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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I know very little about post menopause!
Q. I'm in my late forties, and recently I have been seeing a very nice woman in her mid fifties. We haven't slept together, but the relationship looks like it's heading towards that level of intimacy (I hope!). I assume that given her age she is proba...
A. 6 December 2013: now that's the kind of follow up I Love.
Congrats OP... glad it's working out!... (read in full...)
I have alopecia, and wear a wig!
Q. I am recently single after a rocky four year relationship and I wanted some advice about getting back into dating again. The break-up hit me quite hard, although I know it was for the best as things had just gone downhill and neither of us co...
A. 4 September 2013: AB forget Demi Moore as GI Jane... (read in full...)
He finds me boring but wont do anything!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2years and we live together. We will be completely happy and then he will out of the blue comment that he finds my company boring and that its an issue, but if I suggest doing things he doesn't want to. What do I ...
A. 4 September 2013: he says it's an issue. I'd ask him if it's a deal breaker.
if he says no tell him, 'well since you want to complain about it, and it's NOT a deal breaker, the next time you feel the need to complain about it you can go live somewhere else wit... (read in full...)
I'm feeling excluded from meeting his child and wondering if there's more to his relationship with the child's mother
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months has a 2-year-old child with another woman. This woman won't allow him to take the child out of her sight. She also won't allow him to bring me around, so he has to drive up there (1.5 hours away) every Saturday to see her ...
A. 4 September 2013: The court needs to be involved. He is overly involved with the MOTHER. That is not healthy.
I myself divorced my first husband when my kids were 3 and 5. My younger son does not even remember us living as a family.
Once we were apart (a... (read in full...)
I have alopecia, and wear a wig!
Q. I am recently single after a rocky four year relationship and I wanted some advice about getting back into dating again. The break-up hit me quite hard, although I know it was for the best as things had just gone downhill and neither of us co...
A. 4 September 2013: I have a friend who has MILD alopecia and she wears a piece on top of her "ponytail" She just jokes about it... and occasionally it flies off when she's out dancing.... she just picks it up and keeps going.
YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. ... (read in full...)
I know very little about post menopause!
Q. I'm in my late forties, and recently I have been seeing a very nice woman in her mid fifties. We haven't slept together, but the relationship looks like it's heading towards that level of intimacy (I hope!). I assume that given her age she is proba...
A. 4 September 2013: well... what are you expecting a barren sahara?
I'm 53 and I'm not fully post menopausal yet....
let's see... ever done PMS with a woman? yep... hang on the mood swings are a lot like that.
My husband laughs at the covers however... i'm... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has cheated on me several times. Is it acceptable for me to have an affair of my own to show her that there are consequences to her behaviour?
Q. My 28yo GF has been with me for 5 years. This is the best relationship either of us have ever had. Its not perfect but we enjoy each other and we are good for each other most of the time. My GF openly says she used to be a huge cheater. Then...
A. 3 September 2013: well that's like saying because she waxes her genital region you should wax yours too.
do you wanna do that so all's FAIR?
nope sorry.... "revenge" cheating (even with permission) is moronic. I'm sorry.
will you ever trust her to ... (read in full...)
How much will it cost per month to have a girlfriend? Outings,gas, gifts, clothes? I need to factor the cost into my budget
Q. How much does a girlfriend cost per month? Do not bother replying if you say "priceless" or "too much" as those sayings are far too old and a scapegoat. Women, don't bother replying with bs that you are free, and don't tell me that you always pay ...
A. 3 September 2013: It depends on the girl.
some girls want fine dining and fancy clubs and gifts.
some girls want vacations and gifts and dinners out etc
some girls want to stay home, order a pizza and play board games....
some women will want you gr... (read in full...)
Was my relationship abusive?
Q. A couple years ago, I had a boyfriend who I was really attached to. He was nice to me at first but everything went bad relatively fast. When we became "official", lots of people warned me about him and told me that he was not a good guy but I ...
A. 3 September 2013: Abuse is not only physical.
It's mental.
It's emotional
It's sexual
It's verbal.
yell yes you were abused.
... (read in full...)
How much abuse is too much? ( physical and emotional) How to move on after abusive relationships?
Q. I was with this man for two years. He was perfect the first eight months of us dating, I realized he started becoming mean. He would tell me awful things like I was stupid, bad at sex, or had an ugly vagina. He would break up with me, block me off ...
A. 3 September 2013: ONE TIME Is too much
he did you a favor to leave you.
Yes I've been abused.
my second disaster (he does not even deserve to be called husband) tried to kill me by choking me. I got a restraining order and never looked back.
My cur... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife that I have a disire to continue being with guys or should I just do it and see what her reaction is?
Q. I have been crossdressing for a few years. My wife both supports and helps me with this. We do go out together while I am dressed up. She gets a kick out of watching guys hit on me. A few weeks ago while at a club I hung out with a guy for an hour ...
A. 3 September 2013: I vote for talk to her first.
anything you do without clearing it first could be misconstrued as cheating unless you get a "free pass"
so the convo is
"honey I enjoyed it and want to do it again, do you need me to clear it with you every ... (read in full...)
Friend from childhood resurfaced. He's married and we started an affair. How can I end it?
Q. I'm a separated mom of 3 girls. In early May of this year, my childhood friend started coming around me and my kids. At first it was just casual visits and then he started making advances which I was totally against. I made it clear to him that we ...
A. 3 September 2013: Yep there is a way to see him.
he needs to leave his wife.... then you two can be together.
NOTHING less will work.
do not worry about his feelings... worry about yours and your children.
... (read in full...)
Is my fiance selfish? He wanted sex when I was ill and complained when he didn't get it.
Q. I was sick for three days during the week and had a stomach ache all three days. I ended up being very tired and going to bed early and even taking a nap during the day. My fiance wanted a midweek romp and not just a weekly, but I was sick. Nor...
A. 3 September 2013: tell him to take half a pill then he only needs to do it once and he saves $5.
sheesh...
what he needs is to use his damn hand if you are incapacitated.
But, be careful what you wish for. My 40 yr old husband never wants sex.... it's... (read in full...)
Rhetorical question: is this true love?
Q. Imagine a situation: An average-looking guy meets a girl that suffers from some light physical handicap (that also includes some dis-figuration like a scar on her face). Supposedly, the girl does not get any attention from other guys becaus...
A. 3 September 2013: You see a woman with a sad look on her face and you ASSUME she is sad and feels alone.
You then talk about an average man with little success in the dating world. I guess you assume his lack of success is based on his looks, when we as women... (read in full...)
I'm the older sister at the younger sister's wedding and I need advice on how to deal with the intrusive questions!
Q. My younger sister and her fiance are getting married in december, (interstate.) As well as their friends, and my brother and his family some extended family members,are also travelling to attend, its not a big wedding about 60 ppl. I am si...
A. 3 September 2013: One response for all 'lets' keep the focus on the bride and groom today Shall we? You can trash talk me tomorrow."
then smile a lovely smile and turn and walk away as gracefully as you can.... (read in full...)
Losing virginity to a large guy?
Q. I am a virgin female in her early-mid 20's. I was not necessarily waiting for marriage, but I was waiting for the right, long term relationship that could lead to marriage. I'd like to think I've found him. My boyfriend, who is not a virgin, wa...
A. 3 September 2013: It will be memorable but not the way you want.
It may not be fun.
It will probably not be sexy...
BTW LAUGHING IN BED when it goes all wrong is FINE!
DO NOT plan this to be perfect it won't.
By all means tell him your fears... he will... (read in full...)
When I mention the "L" word he clams up on me!
Q. I am struggling to understand a man i am seeing on a regular basis,we have been together for years,yet not once has he told me he loves me yet he know's i love him very much. What i don't understand is he is always telling me i am his darling ...
A. 3 September 2013: I learned with my current spouse as compared to the last spouse that ACTIONS speak louder than words.
My last husband said "i love you" all the time but he was selfish with his money... and he lied to me about things and when push came to shov... (read in full...)
Should I pursue a relationship with a man who feels down most of the time?
Q. Hi guys ; I need some advice.I have known this guy for four months.He is 31 years old. He is a really funny person, always makes me laugh, sensitive and kind caring soul.We are friends at the moment and we have met up few times, every time we me...
A. 3 September 2013: RUN!
he is in total denial of his mental health.
He sounds depressed.
he sounds actually socially dysfunctional
YOU cannot fix him. He can't even admit he has a problem so how can you fix him?
If he is not willing to even ENTERTAI... (read in full...)
He's moved back in with an ex and says he needs to spend days or weeks without me so he can miss me. Huh?
Q. A man and woman have been living together on and off for four years; the man moved out a year ago, however they have maintained contact and have stated they both want to work on the relationship and renew it.. the man had no place to go (he has no ...
A. 3 September 2013: JUST SAY NO to him...
NO you can't come over
NO you can't have sex with me
NO you can't use me and toss me aside when you are done...
... (read in full...)
Should I accompany my boyfriend, who will leave for another country for 13 months?
Q. Hi, Not sure if you can help me but I need some advice. I was married for 5 years and then divorced (married a bad man) anyway didn't think I would find someone so soon after but I did. I met my current BF 1 year after my divorce was final. Anywa...
A. 3 September 2013: well it will depend on how it affects your job here...
how long you have been with him... and if you want to FORCE living together at this point.. also are you willing to not work and be DEPENDENT on this man for practically everything?
I'm n... (read in full...)
Where does her money go?
Q. For about 1 month now, I have started dating a stripper that I met in my neighborhood (she's my neighbor's niece). The relationship so far has been going great, her line of work hasn't interfered with our relationship. So far she has been very ho...
A. 3 September 2013: “but she makes enough to pay all her bills times 10.”
REALLY what are her bills? HOW DO YOU KNOW what her expenses are? My husband was SHOCKED to realize what MY UPKEEP costs and I am a low maintenance woman….
My hair alone averages about 2... (read in full...)
He needs space, I am giving him that but worry he will forget me.
Q. Thanks for reading in advance. My bf and I have had a great relationship for the past 4 months. We had a small argument over text two weeks ago. I didn't know if we were broken up or not. We have declared our love for one another and have ...
A. 3 September 2013: It's over and done.
all you need do is walk away.
WHEN he contacts you what you say is 'it's over and done have a nice life"
and that's it. NO back and forth needed.
... (read in full...)
Can I get over his disgusting sexual past?
Q. If opposites attract can they live a long happy married life together? I am in my 40s, my children are grown, my first marriage lasted almost 20 years. I met a man who's also in his 40s with two grown children. He has been married two times before. ...
A. 3 September 2013: my concern would not be what he did in the past... but rather that it's STILL going ON. WHAT did he NOT say to these women that leads them to believe that asking a married man for sex is ok?
do they even know he's married? IF NOT WHY NOT?... (read in full...)
Is he a cheap skate
Q. Hi, I've been going out with a guy for 4 months, and he still hasn't taken me out to dinner. I'm not sure if he has much money, which isn't an issue, but whatever his situation, I think the least he could do is take me out. We have met for casual ...
A. 3 September 2013: He wanted to go to a family wedding you did not want him to attend and he went? WHAT happened that he bullied his way in?
He sounds like a cheapskate yep.
and i agree with Honeypie.. we have GUT feelings for a reason. if more of us listen... (read in full...)
Is it a red flag when a 55 year old man has lots of female friends young enough to be his daughters?
Q. Hello. I am 35yrs female (single). I am dating a guy who is 55yrs old (divorced). I like him very much and we are taking our time knowing each other. There is not intimacy between us yet and I like the way he respect it and we share quality time and...
A. 3 September 2013: If you normally are not an insecure woman, then yes the fact that you are feeling insecure with this man means something.
It made me think... because I have NO friends my age. I have older friends. I have much younger friends. One of my best g... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is either the eternal batchelor or has cold feet!
Q. How soon is too soon to have a conversation about moving in, or the next step? (marriage) My boyfriend and I have known each other for 3 years and been dating for 9 months. We are both in our late 30s. I have to move (lease is up) - so I men...
A. 31 August 2013: he wants a year... that's 3 more months...
ask him "what's going to change in a year?"
"I don't know" or 'Nothing much" would be acceptable responses. THEN YOU LEAVE.... because nothing will change.
YOUR ONLY hope to see if he's... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is either the eternal batchelor or has cold feet!
Q. How soon is too soon to have a conversation about moving in, or the next step? (marriage) My boyfriend and I have known each other for 3 years and been dating for 9 months. We are both in our late 30s. I have to move (lease is up) - so I men...
A. 31 August 2013: Sweetie... backing off and being unavailable is going to be game playing for you... its' not who you are and you are doing it to garner his attention more?
how long are you willing to waste time hoping to get him to be what you want?
if you ... (read in full...)
My long distance is into role playing and its startin to really get to me!
Q. Before I start, I'm going to say that I know part of my worries come from jealousy and maybe even insecurity, but I really just have to ask others to because I know there's more to it than that. Also, it may be hard to read because I'm venting a ...
A. 30 August 2013: he's not interested like you are.... you are another online person to him.
until you meet in person it's all a game.
... (read in full...)
What do guys do to have clear skin?
Q. This a question mostly for guys who take care of their skin. What do you guys use or do to have a beautiful smooth skin? Everytime I see a guy with smooth skin I get jealous. I'm 21 and I sport nice and well groomed beard but I do look a bit olde...
A. 30 August 2013: Go to the Clinique counter in any big name department store. They have an entire line for men.
My husband has very sensitive skin. Clinique is hypoallergenic and he does not break out at all from it.
daily care is important
eat wel... (read in full...)
What's a mature way to handle casual sex?
Q. So this is more a request.for guidance. I especially would like answers from men, and from women with experience in casual sex. I lost my casual-sexginity! This week! It was AMAZING. Here I was all cynical about the crappy hand life had dealt m...
A. 30 August 2013: is it possible... sure.
doe it happen often.. NO usually one partner cares more than the other.. often the woman.
having regular sex with someone means that your hormones flow and those make us have feelings.
the longer you stay with ... (read in full...)
I am afraid I am wearing out my older boyfriend with too much sex! What do I do?
Q. Hello all. I have a situation I need advice on. I am not sure if it is a problem or I am making it into something that it isn't. I am 45 and my boyfriend is 15 years older than I am. He is very sexual and passionate and there are times h...
A. 30 August 2013: just because he can go twice does not mean he should or that he wants to.
he may be doing all this to keep you.. he may feel pressure he may feel you will leave if he can't perform for you regularly.
I sense this is a new relationship and i... (read in full...)
After 10 years of marriage my husband has no interest in sex. Is this normal?
Q. Just asking. Is it really happening,when the husband and wife is living together for nearly 10 years the sex life is gone? i mean, my husband and me are nearly 10 years now. i dont know but its already 8 months now that he dont even think about ...
A. 30 August 2013: you are not alone. we are married less than a year and my 40 yr old hubby has hit a spot... it comes and goes for him
if your husband has not had a complete medical work up including hormones he needs that first... men have "male menopause" w... (read in full...)
After I quit my job because my boss was furious, I have lost interest in my career choice! Why?
Q. Hi guys!! So this really isn't a relationship question, but i don't have anyone else to turn too, so i'm just gonna ask you guys! Last july I passed my last year in college (studying culinary arts) with flying colours, and will be graduati...
A. 30 August 2013: Let's see...
my brother not only studied and graduated Culinary institute... he taught there for a bit... that was one part of his life.
he was a food stylist for a while... (making 6 figures a year and just left...even though he was considered o... (read in full...)
He couldn't wait for me to get back, then he wants to be alone?
Q. I was dating a guy for three long years! We were absolutely crazy about each other and have so many memories and were each other's firsts for so much! However, a year ago I had to move a few states away to go to a school my family and I could afford ...
A. 30 August 2013: not sure how long ago you got the kiss of death "He said that I cared a lot more about him than he cared about me" but time will help heal this pain.
... (read in full...)
She forgot that I'd booked a trip for us and made other plans
Q. In March I booked a weekend away for me and my girlfriend, as a gift for her birthday. Now, she knew about it when I booked and apparently wrote it in her diary, the weekend away is next weekend...she's just told me she is now going out that weekend ...
A. 30 August 2013: if she forgot and you reminded her she should have cancelled her plans with the friends as this came first.
if she won't and you can't get your money back... either go alone or with someone else.
and let her know it bothers you, hurts you, ... (read in full...)
He is begging for us to get counselling but I think he's lying!
Q. I have been dating this guy for almost two years and we have had our share of ups and downs. Lately, we have been fighting because he cannot understand the concept of me telling him no when it comes to the bedroom activities. I don't say no all the ...
A. 30 August 2013: if he's BEGGING for counseling call his bluff.
FIND several counselors and email him the list with the names and phone numbers and say:
"this is a joint effort by BOTH of us to SAVE our DYING relationship. COUNSELING is our ONLY option. WE... (read in full...)
This guy wreaks havoc on my emotions, but I can't avoid him. Help?
Q. There's this guy I'm kinda-sorta friends with and I don't know if I like him anymore or not. We used to be closer a couple of years ago, and I had the most horrible, humiliating crush on him. Long story short, he gave me mixed signals for a long ...
A. 30 August 2013: nope i do not think liking him and enjoying his company is a good idea.
The BEST thing to do is live well. DO NOT worry about him at all... pretend he is a stranger...
do not care what he thinks
do not care what he says
do not care ho... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend "like" girls on facebook?
Q. Hello, my bf and I are together more than 2 years. We love each other very much (at least I think so), but what bugs me that he "likes" strange girls on facebook from time to time, the pages like Pretty girls etc. I don´t know why he does that, it ...
A. 29 August 2013: how does your boyfriend clicking the like button on another girl's page humiliate you?
my husband can easily like and appreciate a pretty girl. it's not threatening to me... it's not disrespecting me.
he's not saying "You are prettier or... (read in full...)
I think I'm dating an alcoholic. What can I do to help him?
Q. I believe I'm dating an alcoholic. Is there any hope? He's so great when he's sober. We both like to dance and have a few drinks, so for the last 6 months I've been in a bit of denial I guess. Where as I can stop at 3 drinks all night at a night...
A. 29 August 2013: he's in denial.
my husband is an alcoholic and he can go days without drinking... but when he drinks... it's all or nothing... that is the mark of alcoholism... they are powerless over it.
until an addict or alcoholic wants to fix i... (read in full...)
I love him but I'm feeling suffocated
Q. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 6 months! I've not been happy for about a month as we work together and spend all out free time together, it's getting a bit full on, I haven't seen the girls for ages and he makes me feel bad...
A. 29 August 2013: why do you need his permission?
I send my hubby an email with the information 'reminder I am having dinner with so and so"
and then the date and time in the body of the text.
I put all my girl stuff on our joint calendar so he can see... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with my family? Why can't they be happy for my result?
Q. HI! A year ago a started the toughest job selection on the planet dreaming I would get my dream job. The firm said they would hire 12 people: 6 in Sept 12 and 6 in Sept 14. The competition was ruthless- I had to undergo 3 super selective exams an...
A. 29 August 2013: Seriously... can you get a new family.
We here are very proud of you!
I would not have had the nerve to even attempt it.. GOOD FOR YOU!
Do not use the opinions of others to bolster your feelings.
KNOW you did great... you have a job ... (read in full...)
Am I right in thinking I should be cautious about marrying him?
Q. Hi. I have just found out my boyfriend has court judgements. (Not sure of the term) for unpaid bills. He says his ex wife named him as liable as the expenses were for his child, and he says he never received the bills until it ended up as a legal ...
A. 29 August 2013: i'd want to see the court papers to make sure he's telling the truth
if she did not submit the bills to him timely like he alleges then perhaps i'd think about it.
but if it's just that he opted NOT to pay the bills she sent timely, and they... (read in full...)
I don't understand my ex. Does my ex have issues?
Q. My relationship with my ex ended almost 6 months ago as she had been raped 12 months ago. She was able to tell me just a couple details to start with but admitted she had an orgasm. she said she couldn't get it out of her mind or understand how i...
A. 29 August 2013: her body had a physiological response.
her brain is not dealing well with it.
the key is she's an EX you have no need to worry about her any more.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is either the eternal batchelor or has cold feet!
Q. How soon is too soon to have a conversation about moving in, or the next step? (marriage) My boyfriend and I have known each other for 3 years and been dating for 9 months. We are both in our late 30s. I have to move (lease is up) - so I men...
A. 29 August 2013: he's full of crap.. the "it's YOU not me" BS
1. he's a drunk... getting drunk once a week is alcoholic behavior. I live with an alcoholic... this week is a "non drinking week" and it's pleasant but trust me this weekend will more than ma... (read in full...)
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