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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is the guy I like gay?
Q. I think the guy I like is gay. But I don't think he even knows it yet. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with gay people, but I have this habit it finding/falling for gay guys and I would rather that not be the case with this guy. I have ...
A. 9 September 2013: WOW… just because he takes tap dance and likes vanilla bean lattes does not make him gay. And having a sense of style and being clean.. maybe he’s just OCD not GAY.
The big issue is you are 17 to his 15 which when you two are 25 and 27 won’t matt... (read in full...)
He's 14 years younger than me, is it possible that he might like me?
Q. I need your advice! I am a 46 year old single woman and work with a 33 year old guy. He is nice and kind and helpful and flirtatious towards me. He is always ready to help. Although I am 46 but I look less ( I guess) specially my body looks very in ...
A. 9 September 2013: I have no issue with older women and younger men dating and marrying even. My husband is 13 years younger than I am. I'm 53 and he is 40.
My only concern would be that it's a work mate and if it does not work out, the it could get uncomfor... (read in full...)
He's not that close to this girl who he used to have a crush on, so why did he get up at 5.30am to meet her at the airport?
Q. Hi everyone! I love my boyfriend we get on but sometimes he drives me crazy! We have been together 4 yrs and live together, he has a few friends but hes really close to this family who have 2 daughters! He was in the same year at school with one ...
A. 6 September 2013: he considers them family.. the whole family went...
and i'm betting he over-reacted because he knows it's not "mainstream" to do what he did but he does not feel a justification is available.
to be honest it's not necessary either. I... (read in full...)
How can I help my friend? His girlfriend's family don't accept him!
Q. My friend's 19, and he's told me he's started dating this Indian girl who's lovely. I'm happy for him, however, it's the reaction of her parents that worries him (she's Muslim but not by choice). She does not want to be Muslim, she is not at al...
A. 6 September 2013: HOW can you help him?
the only thing you can do is be a good sounding board for him to vent about his frustration with this.
the onus is on his girlfriend and she's in a bad spot it's very hard to tell your parents you do not want to live ... (read in full...)
Should you change who you are just to impress a guy?
Q. My friend complains that she doesn't have a boyfriend, but when guys ask her out, she says no. She really likes this one guy, but she only seems interested in him when he is dating someone. Then if he asks her out, she turns him down. She changed ...
A. 6 September 2013: NEVER make changes for anyone but yourself, they will not stick.
perfect example:
I quit smoking for my first husband. he would not marry me if i smoked. I KNEW smoking was bad for me and I WANTED to quit but i was NOT really ready.
whe... (read in full...)
My boyfriends mother won't let her son live. Isn't there a point when a parent has to let go?
Q. My boyfriends mother won't let her son live. She calls us when she's out of town (which is on the weekends)about every hour (up until 4 am!) asking if we are partying, or out drinking. We're both of age, so it shouldn't matter. We don't drink and ...
A. 6 September 2013: why is he answering his phone after the first "check in"?
he needs to start ACTING like he's an adult. Saying it is one thing... doing it another.
If his mom is calling, he does not have to answer the phone...... (read in full...)
Should I ask my girlfriend if she enjoys sex?
Q. Lately after sex with my girlfriend i have been asking her if she enjoyed it or if she had fun. Is this bad? And i don't know why i started asking her that. Maybe i feel like she does not enjoy it? By me asking would that make her less attracted to ...
A. 6 September 2013: if she is giving you any sort of feedback "oh that was great" or "honey you are wonderful" or any other compliments then NO do not ask.
if you get NOTHING from her in terms of feedback then maybe have a chat OUTSIDE of the bedroom to let h... (read in full...)
He was silent after we had sex, I'm scared it was bad!
Q. am little worried i started seeing this guy and when we first had sex he was just silent he only kissed my forhead and we slept..am scared maybe it was bad or what waa running through his mind..but he does call after that we still talk.should i be ...
A. 6 September 2013: men after sex are useless cause all their brains are gone...
seriously... he may just not be a talker...
don't panic.... (read in full...)
I feel like I will never be as good enough for him as she was. Has anyone been in this type of situation?
Q. Hey everyone. Hope I can get some advice. I've been in a relationship with this guy for a few months now. I really care about him a lot and fell for him quickly. I'm a little worried about his ex who he was with for two years and they brok...
A. 6 September 2013: so if you wonder what they talk about.. ASK HIM!
hey hon, i'm a bit insecure (you are) and I was wondering what do you and [insert her name] talk about when you chat?
I am currently married to a man who I love in his insanity. He's not ... (read in full...)
I'm paranoid about him sleeping with female friends but when I think about breaking up I feel sick and upset!
Q. Relationship Problem! Im in a 2year relationship with my boyfriends. We have been on and off a few times but always seem to come back to each other! During one of our breaks he slept with this girl who was supposedly just his friend, however ...
A. 6 September 2013: "I feel as though i can let him go and i can see my future without him, but i know that he loves me so much, more than anyone else could."
if you can see leaving him and you can see a future without him AND you two have such a rocky relationship... (read in full...)
I don't like him teasing me about private stuff
Q. Hey everyone, I'm a very shy person and this is my first real relationship.. My boyfriend and I are in LDR now,sometimes actually most of the times my boyfriend talks abt what I did,or how I moan or what I say when he does things to me! And then ...
A. 6 September 2013: well you would talk about them in person if you were together but your LDR... he's just having a normal relationship with "his woman"
what would you rather talk about the weather?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend looks at his ex on facebook every day!
Q. Hi aunts n uncles, I have a boyfriend (30yrs) of one year, we are very happy! We talk of marriage and when to have children.. Same timelines. Great physical chemistry, best friends. He is sweet, loving and affectionate. He is ambitious and fo...
A. 6 September 2013: You moved in with a man who is not over his ex.
when he said:
"its something he feels he needs to do to get all the anger/hurt out."
you needed to say "oh so you are NOT over her yet." NOT a question a statement. And then the st... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was still sleeping with his ex 4 months into our relationship, and we got engaged after 6 months! Did he only propose because it had ended with his ex?
Q. My boyfriend confessed to me that he still had a sexual relationship with his ex when we met, and that it continued until we had been together for 3-4 months. He says he cant remember but that while we were together it only happened twice. I don't ...
A. 6 September 2013: "I don't believe him"
well that's the crux of it isn't it?
why don't you believe him?
maybe he broke it off with her because he KNEW he was going to propose and he realized (as men usually do) early on that you were the one for h... (read in full...)
Is it right my boyfriend went out with 4 female friends from uni without me, to a swanky new restaurant?
Q. Is it right that my boyfriend goes to dinner in a swanky new restaurant in town with 4 other girls, who are single, without me? No reason for it, just because. Friends from uni that is. My heart sank when he rang me to tell me, and dropped in, ...
A. 6 September 2013: there is an old saying "hold your friends close and your 'enemies' closer"
I'm not saying these girls are a threat or enemies but it would behoove you to attempt to make them besties....
If they had all gone to a different place I'm ... (read in full...)
My LDR makes fun of me all the time!
Q. Hey everyone, I don't know if my boyfriend thinks its funny or is just like that,he keeps making fun of me..we are in a LDR so I'm not really comfortable with him 'mocking' me all the time.. Sometimes he says things like what was that u sound lik...
A. 6 September 2013: if you are not happy and he mocks you, then you have every right to tell him it bothers you.
if you tell him it bothers you and he continues to do it, then he is not going to stop.
this could be for several reasons.
1. HE could stop but ... (read in full...)
How do you stop searching for love when you so badly want it to find you?
Q. People always say don't search for love and you'll find it but how can I stop searching? In the back of my mind I'm always expecting to meet someone, especially at weddings or public events. Im27 and have been single all my life. I know what I want ...
A. 5 September 2013: bars and clubs are not a place to meet folks IMO
do you have a hobby you love... I met my husband playing board games... I can vouch for a place to meet bright if geeky guys is a board gaming group....
My son is 27 and he's ready to set... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied to me about his past and his sex life and I don't know how much to believe him now.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. Things have been fabulous, we’re looking at getting engaged soon. However, there are some things which are bothering me and I need some men’s opinions on this. I was a virgin when I met him b...
A. 5 September 2013: so your concern is not that he has the ability to LIE to you and is not trustworthy... your concern is his ability to have erections now?
honey why he can get hard now and not before is not anything to be concerned about... the fact that he LIED... (read in full...)
Is he just being playful? Or flirting?
Q. Hey everyone, There is this married handsome guy I see around,we work in the same place but in different departments..we don't see each other every day! So whenever he sees me that would be once in like 2 or 3 weeks,whenever he passes by he wou...
A. 5 September 2013: FLIRTING IS PLAYFUL and it's not necessarily a gateway to sex.
I am married (and will NOT cheat) but I'm an outrageous flirt and my hubby knows it and accepts it as part of my personality.
I agree if it's a co-worker... NO out of office events... (read in full...)
Has anyone been in therapy and tell me how long it took before they saw any positive results?
Q. Has anyone been in therapy and tell me how long it took before they saw any positive results? I suffer from severe depression. This particular episode (which has lasted nearly 4 years) has been really hard to shift. I have been seeing a therapi...
A. 5 September 2013: I have been in therapy on and off since age 9 with various therapists.
IT took me a long time to find one that worked well with me... and with her it took us a long time (years) to get to a point where i could function daily without issues. ... (read in full...)
Dating a man who treats me right but who I dont' find attractive enough. Help!
Q. I know this is shallow but I can only get myself to put in an effort with a guy if I find him good looking.. I'm in a relationship with this guy for 4 months,I don't find him all that attractive, he's a pretty decent looking guy but when women co...
A. 5 September 2013: I would not give him more time if after four months you don't feel it and can spend 8 hours kissing him (wow) then I would end it now.
to stay with him knowing you don't feel "that way" about him is to lead him on... and risk being called... (read in full...)
How can I tell if she is having an orgasm or not?
Q. I don't know when my girlfriend orgasms. right now all i can do is trust her but i would like to know if she orgasms for real or if she is faking it. When she tells me she orgasms i can't feel her contracting even if i use my fingers. only until ...
A. 5 September 2013: goodness why is this an issue?
is she complaining that your sex life sucks?
who is unhappy in the bedroom and why?
personally sometimes you can't tell... SOME women (not all) will flush across their chest when they orgasm.
other that t... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle my 9 year old daughter's extreme jealousy
Q. I have been divorced for 3 yrs. I have a 9 yr old daughter. I am trying to bring a good man into my home life as well as we have now been together 6 months and it is definitely a ltr. I have kept any dating and men away from my children until it ...
A. 5 September 2013: I think you are very justified in expecting your daughter to behave appropriately when meeting a man you have been dating for 6 months after 3 years of divorce. Some of the aunts here tend to be very very conservative and gun shy about ... (read in full...)
Why is my height so unattractive?
Q. I have been rejected by hundreds of girls offline and thousands of girls online and have lost heart and all sense of my 'physical' self-esteem. It is very difficult to remain confident after that. My track record keeps me from trying now as I have ...
A. 5 September 2013: oh good point... I had many more suitors at an obese weight than I did/do at a thin/average (actually below average) weight...... (read in full...)
Dating a man who treats me right but who I dont' find attractive enough. Help!
Q. I know this is shallow but I can only get myself to put in an effort with a guy if I find him good looking.. I'm in a relationship with this guy for 4 months,I don't find him all that attractive, he's a pretty decent looking guy but when women co...
A. 5 September 2013: oh go with Chigirl's words much much better than mine!... (read in full...)
Why does he say I'm the only girl for him and then ignore my suggestions of meeting up?
Q. I find this man so confusing please please help!!!I have known him for about 7 years. We have both been away and travelled etc...but always been 'casual sex buddies'. We ahve a lot in common but I think have both enjoyed being single. He lives about ...
A. 5 September 2013: he thinks that like most women you would not be in it with him if he admitted it was just casual... so he "teases you" with the words he thinks you want to hear.
IF you are truly ok with being casual FWB then let him know that he needs to cut t... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend but I don't trust her
Q. Please help me friends I am very depressed and stressed nowadays! I have this girlfriend of mine from past 5 months. We are in a long distance relationship. We have just met 4-5 times since our relationship started. I want you guys to know she is a...
A. 5 September 2013: if you don't trust her then you don't love her.
you can easily be without a woman you do not trust.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to go on holiday with his mate and 2 female friends... without me. Am I wrong to feel this is inappropriate?
Q. Hi, just a quick question as I am really in need of others' opinions. My boyfriend recently asked me how I would feel about him going on a holiday for a week with one of his male friends and two female friends. Is this inappropriate for someone in a ...
A. 5 September 2013: What Honeypie said.
you dont' have to trust her if you TRULY TRUST him.
do you truly trust him? then let him go and don't worry about it.
the thing is... my friends are my husband's friends now and his are mine... enough that we do th... (read in full...)
Dating a man who treats me right but who I dont' find attractive enough. Help!
Q. I know this is shallow but I can only get myself to put in an effort with a guy if I find him good looking.. I'm in a relationship with this guy for 4 months,I don't find him all that attractive, he's a pretty decent looking guy but when women co...
A. 5 September 2013: Since he wants more time, I'd ask him... "how much more time do you want me to waste on this?"
because I will tell you that if after 4 months you don't feel the vibe there is not much that's going to change.
The fact that you left it ope... (read in full...)
Why is my height so unattractive?
Q. I have been rejected by hundreds of girls offline and thousands of girls online and have lost heart and all sense of my 'physical' self-esteem. It is very difficult to remain confident after that. My track record keeps me from trying now as I have ...
A. 5 September 2013: to the anonymous male poster...
IF the OP was 5'3 or shorter I would give credence somewhat to his complaint. BUT, at 5'7.5 he is taller than my current or my first husband.
I have dated men shorter than I am (hard to do since I'm bar... (read in full...)
Boyfriend treats me like his personal assistant! Advice?
Q. I've been dating this guy for almost a year. He treats me like his personal assistant, and I am finally sticking up for myself. But he is so sensitive that when i do he acts like Im hurting his feelings. For instance he wants me to make and cancel ...
A. 4 September 2013: Well you have a couple of options.
1. When he asks you to do it say “ok I’ll do it but I can’t get to it for about a week, it would be better for you to do it” OTOH.. I will tell you that I do all my husband’s scheduling since we moved in ... (read in full...)
How should I handle this current girl situation?
Q. My boyfriend is an extremely social person who loves making new friends (boys and girls alike). The problem is that he always seems to have a different girl that he texts all the time. He recently transferred to a new college and has told me that ...
A. 4 September 2013: Can't improve on WiseOldE's post!
what's to handle
he says he loves you
he shows you he loves you
you trust him right?
so what's the issue?... (read in full...)
I have alopecia, and wear a wig!
Q. I am recently single after a rocky four year relationship and I wanted some advice about getting back into dating again. The break-up hit me quite hard, although I know it was for the best as things had just gone downhill and neither of us co...
A. 4 September 2013: AB forget Demi Moore as GI Jane... (read in full...)
Frustrated by our differing sex drives -- am I being unreasonable?
Q. My bf and I have been together for 2 years. We're both in our early 30s. We only see each other on weekends when he comes over to my house to spend the weekend as he lives an hour away. He's never been very sexual, even at the beginning. He te...
A. 4 September 2013: you are not being unreasonable.
my husband did not start the no sex thing till we had been living together about 6months... he's only 40 and it sucks.
when we were LDR we went at it all the time...
once we moved in... forget it. I s... (read in full...)
How do I comfort him without looking nosy?
Q. Hi I've liked a guy for about 12 months now. We have said hi (the small talk) and he makes me laugh. His girlfriend of 10 months broke up with him like 5 minutes ago ( found out on facebook) I know its wrong to go after him but I want to comfort him ...
A. 4 September 2013: he's not a friend... he's a guy you have a crush on who is polite to you.....
there is nothing you can do unless he says something to you.
... (read in full...)
Happy to be on my own -- is it because my standards have risen?
Q. I'm quite confused at the moment. 5 months ago my long term relationship ended. It was an abusive relationship (not extremely abusive, but definitely, some verbal abuse, emotional, and a bit of physical abuse). After the relationship i did turn to a ...
A. 4 September 2013: it's just that this guy does not do it for you personality wise.
see in order for us to "love somebody" they have to be the entire package (FOR US) you have to find them attractive, funny, intelligent, and companionable.... clearly this... (read in full...)
Happily married men: when did you know you wanted your wife to be your wife?
Q. Question for the happily married men out there : when did you know your wife was "the one?". Did she have to push you to take the next step - or did you ask her? (whether it be moving in, marriage, or baby) I brought up the "next step" (moving ...
A. 4 September 2013: I'm old school and I never understood the whole "timeframe" thing.
I can't care about you till we've been dating a year... I think it's crazy.
I'm not a good judge here because i've made some stupid mistakes and marriages over short terms but... (read in full...)
Dating a man who treats me right but who I dont' find attractive enough. Help!
Q. I know this is shallow but I can only get myself to put in an effort with a guy if I find him good looking.. I'm in a relationship with this guy for 4 months,I don't find him all that attractive, he's a pretty decent looking guy but when women co...
A. 4 September 2013: It’s not shallow to only put in effort if you find someone attractive. It’s human nature. What you find attractive may repulse me. My husband is adorable to me… he’s goofy looking to many….
It’s not that you don’t find him attracti... (read in full...)
I finished a relationship with a divorcee because he is too tied to his family and I was a secret to his children. Why does he keep in contact with me?
Q. I had a mind blowing intense, although only 4 months in length relationship with a divorced man. I am also divorced. We both have kids from our previous marriages. There was a lot of chemistry and tenderness between us and we were both happy to have ...
A. 4 September 2013: I'll cut to the chase
YOU block his number. YOU do not contact him or have contact with him... SAGE is probably right yet again... he's keeping his finger in the pie so in case he gets a cold lonely night...
MOVE along there is nothing t... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to go on holiday with his mate and 2 female friends... without me. Am I wrong to feel this is inappropriate?
Q. Hi, just a quick question as I am really in need of others' opinions. My boyfriend recently asked me how I would feel about him going on a holiday for a week with one of his male friends and two female friends. Is this inappropriate for someone in a ...
A. 4 September 2013: two males
two females
a week away
you are not going
I'd not be happy
I would NOT in any way shape or form want my husband going away for a week with a female friend even if I knew nothing would be going on.
... (read in full...)
My ex partner expects everything from me ....
Q. I can't take this, me and my ex have a baby together. He won't move out of my house I met someone new and we were hanging out one thing lead to another. Now my ex is telling me he has rights and he will make my life extremely difficult if I d...
A. 4 September 2013: you need help.
if you have family will they help?
if not you need a good lawyer...
if it's YOUR HOME... the next time he goes out... change the locks... call the police...
he's abusing you.
why does he have any access to your phone... (read in full...)
He finds me boring but wont do anything!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2years and we live together. We will be completely happy and then he will out of the blue comment that he finds my company boring and that its an issue, but if I suggest doing things he doesn't want to. What do I ...
A. 4 September 2013: he says it's an issue. I'd ask him if it's a deal breaker.
if he says no tell him, 'well since you want to complain about it, and it's NOT a deal breaker, the next time you feel the need to complain about it you can go live somewhere else wit... (read in full...)
I have alopecia, and wear a wig!
Q. I am recently single after a rocky four year relationship and I wanted some advice about getting back into dating again. The break-up hit me quite hard, although I know it was for the best as things had just gone downhill and neither of us co...
A. 4 September 2013: I have a friend who has MILD alopecia and she wears a piece on top of her "ponytail" She just jokes about it... and occasionally it flies off when she's out dancing.... she just picks it up and keeps going.
YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. ... (read in full...)
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