A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I really need some help and dont know where else to go. My ex was sent to prison for a while over 5 years ago, we split a few months of him being inside. I found help online to help me understand what he was going through in there, there was a prison guard who helped me. Anyway cut the story short, we really had such a great time online, just helping me forget the pain and making me feel human again. I knew he was married. He's been married for 26 years and he told me he had numerous affairs. At this point nothing was ever going to happen, we were just friends. I'd never go near a married man normally. I dont know what he done but he got into my head. Anyway, he was coming near to my town on training one day and asked if he could stop by, I said yes, at this time it was purely friendship. He came in and we got on even better, he had to go and kissed me goodbye, the kiss was something like I've never felt before. He left and we kept in contact. Few weeks later we agreed to meet for a coffee while he was on more training. I had to get a hotel room due to the distance, he ended up staying with me and that was the start of a very very unique journey. Our affair ended last week after over 4 1/2 years and I'm lost. He's been diagnosed with depression and completely cut me out his life, I got an email saying goodbye and to accept it, he said I was killing him :( I dont know what to do. I know its over but I dont know how to cope when I dont know why. Yes he's needing help but is getting rid of me and everything we had the answer? Probably is, but how do I get over him and stop myself from hassling him with emails?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cerise Green  +, writes (10 October 2012):
I think he took advantage of your situation. You were in such a vulnerable position. I understand there must be a reason you gave 4.5 years of your life to him. He might appear to be reliable, helpful, understanding, even hot, but at the moment he told you that he had affairs before, it was a sign that he was actually telling you that he would never be serious with you. You should have get out of it back then... It shouldn't really hurt when you realize this man isn't worth your love or time. If you still feel hurt, it's probably your own heart craving for love and care. That's why you are still trying to attach to him through emails. I think it is the best to put your attention and effort on your kids(or your closest family members) and your career right now. It's always good and reliable to build a deeper relationship with your kids/family and it's always good to improve your career and make more money to make yourself more financially confident. No matter what happens to you in a relationship, you are still who you are. Nothing should compromise your own purpose of life. If you truly hate this guy and want him to pay, report him with evidence. I believe it is a violation of policy (even laws) for a guard to get sexually involved with a relative of a prinsoner. Check if his other affairs are of similar situation. However, I wish you love and forgiveness(for both him and youself).I hope you to be happy, healthy and to be yourself. P.S. Sometimes how our body feels can affect our emotional/affectional decisions. You might feel weak emotinally because you feel weak physically. It should help if you invest more in your personal health.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 Time heals all wounds. So simple but very true. You keep busy. You find friends. You go out. See movies, plays, ballet. You take up guitar. You make a date with a new man. You just have to move on.There's no other way. The affair is over. Maybe he found Jesus and realized he needed to stay with his wife. Maybe like all his affairs, yours ran its course and now he's on to the next. Either way you cannot contact him. If he contacts you, delete it. You can't go back. Not now. You would just be used. You have to find the strength to move on. It takes time, but later you'll be glad you did.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 This guy is good.... VERY good.
He TOLD you that he had had numerous affairs. YOU decided that YOU would be the affair that would change him from his philandering ways.... so you took it to its logical conclusion (he had to dump you!!!)......
Then, he laid on you those great lines.... that you've repeated herein.... Then, you reveal that YOU are pursuing him... even despite him giving you those great lines that show to you that he wants out from your fling...
What is wrong (for you) with you simply bowing out of his life.... thanking the Good Lord that your fling didn't result in something so permanent as, say, a pregnancy.... and you say, "Thank you, Lord".... and get on with your life....
P.S. What's happened to the first B/F????? Is he out, these days????
Good luck....
P.P.S. Perhaps it would be appropriate if that guard were fired from his job.... for his taking advantage of the young women who were surviving the incarceration of their man-friends... Doesn't really seem fair, does it?????
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Hi
Accept your not going to get closure here,he isnt exactly the reliable type.
Its hard getting over anyone your attached to,you invested over 4 yrs of your life in him.You knew he was married though,a serial cheat, so one way or another it was gonna end.You were vulnerable probably lonely,when you met,he knew that too.
All you can do is fill your life,distract yourself,dont email him.You need to do now what you would have done had he not been around.Tomorrow is the start of the rest of your life.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 October 2012):
 It's a bit rough on you, him saying you were killing him so no wonder you are upset.
There isn't much you can do where he is concerned, he wasn't free in the first place so things were on a rocky path.
If you bombard him with e mails, it will just add insult to injury and make a bad situation worse. Perhaps he just felt the affair wasn't for him, afterall, it wasn't his first.
You need to find some acceptance and that usually only comes with the passage of time and by focussing on other parts of your life, for some reason we tend to neglect other areas when in a relationship.
Seems a bit naff saying find a hobby but it will help to find some sort of distraction and allow yourself time to heal. Delete his e-mail address/number etc...anything that reminds you of him will be a trap at the moment.
Maybe enlist a friend to talk to if you are having a moment of weakness.
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