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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Am I crazy is he cheating and taking me for a fool?
Q. Hi Guys and Girls A question about strange behaviour from my partner of 4 years. We live together and have done for 3 years. However I am always suspicious of him and keep checking his texts and Facebook messages. I like to go to bed early...
A. 26 September 2013: he is at minimum emotionally cheating. and lying.
in addition if he drinks a bottle and then some nightly... or even one night a week.. he has an alcohol problem.
you are not crazy and you deserve better.
let him go.... (read in full...)
Saw him twice in three months so I broke it off -- and he doesn't understand why?
Q. Hi, it's been 3 months now and I only met my bf twice. I understood that he has just been promoted from his job and needs a lot of travel. But then during his free time, he wouldn't at least meet me for an hour or two regardless of the fact that his ...
A. 26 September 2013: is this you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-would-he-still-want-to-keep-the.html
same answer even if it's not.
why would he want... cause you are the safety net... in case nothing better (in his eyes) comes along
dump him.... (read in full...)
Why would he still want to keep the relationship if he has no time for me?
Q. Hi, it's been 3 months now and I only met my bf twice. I understood that he has just been promoted from his job and needs a lot of travel. But then during his free time, he wouldn't at least meet me for an hour or two regardless of the fact that his ...
A. 26 September 2013: stop it now. you don't even need to tell him... cause he's already checked out of the relationship and if you tell him "delete my info" it just spurs him on to beg you to stay...
I would assume he's gone to you and get on with your life.
... (read in full...)
Her hugs lead to too much excitement! What can I do?
Q. hi I am a guy and I have a girl best friend also I have feelings for her which she knows. now the problem I am having is she likes to hug a lot and for longer.. but every time I get hard on and I think she can feel... what should I do I like to ...
A. 26 September 2013: if you like to hug her you will get a hard on... you like her and you are young an erection is normal and natural.
have you considered dating her?... (read in full...)
Is it bad I stopped talking to my mom after my parents divorced?
Q. My parents are newly divorced, and I am still recovering from the hellish and nasty ordeal that it became. I tried to keep contact with my mother, but I am afraid of the depth of her emotion. My mom carries a lot of rage and pain inside, and it j...
A. 26 September 2013: sounds like both you and your mom would benefit from individual and family therapy. AND yes you and your mom are a family.
you and you dad are another family.
Your reaction of utter panic at talking to you mom is not normal. Annoyance y... (read in full...)
Would a penis pump work?
Q. I've thought of getting a penis pump. I'm not big, between 4.5 and 5.5 and not very thick either. I wanted to know if i use a penis pump and pump it up say just a half inch bigger everyday over a long period of time would it grow to say 6.5/7 and ...
A. 26 September 2013: if you are at all overweight lose that excess weight
you will gain 1/4 of an inch for every 25 pounds you lose.
... (read in full...)
My dad doesn't want me to date my boyfriend?!
Q. I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is 20. I have been dating him for nearly a year and a half now but my parents never approved. My mom doesn't say much about the relationship but my dad is being stubborn and keeps comparing it to the past/bad ...
A. 26 September 2013: I would not be so keen on a 20 year old MAN dating my 17 year old daughter esp since he has been doing it since she was just past 15.
HE is legally an adult
YOU are legally a child.
Dads and moms do things out of knowledge of past exp... (read in full...)
Dating dilemma - online friend
Q. Ok quick question ... The man I have strong feelings for has another woman that he has been chatting with for over a year and chats with online daily but claims it is just friendship. It came out by chance and he did try to keep it from me. I have ...
A. 26 September 2013: the fact that he tried to keep it a secret is disconcerting.
I met a man locally who was ( i found out later) ENGAGED to a woman online. She found out about me and she contacted me and I told her I would "win" (such a prize) because I ha... (read in full...)
Husband is in love with younger woman but want's to work on us.
Q. Help! My husband (22 years together, married for 18) recently confessed he had been having an affair for 18 months with a younger mutual friend. He says he thinks he had been suffering from depression for 2-3 years as he was unhappy with our...
A. 26 September 2013: To the anonymous OTHER WOMAN... sorry I disagree with your ideas based on my OWN knowledge of an affair held by a man with a long term marriage.
MY FATHER cheated on my mother after 25 years of marriage.
ONE affair... one woman... H... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says I don't have enough experience
Q. My boyfriend told me last night that he is concerned that I don't have enough sexual experience for him to get more serious about our relationship. He is concerned that since I have only been in one other serious relationship that I cant be ready ...
A. 25 September 2013: OP, your follow up concerns me.
YOU do not WANT to make this MAN happy. At least not in my opinion. A man who is in love with a woman does NOT want to share her with anyone for any reason. This guy is using you for his own jollies ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says I don't have enough experience
Q. My boyfriend told me last night that he is concerned that I don't have enough sexual experience for him to get more serious about our relationship. He is concerned that since I have only been in one other serious relationship that I cant be ready ...
A. 25 September 2013: I agree with Person12345...
when i was with the man who became my last husband we got into the swingers lifestyle.... to be honest I admit that part of why we got into it was that I was sort of hoping he would meet someone else and leave me... ... (read in full...)
"I'll love you even if we break up": why would a guy say that?
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months had a few drinks on Friday and said "I love you, I'll love you even if we break up". He also said he's decided he's too "selfish" to have a child. I didn't engage the conversation because he had been drinking. He knows I ...
A. 25 September 2013: you want marriage and a child
he does not.
he knows this to be a deal breaker so he's letting you know he understands that you will break up with him to find someone who wants what you want... it's just a matter of time.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend in the army and I miss him. Do these kind of relationships work?
Q. Well the start of this month I met my boyfriend and started dating him.. I haven't seen him for three weeks. I'm so used to seeing guys that I date a lot. But I hardly see my boyfriend I'm not sure whether to feel fine to miss him or if I am stupid ...
A. 25 September 2013: So you met him and he immediately had to go do his service.
you are a mere 16/17 years old and barely know this young man
I think that teens are not cut out for long distance relationships.
IN addition, if you are 16/17 and he's military... (read in full...)
I do still love him and think about him but I'm confused by his words!
Q. I love this guy, and he tells me he loves me. We have been together for 6 months now. All this while we've been together,i thought we were a couple until last week wen i text him that it was better we broke up since he said i was hurting him. I ...
A. 25 September 2013: he does not love you and he said that in hopes you would go have sex with him.
never listen to a man's words unless they are backed up by his actions.... (read in full...)
Why do some people not have stretch marks?
Q. I have a question about stretch marks... How come some people don't have them? i've never seen the women in a porno have them, i know the pics are airbrushed but not the videos. Does anyone here not have them? I have them and it makes me feel li...
A. 25 September 2013: I'm 53 and I barely have any... and I've gained and lost a lot of weight and I've had 2 children... and I am aware of how blessed I am not to have them. NOT that it's a huge issue... they are your marks that you've lived and loved.
some folks ge... (read in full...)
She had a breakdown when I was her advisor and now 6 years later, she's sending me very strange emails. What do I do?
Q. About six years ago I advised a graduate student from China who didn't do well in the lab and failed to complete her project. She left with a Master's degree but also went a little nuts when she was here. I had to take her to the Psych ward at the ...
A. 25 September 2013: I agree with NOT responding to her AT ALL but I would forward the emails to authorities that are in a position to help her.
That way, while she is NOT your responsibility in any way shape or form you won't have any "survivor guilt" should she do s... (read in full...)
Is there any chance a handsome guy could like a fat girl?
Q. Hello Dear Aunts and Uncles So, this is gonna be a silly question but i hope you could answer anyway... Well, there is this guy i met that i really like. We are in the same group of friends (i am new to the group). The thing is i don't know if...
A. 24 September 2013: could be... why not ask him out...
not all men want bone skinny women... being obese is one thing but having "a bit of meat on your bones" usually does not deter folks.
... (read in full...)
I'm not making as much money so I'm behind on my alimony! Ideas?
Q. i need help, i have recently got married and had a baby with a beautiful 24 year old girl. my ex wife took me for alot of alimony, and i was ok to pay her for the first year she was awarded it for five years. im having difficulties now paying her ...
A. 24 September 2013: I'm sorry but if you left her, part of your leaving her was the court order to provide for her for 5 years... you are late with your payments and therefore she has the right to go to court and get it garnished.
YOU if YOUR income is reduced have... (read in full...)
Should I move on or give him some time?
Q. I've been on a few dates with this guy and he has been a gentleman, very romantic etc. He tells me that he likes me over and over again and that he wants to get to know me. We have kissed and cuddled only. Now my problem/ confusion is tha...
A. 24 September 2013: Can't improve on YouWish's reply... 5 stars to her. and I second everything she said.... (read in full...)
Does looking at and smiling at another woman in class mean a guy is interested in her?
Q. Hello. Just wondering what everybody thinks. My boyfriend is a group fitness instructor at a gym. I take part in some of his classes sometimes. What I noticed is that he has looked at an attractive blonde who is at the front of his cla...
A. 24 September 2013: I smile at folks all the time... a smile during a class is an encouragement to keep working
it's his JOB to make the class fun and keep the members coming
you are way over thinking this.... (read in full...)
Even after a nasty break-up thoughts about my ex are interfering with my new relationship
Q. Hi I am 27 femaleand I have a dilemma... I was in a relationship with Andrew until last June we were together 3 years and had some great times. But... I got into financial difficulties and lost my farm and went through some quite bad depression a...
A. 24 September 2013: you broke up in june with Andrew and you did not give yourself time to heal and grieve that lost rather you jumped too quickly into a newer relationship that you were not ready to have.
I think that you need to be honest with the new guy that... (read in full...)
I worry that men think I'm only good for sex
Q. Even though I have had relationships in the past, lately I think sometimes that I am only good for sex and I guess it's because of the guys I meet. I am attractive and whenever I talk to them they just see my body and not my personality so I...
A. 24 September 2013: Well for ONE stop “playing along” IF you DEMAND respect with your behavior and your actions you will COMMAND respect from them.
IF a man I did not know well came up to me and was being sexually explicit, the withering looks he would get from... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's best friend is a girl who likes him and it really bothers me!
Q. Hey everyone so I'm not sure if I'm over reacting or what. But my boyfriend has a girl best friend I'm not used to dating guys who have girl best friends infact I absolutely hate it! But he's been friends with her way before we started dating. They ...
A. 24 September 2013: nope I don't think you are wrong at all.. "you too" means "I love you too but I can't say it when SHE's here"
you can't issue an ultimatum. you can't tell him to not be friends with her... I'm sensing SHE's more into HIM than he is i... (read in full...)
Normal or potential abusive boyfriend?
Q. Hello, Ive been dating my boyfriend lets call him ''bob'' for three years. During the time we've dated i've noticed he can be very possessive and controlling. He is this way about my best friends, what i eat, make up, decisions about our relati...
A. 24 September 2013: thanks for the update... sorry he's being a pain.... stay strong and this will pass.... (read in full...)
Normal or potential abusive boyfriend?
Q. Hello, Ive been dating my boyfriend lets call him ''bob'' for three years. During the time we've dated i've noticed he can be very possessive and controlling. He is this way about my best friends, what i eat, make up, decisions about our relati...
A. 23 September 2013: he is wrong... what couples say when fighting does count.. and it's their true nature.
it's going to be very hard to leave him but that's what you should do.
he's possive
he's controlling
he's threatening
you are being abused and ... (read in full...)
I ruined his birthday, but is it justified because his friendship with his ex was out of line.
Q. I'm talking to this guy and every now and then he goes and hangs out with his ex girlfriend. He knows that I don't like it at all because when hes with her I tell him not to speak to me. He tells me that hes sorry and hes trying to end things on a ...
A. 23 September 2013: "We have been "talking" for 6 months and he refuses to let me see other people because he's "waiting for the right time to ask me out". I feel if I cant see other people, neither can he... "
SERIOUSLY... talking for six months... crud b... (read in full...)
Is it against the law to save photos from facebook?
Q. I have taken to saving pictures of girls in my class wearing bikinis from Facebook or Twitter. All I want to know is if it is first of all legal and secondly if its creepy to do so. I've never shown anyone this and nobody knows I do it. I am ...
A. 23 September 2013: Cerberus with all due respect you are usually spot on but "just don't tell anyone" and "facebook friends make great wank material" may be fine for a 22 yr old but not for a young boy 13-15....... (read in full...)
Asking a guy out over facebook- urgent help?
Q. Ok, so I want to send a fb message to this guy who I was studying with (our course is over, as of last week). I was intending to make a move last week, in person, but never got the chance. So now I'm resorting to facebook even though I know he ...
A. 23 September 2013: maybe he has his phone number on his facebook profile...check... some of my friends do.. if so just call him.... (read in full...)
Why do I break condoms?
Q. Why is it that I break condoms regularly. It happens about 20% of the time which is very often considering I'm very sexually active. It's very concerning to me as usual hookups that are supposed to be pleasurable end up in paranoia and fear of ...
A. 23 September 2013: is it possible you need the Magnum XLs (they are bigger than the regular Magnums) and yes leaving a bit of room in the tip is crucial.... (read in full...)
Any tips on coping with body issues/insecurity?
Q. Any tips on coping with body issues/insecurity? In a couple months, I will be seeing a man I haven't seen in almost 20 years. We have been chatting a lot online, and I'm pretty sure his visit will be a romantic one. I'm anxious because I'm n...
A. 23 September 2013: 4 years ago I had weight loss surgery and lost half my body weight. I met my NOW husband AFTER I lost all the weight but BEFORE I had reconstructive plastic surgery.
I feel your pain and I get it totally 100%
I wrote long tomes for mysel... (read in full...)
Is it against the law to save photos from facebook?
Q. I have taken to saving pictures of girls in my class wearing bikinis from Facebook or Twitter. All I want to know is if it is first of all legal and secondly if its creepy to do so. I've never shown anyone this and nobody knows I do it. I am ...
A. 23 September 2013: Agree with CMMMP.. creepy yes
illegal... no they are on facebook and there fore if you can see them it's not an issue.
I use pictures friends post all the time as wallpaper on my computer (they are of dogs called Newfoundlands but the dogs don... (read in full...)
He didn't celebrate my birthday. Am I overreacting if I break things off?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about a month now. As far as I know, we have been seeing each other exclusively. Things have been going well this far until my birthday yesterday. I had a birthday dinner with friends scheduled for the day before my ...
A. 23 September 2013: WAY over reacting...
he CALLED from the airport during his trip... trust me you are on his mind and important to him.
but traveling takes a lot out of some folks.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend only calls me to spend the night then pretends he's busy for work the day after.
Q. hii am a totally confused lady..i have dated my boyfriend for two months now heading three.and i like him alot hs everything av ever wanted in a man but the problem is i think either he is seing another person or he is just using me for sex...he ...
A. 23 September 2013: No confusion needed julliepeter… he’s an abusive user.
You say you like him a lot… and he’s everything you want in a man… tell me that list.
A man who calls for sex and uses you for sex when it’s painful is not kind or considerate or gentle o... (read in full...)
Should I break it off because he will not let go of his best female friend that he's too close to?
Q. My partner of 5 years is now losing me as I can no longer deal with his best friend. Shortly after I lost my virginity to him, i found out i was not the only girl in his life, but that he was mingling with others, one of which was this best friend. ...
A. 23 September 2013: Are you afraid to break it off with him because you know he will pick her over you and that will hurt?
yes you should break it off. and no he won't dump her for you.... you will always be second best to her in his eyes.... (read in full...)
Fiancé antsy about marriage worried about step kids
Q. Engaged to be married but my fiancé reqlly would prefer we live together first but (1) I don't want to - i don't think it guarantees you anything and (2) n my state you can't with minor children (your ex can take your kids away). This saddens ...
A. 23 September 2013: I don't think you need to live together before marriage... folks survived for centuries without that bit of social anxiety... and I do not think that it's a viable option with minor kids in the house.
he is wise to worry kids are the biggest ... (read in full...)
I don't think the time is right to tell my parents I'm seeing a boy from another faith
Q. im a 21 year old catholic girl in love with a hindu boy of the same age. sweet n short.. the problem is religion. although we have been in this relationship for 1yr and his folks knew about it they were cool. they even accepted. but my parents don ...
A. 23 September 2013: my son was dating a girl of a different faith and when his father and step mother found out they forced him at 22 to break up with her. He has never forgiven them.
He no longer speaks to his father and step mother at all.
Essentially they ... (read in full...)
Husband is in love with younger woman but want's to work on us.
Q. Help! My husband (22 years together, married for 18) recently confessed he had been having an affair for 18 months with a younger mutual friend. He says he thinks he had been suffering from depression for 2-3 years as he was unhappy with our...
A. 23 September 2013: OP what wonderful news. I am very glad to hear that he's making progress and you stuck by him.
may you two enjoy many years together.... (read in full...)
Why do guys pretend like they are looking for a great personality when it's really just physical attraction they are looking for? Why don't people just admit the shallow truth?
Q. From experience and observation, I know for a fact that a huge majority men do NOT give a crap about a woman's personality. They just instantly know whether they are going to put up with a woman's crap or not. If you find someone physical...
A. 23 September 2013: They key to your submittal is “if you find someone physically attractive” And that alone is the key… What I Find attractive my friends do not… and vice versa.
EVERYONE finds someone ATTRACTIVE… my attractiveness is not universal. Neither ... (read in full...)
He hasn't called after a fight
Q. My boyfriend (5months) and I had a fight the other night. The exact details I can't even remember. Basically we were suppose to meet up on Thursday because we haven't seen each other for a few days so I was waiting to hear from him when he got home ...
A. 23 September 2013: what i want to know is why you think this behavior is acceptable and you are thinking HE broke up with you... why are you taking this abuse?
why don't YOU break up with HIM and get on with your life..
he always waits for you to initiate (bad s... (read in full...)
Need more money making options after maternity leave.
Q. I have had a wonderful 9 month's off work with my beautiful baby and in 8 weeks my maternity leave ends and I have to go back to work. Before my daughter came along I enjoyed work but now I feel so depressed about it that every time I think about it ...
A. 21 September 2013: can you do day care for other parents?
around here that's what mom's who want to stay home do.. they run legal day cares from their homes.... (read in full...)
Should I be jealous if my boyfriend commented on one of his FB friend's picture and told her she looked gorgeous?
Q. Should I be jealous if my boyfriend commented on one of his FB friend's picture and told her she looked gorgeous? I happen to see that once because it appeared on my wall and I've seen do that a few times and maybe more that I don't know about. Is ...
A. 19 September 2013: I don't think that it's a problem to be honest... men who are taken/partnered/married are NOT dead...
I can say a guy looks hot and not undermine how I feel about my husband. He can say another woman is gorgeous and it does not mean tha... (read in full...)
Would a penis pump work?
Q. I've thought of getting a penis pump. I'm not big, between 4.5 and 5.5 and not very thick either. I wanted to know if i use a penis pump and pump it up say just a half inch bigger everyday over a long period of time would it grow to say 6.5/7 and ...
A. 19 September 2013: I don't think so.... nothing will change it... not even surgery..
truth is that a penis is the least important sexual toy in your arsenal... it's only good for impregnating most women... we don't really want a big penis as they HURT and to ... (read in full...)
Husband is in love with younger woman but want's to work on us.
Q. Help! My husband (22 years together, married for 18) recently confessed he had been having an affair for 18 months with a younger mutual friend. He says he thinks he had been suffering from depression for 2-3 years as he was unhappy with our...
A. 15 March 2013: I hope his medication continues to help and that counseling continues to improve things.
Thank you for updating us OP, I have been thinking about this question and trying to figure out what to say.
I know after 25 years together my mother... (read in full...)
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