A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So this is more a request.for guidance. I especially would like answers from men, and from women with experience in casual sex.I lost my casual-sexginity! This week! It was AMAZING. Here I was all cynical about the crappy hand life had dealt me, and being "above" casual sex. For so many years when blam! There came my opportunity.It didn't hurt as much as I feared I get all tight vaginally when I am nervouse but it was not bad at all in fact the tightness turned him on. I was also added by the fact that I was very VERY wet due to all the pre-sex talk.It felt so good! I felt like such a woman the whole next day... I did not know I could do it. It healed so much of the unsexiness I felt by being serially cheated on in more and more erotic ways.Doing something erotic made me feel powerful, and sexy. And being looked at, being comolimented, having a man appreciate the effort I put into trying to turn him on was so nice.I'll even admit it being good for my ego that some-one quite as handsome and hunky as he had noticed me and wanted me "from the first time he saw me" (in contrast with being ignored by the long term, average looking cheat I have wasted my time and dreams on)In another lifetime, perhaps hunk and I could havr had something, but I am in too damaged a place to go into a long term relationship and I have a feeling he is not keen on one either.I did this with the full knowledge that he might see me as easy and write me off, but then he texted me. I think in all honesty he may be "shelving" me for the next encounter...I would like to do this with him again. I have a set nr of times I would like to do it, and then no more, because I do not want my heart in it. I also would like to then stay civil and polite with him, in case we have to work together in the future... does that sound at all possible? Can you sleep with someine multiple times and not develope feelings? Can you then walk away and be polite and civil, even good friends (not close friends, pretty sure if I hang out with him too much, I will play with his testicles at some point) just good, decent friends...Does that sound naive and idealistic? Ps: having slept with only one man before (for 10 years) I didn't know penises could be so large. Which is comoletely irrelevant, I just thought I should brag about that...Ok, please give me feedback? What do you hear? What are common pitfalls for women in this situation? How do I protect my heart from falling . REALLY could not handle heartbreak right now, and besides, if hunk thinks I'm easy I won't exactly be a candidate for gf, will I? I gave him no reason not to think I was easy- he made me feel so comfortable and I just let go... and did naughty things... and I was good.. :)Feedback please? Do I stand a chance of a little more no-strings attached nookie? Hmm? (Please say yes)And if so- how? How do I turn him on, and avoid turning him off?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much!
I like those boundaries, those are things I never thought of.
And for both your warnings and congratulations, I thank you. I am aware that this is risky business and could use all the guidance I can get.
With that in mind, Sage Old guy, please rain on my parade, rain away. I wanna look at this thing from all angles...
I would appreciate your honesty and candor. I do not know what I am doing here, I just know it was fun...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 August 2013):
 is it possible... sure.
doe it happen often.. NO usually one partner cares more than the other.. often the woman.
having regular sex with someone means that your hormones flow and those make us have feelings.
the longer you stay with them and the more you have sex the more you may start to care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): It is possible to have great NSA sex without too much heartbreak if both of you have the same ideas and same boundaries about the arrangement.
A few years ago I had a wonderful NSA "relationship" which ultimately lasted 2 years. It ended when he met someone he wanted to have a "proper" relationship (we both knew that one of us would meet someone else one day, it was just a case of who would first) and although I was mildly miffed when it ended it was mainly disappointment that I wouldn't be able to have sex with him any more.
In order to avoid heartbreak I stuck to certain rules.
1) I saw other people too (and slept with them)
2) I did not meet up with him more than once a month (usually it was even less often than this as we were both busy working people.)
3) We would meet for sex - aside from meeting for a drink first there would be no romantic-style dates or days out together.
4) We did not contact each other in between meeting up except to arrange our next liaision - no phone calls just to see how the other person was or texts telling the other person about your day etc
5) We never discussed our lives in depth or told each other about problems.
6) I kept him totally separate from all other aspects of my life - he never met any of my friends, family or colleagues even under the guise of "just a friend". We didn't ever attend social events together.
7) He never stayed the night
8) We always used a condom
I guess for me, having a guy around too much means that I get to enjoy it too much and it hurts when they leave, Because I stuck to these boundaries and kept him at arm's length emotionally, I never considered him as part of my daily life and I didn't miss him too much when it ended.
You might want to consider some or all of the boundaries I've suggested or come up with your own.
Good luck and have fun!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 August 2013):
 I won't "rain on your parade" with a Sage response.... But will stand ready to offer you an umbrella when you finally do experience the deluge....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love your answer! I am so excited, thank you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): Do you stand a chance of more NSA sex? Sure. Not many single men will say no to free sex offered up to them on a platter by an attractive woman. Just don't start talking to this guy about your emotions or hinting that you would like commitment.
You are right in your desire to keep this fling brief... sooner or later one of you (probably you; that's just how it is) will develop deeper feelings for the other. One way to stave that off is to keep your options open. Have a fling with this guy but flirt with others. Be "talking to" a couple of them. Date like a man would. There's no shame in discovering yourself as a sexual being as long as you practice safe sex :) Best wishes
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