Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Boyfriend believes a threesome will bring us closer but I've heard horror stories about them
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and recently he's asked me about having a threesome. I'm secure with myself and my sexuality. I'm also confident in our relationship. I've just heard alot of horror stories that follow a threesome ...
A. 13 September 2013: OP first you say (and ask): "I'm leaning towards the idea? Is it wrong"
and then you update us with the fact that your mind is made up and you are going to do it.
So here is my take on this. YOU KNEW you wanted to do it which is fine. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend believes a threesome will bring us closer but I've heard horror stories about them
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and recently he's asked me about having a threesome. I'm secure with myself and my sexuality. I'm also confident in our relationship. I've just heard alot of horror stories that follow a threesome ...
A. 12 September 2013: My last marriage died due to bringing others into our marital bed.
I do not think it's a good idea.
HOW in the world can bringing a THIRD person (a woman I assume) into your bed bring you CLOSER?
I love the idea of asking him which of... (read in full...)
Last resort with distant boyfriend. Please help!! Need *all* the advice I can get!!
Q. Hey everyone! Let me start off by apologizing for this long post and giving many thanks to everyone who reads it. xx I really need some helpful advice to pull my boyfriend back to me. I'm 31 and my boyfriend's 35. We've been together for 3 y...
A. 12 September 2013: There is no quick fix when it comes to this. You are right to let him be. I’m thinking it will be months and months before it can be resolved. If you are not living together going a day or two without contact at this point seems reasonable ... (read in full...)
My friends and family are judging me for having a relationship with a man who is my mother's age
Q. I'm in a relationship with a man that is much older than me. I just turned 18 and I recently met this guy that is 37 years old. He has a son that is 2 years older than me and he is not married. I strongly believe that age is just a number. All my f...
A. 12 September 2013: As an older partner in a relationship I think it is incumbent on the older partner to be the responsible party.
When my husband turned 18 I was 31. I can assure you that had I met him when he was 18 he would NOT have interested me in any way ... (read in full...)
Last resort with distant boyfriend. Please help!! Need *all* the advice I can get!!
Q. Hey everyone! Let me start off by apologizing for this long post and giving many thanks to everyone who reads it. xx I really need some helpful advice to pull my boyfriend back to me. I'm 31 and my boyfriend's 35. We've been together for 3 y...
A. 11 September 2013: he sent you a text last night... have PATIENCE.... and get some therapy as suggested.
you are expecting way too much from him. A daily text is plenty till he reclaims his feelings... pretend it's brand new... give him space to miss you and... (read in full...)
Should I just leave my ex alone or should I talk to her?
Q. I have been in a couple relationships before. They all ended pretty badly and we just stopped talking. My ex girlfriend, who I just broke up with about 2 weeks ago, was the first serious girlfriend I have broken up with and still actually like... ...
A. 10 September 2013: Leave her alone
you broke up with her
you would not listen to her when she tried to patch it up
you made a choice
you now have this lovely rebound friend...
leave your ex alone to heal and grieve her loss.... (read in full...)
Are you allowed to have guy friends if you have a boyfriend?
Q. I've become friends with a guy I know, and he's invited me out for coffee to trade some movies we own. I have a boyfriend, but the guy friend isnt aware of this because Im not sure how to bring it up. Just blurting it out makes things really ...
A. 10 September 2013: “are you allowed to have guy friends if you have a boyfriend?”
Are lesbians allowed to have female non-sexual friends if they have wives?
YES! Of course you are “allowed” if you are dating a man who says NO… it’s his issue.
On the othe... (read in full...)
Last resort with distant boyfriend. Please help!! Need *all* the advice I can get!!
Q. Hey everyone! Let me start off by apologizing for this long post and giving many thanks to everyone who reads it. xx I really need some helpful advice to pull my boyfriend back to me. I'm 31 and my boyfriend's 35. We've been together for 3 y...
A. 10 September 2013: You are asking for ways to get a man who says “He actually told me yesterday (during a fight) that he feels like he's dating a high school girl and I'm her mother bitching about what he should and shouldn't do while dating my daughter. “ to you to ... (read in full...)
I feel sort of pressured into having sex. Should I do it?
Q. So, I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and we've arranged to have sex, but I'm not too sure we should just yet since I am still a virgin, I've told him that I don't think I'm ready and he's fine with that, but I sorta feel pressured ...
A. 10 September 2013: If you told him you are not ready and he's said FINE WHO are you feeling the pressure from?
if you don't feel ready then don't do it.... (read in full...)
Should I see this meeting as a date?
Q. A few years back I worked closely with a girl for a couple of months and developed feelings for her. I never acted on them, as I had dated her friend previously and also happened to be her direct superior and thought making a move would be ...
A. 10 September 2013: agree assume it's just two friends catching up but put some feelers out and ask her if she wants to get together again soon... ... (read in full...)
Ex back in contact -- any way to tell if he's sincere?
Q. Me and my ex have been separated for two years, he contacted me a year after I didn't want to know, a year later I added him on Facebook. He said he was happy to hear for me and doesn't want to break contact again, then endlessly apologised for his ...
A. 10 September 2013: He MAY mean it. but if he has not changed it will be the same old thing all over again...
if you want to know if he has changed... let him woo you like you were a brand new girl and he a brand new guy... because in order for you to consider goi... (read in full...)
He never acted like this before. Why is he acting like this?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. He still things of his at my house we dated for 5 months and 2 weeks. He moved in a month after we started dating. We had taken a break he moved out. A month ago I decided that I wanted to move on so I ...
A. 10 September 2013: He’s acting like this because he realizes it’s truly over and he wants to put it behind him and the only way to do that is go no contact. Since you are not able to do that till all his stuff is out of your home, he’s doing the next best thing which ... (read in full...)
How do I know if she wants to hang out every weekend?
Q. My girlfriend and I started dating at the beginning of the summer. At that point we were hanging out as often as we could because between our schedules we were only free every couple weeks. Now that school has started again I see her everyday. So ...
A. 10 September 2013: I agree if you are not sure if she WANTS to hang out you should leave it to her. Although I think that hanging out is what friends do... going out on DATES is what couples do.
If you have something specific you want to do (such as go bowling o... (read in full...)
OCD with temper issues...is this a relationship worth saving?
Q. im in a new relationship with someone who has a past of abuse from an ex, she also has ocd quite bad with a short temper but refuses to get help as she says shes okay. shes now asked me to come off a social network site that i only use to contact ...
A. 10 September 2013: If her attitude is "accept me as I am or leave"
I vote for LEAVE.... especially if you have a child and she has a short fuse... IF you stay with her EVENTUALLY your child will have to come in contact with her to make it a complete relation... (read in full...)
Who takes off the condom after sex?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I've been sleeping with my boyfriend for a few months now, and we always use a condom. Thing is, it kind of gets awkward when it's time to remove the condom. After the act, I always remove the condom for him and wipe the mes...
A. 9 September 2013: I have never removed a condom from a partner... i think that is their job to clean themselves up to their satisfaction.... (read in full...)
On again off again girlfriend read texts in my phone to another girl and now she's not speaking to me! I want her back!
Q. Hi I don't normally do this , but I'm in bits ... I'm 36 I'm seeing my GF on and off for about 6 years, we've broken up and made up numerous times, the latest event we got back together in June after a split of 8 months, everything was going well ...
A. 9 September 2013: if you think that texting a friend erotic texts while dating another woman is acceptable then I'm not sure we here can help you.
In addition if you and the GF are on and off over and over it sounds to me like two broken souls who can't bear t... (read in full...)
My baby's dad threatened to make me miscarry, yet now his family wants to see my 5-year old son!
Q. Hi i have a son who is nearly 5 his dad never wanted him and has paid nothing towards him now his family are hassling me asking to see him he was awful with me and i had to get police onto him as he was threatening to make me miscarry do they have ...
A. 9 September 2013: you need to ask a lawyer a legal question such as "does my baby's daddy's family have any rights to see my child if I have a restraining order against the father?" or whatever it is you have.
If you are afraid, then get a lawyer. get court or... (read in full...)
I don't feel comfortable meeting my boyfriend's family because I'm bisexual
Q. I have always known I was bisexual since my early teens, and I have had two relationship with women. My parent's and I fell out due to this, so I haven't spoken to them in five year's. I'm currently seeing a really nice guy who I'm falling ...
A. 9 September 2013: so what happens if you and the boyfriend marry? will you never meet his family because they disapprove of your lifestyle?
ask your boyfriend how he feels about it and tell him the truth and let him make the choice what to do... it's his fam... (read in full...)
OCD with temper issues...is this a relationship worth saving?
Q. im in a new relationship with someone who has a past of abuse from an ex, she also has ocd quite bad with a short temper but refuses to get help as she says shes okay. shes now asked me to come off a social network site that i only use to contact ...
A. 9 September 2013: if she truly has OCD and refuses to get treatment or help for it, it may not be a viable relationship.
OCD comes in many forms
worriers
checkers
collectors
washers
My son is a worrier/collector
my husband (not his fat... (read in full...)
Body dysmorphic disorder
Q. So my problem is I am ugly....I have spent lots of money on therapy for BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder), but it just seems that a duck is a duck. I am ugly and that's that, but I feel like I'm gorgeous. So I'm a duck that thinks its a swan...any ...
A. 9 September 2013: Ok so you are an ugly duckling that thinks it's a swan.
I'd be happy to help you adapt to this once you tell me how this is causing problems in your life.....
... (read in full...)
My ex and I have become FWB, he says he wants more but I'm not sure??
Q. I know this will sound incredibly stupid, and reckless but I have been having a purely sexual relationship with my ex and the father of my two children. I know people say it all the time, but it really did just happen. We had taken our childr...
A. 9 September 2013: I agree either all or NOTHING
stop the FWB... if he wants more and you think he's changed and can be the man you need him to be.. then give it a shot.... (read in full...)
2 yr update on being married and cheated on
Q. original post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/revenge-cheatingwill-it-help-.html I would like to start by saying thanks to all those people who commented and gave positive advice to me when i had nobody to speak to about what i was feeling and ...
A. 9 September 2013: thanks for the update I hope all continues to go smoothly.... (read in full...)
Does he really care for her if me and him have something that good?
Q. I know what i did was wrong but if someone can try and answer my question without the lecture I would be so grateful! I started seeing a guy from work and totally fell for him. Despite being in two serious relationships for over 3 years each time,...
A. 9 September 2013: of course you want to be with him.
BUT DON'T do it.
if you want ANY shot in hell of making it work with him go 100% NO CONTACT with him.
do not call him
do not take his calls
do not email him or text him or accept or respond to his ema... (read in full...)
Can all this small talk lead to romance?
Q. I'm a University Student, and I'm taking English Literature as my Major. I meet with a beautiful classmate on my first day. (Let's call her Alice.) During our class, our Professor asks the class which writers have stood out from today's writers,...
A. 9 September 2013: I agree with CMMP... do not ask her what she wants in terms of pace.
just ask her to do things... just relax and be yourself...
don't force it and don't read into things... go with the flow...... (read in full...)
Should I write a letter to my ex for closure?
Q. Hi everyone, so, my ex boyfriend broke up with me two months ago. It was the beginning of the summer, and he probably wanted to spend his time alone/with his friends no strings attached. During these two months I truly tried to get over him, bu...
A. 9 September 2013: write the letter.... put it in an envelope. seal the envelope date it and put it away in the bottom of a drawer and forget about it for at least 2 years... then read it again.
you are still hurting and grieving a loss but there is nothing you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend loves me but is constantly on Facebook and has messages from other women on his phone.
Q. So my Boyfriend of 6 months that loves me to death and worships the ground I walk on is constantly on FacebooK. I actually Deactivated my account because of him. I just got tired of constantly seeing him on there... So tonight when he was checking...
A. 9 September 2013: he loves you to death and worships the ground you walk on...
HOW do you KNOW? because he says so? or because of how he behaves?
just because he SAYS he loves you does not mean it's true.
he SNATCHED his phone away from you? ... (read in full...)
If a crush lasts for several years, does that mean it's actually love?
Q. I have heard that a crush would slow down and finally disappear, but I wonder how long it lasts. If a crush lasts for 2.5 years and you see the person on a daily basis, is it still a crush? I have read that crush is infatuation or lust so it can't ...
A. 9 September 2013: Time is not the determining factor if it's love or a crush.
It's still a crush if you see them but don't have a relationship with them. And by relationship I mean that you two have mutual attraction and you have conversations and get together... (read in full...)
Can I trust a marriage counsellor to keep my confidentiality or will s/he tell my wife everything I say?
Q. My wife and I have been going through a rough patch lately. I think we need to see a therapist, counselor, or psychologist. I am not sure if the rules regarding confidentiality are different for each, but I am wondering if what I say will ultimately ...
A. 9 September 2013: when going to marriage counseling you go together and part of fixing things is coming clean with all secrets and such.
marriage counseling is not you go to one session, she goes to another and then the counselor tells you how to fix it.
W... (read in full...)
Are we just playing hard to get?
Q. So me and this guy knew each other back in the day and I'm 99% sure we liked each other but never admitted it to each other (we're both stubborn and play hard to get). Anyways we are both in our early 20s now and it's funny sometimes when we are ...
A. 9 September 2013: well i think you need to stop playing games with him and come clean and talk to him like an adult and say
Hey I've been playing a stupid childish game saying stuff but meaning the exact opposite... and I think we would be good together... what do ... (read in full...)
I feel I'm losing my long-distance friend!
Q. dear cupid i have been talking to a guy abroad for about 2 and half years now. he has a girlfriend and i only knew about it recently. however he said he really likes me and wants to continue talking to me as a friend. we do talk about sex and talk ...
A. 9 September 2013: I think that if you are this concerned and upset about losing a friendship that is LDR with a guy that you are not being truthful with yourself about how you really feel.
you have only ever talked to him you have never met him...
for all you k... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if this woman I work with is interested in me or if she's even gay. She seemed to be wearing my hairband on her wrist, could there be some hidden meaning?
Q. I work with someone who I'm not sure if she knows I'm interested and if she's gay or not. I've come across a photo a colleague showed me of this woman at work what looked to be wearing my hair band on her wrist..bearing in mind the person I'm ...
A. 9 September 2013: NOPE no hidden meaning. Probably not even your hair band.
Amazing what our minds can convince us of when we want to be convinced.... (read in full...)
How long do you give someone after their break up before you ask them out?
Q. Hi, How soon would you say it is to inadvertadly hit on someone after they have broken up with their ex? I like someone who has come out of a long term relationship (no children or marriage) but I'm unsure how long to leave it before suggesti...
A. 9 September 2013: IF you are interested then ask them out... the worst thing they can say is "i'm not dating yet"
but then they will know when they are ready that you are interested.... (read in full...)
Why would you women wear a ring on your wedding ring finger if you aren't married?
Q. Totally confused over here right about now......... I like a woman who I thought was married because she wore what looked like a wedding ring on her wedding ring finger. At first I thought it wasn't, it looked too plain not a band type ring then I...
A. 9 September 2013: Because jewelery is not only permitted for married ladies.
and if she likes the way the ring looks on that finger then that's why.
you could ASK HER why SHE chooses to wear a band like ring on her left hand ring finger....... (read in full...)
If he really loved me wouldn't he talk about making changes in our lives?
Q. Dear Cupid, Looking for a man perspective. I've been in an exclusive relationship for 3 years, we are both middle-aged. We've broken up several times, because I'm frustrated in not seeing any progress and he is unwilling to talk about where rela...
A. 9 September 2013: No he does not want more than it is now. IF you want more than THIS MAN is not the man to give you want you want.
... (read in full...)
The girl that rejected me keeps contacting me
Q. There's this girl I had "something" with from around early May to mid July. We kissed and stuff, we went to the movies, we hanged out a lot, she'd text me almost every day, but we didn't even have sex. I asked her to be my gf and she told me no or ...
A. 9 September 2013: You call it a lame excuse I call it being polite. Would you rather be told “I’m not ready for a relationship now” or “you just don’t do it for me”
Clearly you don’t do it for her.
She does not want to be your girlfriend and she has told you... (read in full...)
I don't want to be single my whole life! Is there hope for me?
Q. I was with my ex for 4 years, the last 2 years was LD. He was my first. He cheated me twice the first two years and I caught him kissing someone else while he studied abroad. I forgave him and gave him chances even though he hurt me so much. We were ...
A. 9 September 2013: You did the right thing ending the faux relationship. LDRS are hard and not all of us are cut out for them.
I could not do an LDR... neither could my hubby... so after a year he gave up his apartment and moved to be with me.
That's the pr... (read in full...)
My LDR friend said he loved me then blocked me! Why?
Q. I'm feeling very confused and even more so after asking for the help of my friends as all of them have very conflicting opinions! So I was hoping you could offer some help and advice. I will try not to make this too long whilst not missing out ...
A. 9 September 2013: IF you meet someone online if you do not meet in person within a few months, then it's all a fantasy.
SEVEN YEARS of online friendship is akin to a penpal you are close to. You have not met. YOU cannot run your life based on someone you have ne... (read in full...)
Is it just the distance or are my instincts right that he's two-timing me?
Q. I met a guy a few months ago while on vacation, he lives 6 hours away, but we exchanged numbers, and agreed on being friends, which obviously didn't last long. I feel very drawn to him, which doesn't happen very often, and never so quickly. I can ...
A. 9 September 2013: well if the only fear you have is that you are not the only one he texts with you are correct. he probably texts with other friends and co-workers and family...
Now here is reality... you are young and you are 6 hours apart. you met during v... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend doesn't like that I had lunch with male colleague and accepted chocolate from him. Am I in the wrong?
Q. Dear cupid, I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend of 4.5 months..at the place I work I have been friends with this guy..we have been given the same assignement so we work together! We go out for lunch together as a group but today everyone was bus...
A. 9 September 2013: Clearly WiseOwlE does not approve of LDRs. I’ve done an LDR… and while they are a PITA they are often temporarily necessary and sometimes folks over react.
IF you were not LDR with this guy would he have been upset if you had lunch with this co... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from my LD friend in over a week?
Q. So what do I do? For the past 3 months I have been talking to someone who is currently out in afgan through email he is a friend of a friend and although I have never met him I thought we were getting to know each other and kind of asumed we were ...
A. 9 September 2013: Someone who is currently in a war zone did not contact you for a week.... oh well.. maybe he can't contact you.
you could send a message saying "hi haven't heard from you hope everything is ok" but that's it...
then you sit and wait... (read in full...)
Going to spend two weeks with my LDR -- what will we talk about?
Q. Hi there I have been in a long distance relationship with a wonderful woman for two years now. We've only managed to spend three individual weeks together within that time period, although each and every single one of those weeks were like magic....
A. 9 September 2013: If after two years together you both still feel pressure, maybe this is not the be all to end all of relationships.
I agree with CMMP... use this time to start planning ending the distance.
IF you are NOT actively working on ending the dista... (read in full...)
Is the guy I like gay?
Q. I think the guy I like is gay. But I don't think he even knows it yet. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with gay people, but I have this habit it finding/falling for gay guys and I would rather that not be the case with this guy. I have ...
A. 9 September 2013: WOW… just because he takes tap dance and likes vanilla bean lattes does not make him gay. And having a sense of style and being clean.. maybe he’s just OCD not GAY.
The big issue is you are 17 to his 15 which when you two are 25 and 27 won’t matt... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
