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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why does he say he feels no connection ?
Q. My Bf of 1 year says he feels no connection to me. he says he is not my BF. yet we go out, have sex. We started out wrong with sex. He had a cheating GF that lived with him and since then several years of not dating. Now me.. and he says no c...
A. 28 September 2013: I agree with IAHTHY you want HIM... but he said "date others" he does not want you the way you want him to.
I think you should date others but not have sex with ANYONE for a while.
And if you tell him, don't do it in hopes of making ... (read in full...)
Am I selfish because I want to move closer to my mother and take my son?
Q. I am in major conflict here and feeling very guilty because I'm not sure what to do. I have an ailing mother that lives in another state. I have several siblings and relatives that are with her, and caring for her. However, I want to be with my ...
A. 17 September 2013: my mom died in 1995 I was a single mom with two sons and a great ex husband.
He had custody of the kids. I lived a 2 hour plane ride away from mom during her terminal illness and I was luckily able to fly out every other weekend for 3 days to ... (read in full...)
Why does he say he feels no connection ?
Q. My Bf of 1 year says he feels no connection to me. he says he is not my BF. yet we go out, have sex. We started out wrong with sex. He had a cheating GF that lived with him and since then several years of not dating. Now me.. and he says no c...
A. 16 September 2013: well the only way to know if he really cares is to stop giving him what he wants.
stop having sex with him
make him treat you like a gf... cause right now all you are is his handy dandy penis holder.... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 10 months and its still a secret from everyone
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 10 months now. In the beginning everything was going great. He seemed really into me and we were getting on so well. He asked me to be his girlfriend after about 4 months of dating, sex and spending ...
A. 16 September 2013: umm no I'd NOT be tolerating being a "dirty little secret"
what the clincher for me would be is the fact that when ASKED he DENIES you.
I would:
a. stop going to his place ever
b. stop giving him sex
c. if you do his cleaning... (read in full...)
How do I keep this rude and obnoxious man away from my wedding, yet still have my close friend attend?
Q. Dear All, I am getting married next year and I'm really happy about it. We are planning a very small, intimate wedding of about 25 people. My problem is that a couple of years ago, one of my closest friends left her husband, and started li...
A. 16 September 2013: you could invite her and not him and let her know he's not invited and let her make the choice not to come... but if she's like me she would decline the invitation as my allegiance is to my partner more than friends.
now you have to think about ho... (read in full...)
Am I selfish because I want to move closer to my mother and take my son?
Q. I am in major conflict here and feeling very guilty because I'm not sure what to do. I have an ailing mother that lives in another state. I have several siblings and relatives that are with her, and caring for her. However, I want to be with my ...
A. 16 September 2013: Well why can't you move to be with mom and have son stay with dad and visit you... then you have more time to devote to being with mom and son still gets a full time parent.... (read in full...)
Would you give him another chance?
Q. At work this man use to look after me, he was older and use to flirt etc. At first I liked him. But i told him i didn't fancy him because people were talking and i get shy. At that point, this kind helpful man became two-faced and nasty. He trie...
A. 16 September 2013: if he can turn on you that quickly once he could do it again....... (read in full...)
Isn't it an actor's responsibility to keep her partner's psyche safe?
Q. How do actors' spouses feel about love scenes in play or Sensual Couple Dance? Recently I had this same experience as a partner to my performer girlfriend. This was first time I saw her doing this sensual piece on stage, slow routine half in ...
A. 16 September 2013: NO it's NOT her job to keep YOUR psyche safe... that's YOUR job.
IF you can't deal with what she does for a living, then you need to walk away.
you complain that she did not come and pander to you during rehearsals.. well of course not s... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to find love and I'm nearly 35
Q. I'm 34 (not far off 35) and my experiences of relationships are very minimal I've been in one short term relationship over four years ago, and have been on one date since. I've been on a dating site for over five years, and I've had two messages...
A. 16 September 2013: do not give up hope
first of all looks are not what's hurting you it's your attitude... you can't help it but it's the truth... the more confident and friendly a man is the better.
BE confident that you are a catch... seriously women that... (read in full...)
He says I'm smothering him and I didn't realize I was!!
Q. Ive been in a very intense relationship for 4 months. Recently my bf started pulling away. We've had very sporadic contact for the last 4 weeks and haven't seen each other at all. He didn't tell me what was going on until this past Monday. ...
A. 16 September 2013: he sent it to keep you dangling.... and hope when he gets horny you will spread your arms and legs and welcome him back.
I'd for sure tell him point blank the first time he wants to see you that you are starting from scratch and therefore there wi... (read in full...)
Why is she so quiet and boring?
Q. I recently met a beautiful girl that's 10 years younger. Physically, she's perfect but she is extremely quiet on dates. It's very awkward as we never engage in conversations. We can go 2-3 hours without saying much to eachother. I try to sometimes ...
A. 16 September 2013: you can't change her basic personality which sounds very quiet and not a good fit for you.
I'd end it but I'd make sure to tell her exactly why you are ending it... that you need more intellectual stimulation from a partner.. that good looks an... (read in full...)
How can an ugly man attract a woman for dating?
Q. Best way of attracting interest from women with my 0/10 looks? I am 45 and have never dated or had sex and have had no opportunities to do either. I have been called ugly since the age of 14. During my 'day' of clubs, bars etc the only women who t...
A. 16 September 2013: At 45 people are NOT judged by looks.. they are judged by personality, intelligence, self-esteem and confidence.
being pleasant (along with good grooming like Intrigue said) with a big smile and a welcoming glance goes way father than just go... (read in full...)
Is it normal after first time sex to hurt when you urinate?
Q. Last night I lost my virginity to my Boyfriend. I'm not in love but I felt ready and it felt right we didn't plan for it to happen, it just did. The thing is it didn't hurt as much and I didn't bleed and it lasted for an hour until he came. We then ...
A. 16 September 2013: well I'm no virgin but if i took over 2 hours of pounding It would hurt me to pee too.
the urethra is sensitive and it sides right next to the vagina and it gets pounded during sex. it sounds like you got bruised.
you should pee before an... (read in full...)
My coworker has issues with me. Is she jealous?
Q. So I have been working at my job for 3 years now and I like it and I get along great with my other coworkers but there is one girl that I have been working with that has always seemed wishy washy. When I first started working there she barely t...
A. 16 September 2013: you said: " had given her a sassy response"
and then you said "I haven't done anything to her and I have been nothing but nice and polite to her since I've been working there"
sorry it does not go both ways.
IF you are NOT the only p... (read in full...)
Hard from seeing a naked woman?
Q. I have a question about erections.... My last two boyfriends could only get half boners from seeing me naked, one was heavily into porn. Is that because I look bad compared to the porn? Is it because they aren't really that interested in se...
A. 16 September 2013: you thought wrong...
they have to be thinking of having sex with said naked woman also.... (read in full...)
Is there ever an instance when abuse and fear of your significant other is justified?
Q. I am wondering if there is ever an instance when abuse and fear of your significant other is justified. My boyfriend thinks I cheated on him even though he knows it's not true. He bases this on my ex still contacting me(my ex loves in another...
A. 16 September 2013: NOT justified and being afraid is NEVER right
you left... stay gone... this is not a good sign.
I live with an abusive husband (when he drinks he can be abusive) this is no way for a young woman with her whole life ahead of her to live. ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend may have adult ADHD. Should I tell him?
Q. Hi there. I have known my boyfriend for a year. He has a son of 7. The child was diagosed with ADHD. He told me he was very upset to hear that his ex wife, when asked about the family history, had replied yes to psychological disorders from his side ...
A. 15 September 2013: IF he is about your age and he has ADHD it's HIGHLY likely it would have been caught in school.... IF he was never diagnosed as a child then an adult diagnosis would be difficult as you can't ACQUIRE ADHD nyou have to be born with it.
I HATE tha... (read in full...)
My mother thinks I should use birth control but I disagree
Q. Well my mom saw my bf just yesterday but she has frequently heard about him and i that we dating. Today on the radio they were talking about how parents should oversee how their children behave. she brought the issue of taking birth control pills. ...
A. 15 September 2013: I think your mother is VERY wise. I think that if you do not have a bad reaction that birth control pills or an implant are the best idea for sexually active women and girls for whom a pregnancy would be problematic.
... (read in full...)
I love him so much but the possibility of never marrying is devastating to me.
Q. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 3 years and we have a 10 week old daughter together. Since I gave birth to my daughter I have been yearning to engaged/married we have a generally brilliant relationship and I love him dearly. The ...
A. 14 September 2013: don't relocate you are not sure.
let him go... in fact, tell him to go.
if you sense he does not want to marry then he does not and you are correct.
personally I'm old fashioned... if he did not marry you before the baby came what ... (read in full...)
Am I being shallow? Or is my boyfriend just cheap?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and in that time we have been in love. However.. something that I tried not to let bother me in the beginning has recently really started to get on my nerves. My boyfriend, I feel, is a huge cheaps...
A. 14 September 2013: YOU ARE NOT wrong...
but the only way to know it it to stop doing all these things.
stop paying.
stop rowing the boat for him
if you want to go out out with him then say "I want to go but I can't afford it" if he says he pays the... (read in full...)
Is fisting normal?
Q. I just met a beautiful 22 year old (I'm 10 years older) and after our 1st intercourse, she asked me to "fist" her. She derived huge pleasure from it but I was shocked. I've had considerable experience but never have I had a girl ask me this. ...
A. 14 September 2013: Not normal for ME but normal for her.... (read in full...)
Is spending the weekend together the same as living together?
Q. Do you think that staying with your bf or gf every weekend is the same as living together? My bf only visits on the weekend, he has no belongings at my house aside from a toothbrush, doesn't participate financially in anything, doesn't cook or clean ...
A. 14 September 2013: well i used to spend the weekends visiting my then boyfriend... we lived too far apart for mid-week visits.
we spent all of the time together as in I did not see other friends and neither did he.
BUT he would play his game and I would wat... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to move in with a guy
Q. Hi all, I am 28 and my girlfriend is 26. She is a traveling nurse so she moves pretty frequently. We have only been dating about 2 months and only official for one month. The way her job works is that she will work in a city for 3 months then go...
A. 13 September 2013: if you trust her then his intentions don't matter or his trustworthiness.
I trust my husband enough that i know if i put him in a room full of half naked young women of his preference he would look but not touch... that's enough for me.
it'... (read in full...)
Why is he waiting for me to end things?
Q. Hello, I have been seeing this man for two years. We are not in a relationship. There have been many arguments about being together but we never do get commited. Recently we had another problem, and he expressed that he has been waiting for me to ...
A. 13 September 2013: Who cares why he does what he does.
why don't you end this game with him? why is it up to him to end what is clearly a bad fit for you?
some men just love the chase... once the chase is done they are done.
every time you "leave" it... (read in full...)
Having a crush and flirting while in a relationship with someone else!
Q. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend who I DO love from the bottom of my heart. Just thinking about him gets my heart fluttering! I'm always wondering what I can do to make our relationship grow. However, and it's difficult to admit this even ...
A. 13 September 2013: Totally fine and NORMAL.
I'm married. I love my husband I would never cheat. I have several guys at work that I flirt madly with. They are married and flirt right back.
For many of us flirting is like breathing... it's natural and it's fun... (read in full...)
Does she want to fire me?
Q. I started working at a doctor's office as a medical biller last week. This week I made the mistake of giving someone the wrong insurance card. The owner of the insurance card became quite cross and said she might not return to this office anymore. ...
A. 13 September 2013: if she wanted to fire you she would have...
relax... we all make mistakes early on
as for the person of the insurance card... relax the boss said clearly she's a whiner and a complainer.
continue to do your best
and when you make a mi... (read in full...)
Is it safe to assume he's infertile?
Q. My boyfriend had the snip nearly 3 years ago we have been together now for 6 months..he has said he is infertile but has admitted that he never went back for the test to confirm this..could he get me pregnant or is it safe to say I would have got ...
A. 13 September 2013: he said he is infertile... did he HAVE a vasectomy or is he basing this on the fact that he's had unprotected sex and does not believe he has ever impregnated another woman...
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were infertile together but not with oth... (read in full...)
I'm infatuated with one of my girlfriend's co-workers!
Q. So, I have a crush on one of my girlfriend's co-workers. They are indeed friends as well. When my GF first introduced us, I felt a weird vibe like she was kind of into me. Of course I was playing everything off. Nevertheless, I feel almost consumed...
A. 13 September 2013: the only part that concerns me is your thoughts that she feels the same way... THAT is not normal especially since you just attended her wedding!
I get that you love your girlfriend. And having a mad crush does not change that... crushes are ... (read in full...)
From breakup depression to gambling losses. Advice?
Q. Exactly a year ago, I broke up with the love of my life. Our relationship was very toxic due to her very rough past. The breakup was a total devastation for both of us. She took on drugs, I was very depressed n couldnt function properly. 3 months l...
A. 13 September 2013: Sounds to me like you have an addictive personality. I have one. I find things to be addicted to... My drug of choice... food. After having gastric bypass i had to find a new drug... (shades of Huey Lewis)
Transfer addiction (where y... (read in full...)
Boyfriend believes a threesome will bring us closer but I've heard horror stories about them
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and recently he's asked me about having a threesome. I'm secure with myself and my sexuality. I'm also confident in our relationship. I've just heard alot of horror stories that follow a threesome ...
A. 13 September 2013: OP first you say (and ask): "I'm leaning towards the idea? Is it wrong"
and then you update us with the fact that your mind is made up and you are going to do it.
So here is my take on this. YOU KNEW you wanted to do it which is fine. ... (read in full...)
He dropped me without any warning and it bothers me!
Q. Hi, I need a bit of reassurance. I was with a guy over the summer after getting out of a long term relationship with another earlier that year. I wasn't looking for a serious relationship at all, but I started to really like this guy more than I had ...
A. 13 September 2013: like you weren't good enough for WHAT?
this is the problem for many with NSA/FWB flings... sex makes us CARE.... the hormones that rush to us during sex are what bind us to the person we are having sex with.
You had a summer fling with a ... (read in full...)
How can I stop the leaking after sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, but there is this thing thats been annoying me for some time now… Whenever my boyfriend cums in me after sex, it never like stays in me? whenever I stand up I can feel it leak out, especial...
A. 12 September 2013: after we have sex my hubby gets up to wash (he has OCD and I don't take it personally) and he tosses me a towel for wiping up BEFORE i get out of bed.
... (read in full...)
Is it safe to assume he's infertile?
Q. My boyfriend had the snip nearly 3 years ago we have been together now for 6 months..he has said he is infertile but has admitted that he never went back for the test to confirm this..could he get me pregnant or is it safe to say I would have got ...
A. 12 September 2013: until he has the test for fertility assume he is fertile
has he presented you with recent blood work? I usually would request at the start of sexual activity and again 6 months later... once in a monogamous trusting relationship with two neg... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my looks? It hurts that strangers stare at me
Q. Im an Average, if slightly odd looking person, Im female, im not "ugly" but am a little odd looking, Im slimish build,very pale and have long neck which I hate hate... and bony collarbones wich i always cover up, I wear glasses at times,( as I ...
A. 12 September 2013: Dear OP,
The FIRST thing that I take from your post is this: “No person will ever love me or want to be my friend, with my looks, im a freak and thats that.”
And that tells me you need to get to work with a good therapist. Think of som... (read in full...)
Why did my ex boyfriend block me from his social networking site?
Q. My ex BLOCKED me from a social network site... and I don't know why? He's been an ex for a year. It was a rough breakup. He left me the day I found out I was actually pregnant. He broke up with me in a text message.... He was also my first. The...
A. 12 September 2013: WHY he didn't won't change what he did.
HE has blocked you... either he's done with you or wants you to be done with him.
I'm sorry for the loss of your baby but the truth is he did not do this to you.... I'm betting that he's over a... (read in full...)
I'm upset that he's started smoking weed again, how do I approach this?
Q. Hello all, My boyfriend used to be a fairly heavy drug user before I met him (according to him) but has not been using for almost 2 years now. He just told me that he's been smoking weed occasionally with friends, and this really upsets me. Beca...
A. 12 September 2013: it's different because he's your partner.
the problem is this... you want a partner that is totally drug and alcohol free... that is your right
he wants to smoke pot.. that is his right
if you can't agree one of you will have to walk awa... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend saw me with my new friend!
Q. I was in a relationship for a year and I recently broke up with her. Its been about two weeks and we only talked once. I broke up with her because she cheated on me. She blacked out and I guess from what she told me she made out with another guy ...
A. 12 September 2013: I don't think you are over your ex yet either so getting into a new relationship is not a good idea and it's not fair to the new young lady
as for contacting your ex... nope no need.. she's an ex.
unless we share children with ex partner... (read in full...)
Is he just looking for hookups?
Q. I have a question so I met a guy in a dating site three weeks ago we chatted through text for two days and have gone on three dates.. 1st date we went out to eat I picked the place and he paid then we went out for a few drinks near his house s...
A. 12 September 2013: he always has you come to his area
he asked for a blow job on the second date
you are physical with him from day one
yeah your waving red flags are there for a reason
make him come to you...
don't accept any last minute dates
do not... (read in full...)
What do guys like during foreplay?
Q. I have a q: when in bed with a guy, during foreplay, as a woman what kind of things do you do to him (if you're not really into oral sex!), and for the guy what kind of things do you like? Being a woman, I know the kind of things to expect from a...
A. 12 September 2013: I love Aunty Babbit but if I did what she suggested to my husband I'd end up in the hospital. He's so very ticklish that i can NEVER touch him with anything but a VERY firm strong grip.
I've pretty much given up on foreplay...... (read in full...)
Is it ever ok for a married man to take another women out to lunch?
Q. Is it ever ok for a married man to take another women out to lunch? My husband worked with this women but she recently got a different job. Well I just found out tonight that he talked to her online and ask her to have lunch with him sometime so ...
A. 12 September 2013: I don't see a problem with a married man taking a female co-worker who is leaving out for a congratulatory lunch and paying for it as a bon voyage gift.
hearing about it LONG after the fact would bug me... "why did you keep it a secret?" if th... (read in full...)
We've been dating three weeks and are very awkward around each other
Q. i need help..my boyfriend and i have been dating for three weeks now and i seriously dont know what our problem is everytime we get together its ussually just arkward even our phone calls are ussually just short and end up with silent pauses and at ...
A. 12 September 2013: Wow... slow down
3 weeks you should still be getting to know him
3 weeks of dating should be MAXIMUM of 6 dates
sex should not even be on the table yet.
IF you can't find things to talk about then maybe you don't have a lot in commo... (read in full...)
Funny dating story
Q. When I was in my twenties I went on quite a few dates. I had been meeting guys through the personal ads. I always tried to stay safe so I would take my own car to meet them. I met this guy in the mall and we never talked about what the other w...
A. 12 September 2013: yes open alcohol in a car is illegal
also getting into a car with a stranger is dangerous..
Next time do what the police do and have CAR 69 drive side to driver side... you are safe in your car and yet close enough to talk face to face to... (read in full...)
Boyfriend believes a threesome will bring us closer but I've heard horror stories about them
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and recently he's asked me about having a threesome. I'm secure with myself and my sexuality. I'm also confident in our relationship. I've just heard alot of horror stories that follow a threesome ...
A. 12 September 2013: My last marriage died due to bringing others into our marital bed.
I do not think it's a good idea.
HOW in the world can bringing a THIRD person (a woman I assume) into your bed bring you CLOSER?
I love the idea of asking him which of... (read in full...)
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