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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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We are soulmates but now he's ignoring me.
Q. I've been in a whirlwind relationship that I would consider my soulmate. He is recently divorced, a messy divorce, and has kids. I'm longtime divorced with no children. It was love at first sight for both of us and he asked me to marry him ...
A. 20 August 2013: YOU WANT IT TO BE OVER... stop hoping it's not.
what you want is for him to want you... that strokes an ego... but the truth is that you are not getting anything good out of the relationship.
I would take control and give him a call early nex... (read in full...)
I was upset all evening, was I overreacting?
Q. Hello, yesterday I had a meeting in the city with my boyfriend. I was a little late and when I came to the meeting place I saw him talking to his ex gf who he knows I hate very much, because she is psycho bitch. They were laughing and when I was ...
A. 19 August 2013: SageOldguy...
that leads to this:
he sees his ex and he KNOWS it bugs her... so he HURRIES the ex off even though he is HIDING nothing.. then does not mention it as to NOT ruin a nice evening... but lo and behold a friend of hers saw him talk... (read in full...)
For my own sake, should I tell my ex how I feel?
Q. To try and keep a long story short, I left him because of his temper. He wouldn't yell, but rant on and on often saying spiteful things to me e.g. You're crazy, stuck up, bitch After a few weeks on no contact we started talking. Things were goo...
A. 19 August 2013: he knows he has a crazy temper.
best thing to do if you must tell him how you feel is to write a letter ON PAPER and mail it. but if you send it then you owe him the chance to respond... why would you want that?
he's abusive towards you and ... (read in full...)
I was upset all evening, was I overreacting?
Q. Hello, yesterday I had a meeting in the city with my boyfriend. I was a little late and when I came to the meeting place I saw him talking to his ex gf who he knows I hate very much, because she is psycho bitch. They were laughing and when I was ...
A. 19 August 2013: I'm sorry I do not think you are right at all.
I think you heavily over reacted.
He can't control where she is in the world and they ran into each other... he was ADULT and polite.
... (read in full...)
I accidentally said something I shouldn't have at work, now my younger colleague may think I'm weird!
Q. I work with many younger colleagues, 95% my workplace younger, which is fine, I have NO issue with my younger boss or working with 22-34 yr old colleagues, half are under 28, some are managers which is fine,they are good at it, im just an average ...
A. 19 August 2013: gawd things roll out of my stupid mouth all the time...
I just forget them and move forward...
and don't worry what others think...
... (read in full...)
He says he wants to see me and then backs out every time! What is with him?
Q. I met a guy a few months ago. He started texting me me a short while after. Our texts became pretty steamy. But he seems to go hot and cold. He says he wants to meet up. Three attempts have been made and he chickens out. Late Friday night he texte...
A. 19 August 2013: I dont' much care why he's doing it.. but he is doing it and he's jerking your chain.
NOT only would I NOT meet him or suggest meeting him
I would only take texts or calls between 7 am and 11 pm and NOTHING gets responded to after that.
... (read in full...)
She poured her heart out in an email to me then started dating someone else
Q. Hello, Has any girl reading this settled for 2nd best? Shortly after meeting someone and going on a few dates I had to move 120 miles away. She sent me a very lengthy email explaining all the things she liked about me but she finds it so hard and...
A. 19 August 2013: She was very honest with you. Some folks can’t do LDRs. Who she dates now is not your concern as much as you want it to be. You had just started dating, and then you moved away. This means that in order to continue this relationship long term ... (read in full...)
How do I tell her I looked into her phone and saw explicit messages?
Q. I have a dilemma and need to find a way to resolve it. I have been dating a lovely lady for 18 months. 10 months into our relationship, work took me away to South East Asia, where my roots are. I was supposed to return after 5 months, however ...
A. 19 August 2013: OP you said: “I was supposed to return after 5 months, however personal family issues meant I did not want to return back to Glasgow and the work opportunity was good, and it has now taken me to Italy.”
So you made the CHOICE to not return t... (read in full...)
My coworker says that he might be interested but I think that he might just enjoy my company. What do you guys think?
Q. I am massively attracted to my superior at work. I am 20 and he is 32. We both work at a hospital, he is a general surgery resident and I am a research student. Are these signs that he is attracted to me as well? He: Always takes me w...
A. 19 August 2013: He may just be a nice guy...
YOU really like him so you will read into anything he does or says as a way to feed your crush...
it's never a good idea to date co-workers and it's a worse idea to date supervisors...
... (read in full...)
He's 16 and I'm 17. Should I try to talk to him when I see him at choir?
Q. Ok so! Recently I finally got over my ex, it took like 6 months but I am finally over him, we ended up just honestly stay best friends. Anyway now that I have moved on I found this new guy I really kinda like. I always saw him around the schoo...
A. 19 August 2013: the age of one year is not a big deal at this point.
stop playing games with him..
at the next choir meeting you go up to him and say "sorry my friend was so stupid with all the texting I'm (your name) nice to meet you" and hold out your ha... (read in full...)
We are soulmates but now he's ignoring me.
Q. I've been in a whirlwind relationship that I would consider my soulmate. He is recently divorced, a messy divorce, and has kids. I'm longtime divorced with no children. It was love at first sight for both of us and he asked me to marry him ...
A. 19 August 2013: Are you sure you want to live your life walking on eggshells with a man who
a. has a stressful job and life
and
b. clearly has no coping skills for this stress?
the reason he does not kick you to the curb is it's easier to stay with... (read in full...)
My curvy LDR gets advice from her friends to lose weight. I like her just the way she is. Should she listen to her friends or me?
Q. I have been in LDR with an American girl for two years. We met once in South East Asia and spent two weeks together. I'm 32 and she is 34. She is curvy and always asks me whether, "should I lose weight or not?" Also, if she loses weight, he...
A. 19 August 2013: IF she is overweight and needs to lose weight for her health, then that trumps what you like.
My bigger concern is you have been together two years and you have only met once...
when are you ending the distance and who is moving to be wit... (read in full...)
Can a man who is willing to cheat on his wife ever be faithful?
Q. Please help me. I have been married for 12 years. I love my husband like a dear friend, but I have never been in love with him. We have been to counseling and I have even told him that when we married I was in a bad place and I am not sure I ...
A. 16 August 2013: So are you considering leaving your husband for this man?
Because that's a lousy reason to end a marriage... what happens if this man leaves you later on? will you beg your current husband to take you back?
if you are wanting OUT of the m... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?
Q. I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...
A. 16 August 2013: OP you are correct both foreplay and afterplay are important for good lovemaking.
Where you fail is your belief that your wife screaming and having orgasms makes you a good lover. It does not. Some women do not orgasm from intercourse and fewe... (read in full...)
Since having children my friend constantly and openly openly judges me and makes me feel bad about my decision not to have kids
Q. Hey! So, I've had this friend since kindergarden. We've been very close friends since we were 3 years old and I know she loves me and I love her back, but we're very different people (different education, different background...). Anyway, the thin...
A. 16 August 2013: I would not keep her around.. you have tried to tell her how you feel and how her behavior negatively affects you and she's ignoring that.
it might be that she's actually a bit envious of your freedom not having kids...
sadly there are times ... (read in full...)
He gives me really mixed signals. Every time I let go he comes back to me. What is this?
Q. So I need to know if this guy likes me or not. We are just friends, but i know he is attracted to me because he has mentioned he is.I have a huge crush on him.I know we have a connection because we have talked on the phone for 6 hours straight ...
A. 16 August 2013: I'm thinking sadly he's just not that into you...
and you are wise to not respond to late night texts or last minute activities...
... (read in full...)
I regret breaking up with my girl, now I want to make up with her
Q. I think I made a mistake in ending my relationship with a girl who was deeply in love with me. I had reasons but did not make it known to her. She was quiet confused, but just agreed for our separation. I'd love to make up with her but will she be ...
A. 16 August 2013: the only way to know is to approach her and ask..
I would offer a lunch meeting (your treat) in a quiet but public place... offer to meet her... tell her you have been thinking and want to talk...... (read in full...)
Does this sound like a normal stag night or should I be concerned?
Q. I'm 28, my fiance's 31, we've been a couple for 5 years now, engaged for 2. We live in Southport, England. His stag weekend is coming up in 6 weeks, and this is what he's doing [quoted from itinerary]: STAG NIGHT WITH THE LADS ATTENDING: John [...
A. 16 August 2013: Well I've never known guys to want to go shopping like this.
do they shop normally?
if NOT... well then take it with a grain of salt.
IF there are things you do not wish him to do then tell him
I do not wish you to do
a. b. or c. ... (read in full...)
How do you know if you're really over someone and not just trying to replace them with someone else?
Q. Hey there, my boyfriend broke up with me one month ago, leaving me here to spend the whole summer alone or - even worse - with my parents. Now, here's the situation: this October I'm gonna start university, and - as many friends of mine told me ...
A. 16 August 2013: I realized yesterday that I am over my ex husbands... how do i know this? I have NO feelings about any of them.
not love
not fear
not hate
nothing...
i feel that I want them to be happy and healthy and whole but I have NO NEED of any ... (read in full...)
Why am I so jealous all of a sudden?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am loved a lot by the man I am with. He would never cheat or hit me. We love each other to death and have been together for a long time now. Knowing that he won't cheat I always get so scared and jealous when he is around other gir...
A. 15 August 2013: jealousy is an emotion that is not rooted in love.
Jealousy is an emotion that is based on insecurity.
if it did not bother you before but it does now... search yourself and figure out what has changed to cause you to feel insecure about ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?
Q. I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...
A. 15 August 2013: I can't help but wonder why you think she is not giving you her body and soul and how you even can begin to think you know what went on in her life before you came into it.... (read in full...)
He's cheated in the past and I don't trust my husband fully now. Should I?
Q. Married for 12 yrs. im a SAHM( Stay at home mom) with two kids 6 and 2 yr olds. Husband seeked escorts while 2nd pregnancy. Found out 2 yrs late. He says he is clean now no more a cheater but no matter how hard I try I find myself spying on him ...
A. 15 August 2013: You are not a loser because your husband makes bad choices...
How can we help you?
do you want to consider leaving him?
do you want us to help you figure out how to do that or do you need us to help you find peace coping with a man who is... (read in full...)
If a guy misses you, does that mean he has feelings for you?
Q. Hello everyone. I just have a question. I hope to hear from some men as well. When a man tells you he will miss you (he is going away on a trip for a week)..... is this a good sign that he has feelings for you/has an emotional connection ...
A. 15 August 2013: I think OP you are over-worrying.. you are exclusive and have a good relationship. I'm sure he meant it.
stop trying to second guess him and take his words at face value if they match his actions.... (read in full...)
I want to masturbate but I don't want to feel the guilt again!
Q. To make a long story short, I use to be inlove with masturbating and i stopped doing it 2 months ago, but i feel like if i do it just once ill get hooked but masturbation is a thing with all males 99% of all males do it and i have had these strong ...
A. 15 August 2013: it's NORMAL to want to masturbate. In fact, It's NORMAL to masturbate.
If God did not want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter.... (read in full...)
I want to masturbate but I don't want to feel the guilt again!
Q. To make a long story short, I use to be inlove with masturbating and i stopped doing it 2 months ago, but i feel like if i do it just once ill get hooked but masturbation is a thing with all males 99% of all males do it and i have had these strong ...
A. 14 August 2013: Define Chronic.... because if it's like morning (morning glory erection) and at bedtime (best relaxer there is) and it's NOT impacting on your life then i see no issues..
where is the guilt coming from?
The only time masturbation is a pr... (read in full...)
He never wants to get married but I do. What to do?
Q. Hi everyone, I really need your help and advice. About 3 months ago when I was living in France I met a guy coincidentally just a week before moving back to the UK. Long story short, we have seen each other a couple of times since we met, talked e...
A. 14 August 2013: When I met my now husband he told me he was never getting married. He did not believe in marriage and marriage was stupid. NOTE I said HUSBAND...
I believed him and I do not care about being married as I am done having children and I have bee... (read in full...)
Did he forget we agreed to get married in December?
Q. Hi everyone. Please tell me if I am overreacting. My boyfriend asked me to marry him and I said yes, we agreed to marry in December. This was 2 months ago. We do not have a ring yet. He says he is saving. We have not discussed that again, I accepted ...
A. 14 August 2013: I'm with Tisha.
unless you are planning the courthouse if you have no officiant, no invitations, no venue, no dress then it's NOT Happening
IF you are planning the courthouse you can firm it up now by setting a date to
a. go get your licens... (read in full...)
Shouldn't my boyfriend know by now if he wants a future with me?
Q. I'm an emotional roller coaster lately, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm torn, or if I'm going into a "low" period. I have had periods where I feel very negative before, and in these periods everything looks black. So please, it'd be great to ...
A. 14 August 2013: I'm of the belief that he would know by now... and if he's not able to give you what you want at your age after 2.5 years together he probably never will.
the only way to find out is to push him to that limit.
I did this with my first husband... (read in full...)
Fiance is angry because I don't want him going on vacation with family of my dead husband
Q. Ok so, I've been dating this man for 6 months and we are engaged to be married. Yea, when you know you know. It just felt right. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage (he passed away 5 years ago). I thought everything was ok until this past week ...
A. 14 August 2013: these kids are your kids cousins and that relationship should continue.
your SIL is behaving badly and I would have told her that. She would punish her children to get back at you for doing something SHE does not like?
People that date ... (read in full...)
If someone has regretted starting smoking at some point, will they ever quit?
Q. As much as I hate that you can't make someone quit smoking I understand that it has to be their choice. I just wondered though, although I am possibly living in hope. If someone has regretted starting smoking at some point, will they ever quit? At ...
A. 14 August 2013: smoking is one of the most addictive things to give up...
yo9u have to really WANT to quit... and evne then it's very hard...
I smoked from age 14 (1974) till age 35. (1995) I did have a period of time 1981-1989 when I did not smoke. I ... (read in full...)
The weirdest date I've been on. I still can't figure out what happened?
Q. The weirdest date ever, what does it mean? I met this guy in Miami, we had some kissing and some sort of almost sex in a car. He was out of town. We kept writing to each other very infrequently on FB. 2 years forward, I have a business trip an...
A. 14 August 2013: I'm betting there is a local woman he's interested in and did not want to cheat on her by being physical with you.... (read in full...)
Should I stay in the relationship for a few months to see if I fall in love?
Q. Hey everyone, Iv been seeing my boyfriend a little over 4 months now and he has been an amazing boyfriend to me and he loves me but I 'like' him I don't love him..4 months as many of you would say is too soon to proclaim love I agree but sometime...
A. 14 August 2013: its been 4 months and you are not feeling "it" I don't think you need to stay any longer... in fact, I think staying with him is not fair to him... the longer you stay the more in love he will fall and the harder the break up will be on both of ... (read in full...)
I'm eight months pregnant with our first baby boy and I'm absolutely, ridiculously terrified!
Q. My husband and I have been together for seven years. We're as strong as ever and I couldn't live without him. He's my soul mate. Well, I'm eight months pregnant with our first baby boy and I'm absolutely, ridiculously terrified. I thought I was ...
A. 14 August 2013: NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL
I have two boys... seems like yesterday and now they are your age... congrats to you and your parents... (grandbabies.. I WANT GRAND BABIES)
BREATHE... relax... there are great support groups for you after the baby i... (read in full...)
My fiance doesn't help out around the house.
Q. I've been with my fiancé for a couple years now, I really love him and love the time we spend together. My issue is he doesn't help out around the house. What do I say to get him to help out more without starting an argument or make him feel like ...
A. 14 August 2013: can you set a calendar and schedule? My husband was willing to help but on his time table which did not work for me... we ended up getting a maid for the big stuff.
But if he is willing just sit down and say "honey let's draw up a chore l... (read in full...)
To apologise for the way I treated her I helped pay for their wedding, but I realize that I love her
Q. This is long and I apologize. But I put myself into this ordeal and I want to know how to get out. I met this great woman when we were 16. We dated the summer after sophomore year (10th grade) but I regret to say that I blew her off most of the ...
A. 14 August 2013: did you think/hope that giving them the money would make her stop the engagement and wedding?
there is nothing you should do.
you needed to NOT FORCE the money on them like they did.
you can love her all you want but SHE DOES NOT FEEL ... (read in full...)
I'm hurt that he is choosing to believe an anonymous idiot over me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 4 years. A couple of nights ago he called me to say he'd received a text message saying 'you should ask your girlfriend where she stayed on Saturday night'. I was on a night out with my sister o...
A. 14 August 2013: I once got messages online from an "anonymous" person who told me to check on my then boyfriend... sadly they turned out to be true after i determined who it was but it was someone trying to make trouble
it's disconcerting to me that after 4... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to leave my husband that I don't love anymore. Is it possible?
Q. I'm sorry, I'm back again...I just can't seem to get anywhere so have returned with still hope in my heart . I am still struggling to leave my husband who I don't love anymore. He is a recovering alcoholic with depression. I suffer from phobic a...
A. 14 August 2013: You are allowing your fear to overwhelm you. I too have a degree in psych and tons of experience in life including leaving husbands.
A support group and network is VERY helpful but it’s NOT ESSENTIAL if it’s the only thing that is keeping ... (read in full...)
I feel I'm addicted to having this married man with me, even though he proved to be a liar and a cheater. How can I snap myself out of this?
Q. 2 years ago I met a man whom I fell in love with. We started seeing each other until I found out he was actually married with children (his wife read his messages and contacted me). I was devastated and things ended right there. Since we live ...
A. 14 August 2013: No moral judgements from me.... but let's see if we can figure out what is so enticing about a man who is using you for sex...
WHAT do you WANT from ANY relationship.. if it's just casual itch scratching (sex) now and again... there is your ans... (read in full...)
If a guy misses you, does that mean he has feelings for you?
Q. Hello everyone. I just have a question. I hope to hear from some men as well. When a man tells you he will miss you (he is going away on a trip for a week)..... is this a good sign that he has feelings for you/has an emotional connection ...
A. 14 August 2013: All he said was a polite "I'll miss you"
it may mean "i'll miss seeing your smiling face"
it may mean NOTHING and is just a polite way of saying.. see you after vacation.
or it may mean "I'll miss undressing you with my eyes"
GUYS ... (read in full...)
I like a guy, thought he liked me but turns out he wants my friend and we all work together!
Q. hello...i started talking to a guy my friend knew..we used to talk almost daily and i started to like him and i could see he was intrested in me..but then all of a sudden he stopped talking and went silent on me..i texted him once and he never ...
A. 14 August 2013: I think that he liked you as a friend and figured if you were friends with the girl he liked he would cultivate your friendship but once he realized you wanted more than just friends with him he backed off since he was never interested in you that ... (read in full...)
What can we do to celebrate when boyfriend has busted his ankle?
Q. So my partner plays AFL and he has done damage to his left ankle (AGAIN!). Unfortunely this is bad timing as out one year anniversary is coming up on Monday the 19th and we were planning on swimming with dolphins that afternoon then go back to my ...
A. 14 August 2013: Wow so plan to push him in a wheelchair around a park or something then go home and cook dinner.
sometimes you have to alter your plans. Be flexible.
as a mobility limited person rarely do our celebrations include much more than a lovely ... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of me to ask my b/f if he and a female friend had hooked up in the past?
Q. My bf and I are in somewhat of a LDR as we only see each other on weekends. We've been doing this for 2 years. He recently relocated to another area for school but he's still as far away as before, just in another direction. Last week he told me he ...
A. 13 August 2013: As long as you were prepared to hear the truth and not hold it against him or punish him for his past, it's a perfectly fine question to ask.
I agree with llifton that his reaction leads me to believe he's hiding something.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is careless and thoughtless when it comes to our relationship!
Q. I feel as though my boyfriend is thoughtless, conceited, forgetful, and more importantly careless when it comes to our relationship. To make a long story short, he forgot about me last Christmas and my birthday this year. He promised me several ...
A. 13 August 2013: if he gifts others on special occasions and not you, why are you even still with him?
do you think that talking to him will fix this?
clearly he can remember others on their birthdays and other events but he CHOOSES to not think about you.... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?
Q. I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...
A. 10 August 2013: why do you ASSUME she is lying? why do you ASSUME you are not her best?
do you realize that part of being the best lover a woman can have is mental and NOT physical. I have had MORE lovers than your wife three times over easily and more than one... (read in full...)
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