A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 28yo GF has been with me for 5 years. This is the best relationship either of us have ever had. Its not perfect but we enjoy each other and we are good for each other most of the time. My GF openly says she used to be a huge cheater. Then she got with me and stopped according to herself and people who know her. She said is because I am the first man she ever really wanted to be with who treated her well. Recently I talked to one of her friends, some things didn't add up, and I started asking questions. Now my GF has come clean. She did cheat on me 3 times in the first couple months of us. I am trying to deal with this. She was trying to change her ways completely overnight. That could not have been easy. And she did not know we would turn out so much better than anything in her past. But she also cheated on me again recently for several weeks with a guy. This came after 4+ years of total faithfulness. We both agree that her recent affair was probably a breakdown in communication. This is how she dealt with other guys in the past. Now she is extremely sorry. She is ready to do anything to keep me. I am very hurt and pissed and thinking about breaking up. Do I keep her? I don't know if I can get past all this. If the bottled up stuff can be resolved and she gets counseling, could we survive? We both hate to break up over a problem that might be fixable. She would be destroyed. But so much damage is already done for me. She already slept around so much before we met. It bothers me a lot but that's my problem not hers. Now I find out she slept around several times during our relationship too. I was nothing like that. In fact I sort of missed the chance usually being in other relationships before we met. I am starting to wonder about making a deal with my GF. “Revenge cheating” but less vindictive.I get to have one or two affairs. Its my GF's choice if she wants to be aware when it happens or not. It might not be for years. I might very well never even go through with it. But just the idea of being allowed would help me feel right about this. I'm afraid that taking her back now without any consequences is asking for more cheating sooner or later. I don't care about evening up the score. How many other people, how many times, etc. I just want something. A little fun for myself and some punishment for what my GF already did several times. If she stays faithful, well then great. If she cheats again and I have to dump her, at least I can respect myself for not taking this first batch of infidelities totally lying down. That is my idea. For the people who are going to say I just want to have an affair and are using hers to justify it: Well yes of course! I committed to a woman but I still feel some human urges to stray sometimes. Sue me. Monogamy is always a compromise. I already kept up my end of the deal and she didn't. Just breaking up and being single for a while: If being single was better than being committed then nobody would ever commit. They each have pros and cons. My GF was having her cake and eating it too. I was only getting to have my cake. I don't just want to switch to eating mine now, I want both. Will this poison what we have left and drive us apart? It might. But its already pretty ruined now. I want her back but I don't think people stop doing things like cheating when there are no consequences. I already gave her total trust and faithfulness for years. She blew that, not me.My GF is not innocent. She has done plenty of casual screwing and saying it meant nothing to her long term partner. She was experienced at that long before we ever met. She is better equipped to handle the sort of fling allowance I have in mind than anyone else I ever dated.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 September 2013):
 well that's like saying because she waxes her genital region you should wax yours too.
do you wanna do that so all's FAIR?
nope sorry.... "revenge" cheating (even with permission) is moronic. I'm sorry.
will you ever trust her to tell you the truth again if you say can't find her on a thursday night for about 4 hours?
the truth is gone
the trust is gone
the fidelity is gone
as a former swinger I'm telling you letting others into your bed is a BAD BAD BAD idea.
i can see forgiving the early on cheating but after 50 months? seriously?
my mother and father dated 4 years
they married at 22 and 19
25 years later my father had an affair.
MY MOTHER FORGAVE HIM never cheated on him and they lived happily ever after until 11 years later she died in his arms. the one and only time I saw my father cry.
if you can't forgive her without some sort of "revenge" or other "punishment" then I think it's best that you two part ways.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 September 2013):
 Since seeing the response from the OP:
You CAN'T make "wrong" right by doing it so much that the rules change!!!! "Wrong" is wrong... Right is right.... and never will the "twain" meet!!!!!
All you will do, by justifying what you (and she) do, is prolong this crazy arrangement that you and she have.... and, ultimately, you (and she) will have to face the craziness/dysfunctionality of what you (and she) are doing.
Think long and hard about what you (and she) hope to accomplish with your continued cheating.....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (2 September 2013):
1 - She is a cheater. She will remain a cheater. Ergo, she will cheat on you again.
2 - With #1 above in mind, you are an absolute fool if you stay more than another minute with her.
3 - Cheating on her will not change her behavior, it will just make you less of a person and lower her to your level.
You want real revenge? Break up with her, find someone who appreciates you and treat her like gold, and most importantly never think of the cheater again.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 September 2013):
 Actually the nasty revenge would be to date a girl and get married within 3 months. Make sure you post on your facebook, lots of pictures kissing and say you found your soulmate. She has high morals and you are crazily in love and plan to have 5 kids. You won't do that but a lot of women are the most hurt when men do this. It's hard to get a man to commit and you can't believe how many marriages are actually revenge marriages.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): The relationship will be over regardless of what you choose.
Now it's either:
a) you can cheat, which won't make you feel better, and probably won't hurt her either.
b) leave her now, and walk away knowing that you're the better person. Then screw around as much as you like.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): This is the O.P.
Wow, thanks for big quick response. I read them all. You people said a lot of what I expected to hear. So many voices probably means you are right.
Quick comments and answers from me:
Anger:
I am very emotional and angry. I am not doing anything right away before I have some days to cool off.
Her excuse for cheating again:
She never made excuses when I found out. She just admitted everything and took responsibility for being totally in the wrong. I decided the recent incident was likely spurred by communication problems after talking with her. She does not know why she did it but she agrees its a good place to start looking. She wants to go to some kind of counselor.
Comments that I just want to torture her:
I swear hurting her is not my big motivation. I know my GF would choose not to see and hear about it if I strayed. So I was intending to do it totally discreetly. She has to think about something if it goes on right now. If I tell her its going on 'some time in the future' then it is less forced into her face. The truth is I doubt I would ever do it at all. The idea in her mind is more important than me really doing it.
This relationship is toxic as hell:
I agree its not great. But please remember that we are talking about maybe 2-3 months of cheating, broken up by 50-something months of faithfulness in the middle. We had lots of good times and practically no drama in that period. We both came out better people for it.
We should just have an open relationship:
That may be.
We should just break up:
That may be.
Don't lower myself to her level:
Is it really lowering myself and doing something wrong if she agrees? Nobody is getting fooled here. Is it blackmail or am I just driving a hard bargain after what she did? Remember this girl has plenty of experience with sex being a casual thing in general. She can always refuse the deal and break up with me. She can support herself alone.
My cheating would make her want to cheat again and further tear us apart:
Its a big strike against the idea. I thought of it too. Let me say again my GF already did a lot compared to what I had in mind. I feel that a little bit thrown back at her would go a long way to make the point. I just want to do more than nothing at all.
Thank you again everyone for the long thoughtful answers. I am only kicking this idea around in my head now. I will not make any decision about the relationship for a little while longer after things have settled down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): I get that you want revenge for being betrayed so many times and that you want her to hurt the way she made you.
But the question is how far are you willing to go to do this? Are you willing to sacrifice years of your own life to get revenge on her by taking her back, waiting a few YEARS, maybe even marrying her and having kids just so you can then cheat just to hurt her? She may not even get all that hurt! She may just shrug it off and say oh well I know how it goes cos I been there and done that myself! That would take the wind out of your sails wouldn't it.
And pray tell how will you find a woman to be your willing accomplice in this game? Or will you LIE to new women to get them to sleep with you? Will you tell them you're single and pretend you're interested in a relationship? Or will you just sign up for online sites? Or use a prostitute? My point is that if you're supposedly with your gf then to cheat on her requires you to lie to an innocent woman to use her for her body, or to use hook up sites or other business transactions which is kind of a creepy thing to do.
Are you willing to stoop that low? Then when you finally break up with her after having exacted revenge, what about your next relationship, will you tell your next partner what you did? Don't you think that makes you look bad because anyone would say well then why didn't you just leave her instead of sacrificing years of your life playing an elaborate hoax to set her up for the blow? That sounds sad, not triumphant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): Your relationship is already over, and your feelings prove this.
Should you cheat on her? If it makes yourself feel better then sure but it wont improve the relationship with her. It may not teach her the lesson you want it to. It will for sure further poison the relationship even more if the relationship were to be forced to continue long past its expiration date.
Well if you cheat on her to make yourself feel better just make sure the woman you do it with knows that you're just using her for your own ends. Make sure its a casual hook up and don't mislead the other person that you are interested in them.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 September 2013):
The point of the revenge really is to make the other person feel bad enough so she won't repeat the mistake again. If you want to achieve this you don't want to do the same thing she did. It cancels out the purpose. You can't treat her like a child either like taking away her toys. You are thinking, besides leaving her, what can be the best lesson?
Karma strikes when you least expect it so as long as you are in her life, any ill will from you would not be surprising.
YouWish just described the mentality of a lot of men. A lot of men don't cheat because divorce and child custody laws although changing, are still unfair to men, regardless of whether wives also cheated. Just like not wanting to hit a person because jail is not worth it. Punishing your girlfriend for cheating is like punishing a cat for pissing outside the litter.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (1 September 2013):
 "This is the best relationship either of us have ever had. Its not perfect but we enjoy each other and we are good for each other most of the time."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this relationship of yours is no good. I'm sorry that it's the best relationship you've ever had.
It would be best for you and your mental health to end this relationship. You (and this woman) could benefit from talking to a counselor because you display self-destructive behaviors. For her, it's obviously the narcissism or insecurities making her a serial cheater that need to be addressed; for you, it's the habit of attaching yourself to toxic people.
If you really absolutely can't imagine saying goodbye to her, then maybe couples therapy is an option. I don't recommend that, however, because I really think that you two each have a ton of individual self-reflection to do.
And to answer your main question: no, I can't see any scenario (certainly not the one you've described here) where it would be rational and justifiable to have an affair as a form of revenge.
Best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 September 2013):
 One more thing to think about and chew on:
Here's another BIG reason why this isn't really about you wanting to have an affair and "have your cake and eat it too". Here's why:
If it was all about you chasing extracurricular tail and "evening things out" with her, you'd simply tell her that you want to open the relationship, meaning she gets to sleep with whoever else and so do you. Do you hear me? You want extra, then make it LEGAL, and all of your troubles are over! She can have sex with others, and it's not cheating, and then you can too.
See, you don't want that, do you? That's why I know it's about you wanting to make her pay, wanting to hurt her, wanting to make her feel like you've forgiven her, and then 10 years later when you're married with kids, you go out and destroy her world, exacting a revenge that already hollowed out your soul the moment you heard she cheated on you.
Your relationship is doomed. Get out of it now. To seek revenge does you far more damage than it will ever do to her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): Walk. Don't stoop to her level. The longer you are with her, the worse it will get. You could become something you do not want to become. If you two do have true feelings for each other and are not each others bail-out, I say try to work it out. If not, it will get worse and you will waste that one thing you can't get back. Time.Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): run!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (1 September 2013):
 This is so very dysfunctional, on a million levels. Go your separate ways before marriage and children get involved.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (31 August 2013):
There are some things you have not considered in the ordeal which is understandable. It is hard to be the faithful one when the other isn't.
Firstly, I don't think she will change over night, nor do I think she will change after you have had your permission to have an affair. I get why you want the affair. But reality is that she can cheat on you whenever she wants without you knowing. Her excuse for cheating recently is because of a "communication gap". The reality is that there is no excuse for cheating. If you do not like to be with the person, you should break up and move on. Even though she may see the punishment, there can be times where these "communication gaps" occur again. What happens then?
The fact your punishment is to have an affair, you are playing in her territory. To me, this is not much of a punishment. It will probably even make her feel better when she does cheat on you again.
Also, I have been down this path before of a revengeful affair. You will not feel any better. In fact you will feel worse realising that your relationship is simply toxic. You can make all the excuses you want for the affair but it wont fool any of us. The only person you are fooling is yourself.
My advice is to break up with this girl and find someone else who will respect not only the relationship but also their own self. If you want to pursue this relationship, then have her take counselling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): Knowing all you know about her, your argument to justify your retaliatory-cheating still rings hollow.
I hope you aren't just taking the L-word in vain. There is no proof of "love" in cheating. Cheating sucks. It means the person is only pretending to be committed. They are until the next opportunity to cheat arises.
You have the option to forgive and move on, or end the relationship. That is what you should do.
Why the heck would you ask if it's fixable; then turn around and dismiss any advice from us that you shouldn't cheat in return?
It is totally obvious your post was written during a tantrum; because the tone goes from one extreme to another.
Wanting to save the relationship in one paragraph, and wanting to destroy it in the next.
Re-read your post and look at the way the emotions contradict, and how anger dispels any reason or logic.
You're only going to form a pattern of tit for tat. You'll cheat; then she'll feel cheating is the chosen way of retaliation. What goes around comes around.
You can justify murder; if you put up a good argument. It doesn't change the fact that it's wrong. Your articulate excuse about "having your cake" is just cutting off your nose to spite your face. You'll only get the same behavior back.
You're choosing to maintain the relationship; but now it has become a battle-ground. You have decided to teach her a lesson, and that is done by doing the very thing that pisses you off about her. Does that really make sense?
You end a relationship, when cheating becomes the poison that erodes it. You don't get caught-up in a vicious circle of crime and punishment. That's really stupid.
Although, I have to admit that I am very entertained and intrigued by your eloquent explanation for doing the total opposite of what is right.
The consequence of repeated cheating is losing your partner. Then you no longer have to face issues of trust or betrayal. She'll dump you.
Once you get over the rage, and the sting of her betrayal subsides; I hope logic overtakes your thinking.
Only then, will you come to your senses; and do what is best for your heart. Only then, will our advice mean anything to you.
Vengeance may be sweet, but then the karma may backfire in your face.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 One more thing, on the topic of eating cake. Right now you think you sacrificed something while she got the best of both worlds. It just feels like that right now, because you are hurt. But you know what? You have the better end of the deal. You have your honour and self respect. She's nothing but a filthy shameless cheater, who will not get respect from anyone, and will forever continue to have bad relationships where men will cheat on her or she will cheat on them, and never have happiness.
You have a chance at something good in your life. You aren't down at her level, you're better than her. Much better. And while it is tempting right now to sink to her lever and get even, look ahead. It will feel much greater to walk with your head raised high, than having to feel like guilty scum and be looked down upon by others, like she is looked down upon by us right now. And like she is looked down upon by all the men she cheated with, and all her friends and family...
You can walk with your head held high, and you have your self respect intact. She doesn't. She hasn't gained anything from this, only lost.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 August 2013):
This is a bad idea. I agree that if you simply accept her back it will happen again. But cheating on her will heighten her insecurities and make her do it again.
It sounds like she is just a cheater who doesn't really want to change. She may not want to hurt you, but she obviously doesn't want to change.
When someone cheats, something needs to change or it'll happen again. In her case I think counseling will help, because it sounds like she has issues that promises won't fix. Tell her that this is the last time, if it happens again or you even suspect her, it's over right then and there. And, if she doesn't agree to counseling or quits you're done with her.
Either that or you need to have an open relationship. See how she likes that idea.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 August 2013):
Answer to your headline question: No. It is however expected that you show yourself enough respect to end things with someone who cheats on you, rather than give them an opportunity to cheat again and again. Once you've taken them back you really can't do anything other than blame yourself for accept this behaviour, without there being any consequences to it. People only treat you the way you allow them, and if you continue to date someone who cheats on you then I can assure you they will cheat again, and you only have yourself to blame for sticking around.
Once someone cheats, leave. Or else blame yourself, because once you found out the first time the choice was YOURS whether to accept this treatment or not.
Now on to the rest of your story:
"She was trying to change her ways completely overnight. That could not have been easy. And she did not know we would turn out so much better than anything in her past."
Big fat BS. What a lousy excuse. If she wanted a relationship she could stay faithful, if she didn't want a relationship she could cheat. She CHOSE cheating, not because you were a bad boyfriend or this or that BS excuse, but because SHE didn't care enough to show you or herself any respect. Her finding out later on that she was selfish and made a mistake doesn't make what she did right.
" We both agree that her recent affair was probably a breakdown in communication. This is how she dealt with other guys in the past. "
Another BS excuse. How much are you going to excuse her for? SHE AND ONLY SHE is responsible for HER actions. You didn't force her to sleep with someone else, so you are NOT to blame. If she doesn't know how to be in a relationship then she can't be in one, it's that simple. If she can't keep her pants on then she can't go pretending to be faithful and then blame it on you and "communication" for cheating. She's a cheater! That's all there is to it! If she was tired of the relationship she should have broken it off with you. If she didn't know what to do because of "communication" she could have asked you, talk to her mom, gone silent for a few weeks, take a break, you name it. But everyone, even kids, know that you don't cheat. Cheating is wrong, always. She's not dumb, she knows this, she just doesn't care.
Do you understand this? She does not care. She's not dumb, she's not retarded, she's not been raped, she cheated and she knew very well that is was wrong.
"We both hate to break up over a problem that might be fixable"
This isn't something you "fix". She's a selfish person who couldn't care less about you, do NOT believe her lies when she cries and tells you she loves you and wants to be with you. She's got abandonment issues, or whatever other issues, but those are HER issues. She's the one who cheated, not you, so why should YOU work on "fixing" her? She had 5 years to get herself sorted out while in the relationship with you, and yet she couldn't do it. What makes you think it will be different from here on? Only difference is she now knows you will take her back if she "slips" and forgets that she's in a relationship...
If she loves you, ask yourself if she thought about you while f-ing some other guy for weeks. Ask yourself if she thought about you when she was flirting with him, if she told him how much she loves you, what a great boyfriend you are, how much she wants to be with you... Ask yourself if you think you were on her mind, if you were "loved" by her in those moments too. Or if her love isn't just something that comes in handy when she wants you to forgive her because she claims to love you.
Only stay in a relationship with her if you think it is fine that she cheats on you, and you accept being treated this way. If she didn't want to break up then why did she cheat? Did she really think you'd be FINE with it? Oh no... you weren't that important to her. So don't think that now, just because she says so, you are suddenly more important than you were then.
You deserve better, and the only way she will ever change is if he learns that her actions has consequences. And the consequence is that you leave and end the relationship. Not keep a tit for tat score.
Last, ask yourself what kind of relationship you want. Can you have a future with this woman? Can you be happy long term in a relationship where your girlfriend cheated, and you have affairs on the side? Is that what you truly, really want? Is that what you really want, what will make you happy in the years to come?
Give yourself the chance to be happy, and get out of this toxic relationship with this poisonous woman who will break you down. She will not be a better girlfriend to you if you have your revenge, she will not love you more, or cheat less, and you will not be any more happy. The best "revenge" is to leave her and have a HAPPY and GOOD relationship with someone who is better for you than she is. You deserve to be happy, and she will not make you happy. Yes, this is going to forever stand between you, and it will only get worse if you go on to have affairs as well. You'll be much happier just being single then, and sleep around as much as you want, than to stay with someone who showed you so little care and respect.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 August 2013):
Actually, you don't fool me for one single second. You aren't looking to have an affair and are using this to justify it. You are looking to *hurt* your girlfriend because you got hurt by her and want to punish her for it. That is why you say you "get" to have one or two affairs and that you might wait for years until you do.
That's because you want to wait until both of you are monogamous and you want to devastate her.
Come on. Grow up. If she hurt you, leave her. Don't play around with "revenge affairs" because they are useless, stupid, and you would be using other women, and there isn't a single justification for that. Your girlfriend hurt you. What if you slept with another woman, she liked you, and you ditched her? You can't mistreat innocent women here.
If your girlfriend is dishonest and is a lying no-good cheater, then DROP HER. As in break up, move on, kick her to the curb, end your relationship, eject her from your life. If you choose to keep her in your life, then you must work on restoring trust and rebuilding the relationship. Personally I think you should drop her, because she is a serial cheater who will keep on hurting you and you can never trust her.
Don't waste time trying to punish her by having a revenge affair to try and get her to see what it feels like. It won't work. She'll keep cheating, and then *you* will be no better than her...a low down dirty dog of a cheater.
Leave her. Trying to punish her will not work.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (31 August 2013):
The consequence of cheating is your partner leaving the relationship. If you choose to stray, it only feels good for the moment. You lower yourself to her level and at the end you don't really get past her cheating. The difference is that she chose to cheat behind your back, while yours is premeditated and you did it just to let off some steam. You will be adding to a list on top of a problematic relationship. It will also encourage her to cheat again. It's one thing to have a desire to taste other people, and it's another to be inconsiderate of your partner's feelings. The idea of open relationships came to my mind, but it only works for solid couples who can communicate well. The majority of people who dabble with it see their relationships crumble apart.
It's enough damage but yet you feel it could be fixed. You either try to fix it by helping your girlfriend communicate better, or end it. Casual sex is only fun when you are single and you don't have to care about hurting other's feelings. You said that she can handle fling allowance. So you having an affair would not be enough of a consequence.
Take a pick, Mister. 1. You can have the affair but don't expect to pick up the relationship where it left off. Basically saying screw you, relationships! 2. You say you need a break to figure what you want. Then hook up with others. Technically not cheating but just postponing the issue. 3. You suck it up and try to work on your relationship. Avoid another communication breakdown. 4. You end it, deciding that after 5 years of trust issues you've had enough. Yes you have the best relationship but you will have better relationships.
5 years should be a time men and women become a unit. This can easily become 10 years, 15 years of going back and forth while no progress being made. If she really is changing overnight let her prove herself to the next man, start with a clean slate.
The worst real life consequence is a woman married to a rich old guy but cheated with a young guy. Before the old guy died he left all his money to his cat but none to the wife. The thing is he died, why does it matter?
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A
male
reader, BillyRayValentine +, writes (31 August 2013):
Break up with her Today! End it once and for all. She has no respect for herself, and has no respect for you. She proved that when the relationship started by cheating on you several times. Then she stopped cheating on you for 4 years, which can we really take her word on that? But, now admitted to cheating again recently, and her reason a breakdown in communication "Give me a Break"!. So breakdown in communication and she stumbles into somebody else's bed. I'm going to be direct. She has very low morals, no respect for herself or you. Putting you in jeopardy of STD's. Dump her and don't lower yourself to her standards.She is not worth your time. Move on and in time you will find somebody who treats you with respect and honors your trust and faithfullness in them by being honest and faithful to you in return. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, ModelCitizen +, writes (31 August 2013):
What you are suggesting is not healthy at all. I understand why you are so mad and what your girlfriend did was totally wrong, but you can't get back together with her with the intention of getting revenge later on. What kind of relationship would that be? You think it would make you feel better, but all it would do is chip away at your relationship until the resentment and bitterness take over and there is nothing left.You have every right to say you want your girlfriend to understand there are consequences to get actions, but the only way you can really show her that is to not put up with her cheating and break up with her. By saying you will cheat in revenge, you are adding more cheating to an already damaged relationship. It will end up a cycle where you both cheat on each other to try to hurt each other and re-gain the upper hand. Ultimately this will drive the two of you apart because it will kill any love and respect you have. If you really can't forgive and/or forget what she did (and I don't blame you, I couldn't) then your only choice is to end it and find someone who you can have a faithful and committed relationship with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): Just get rid. I have been down this road. Revenge cheating will not heal your pain, nor will it stop her cheating again. I think this revenge cheating is just bullshit for being too weak to let go. I know, because I have been there.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 August 2013):
I like your spirit. She cheated on you.... so you level things off by cheating on her....she learns of that, re-cheats.... you learn; cheat again, .. etc, etc.... ad infinitum.
Great way to have a "relationship"!!!! Unfortunately, cheating is like matter. It has mass, it has gravity... and you two are condensing/solidifying it.... and - if you are lucky - soon you (and she) will have a "Black Hole" of cheating.... such that neither of you can escape from it... but it will send out "vibrations" as each subsequent cheating episode passes the "(cheating) event horizon".....
You will have revolutionized personal physics!!!!
Good luck....
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): Huh...interesting. I think several things here. I think that once a person cheats, the easier it gets to cheat subsequent times. She seems pretty casual about sex and has cheated several times on you already. Yet you are still available to her. She knows all she needs to know. That she can treat you any which way she wants to, devalue your "relationship", embarrass you, etc. and you will just keep taking it because you LOVE her. I think you need to think about something else here...she can't possibly love you if she finds it acceptable to treat you this way. Therefore, you have no relationship here. I totally understand your desire to give her a taste of her own medicine. I'd, frankly, be afraid that she may tell you to go ahead and have your vindictive affair. Then you'll know that she really doesn't care that much about you. Guy, I'm a woman. There is something seriously wrong in your relationship if she's already cheated on you multiple times. She has no respect for you. There is one consequence for the serial cheater and this is it "We are done. I don't give second (or third, or fourth) chances when it comes to infidelity. So sorry." The end. You may hurt. You may want to die and stay in bed for a year or whatever you guys do when your heart is broken. But you won't die. You will be stronger and have more self respect and find a woman, not a cheater, that you deserve to have. And you will look back on this time in your life and be grateful that you didn't marry and have kids with the current girlfriend. Most people are not "just cheaters" either. That kind of behavior smacks of some other personality problems and deviancies that you will regret signing on for later in life. Good Luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): my point of view is a cheater is always a cheater and in this situation two wrongs never make one right. if your trust in her is gone, why would like to keep living this way? do yourself a favor and find I girl who appreciates you, somebody you can really trust and make you happy. trying to fix something it can't be fixed its just not worth it. be strong.
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