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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My boyfriend is either the eternal batchelor or has cold feet!
Q. How soon is too soon to have a conversation about moving in, or the next step? (marriage) My boyfriend and I have known each other for 3 years and been dating for 9 months. We are both in our late 30s. I have to move (lease is up) - so I men...
A. 31 August 2013: he wants a year... that's 3 more months...
ask him "what's going to change in a year?"
"I don't know" or 'Nothing much" would be acceptable responses. THEN YOU LEAVE.... because nothing will change.
YOUR ONLY hope to see if he's... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is either the eternal batchelor or has cold feet!
Q. How soon is too soon to have a conversation about moving in, or the next step? (marriage) My boyfriend and I have known each other for 3 years and been dating for 9 months. We are both in our late 30s. I have to move (lease is up) - so I men...
A. 31 August 2013: Sweetie... backing off and being unavailable is going to be game playing for you... its' not who you are and you are doing it to garner his attention more?
how long are you willing to waste time hoping to get him to be what you want?
if you ... (read in full...)
I don't understand my ex. Does my ex have issues?
Q. My relationship with my ex ended almost 6 months ago as she had been raped 12 months ago. She was able to tell me just a couple details to start with but admitted she had an orgasm. she said she couldn't get it out of her mind or understand how i...
A. 29 August 2013: her body had a physiological response.
her brain is not dealing well with it.
the key is she's an EX you have no need to worry about her any more.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is either the eternal batchelor or has cold feet!
Q. How soon is too soon to have a conversation about moving in, or the next step? (marriage) My boyfriend and I have known each other for 3 years and been dating for 9 months. We are both in our late 30s. I have to move (lease is up) - so I men...
A. 29 August 2013: he's full of crap.. the "it's YOU not me" BS
1. he's a drunk... getting drunk once a week is alcoholic behavior. I live with an alcoholic... this week is a "non drinking week" and it's pleasant but trust me this weekend will more than ma... (read in full...)
My partner is still tied to his family and I am a secret. Did I do the wrong thing by giving up?
Q. I am divorced with two children and met another divorced man with three children, a couple of years after we were both divorced. My ex and I are amicable and have successful custody arrangements, although fairly traditional. My partner and his ex ...
A. 29 August 2013: divorced people do not go on holiday with the ex
they do not share finances or itunes accounts
I separated from my first husband with two very small children (ages 3 and 5) we ALWAYS talked on the phone (daily even at first) and planned t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is pushing me to have a baby with him, but I don't feel for him.
Q. Hi everyone. I've been with my boyfriend for a little under 3 years (I'm 25 and he's 28) and things haven't been too good of late. I say of late, probably about a year..! From the moment we met he made it clear to me that settling down and sta...
A. 29 August 2013: GO home tonight and say
"I am 25 I am NOT ready to have a baby. PUSHING me will not help it only makes it worse. Let me help you pack"
then get the suitcase out of the closet and start putting his clothes in it.
He SAID he was leav... (read in full...)
Battle of the exes! What do I do about this proposal from my ex?
Q. Dear Cupids, I'm at a major crossroads.. I was seeing a guy for 10 years..We broke up and remained friends..Great friends..No bad feelings.. I adore him and our friendship. He was an emotional boyfriend-always saying he loved me etc,still makes ...
A. 29 August 2013: OP you said: “.He doesn't like "emotional" conversation..I'm hoping that comes in time!”
Usually in the beginning what you see is the BEST you ar going to get… if he’s not into emotional conversations early on, then it probably won’t get bett... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants us to go travelling with his female friend for 2 weeks but I don't want to do this
Q. My boyfriend and i are 23 and live together, we've been together 4 years and have lived togther for 3 and a half years! We are happy but do argue evey now and then as couples do! We live about 30 mins away from his parents and friends so he se...
A. 29 August 2013: So you suggested an option involving Sarah (1 week with her and 2 on your own together without her) to him going all alone with her.
he responds with 2 weeks with her and 1 week alone without her...
sounds like he's willing to not... (read in full...)
Husband works from home and I hate it!
Q. Hi, Does anyone have a husband that works from home? Mine started recently and I hate it. He makes me feel like the villain but I adore him. I just don't want to spend every second together. He goes to a room as his office but there is still a ...
A. 29 August 2013: I understand.
I took 3 hours off of work yesterday to go home and have the house to myself and get some chores done without him being there...
even when he's home and asleep I am not alone.
can you go out for a few hours every work day? ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriends behavior with 16 year-olds daughter friend appropriate?
Q. Hi Everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I am a 35 year old women in a relationship with a 38 year old man. We have a good relationship and have been together for about 7 months. Recently, I was at his daughter sweet 16 birthda...
A. 28 August 2013: I asked at what age he started drinking/drugging for a reason
the reply that he's sober for 5 years is good news.
HOWEVER the AGE he started using is the emotional age he probably is stagnated at.
MY husband is 12. Seriously. His BC says ... (read in full...)
What physical act counts as cheating in a relationship?
Q. Hey Just wondering what you guys would consider cheating in a relationship? E.g. A kiss? Oral? ...
A. 28 August 2013: to the last anon male poster... I most certainly would consider my husband getting a happy ending at a massage parlor as cheating....... (read in full...)
How much blood can I expect from first time sex?
Q. Dear Cupid! I don't want to sound immature or stupid or anything like that because I am not, so don't make fun of this question, please. I want to sleep with my boyfriend in couple of weeks for the first time. I'm a virgin but he had a few ...
A. 28 August 2013: if you are well lubed and have no hymen there should be no bleeding
I did not bleed the first time...... (read in full...)
Is possible to maintain a friendship with this person while postponing a romantic relationship for at least a year?
Q. Any advice for maintaining a friendship with a potential love interest? I have fallen head over heels for someone, but neither of us are in a position of getting into a relationship. He lost his job and is living with his parents, and I am in the ...
A. 28 August 2013: it will be nearly impossible to 'be friends' if you both want more and you are setting arbitrary time frames because you think you should and have nothing holding you back from moving forward.
I would be casual friends in touch... and NOT figh... (read in full...)
I have never been unfaithful but like looking at shemale porn. Why?
Q. I am a married man who look at shemale porn all the time, never been unfaithful other than looking at porn, my question is why do I desire shemales with large cocks?...
A. 28 August 2013: Because you do... it's different... it's weird.. does not make you gay or anything like that.
my hubby goes for shemale porn also...
I don't think it's a big deal but then I am not freaked out by porn...... (read in full...)
Emotional affair that I'm having trouble getting over
Q. I was in a long distance relationship and at this time I met another guy I had a crush on. Since it was just a crush, I never mentioned it to him and we became friends. The more we got to know each other, the more I realized he was recovering from a ...
A. 28 August 2013: I agree if it has not been long, that the best and only thing that will help you get over it is time....
you did the right thing. I'm so sorry it hurts to do it.... (read in full...)
Tells me to be honest, but he gets mad When I am?
Q. My boyfriend always says that he wants me to be open and honest with him about everything no matter what it is. Especially if it has to do with another guy an he would do the same But the thing is, when Im open and honest with him he gets upset wi...
A. 28 August 2013: sounds like you are now LDR... and it sounds like he can't cope with an independent woman.
also it does sound like he's a manipulative control freak.
I would tell him everything and I would add at the end "IF YOU REACT badly to this informat... (read in full...)
Why do men go to men caves unannounced, go no contact, leaving women worrying?
Q. I posted an issue on the site a few days ago. The link is provided. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-are-soulmates-but-now-hes-ignoring-me.html If you are unable to access it through the link it is under the archive of August 19th and i...
A. 28 August 2013: I don’t think it’s ALL men. I think in your case, that he’s not doing the CAVE thing he’s doing the A-hole thing.
STOP apologizing to this man. HE owes YOU an apology for his BAD behavior. When my husband (before we were married) had life... (read in full...)
Why do guys take girls for granted in dating?
Q. Why is it that when a guy wants to date you,he will do everything possible to get you and when you finally accept to date him,for sometime he will reduce the things he used to do when he was wooing you like not calling more often and not seeing you ...
A. 28 August 2013: well the theory is the men are hunters and the HUNT is what's the thrill for them.. once they catch you and don't have to work to keep you they relax.
... (read in full...)
My g/f makes me wait hours between texts. I don't like her behavior!
Q. hi guys. a few nights ago, my girlfriend came home after spending the night with one of her friends. she texted me "heeey" with a smiley face to let me know she was back. and i replied in about 10 seconds or so. then she disappeared for ...
A. 28 August 2013: I agree that not answering a question is bad... BUT
if the text is "hey I'm home safe" or something like that... all it requires is an acknowledgement if anything and then ONLY if a question is asked does it require a response.
a text like t... (read in full...)
What physical act counts as cheating in a relationship?
Q. Hey Just wondering what you guys would consider cheating in a relationship? E.g. A kiss? Oral? ...
A. 27 August 2013: interesting point to add
WHEN we were swingers my EX husband and I had a rule NO KISSING OTHERS... because kissing is way more intimate than anything else.... (read in full...)
I think I've lost my g/f and don't know what to do
Q. So my gf and I have been dating for just over 2 months. We recently moved in together and things have gotten bad. It seems as if everyday I do atleast 1 thing wrong, most days it's several things. It's almost as if she looks for things to complain ...
A. 27 August 2013: moving in together after a mere two months sounds rushed.
did either of you need a place to go so you ended up as the default settings?
if you are unhappy I'd move out and then find out what the issue is.... (read in full...)
I loaned my b/f money and now he's not talking to me
Q. Dear Cupid My bf (of 3 yrs) and myself were having probs lately as i have some financial issues and was struggling and i asked him to lend some moeny and told him ill pay it back in 2 months max. Brief background, i gave my bf money a...
A. 27 August 2013: Once my husband and I were a committed couple there was no "borrowing" of funds... his money was mine an mine was his..
I needed something we got it..
if you owe him and he owes you.. then either you owe him more or he owes you more and one... (read in full...)
I don't want to use my mom just to babysit while I have a baby!
Q. Question for mothers and Fathers. I'm 22 weeks pregnant with my second child who I have been with for 4 years. Me and my partner 'Jay' got into a huge argument last night about the when the time comes for me to have this baby. He obviously wan...
A. 27 August 2013: YOUR the one who is PREGNANT why is this all about what HE wants?
are you afraid of him?
does he have a temper?
is he abusive to you in any way? because if he is and you are doing this to please him and keep the peace eventually this beha... (read in full...)
My g/f makes me wait hours between texts. I don't like her behavior!
Q. hi guys. a few nights ago, my girlfriend came home after spending the night with one of her friends. she texted me "heeey" with a smiley face to let me know she was back. and i replied in about 10 seconds or so. then she disappeared for ...
A. 27 August 2013: my last text message was "i'm in the lobby" to a co-worker I was meeting for lunch
before that it was "do you need me to take care of your cat?" to a friend who is out of town... her reply "no" was all that was needed...
text messages... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriends behavior with 16 year-olds daughter friend appropriate?
Q. Hi Everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I am a 35 year old women in a relationship with a 38 year old man. We have a good relationship and have been together for about 7 months. Recently, I was at his daughter sweet 16 birthda...
A. 27 August 2013: i have ONE question... would you have felt this upset if it was boy teenagers he was this close too?
does he have full custody of this child?
are there other children?
how often does he see her?
does he drink or use drugs? if so at wh... (read in full...)
I'm confused by my partner's behavior during sex with other couple??
Q. Dear qupid..... My woman and I started a swinging lifestyle. The first time we got together with a couple we had no problems.... Second time no issues there neither..... Third time was all bad.... We get...
A. 27 August 2013: why are you swinging?
you two are not cut out for swinging... there is no room for insecurity, jealousy or childish games.
swinging will not fix broken relationships. it makes them worse...
... (read in full...)
I found a pair of women's sunglasses in his hotel room. Is my b/f cheating on me?
Q. My boyfriend of four years is staying at a hotel for work for a month and this is the second time I've come to visit him while I can't work (rain). Today I arrived at the hotel and found a pair of womens sunglasses under one of the bedside tables ...
A. 27 August 2013: a few weeks ago we went to our yearly gaming con and stayed in a hotel.
we got home and I was missing my wireless mouse.. I called the hotel.
they checked the room and did not find it.
the NEXT day they called me again... they looked aga... (read in full...)
I now have an erection whenever I kiss my gf. How can I stop this awkward reaction?
Q. My girlfriend and I were making out and it went a little further. We ended up doing oral. Now I every time we kiss I get an erection. Even just regular "goodbye" kisses. I didn't have a problem with this before. How can I stop it from happening? I ...
A. 27 August 2013: you can't stop it and the more you think you can the worse it will be..
it's NORMAL.... and it will go away with time and age...... (read in full...)
What should I do with an old jealous ex I shared 6 years of my life with?
Q. I dated my ex for a little over six years before I'd had enough of his pessimism and serious lack of a sex drive (believe me, I tried everything to keep him happy and satisfied). Honestly, there wasn't a lot of give and take involved. Clearly, he ...
A. 27 August 2013: THROW HIM AWAY LIKE RUBBISH!
seriously.. you owe your ex NOTHING.
he's being manipulative because you are permitting it.
I was married to the father of my children... we dated 2 years nearly 3... we married... we had two children.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's former friend-with-benefits talked to him. Should I let it go?
Q. My boyfriend used to have a friend with benefits. My boyfriend and I live together now. She broke it off with him. It's been about 5 years from the break up. The town is not large. So far they have kept their distance from each other. This woma...
A. 27 August 2013: Sounds to me like they parted amicably and are behaving like adults.
what would you have wanted him to do?
yes i guess he should have mentioned she stopped by but I wonder if your prior reactions to the mention of her stopped him...... (read in full...)
What physical act counts as cheating in a relationship?
Q. Hey Just wondering what you guys would consider cheating in a relationship? E.g. A kiss? Oral? ...
A. 27 August 2013: My definition of cheating is ANYTHING you can't won't or don't tell your partner.
AND telling AFTER the fact is still cheating.....
... (read in full...)
Things were fine with my LDR boyfriend on Friday but he hasn't responded to my texts or calls since then
Q. I have been in long distance relationship for 6 months. We talk on the phone and text everyday. We spoke on Friday night as usual and nothing was wrong we made each laugh and spoke like we usually do. We said goodbye and hung up. He did n...
A. 27 August 2013: he knows you are worried...
you know he is fine
whether or not he's breaking up with you should be a moot point as this behavior is off from normal behavior and his explanation better be stellar or you should break up with him.
it's T... (read in full...)
He is a good father but always turns down sex.
Q. I've been with my guy for over 5 years. Together we have two kids (2 and 4). We haven't had a regular sex life since I fell pregnant with #2 in Oct 2010. This year alone we have had sex about 4 times. I have tried to talk to him about it but he ...
A. 27 August 2013: he's tired.
and distracted
and that's not a good reason.
my husband never wants me either.
so i went to him and told him "I love you but if you don't step up and make me feel wanted I'm going to have to take a lover. I won't do it ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's brother has been texting me really inappropriate stuff after I had a fight with my boyfriend. not sure how to proceed
Q. I have been going out with a guy for the pass 7 months we get along well and we like each other. He has been abroad working back home for the pass 3 months he will be gone for 7 months. We are in contact daily and I am going to see him in ...
A. 27 August 2013: the brother is a total loser..
hitting on his brother's gf and asking for money?
I would
a. cease contact with the brother
b. let your boyfriend know why you ceased contact with the brother if he knew about it....
I think the boyf... (read in full...)
My husband blames me for all the damage caused to our relationship
Q. Hello this is going to be a long question but I need advice. Me and my husband have been together for 5 years now. Married for 6 months. We have a three year old son together. He is my first everything and we've had a lot of ups and downs througho...
A. 27 August 2013: you should both want to make the changes and improvements together at the same time.
one person changing is not enough.
if he's not willing to admit to or own his own bad behavior there really is not much hope.
would he go to counseling? if... (read in full...)
My wife came back to me after an affair but she's pregnant and I don't know if it's mine
Q. My wife left me for another man last year, she was carrying this hidden affair for a while. I was clueless or chose to be blind about it. She broke my heart because I really do love her, I tried really hard to get her to come back and she did. She ...
A. 27 August 2013: Legally if you two are married the baby is yours in many states. Check to see if your state adheres to "the lord Mansfield rule" which means that whomever the woman is married to when she gives birth is the legal father.
If you are going to... (read in full...)
Nothing has been said since I reminded her of her sexual past, should I bring it back up?
Q. I am upset over something but don’t have the right to be. I posted last hear on Dear cupid and got some good feed back. Let me explain and get your reaction. I have suffered from retroactive jealousy for a number of years. I realize the p...
A. 27 August 2013: OP I don’t think you are a bad guy either. I can’t grasp how you feel or why you feel that way but many others can. I think you love your wife very much and would MUCH PREFER TO NOT FEEL the way you feel.
I think your wife is very wise to l... (read in full...)
Is it OK for me to ask a girl to dress the way I like girls to dress when we go out?
Q. I would appreciate opinions on how to approach this, or indeed if to say anything at all. I seem to have some type of "fetish" where if a girl is dressed in a certain kind of way, she becomes irresistable to me. Not sluttish, certain types of...
A. 26 August 2013: my husband and i had this conversation when we first were dating... I asked him what he liked in GENERAL... and he gave me a list of what he found sexy.
now nearly a year married he gets a say on DATE NIGHT about what I wear... but like thi... (read in full...)
Why do I attract more attention from guys when I am travelling, but not when I am in my own country?
Q. My questions is why do attract more attention from guys when I am travelling, but not when I am in my country? I travel a lot:3 months out of the year. Sometimes it's for work but also for pleasure. I am always looking forward to my trips because...
A. 26 August 2013: when you are home you exude a different persona than when you are away from home.. they probably pick up on your relaxed feelings (no cooking, no cleaning, travel is fun)
and go for it. you probably put off different vibes when you travel.... (read in full...)
I can see potential in this guy but my mom thinks he's bad news. How should I proceed?
Q. I moved with my family into a house next door to a guy around April. We started talking late May. We got along great and were hanging out heaps. We were staying at each others places watching movies or having drinks. We did give each other hugs ...
A. 26 August 2013: you cannot and should not love a man's potential.
if you do not love him WHERE he is in life and want to change him, then you are falling for POTENTIAL that may or may not happen.
IN addition a young man who drinks and smokes can handle it be... (read in full...)
Busted by my 8 year old, butt ass naked in the kitchen!
Q. Hello. I am a just turned 31 year old, married mother of an 8 year old daughter. Last night, our daughter was having a sleepover with a friend a few houses down from ours. My husband and I took the opportunity to enjoy our alone time. We wer...
A. 26 August 2013: Honesty... best policy.
... (read in full...)
The house will be "ours" but he is making the rules!
Q. Both in our 50's and only been married 10. months. We lived together happily for a year before but now bicker all the time. He feels that he has fitted into my lifestyle whilst at my house and we are now moving to his. I never wanted this but ...
A. 26 August 2013: I know lots of smokers who do not smoke in their own homes.
When we first started living together my husband had quit smoking.. he has returned and he was supposed to smoke OUTSIDE... i made the mistake of letting him smoke in the house du... (read in full...)
Her parents don't know we are married.
Q. Dear Cupid, I really don’t know where to start.. I met a beautiful lady (24) that is now my wife accidentally through social media whilst I was part of a high profile event which we both were using such public platform to talk about. Cut a lo...
A. 26 August 2013: medicated bi-polar is usually workable if they can find meds that work. un-medicated bi-polar is NOT good.
Lies are not good.
and truthfully " as expected with someone of her condition she panicked" UMMM NO... NOT as expected. it's ... (read in full...)
Nothing has been said since I reminded her of her sexual past, should I bring it back up?
Q. I am upset over something but don’t have the right to be. I posted last hear on Dear cupid and got some good feed back. Let me explain and get your reaction. I have suffered from retroactive jealousy for a number of years. I realize the p...
A. 26 August 2013: WEll there are two things here
first of all when I was in college there was no chance of getting an STD that did not respond to treatment... now there is... so
that's different.
secondly... she never lied to her husband about her prior ... (read in full...)
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