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So_Very_Confused
writes:So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time"“But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless.A partner that says “I love you” then sneaks off and texts with other people to flirt and stroke egos at minimum is saying one thing and DOING another. A partner that never says “I love you” but shows you love by their actions may make you question their commitment more than the partner that says I love you but then emotionally abuses you. The old saying goes “Actions speak louder than words” and until recently I didn’t fully understand this.So many people come on here and post… “He says he loves me” that SCREAMS to me that YOU DON’T believe he loves you…So I ask.. “How do you know he loves you” and so many folks will say “he says he does”, but when I ask HOW does he show you I’m met with silence.My ex said “I love you” way too early in the relationship and way too often…it got diluted and meaningless… and it turned out that he had no concept of what love really means…So I ask again… how do you know someone loves you?1. They truly want YOU happy even at their expense… so that means if you love something set it free…. “I love her how can I make her be with me?” You can’t. Accept it. Wish her well. Move on. Pining away, plotting how to get her to leave her current boyfriend and be with you, is not about HER being happy it’s about YOU getting what YOU want… that’s not love. That’s selfish.2. They do things for you without you asking. Like what? Well they might clean up the kitchen when it’s not their “job”. Or run errands for you. I got a great foot rub the other night without asking or even hinting….3. They compliment you without being told to. “I like your tie”, “you look very nice”4. Their general demeanor is one of respect and admiration for you. You don’t question how they feel because they exude a love for you.. the way they look at you, help you with your coat or other items, bring you a drink or food… you walk in at the end of the day and their face lights up, they stop what they are doing they come to you and greet you with words, a hug, a light kiss.. 5. They listen to you and they share things with you.6. There are private couple things that might occur.. a special word, a nickname, that special way she puts her hand on your thigh or for girls he puts his hand on the small of your back as you walk somewhere. 7. The friends that formerly disrespected you while the relationship was new are no longer permitted to do so. In fact, they are told point blank that ‘my partner is my priority if you can’t respect my partner then I can’t be friends with you.’8. They make time for you. None of this “I’m too busy to have a relationship” stuff. Now someone NEWLY out of a relationship that says “I’m not ready” is probably being honest and not making an excuse.. Someone TWO years out who says “I’m not ready” is making an excuse and needs to do some serious emotional work with a therapist. So if your partner:Stands you up without a phone call or explanation, they don’t love you. Especially if they do it more than onceAllows their friends to disrespect you they don’t love you no matter how many times he says “I love you baby as he’s trying to slip his hands down your pants, if he lets his friends say bad things about you, it’s not love.. It’s sex….Says “I love you” then lies to you or cheats on you or hits you, or calls you names, they don’t love you…Let me say this again: NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY OR HOW OFTEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU” IF THEY ABUSE YOU IN ANY WAY IT’S NOT LOVE. Abuse is not just hitting. It’s verbal (yelling) it’s emotional (calling you names like fat cow or stupid bitch or dummy etc.. or telling you what a failure you are) and it can be sexual (he wants his sex and he wants it NOW regardless of how you feel about it)I have learned that if someone has to say “does she love me” the answer is usually NO.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): I have to agree with everything. More specificaly with number 7. I was with my ex for 5 years ans one of his friends and his mother were more then disrespectful to me. Things were said and done to me by them in front of him and instead of defending me he would go as far as to ask me to take it in silence because he didn't want to cause frictions with his loved ones. I think it should have been a big hint that I was not part of those "loved ones" he wanted to protect.
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reader, JetaAri  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Thanks miss very much , we are commited to each other very much, he wrote me everyday ,and night, always told me to trust him him, even he is with his friend or go out with them dont be jelous,always he write me when i am at work how i am did i am tired, where i am, also he called me to go to his city to visit him drink coffe, he also intuduced me to his friend and we drankt coffe together, but alwas said to me that he his sorry that he doesnt have money to buy something to me , he dosent work because the conditions are bad in my country, but i love him no metter what he is in my soul.IS this love???????????
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 Good points!!
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