A
female
age
41-50,
*eggie87
writes:Hi, I've been going out with a guy for 4 months, and he still hasn't taken me out to dinner. I'm not sure if he has much money, which isn't an issue, but whatever his situation, I think the least he could do is take me out. We have met for casual dinners a couple of times, going Dutch, but each time, he has told me he has eaten beforehand, and never orders anything too big. I remember one time I met him after he was in the gym, and he told me he had pasta in the car so he wouldn't eat, so I ordered for myself, hes big into fitness so was watching his diet, which i guess was understandable. I remember onceI won a vouchar for a free pass to a gym in his town, and a couple of days later, he actually asked me if I wasn't using it could he.Now, I was going to give it to him, but after that I just couldn't. I don't know, we went away for one night and everything was halved, even the hotel price! We kind of have discussed expectations in relationships and he believes it should be 50/50, although sometimes I feel it's more like 60/40, me being 60. Maybe I've just dated very generous guys over the years, but this attitude really frustrates me. I guess I'm thinking stingy with money, stingy with everything, selfish. At the beginning of our relationship, after sex, when he had ejaculated, he didn't show any concern whether I had cum or not, we talked about this and he has been taking it on board since. He also has a teenage son living in Austrailian, and him in Ireland, who he hasn't seen for 5 years, talks in Skype though, and says he pays maintenance. I've chosen to believe him, but it also is a concern of mine that he hasn't tried to see his son. I haven't mat any of his friends or family yet, so I can't comment on his background. I had a family wedding recently and he insisted in coming with me, which I wasn't too happy about because I still felt I was just getting to know him, and thought it too soon for family introductions. Anyway, that's basically where we're at in our relationship. Any advice would be appreciated...thanku!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 He wanted to go to a family wedding you did not want him to attend and he went? WHAT happened that he bullied his way in?
He sounds like a cheapskate yep.
and i agree with Honeypie.. we have GUT feelings for a reason. if more of us listened to them Dear Cupid would be a boring place..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): He sounds cheap & it was rude of him to invite himself to a wedding, is he going to split the cost of the gift you're giving? I can understand taking turns & splitting cost, but he's never taken you out on an actual date & bought you a meal.
I feel if a man wants to get to know me & invites me out on a date, at least the first time, he should buy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): I wonder if he may have an eating disorder or serious food issues. I know people who have pulled these exact same stunts when eating out because they are trying to avoid eating. (Or does he eat normally if the food is free)Otherwise he could just be though that he's the miserly type who doesn't like spending money (maybe he feels he needs to save every penny for his son)Why does it bother you that he hasn't seen his son for a long time? Australia is such a long way away and difficult to afford in terms of both time and money that frequent trips are out of the question? Remember that he would also have to pay for accommodation and living expenses if he went there as well as all his usual maintenance......Or are you doubting that this son exists at all?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2013):
 Listen to your gut. You are not even sure about this guy. THAT gut instinct is there for a reason.
This is NOT the guy you WANT. You want a guy who who's main focus in not how much he's going to spend. Not saying you want a guy with money, but one that isn't FOCUSED on that part.
My guess is, he doesn't want to spend money. I mean if you go out to dinner I think it's PERFECTLY OK to go 50/50 but for him to show up and then not eat? What is that? He came to watch you eat? Sorry, that is NOT a dinner date. That is a "I'm to cheap to eat a meal with you" or" I'd rather save $20 then have a nice meal with you". It might be that he is very health conscious, but I'm not convinced that he couldn't find ANYTHING on the menu he could still eat and enjoy.
As for inviting himself to a wedding? No, I can't even go there. DID you tell him, no can do? Or did you "let" him boss you into taking him?
If he is financially hard up (which might be why he avoids spending money) could be why he can't afford to go to Australia - it's kind of a pricey flight. So if they Skype they do "see" each other - at least on screen and that is better then nothing. ON a personal note, Hubby had to Skype with his two oldest kids because WE were stationed in Germany and they lived in the US. Flying back and forth wasn't in the cards. Or it could be that it's just not one of his priorities. Maybe he feels because he pays maintenance he is doing "his" part.
I have never dated a guy who would nit-pick when the bill came. EVER. Some would refuse for me to pay for my part, other would say OK sure, but NEVER EVER have I been told/asked to pay. If he think EVERYTHING should be 50/50 I can JUST imagine living with him.... Nitpicking everything down to the last penny. I could actually see him add up all YOUR items in the shopping card so you pay for YOUR stuff (even if you are both going to use it).
Just the fact that he can't seem to say, hey I'm getting this, ONCE in a while ( you could do that too of course, but I don't think YOU would have a problem with treating him).
I think that :
1. his financials are shot and he either had a messy divorce or got ordered to pay more in maintenance then he actually can afford.
2. He is just not for you. He keep doing thing that turn you off. But you keep giving him another chance.
3. OR He is just real cheap. Not just with you, but that is WHO he is.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 September 2013):
 He wanted to go to the wedding not for meeting your family, but for the free food. Inviting himself is just tacky. I know of people who never visit their children. I can never do that. It's only been 4 months. This should be a stage where a man showers a woman with attention and treats her like lady. It gets worse when the relationship gets comfortable. He is a cheap skate, and he will be one in every aspect. He will be asking you to run errands, vacuum his place. If you want to make it 50/50 and be sure that he doesn't go over, you have to budget everything. You will be the accountant of the relationship. That's not how it should be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): This part of going Dutch would bug me. I don't even go Dutch with my friends. One day ipay, one day they pay.
And splitting everything half, could he at least pay for the hotel, that he is staying in. MY be he is stingy, and how come you still didn't meet a single friend of his. May be because he doesn't have any?
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