A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HI! A year ago a started the toughest job selection on the planet dreaming I would get my dream job.The firm said they would hire 12 people: 6 in Sept 12 and 6 in Sept 14. The competition was ruthless- I had to undergo 3 super selective exams and a very hard interview. It was a long, tiring process: I studied non stop and put all my best effort in it. Over 900 people started the selection, but, as I said, they only picked 12. Well... I made it! I'm number 7, so I will be hired in a year's time. In the meantime I will just keep my current job and resign for the new one next year. Yay, right? Nope.I should be happy, but I've been crying all night. Why? My father said I could have done better, my mother in law said it would have been better had I been hired this year and my husband said he expected me to get a better result. I feel terrible. I felt like I managed such a huge, huge deed and yet, these people, who are supposed to love me and support me, said I wasn't good enough! I menan, over 900 candidates and I was 7th! I wish my mom were alive to cheer me up. I feel surronded by insensitive, unsupportive jerks. Nobody's happy... it's just something I didn't do well enough. My self esteem has never been so low, I don't know what to wish for anymore. Should I be happy no matter what? Or should I have done better? Am I not good enough? Is there something wrong with my family?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): Wow!!!!! You did great, number 7 out of 900 can't be better. Get away from them as soon as you can..
Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): Wow your family are a bunch of negative jerks!! Yes there is something wrong with them, which is that they are a bunch of negative jerks!!Your achievement is outstanding! You should be proud of yourself!! Your family are so invalidating. I know how that feels, I too have had times when I achieved a lot and my friends or family just made it into a non issue. I know how hurtful that feels in fact I got that from a friend just last week. It actually makes me angry too.Is this the first time your family has been so invalidating to you? Probably not, right? Just that this was the worst time? I find that people who invalidate you tend to do it as a pattern. As a result I stop sharing personal info with them. They have issues or are jealous of you or are so narcissistic they can only think of themselves. I hope you have other friends who are more supportive.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 Seriously... can you get a new family.
We here are very proud of you!
I would not have had the nerve to even attempt it.. GOOD FOR YOU!
Do not use the opinions of others to bolster your feelings.
KNOW you did great... you have a job and it's not like you are not being proactive.
BE PROUD and tell them to "get a life"
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 August 2013):
@wiseowl:
There's no shame in failure. Sometimes the only way to learn how to do something right is to do it wrong first.
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A
female
reader, ModelCitizen  +, writes (29 August 2013):
You did amazingly well and I'm so sorry your family don't seem to see that. I think they are either an incredibly negative bunch, or they are maybe a bit jealous of your achievements? Some people don't like it when others aim high as they think it disrupts the status quo a bit. It also makes it harder for them to ignore their own lives and the fact they haven't tried to chase their own dreams. They are your family so that shouldn't be the case, but it all too often is I'm afraid to say. If I were you I would take it with a pinch of salt. You know how well you did (as do the 888 people out there who didn't get picked!) and at the end of the day that's all that matters. Keep aiming for the stars, doing your best and living your life the way you want to, and to hell with what anyone else thinks. All the best and congratulations!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013): Sometimes people don't really understand the impact. They don't let on; so they act unimpressed.
They can only see it from the outside, and the significance of your accomplishment just may not register; because it may be beyond their real comprehension.
If this is how they've always been, does it even surprise you?
I commend you on such a successful accomplishment, and you should celebrate all the same. In fact, you should invite your closest friends out in celebration; and not give their lack of jubilation another thought.
Forgive your parents, they are of the old-school. They see things in black and white, and more practical terms. Your husband may be a little envious, and feel a little less smart. That's just a dent in his ego. Pshaw!!! Thumb to the nose!
There may be an element of jealousy; so humble yourself just a little. So your justified rejoicing isn't seen as
rubbing their noses in it, or arrogance. Take all of this in stride and with dignity.
Shame only in failure, not success.
They may have taken the wind out of your sails; but it doesn't change the facts. Lower the sails and turn on the motors, full speed ahead!!!
YOU GO GIRL!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2013):
 I'm sorry they aren't more supportive- I think you DID amazing!
I would just stop sharing things like that with them, as for your husband.. really? He should TRY and go though such a selection.. see how far he would get.
Let it roll of your back. ENJOY your accomplishment and look FORWARD to the new job and SCREW what they thing. None of them went though it, none of them truly knows what you managed to pull off, so they should keep their negative thought to themselves and cheer you on.
Congrats!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 August 2013):
The problem is that you're letting "insensitive, unsupportive jerks" determine your self worth.
Anybody with even remotely reasonable expectations knows that what you did was pretty amazing. Don't let these people convince you otherwise.
Btw, maybe you need to reevaluate the people you surround yourself with.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 What ? Yes, there's something wrong with them.
7th over 900 is a fantastic placement ! Heck, even 12th would have been great ! , considering that it still would have put you within the scant 1,5% of the total who made it, and considering that the important thing , at the end of the day , is to GET the job, no matter in which position in the charts.
As a matter of fact, I think they should have congratulated anyway, even if you had not made it- if nothing else, for having had the guts to try and go after your dream job, and for all your hard work and effort.
The only comment that sort of makes sense is your MIL's, because objectively, it would have been better and you would have been happier if you could have started working right away- but, it is what it is , and anyway it's not as if you are destitute in the meantime, you still have your current job.
Who knows.... maybe they are just the kind of people who HAS to see the glass half empty no matter what, maybe you shoulòd pity them rather than being upset : it must not be much fun to be such a bunch of Negative Nellies ...
Or, perhaps, if we want to put a positive spin on it, it may also be that your family sees you as so exceptionally gifted and talented, such a potential winner, that they sort of take for granted that whatever you do you've got in yourself to always come up on top, the very top, and when this does not happen , it's sort of a let down.
Anyway- try to not feel bad about their comments. It's nice to receive compliments and accolades for your successes, of course, but , if you succeed you succeesd, whether people clap their hands or not.
And, FWIW, in lieu of your family's congratulations, .. accepts ours from us at Dear Cupid:) you did great- and you can be very proud.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 August 2013):
 The key to your happiness and sensibility is to disconnect it from what OTHERS think of your goings-on..... If they aren't as delighted as you are with your progress.... SO WHAT???? WHO is living your life? ... You? ... or, them?
P.S. Once you get this new job.... and are fabulously wealthy and/or regarded... it will be OK to avoid them, since they didn't offer much support as you slogged through "the necessaries" to get to where you will be!!!!
Good luck....
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