A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have just found out my boyfriend has court judgements. (Not sure of the term) for unpaid bills. He says his ex wife named him as liable as the expenses were for his child, and he says he never received the bills until it ended up as a legal matter. Now he has to pay a monthly amount to clear the debt. He is now hardly able to afford to buy food. Am I right in thinking I should be cautious about marrying him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 i'd want to see the court papers to make sure he's telling the truth
if she did not submit the bills to him timely like he alleges then perhaps i'd think about it.
but if it's just that he opted NOT to pay the bills she sent timely, and they have a court agreement that says he has to... then I'd consider that he's not taking care of his child... which may be because he is angry at the mother which means he's a jerk and immature and irresponsible.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 August 2013):
You should be cautious before you marry ANYONE. There's no reason to rush into marriage... Wait until the time is right, that way if it's never right (in your case he never fixes his financial issues) then you don't have your marriage ruined by it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013): Correct, think twice before marrying him unless you are ok with paying for everything in the marriage like rent, food, utilities and anything else.
Well many marriages have the husband paying for everything because the wife doesn't work so it isn't so surprising for a marriage to function entirely from one person's salary alone. But somehow society seems to accept the wife not financially contributing anything to the marriage, but not the husband. If you can get over that double standard then don't worry marrying him. Otherwise wait until he is debt free.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (29 August 2013):
 CCJ's or county court judgements don't just happen without a person's prior knowledge.Someone being in debt isn't necessarily a reason not to marry them if they are honest, reliable, hard working and responsible.My concern is to the secrecy of this situation. You have just found out!A marriage should be based on honesty and trust and I can't help feeling he's kind of let you down there. I think you need to spend a little more time getting to really know this man before you commit to him.Also I have always been a firm believer that if you have to ask "should I?" then you shouldn't, regardless of the question.AB x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013): Judgements are issued by a court, demanding payment of a debt after several failed attempts of collections. The funds are usually structured to be deducted through wage attachment; or liens on property or against assets.
He failed to pay his child support. In the States, he's considered a "dead-beat."
You don't want to marry a man who has to be forced to pay child support. That speaks volumes about his character as a man, and the type of father he is. That, and the fact he has no earning-potential.
I don't know how it goes in the UK; but here in the States, his ex-wife could have a joint bank-account seized in payment of his back debt and support payments.
His ex-wife got rid of him for obvious reasons.
He can barely buy food. You'll be supporting him. His bad credit will not allow him to assume any responsibility for mortgage loans, car loans, or other major purchases; and financial expenses normally shared within a marriage.
You may as well marry his ex-wife and adopt his daughter.
That's where every cent he earns will go; and the stress of his former marriage will never allow yours to flourish.
He probably neglected his financial responsibilities; while springing for dates, and any monetary contributions he made to your benefit. If any. Money that was intended in payment of back debt.
You already knew the answer to your question. Stamp this one "REJECT" for marriage. Just let him remain your boyfriend, but keep your purse closed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013): Depends. Is he trustworthy and responsible otherwise? Is he handling this setback in a grown-up way, scouting out more income to make up for the new bills? Life is a bitch. It doesn't care about we lower-middle-class folk. My fiance and I work our a**es off, and he still managed to end up with a bankruptcy and lots of BS from the IRS in the form of monthly installments. In this world, in 2013, it doesn't mean we're irresponsible. It means we tried, and weren't able to get ahead of the system enough. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. It is what it is. You shouldn't shy away from marrying him because he's in a bit of financial trouble. See how he handles it, because that'll be how he handles your own financial troubles when you're going through them together. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013): Don't marry him.
Wouldn't you want to be with someone who hasn't screwed up in their old life?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 August 2013):
 Yes. Ask him to show you his personal "closet" .... give you a key to its door, and provide you with a flashlight so that you can snoop around. This sounds "fishy" to me....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013): I find it hard to believe that he was never aware of expenses incurred for his child or he was never aware of bills until it became a legal matter. It would not likely have become a legal matter if they figured out a plan on how to tackle them on their own in the first place. Just proceed with caution with this guy and watch carefully how he handles his money, budgeting and finances in general.
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