A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am recently single after a rocky four year relationship and I wanted some advice about getting back into dating again. The break-up hit me quite hard, although I know it was for the best as things had just gone downhill and neither of us could feel the "spark" that we once had in the beginning of the relationship. That was five months ago though, and I am ready to get back out there. However, there is something holding me back. I have alopecia. I wear a wig because I have hardly any hair, and although people (particularly men) don't notice I'm wearing a wig, it is embarrassing having to tell someone the reason that I'm wearing one. I feel that men will find me disgusting that I don't have much hair and won't want to come anywhere near me. My ex was so supportive of my condition and I'd walk around the house without my wig on and feel completely at ease with him, he fancied me and found me desirable without my wig, which I loved. Without sounding too full of myself, I'm not an ugly woman. Granted, I'm not the best looking woman out there, but I do feel sexy with my wig on and when I get ready for nights out. How do I approach my condition with potential dates? Do I tell them straight away, do I wait until we've had a few dates? I realise I will have to tell them at some point, its just if they find it disgusting, I worry that I won't be able to take the rejection. Thanks in advance x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWOW!
Thank you all for your responses and kind words of advice. This site is amazing and all of the people on it.
I am truly grateful to each and every one of you who took the time to answer my question and help me out with this.
You're all amazing :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 September 2013):
 I agree with SVC - I'd wait til the 3rd date because if you get along well enough to do a third date, it's most likely that it's because you like each others personality and are physically attracted.
I have to say if anyone ever tell you that not having hair is disgusting then you know what that means? It means you just MET a disgusting person!
Don't let it hold you back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): My neighbour has alopecia, and ya know I think everything's attractive about her... She's funny, friendly, and clever- she's a scientist!... Woah jealous huh?? She has an average body but is such an attractive PERSON I can just understand why people would find her sexy... I'm not gay!
Where as some people I know dye the cr*p put of their hair, plaster the orange on and just look like desperate t**ts, really nothing more Unattractive...
It's REALLY what is BETWEEN your ears that really draws people in (anyone that's worthy of your attention and company) not what's n top of your head!
It's a luxurious extra, like make up... But if you love someone you don't love them for the make up they wear right? This is an illness, just like cancer or anything... What person worth knowing would be repulsed by someone with cancer?
Hand on my heart, I was talking with my nan today about how I LOVE to buy a wig!-Ive never dyed my hair because i don't reckon all those chemicals, but would LOVE to have a different colour hair everyday haha , o the fun I could have with different styles, colours, whenever! I researched they're quite expensive though haha... People would prob criticise cos it's a bit weird for something so,one with hair would do, i suppose... But I don't think so!
Love yourself, embrace your condition and don't spend one SECOND caring about ANYTHING people who hold an illness against you say...
What about long black curls for tomorrow?? :)
Take care, and don't worry about a thing, you're a wonderful woman, not doomed by what's on the top of your head!
Xxx :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 September 2013):
 AB forget Demi Moore as GI Jane
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 Well, you already know there are guys out there who don't find it disgusting. Your ex is your proof. Just like any other "imperfection" a woman can have, there are 3 types of guys. There will indeed be some who will be turned off by it. There will also be ones who won't care. They won't like you any more or less over it. Then, there's the ones that will love you BECAUSE of what you are, inside and out. You may have to go through many of the other types to get to the one you want, but don't get discouraged. Remember, a lot of women deal with fear of rejection from guys, due to what they perceive as an imperfection. You're far from alone.Also, WiseOwlE brought a good point about hair. A lot of women these days wear weaves or extensions, anyway. Is that really much different than you wearing a wig? They are making their hair look much longer and thicker than it actually is, so they might as well be wearing a wig because it still disguises them from their true selves, and attracts guys who otherwise may not have found them attractive.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (4 September 2013):
 WiseOwlE has pretty much said everything I was going to say and I agree, shave it all off, if you can, none looks better than some.
Sigourney Weaver, Sinead O'Connor, Jessie J and Britney Spears are all beautiful women that looked fabulous bald.
Embrace your beauty, the right guy will love you for who you are and you will feel comfortable again.
:) AB x
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): I hope you give yourself some time before you do start dating; just to get your feelings about the breakup managed and contained.
You may feel fine, but sometimes there is a numbness that may bury the feelings beneath the surface. Your anxiety about your alopecia may also be a little bit of grief.
One of my younger sisters was diagnosed with Hodgekins Disease, and received chemotherapy. She lost all her beautiful black waist-length hair. Little by little it fell out. She finally decided she'd just shave off what was left and never covered her bald head in public. She had a lovely face, and we all have many pictures taken of her until she went into remission. She was glad to be alive; otherwise, she didn't give a damn what anyone thought. If they asked, she told them. She passed away, because it came back as leukemia. However; her love of her life, child, husband, and family always glowed in her pretty face. Bald-head and all.
Sweetie, there is something beneath that wig that your ex saw. Something about you that was still lovely for the eye to see.
It was you.
You don't have to tell anyone about your condition, until you feel comfortable with doing it. The right time, is when you're ready to do it.
Nowadays most women are wearing wigs, weaves, or hair-pieces of some sort. They color their hair, perm it,curl it; or shave it off. Go online and Google the images of beautifully bald women. They wear scarves, makeup, lovely adornments, and embrace the bare beauty.
So don't expect as much of a surprised reaction. Guys are used to it. I've seen many many beautiful bald women; with lovely faces. You don't even miss the hair. Embrace your inner and outer beauty as it is. They simply work with what they've got.
Shave it off and get used to having none at all, and wear wigs when you feel like it. You have your youth, health, and the beauty nature gave you. Feel blessed and live with it without shame. I wish my sister could have answered this post from her point of view.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): I would advise you to get to know the guy a little first before you divulge any important information.Give yourself time to get to know them, maybe for a few weeks and see how you feel about telling them after you've gotten to know a bit more about them.Hopefully you won't have much difficulty working out what kind of person they are, so that you'll feel comfortable telling them.I think telling them on the first date may not be the best idea, it may put unwanted pressure on yourself early on.I honestly don't think they'd see you as disgusting at all, so please don't allow yourself to believe that. Alopecia, like any other condition, is not your fault and you have very little to no control over it, so in this day and age, people are much more understanding about conditions, as they should be.If someone were to react in a negative way to you, well they really aren't worth your precious time and energy.I'm sure you are attractive both on the outside and inside and people gravitate towards that. Pity the people who may react negatively to your condition, that they're stuck in a world of rudeness, close-mindedness and prejudice.Try to focus on those who are open minded.Good Luck to you x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 September 2013):
I have a friend who has MILD alopecia and she wears a piece on top of her "ponytail" She just jokes about it... and occasionally it flies off when she's out dancing.... she just picks it up and keeps going.
YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. this is an illness you cannot control.
Men will not find you disgusting.... and those that are put off by it are only after the external....
I would not mention it on the first date..... but if you get to date THREE... it's time to start talking about it....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): I have alopecia to, Ive never had a boyfriend. I think its because they are put off by my hair condition. I dont wear a wig but my hair is thinning :( sorry I cant help you but just thought id let you know I have alopecia to so you dont feel alone.
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