A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have rcently gotten cosy with this guy I work with. We are constantly flirting with each other on a daily basis at work. I know he knows I want him and he knows I know he wants me too. Problem is we are both married. He has even met my husband before all the flirting started. I just can't help feeling something each time he passes by my desk and smiles, winks or talk to me. Am I crazy? What if this develops into more, should carry on? I've never been a cheater, but looks like I might soon be one. I know it's wrong but the way he makes me feel is something I havn't felt like since I was a teenage, and nothing has yet hapenned except for flirtation. Pls help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): if the idea of cheating on someone you pledged your fidelity to doesn't turn you off, think about what it's going to be like when things between you and him fall apart and you still have to work with the guy. from someone who's been there...please, please don't do it. i wasn't married or dating but he was married and i feel horrible every time i think about the whole thing
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 There are about 6 million questions on here that have a similar 'theme' (tagged as cheating, forbidden love, marraiage problems etc)...why don;t you have a read...may give you some food for thought.
Dr Psych is spot on...this "crush" is a symptom of a problem - be it with yourself or your marriage - but you need to make a CHOICE here...do you address the real issue/s or do you allow the fantasy/thoughts etc to contuinue...if you CHOOSE the later then I believe it is inevitible that you will cheat on your husband. It might not be with this guy...but when your morals are whittled down a bit more, and the opportunity arises...it will happen.
So - are you OK with that? If you're not...then make a different CHOICE. Look at yourself, your marriage and see if there are things you can do to improve things/feel happier. IMPORTANTLY - you should be talking to your husband - you need to be transparent about the thoughts you are having. Have you read any of the literature of infidelity? I suggest you do...there are some 'classic' symtoms that a CHEATER has...you are in the initial stages my friend!
If you don;t think there is any way forward for your marriage that's something else - and you have some other decisions to make.
The key here is YOU HAVE CHOICES, we all do. Think carefully before you make them!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): If you wrote your actual question, are you being serious?! Should I cheat on the person I vowed to spend the rest of my life with?!
Whether you haven't felt like this in a while or not, it'll all end in tears. Guarantee it. You don't even know whether he likes you or not, hes probably just using you and don't try and find out. You have a husband.
It won't develop into anything more because you won't allow it. It's just a crush. It's not even just your husband, its his as well.
I can't offer anything else because my opinions would be too biast. You obviously didn't take marriage seriously then?!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 July 2008):
 It sounds like you are really bored with your job! If you have the time and inclination for an office affair then there is probably nothing anyone here can say to put you off. However, if you put your hormones aside for a minute you have to think about what happens after your fling. You still have to see this guy at work even if you end up hating each other and there is a risk of office gossip which can have a terrible impact on your promotional prospects if the boss gets to hear about it. You think you want him because there is something going wrong in your marriage - try to fix that or get separated from your husband if you don't want to continue in the marriage.
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