there when they've told you you can't, how do you expect them to react afterwards?
Maybe if you keep to their rules for a while - a long while - they'll be a bit more tolerant, otherwise it's a matter of waiting until you have your own space and then you can do what you like in it.
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