A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My younger sister and her fiance are getting married in december, (interstate.) As well as their friends, and my brother and his family some extended family members,are also travelling to attend, its not a big wedding about 60 ppl.I am single, I am quieter,esp in groups, (but can be direct and assertive at times) and my life is quite different to my family, I at times have little in common esp with my fathers sisters, my aunts.. who will be going and who Ive not seen in 10 years!!! my sister and brother have seen them in past few yrs..Most of their kids are married or have a partner and are "near perfect" to them.Im the oldest (younger bro/sis) and I am regarded a little as the "odd" one of the family, as I am single and not married,and my f/ship circle is small.So..I am often treated differently, ppl dont relax near me and my nephews andneice are told "say hello to ****." My mother will analyse how I interact with others to see if I am behaving "normally",and she may stare and may comment later, "you seemed to talk to *** a lot" I dislike this...I am not some lab rat to be stared at.!!As I said I am regarded as the odd one at times, not always but often.I am a not freak to be analysed, or a boring person! Im as normal as we all are, whats "normal" now days anyhow?we are all different!I have my life and its not like theirs, im me..I can have fun as we all can and dont like the idea of being treated as "the sister"As my sister friends dont know me ill be the "sister" the novelty, maybe to wonder..cabout or maybe be a little careful with.I intend to be polite and friendly, as I always try to be! Im a little socailly anxious but I try my best,and im beter than in used to be, I will make small talk of course id never be rude, im not like that..but.. how can ideal with prying questions such as "have you got a partner""why arent you married"or worse ..my mother saying "***** is single" in a pitying voice.. or analysing me its my sisters day!! and she is the focus, but.. I dont want to treated as the freak in general conversations, "poor ****" shes alone.." me the only unmarried one or ppl commenting on my looks.. (average)Advice for dealing with nosy and overly direct family or guests here?thnks for genuine answers..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): Don't go to the wedding since it's going to be so unpleasant. Your absence isn't going to break the entire day, and all the guests' attention will be on the bride and groom anyway. For you to go and endure the insults and personal attacks (and yes those are veiled insults and personal attacks from family) is way more hurtful to you, than whatever annoyance any of them might have at your absence will be to them.another reason I support not going is because I believe that whenever people behave toward you a certain way that they always do, the more they do it, the more ingrained it becomes. Every time your mother says something about you in a pitying tone, for example, further reinforces this "her being one-up" dynamic between you and her opinion of you that you are to be pitied. At some point you will have 3 choices: to either continue to accept this dynamic and play along with it as you have been, or to cut off ties with your family so that you no longer are exposed to them to have to endure this, or to try to change the dynamic. But the setting of your sister's wedding is not going to be conducive to trying to change the dynamic. therefore I think it does less damage to you to just avoid this situation altogether than to play your part (by going along to be a target) in reinforcing this unhealthy dynamic. You can still send your sister a wedding gift and card, it's not like you're being malicious just because you don't attend the wedding itself. If necessary give other reasons for not attending - for example you can say that you have a friend who is very sick and you have to take care of them.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 One response for all 'lets' keep the focus on the bride and groom today Shall we? You can trash talk me tomorrow."
then smile a lovely smile and turn and walk away as gracefully as you can.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 I think it's sad when people are so small minded that they can only equate happiness and a fulfilled life only if there is a 'relationship'
I have been married and I have been divorced for some 9 years. Whilst married I was fulfilling other peoples happiness...whilst single, I have fulfilled my own.
You are probably going to be seeing a lot of 'older generation' folk at this wedding and they are going to be pretty stuck in their opinions and won't be able to resist having a prod at you. I suggest smiling sweetly and saying nothing...leave them guessing so as to avoid being rude...
But if anyone really gets you down, just whisper in their ear 'You have no idea how blissful being single is, I couldn't possibly give it up at this time'
Good luck and enjoy the day xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): I am married but my family and in laws treat me the same as yours because I have chosen not to have children. I tell you, it never ends.
I sympathize with you and I would even go so far as to say you should boycott the wedding. It is your sisters day and she will have her day with or without you. All her friends will be there and so will your parents so unless you are to be in the wedding party (which you didn't say you were) I don't see why you have to go support family who treat you like a freak show. This will not be the end of it, its just the beginning. Next will be her baby shower. Then the second baby. And so on.
Unfortunately it isn't just one annoying person its all of them
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 September 2013):
 how can ideal with prying questions such as
"have you got a partner" ----"oh, alas, I don't have a partner at this point in time. why is it you are losing your battle with obesity?"
"why arent you married" ----- "what an odd question to ask, have you ever considered how aggressive that sort of question sounds?"
or worse ..
my mother saying "***** is single" in a pitying voice.. or analysing me
You are in your late 30s, why are you still dancing like a puppet to their insecurities?
Just smile and laugh and give hugs and kisses and suggest that if they are so concerned for your marital status that they have their own problems.
Prepare some stock answers. "I'm so happy for Glinda, isn't she lovely?"
If someone comments on your looks, "I feel happy and healthy and my doctor is thrilled with my blood pressure and overall health. What are you doing about that hairy mole growing there? Glinda and her new husband are my new heroes! Aren't they wonderful? Tell me all about your mum and dad."
Or just go ahead and be honest. "That's a really intrusive question and I wonder at your motives. I will assume that you wish the best for me, so I will say thank you for asking, I'm fine and happy with my life. Let's wish Glinda a happy and wonderful marriage, that would make me happy."
As far as dealing with your mum, why not just be honest? "Mum, I'm not a freak, I'm me, I love you but your line of questioning is intrusive and frankly insulting."
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 September 2013):
Uggghhh! I hate when people ask me, "Why aren't you married?" It's the most annoying, next to, "Why don't you have any kids?"
While these questions can be extremely annoying, also keep in mind that people ask you questions (although, not always the most tactful questions) because they want to get to know you better and engage in conversation, asking if you have a significant other, what you do for a living etc. etc. are typical small talk questions. Don't automatically think that people are thinking of you as a lab rat or "odd" but sometimes people do have good intentions and may notice you're a little quiet and are trying to include you. If they do get a little too personal, just give a quick answer and change the subject...ask them a question about themselves and take it off you! Usually works for me, hope it helps!
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (3 September 2013):
 Say you enjoy single life, and that you haven't yet found someone worthy enough to spend most of your free time with :) Being single can be fun too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 September 2013):
 I would just not answer their intrusive questions and tell them that the day is REALLY all about the bride and groom then change the subject. Hopefully they will get it.
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