A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Oke..I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago..We have decided to stay friends.. but he just isn't being a good friend..Whenever he calls me.. He normally talks about sex.. and sometimes even wants me to "talk dirty" with him, whilst he masterbates on the phone..After this, he wants to go.Other times, he just talks about how much he misses me.. and wants me back.I really want to be his friend.. But he also promises a phone call.. and never gets back to me.. Nor does he leave a text/email saying he cant call.. this has happened 3 times this week.I know what you will all say.. Stop talking to him.. But, I still love him, care for him, and just want to know if he's oke and things..I really dont know what to do :( I was with him for 2 years.. known him for 4, and for all those years we have been close.He used to be obsessed with me.. you just couldn't seperate us.. How has it turned out to be like this?Thank you in advancex
View related questions:
broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Hi,
sure you still love him, but at some stage you have to let go. At the moment you have gone from girlfriend to sex object. You are nothing more than a free sex line to him at the moment and the relationship is one way.
Friendship is a two way thing, he is disrespecting you by using you for sexual relief. Moreover he is capitalising on your good nature knowing that you will be reluctant to say no to him.
You know this cycle has to end otherwise you wouldn't have written in so its time to make some hard choices, and the first is to never let him use you as a sex line again.
It is time to reset the boundaries, but I fear that you two have gone to far for a simple friendship to be possible in the future. Unfortunately a lot of men cannot see the point in being friends with a female unless there is a sexual element to the relationship.
good luck
A
female
reader, Lost_Soul85 +, writes (5 June 2008):
You know I'm in the exact same situation right now... you know I think the best thing is to cut all contact for at least a month (I'm gonna go for 3 months). Delete his mobile number and maybe drop him a letter and ask him to stay away from you for your own sake. Be sooooo strong, occupy your time with other things, get busy with work, go for walks, join a club, see family and friends.
Let 'the relationship' drift away so you can see him as a person again, if you get my meaning. If you want to be friends, fair enough, but you need time to adjust to being single and enjoying your own company before you complicate it with old feelings.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Young love is a bit fickle unfortunately, hot and passionate one moment and all fizzed out the next. You cannot be friends with him at the moment because he isn't treating you with respect and you still care for him romantically. He is using you for sexual kicks and you are cheaper than a premium rate number. You cannot change how he is being with you as that is beyond your control but if the situation makes you feel sad or upset then it is within your control to change your relationship with him by refusing to accept bad behaviour. Explain the rules of friendship to him and if he is unable to meet your expectations as a friend then cut contact with him. This way you maintain some control over an emotional situation rather than passively accepting what is happening. Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Well it sounds like he is still obsessed - but in his own personal pleasure, not you. The honest truth is he has turned out this way because you let him. He wants you to talk dirty and you do it, he wants to talk about sex and you do it. Don't you find it funny that after he gets what he wants "he wants to go", and other times (probably when he's getting it somewhere else) he can't be bothered talking to you.
You're getting used big time, and it's happenning because you're making it easy for him.
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Its hard to let go but you have to so that you can move on. Its nice if you can stay friends but if one of you still has feelings it rarely works as you will just feel frustrated all the time and want more and more contact and what will happen if he gets a new girl, you will be devastated all over again.
So yes Im afraid you do have to stop talking to him to truly get him out of your head x
...............................
|
