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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Nothing has been said since I reminded her of her sexual past, should I bring it back up?
Q. I am upset over something but don’t have the right to be. I posted last hear on Dear cupid and got some good feed back. Let me explain and get your reaction. I have suffered from retroactive jealousy for a number of years. I realize the p...
A. 27 August 2013: OP I don’t think you are a bad guy either. I can’t grasp how you feel or why you feel that way but many others can. I think you love your wife very much and would MUCH PREFER TO NOT FEEL the way you feel.
I think your wife is very wise to l... (read in full...)
Her parents don't know we are married.
Q. Dear Cupid, I really don’t know where to start.. I met a beautiful lady (24) that is now my wife accidentally through social media whilst I was part of a high profile event which we both were using such public platform to talk about. Cut a lo...
A. 26 August 2013: medicated bi-polar is usually workable if they can find meds that work. un-medicated bi-polar is NOT good.
Lies are not good.
and truthfully " as expected with someone of her condition she panicked" UMMM NO... NOT as expected. it's ... (read in full...)
I asked him a question and he can't give me an answer. What do I do?
Q. Hello cupid members, there is a guy friend of mine that I recently asked the questions of whether or not he sees us more than friends and if we could ever be more. His response was a plain 'i don't know' and we never finished the conversation to ...
A. 26 August 2013: Agreed that his NON-answer is an answer... and the answer is "NO I am not interested in you as more than a friend"
if you wish to maintain a friendship with him, then stop pushing him for a response... sometimes it's easier to just not respond ... (read in full...)
How do I get my friend to stop liking me?
Q. Hello dear aunts and uncles :) I go to college and I have a best guy friend there, we understand each other really well, he's nice and one of the best friends in general I've ever had. I suspected he might be into me and recently he confirmed he ...
A. 26 August 2013: the problem is if you give him SOME space it may backfire and make him want you all the more.
IF you want to be friends and he refuses to accept that and it's uncomfortable for you, then I think the only thing you can do is accept that the fri... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't do any work at home and then complains that I should help her
Q. My wife is a stay at home mom, while I work 10-12 hours a day. My wife doesn't do anything at home, I always come home to a mess. She always complains that I should help with the house work. She doesn't do laundry until it absolutely needs to be ...
A. 26 August 2013: stay at home MOMS do NOT sit on their rears all day.
how old are your kids?
in addition if she has any sort of organizational challenges (learning disabilities, depression, ADHD) then she needs help.
AND if it's already at the overwhe... (read in full...)
Do I keep boyfriend? Or stop dating him because I'm falling for someone else?
Q. Hi all, I'm feeling really confused now and advice would really mean a lot to me. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year but I might be falling for someone else. Let's call him B. B knows that I'm attached. But we text all the time, to ...
A. 26 August 2013: Either stop seeing B or break up with the boyfriend.
you now have to decide which man is more important to you.... (read in full...)
Nothing has been said since I reminded her of her sexual past, should I bring it back up?
Q. I am upset over something but don’t have the right to be. I posted last hear on Dear cupid and got some good feed back. Let me explain and get your reaction. I have suffered from retroactive jealousy for a number of years. I realize the p...
A. 26 August 2013: WEll there are two things here
first of all when I was in college there was no chance of getting an STD that did not respond to treatment... now there is... so
that's different.
secondly... she never lied to her husband about her prior ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is trying to stir up drama when all I want to do is talk to him!
Q. My boyfriend is on a lads holiday at the moment and last night he dropped me a message that he had to be honest and on his first night he had kissed another girl but it didn't mean anything. I told him I was glad he told me but I wasn't going to ...
A. 26 August 2013: yep he's trying to get you to break up with him... to do his dirty work...
when he gets home you can forgive and forget but I'm betting his bad behavior will continue till you can't take any more...
be prepared for this to end sooner rathe... (read in full...)
She hasn't invited me to her friends' wedding?
Q. My girlfriend has been invited to one of her friend's wedding next month (an ex, but they're still friends, which is totally fine with me by the way). It's in the middle of a week we both have off on holiday. Anyway, she told me that it didn't come ...
A. 26 August 2013: Well it's their right to invite who they want..
old school manners are that only fiances/spouses are invited
not boyfriends or casual partners.... in this day and age with living together we need to be more flexible.
what IRKS me abou... (read in full...)
Am I prudish for not wanting to ejaculate in her mouth?
Q. I have a girlfriend for the first time in my life. We've been together for almost 6 months. She told me before we committed to a serious relationship that she was very sexual since she was 15. I was a virgin but lied and told her I had a few sexual ...
A. 26 August 2013: Let me tell you my take on it and maybe this will help.
Swallowing is easier.
It's neater and it doesn't taste as bad as "catch and release" and it's not as messy as cumming on the bed or worse ON HER.
I hate when a man wants to ejaculate O... (read in full...)
Disrespectful daughter is on the streets now she wants to come home should I let her come back?
Q. Dear Cupid,I am a very blessed single parent of two girls and one boy my son is the baby .All of my children are grown .But my second oldest daughter we have been at each other throats everyday since she got her period we have been in to it every ...
A. 26 August 2013: Well I would have a "sit down" with her on neutral territory like a coffee shop or something and lay out ground rules for her to come home.
1. no visitors (keeps disrespectful user boyfriend out of the home but does not mean she cannot see h... (read in full...)
I need to know how to stop my sexual urges.
Q. In the last few days or so, I've become more sexually aroused then normal. I find myself having to masturbate every few hours because it gets too difficult to concentrate. My body has these new urges. I had sex with my ex boyfriend this morning and ...
A. 25 August 2013: You may be ovulating. That would explain the wet too...
women get pregnant when they ovulate and have sex so nature has designed our bodies to be more receptive to sex (i.e. you are more lubricated naturally for several reasons... natural ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend forgot my birthday and I'm furious
Q. My boyfriend of eight months forgot my birthday. First of all he knew my birthday was coming up and I had to ask him if we would have plans. He needed time to think about it and suggested that I might have plans with my friends. So I followed up ...
A. 22 August 2013: i disagree with WiseOwle. I think ignoring him to sulk and be mad was not mature or cool.
I also think that the sarcasm was uncalled for.
IF birthdays are important to you then it's incumbent on YOU to remind him. "hey don't forget ne... (read in full...)
Why is my wife suddenly so happy to have anal sex? I can't ask her about it!
Q. Anal sex with wife. Hi. Been married for 10 years and wife said was virgin. Regular sex was painful with her to start with and she seemed really not to know hot to handle it. However, very recently she started initiating anal...
A. 22 August 2013: just because she was a virgin before marriage (and i love your implication that she's lying by saying that she SAID she was a virgin not that she WAS a virgin which is VERY telling)
does not mean that she does not know what she likes and wants.
... (read in full...)
Brother is running around with an older man and lied to me. I found out by snooping. Do I confront him?
Q. Hey-My brother went away on a trip and had me come and feed the fish at his place while he was gone. I'll admit I did a bit of snooping and found his password to his email...What I found shocked me! He has been having sex with another guy quite ...
A. 22 August 2013: OP I see your follow up….
“Ok I get it I shouldn't have snooped! But my thought is something has to be totally wrong for him to be doing this which is why I think I should maybe confront him about it. I mean come on doing it with a 56 y/o when you... (read in full...)
My roommate says that I smell but I don't know whether she is being mean or honest
Q. My roommate and I hate each other and she says I have an odor problem when I’m doing what I know is right hygiene-wise. I’m at my wits end. We’re in the military. We live in a 3-man room. She says that “my smell” infects the entire room. I h...
A. 22 August 2013: do you eat garlic?
all the advice you have been given is excellent and I'd vote for ignoring her totally.. perhaps going to a chaplin or a sympathetic supervisor to discuss what else you can do to fix this interpersonal issue that appears to be he... (read in full...)
Someone needs to tell him he's hurting people!
Q. So... Two and a half months ago my ex dumped me out of the blue no clear warning signs no nothing, just the explaination of I don't see it lasting! We'd been together btw prior to this ten months and he'd promised me basically the world telling me ...
A. 22 August 2013: You don't care about him... so then why are you even up to date on what he's doing...
even if someone needs to tell him what a jerk he is... it's NOT YOUR PLACE...
you need to let it go and walk away for yourself.... (read in full...)
I can rarely make my girfriend orgasm, she can do it by herself but doesn't let me share in the experience and it makes me feel hurt, rejected and excluded
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I am feeling pretty low in the relationship because of an issue which has been bothering me for nearly a year. I can only make her cum at most about 1x a month and we have an active sex life. She ma...
A. 22 August 2013: I agree with Tisha... the issue is not that she won't "share her orgasms" with you.. the issue is that you two do NOT communicate about this (and possibly other things)
IF you can't communicate about this and it bothers you so badly.. then yes... (read in full...)
I got horrific razor burn and ingrown hairs from shaving my groin. How can I make it go away and avoid it happening again?
Q. My girlfriend told me she prefers a man that is shaved in the groin. I've always just trimmed fairly short, but I figured I would give shaving a shot if it is what she likes. I've only ever shaved my face so I wasn't too experience with what to do ...
A. 22 August 2013: I'm voting for a new girlfriend too...
my hubby liked to totally shave when we met... I BEGGED him to grow SOME hair... but he only knew how to fully shave so I bought him a lovely wet dry trimmer for what a company here calls "Bonsai trim... (read in full...)
My daughter was cheating on her fiance with her best friend's father. How do I contain this situation?
Q. My 27 yr old daughter has recently admitted to me she's been cheating on her fiance with her best friend's dad, and she's thinking about ditching her fiance and marrying her best friend's dad. She admitted she was discreet about the affair. I am...
A. 21 August 2013: I think the issue is that you are too entangled in your daughter's life.
IT was NOT YOUR place to tell HER fiance' that she cheated on him. WHAT were you thinking?
And the fact that he so easily is willing to forgive her?
something ... (read in full...)
Brother is running around with an older man and lied to me. I found out by snooping. Do I confront him?
Q. Hey-My brother went away on a trip and had me come and feed the fish at his place while he was gone. I'll admit I did a bit of snooping and found his password to his email...What I found shocked me! He has been having sex with another guy quite ...
A. 21 August 2013: YOU are so over the top out of line I can't even begin to understand how you can justify this "bit of snooping"
what a grown man does on his own time is his own business
who he does it with is HIS business.
clearly he knows you to be a jud... (read in full...)
Does my wife's behavior mean she is cheating?
Q. In the last year,my wife has talked sexier and much more than in the pastwhile having sex,started to exercise,swallowed several times giving me oral sex a couple times in one week when she. Has only did that twice before in 20yrs and became ...
A. 21 August 2013: I LOVE My pocket rocket... just saying...
other than these changes is she out more? is she hiding her email, is she locking her phone? is she dressing better to go to work?
have you ASKED her what's changed?
... (read in full...)
How do I fix this LDR? He's great in person but horrible at other forms of communication!
Q. I'm a girlfriend of this guy who is amazing in person, but he is so horrible at talking to me over text, phone, and Xbox chat. Voice chatting is better than text, but nothing beats him being awesome in person. In person, he shows me attention, ...
A. 21 August 2013: Yep I did a 2 hour LDR.. .we survived a year.. then he moved down to be with me... then we got married.
2 hours when you have transportation is not bad... we have friends who are married and do this.. he comes in 3 out of 4 weekends BUT they vid... (read in full...)
I gave a guy my phone number but I'm not really interested in him. What should I do?
Q. I went out on Monday night with some friends and their friends (whom I had never met). One of the guys whom I didn't know asked me for my phone number before I left. He knows I don't have a boyfriend. I gave it to him but I'm not interested at al...
A. 21 August 2013: do not ignore him that's rude.
I would call him (not text) and let him know that while you like him as a person you don't see anything more than a casual friendship developing.
... (read in full...)
Ex initiated contact. I thought I'm over him, but now I can't stick to my guns.
Q. This is my last post. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-i-still-feel-sad-miss-him.html So the last time I talked to my ex, he said he will marry me if I fly to him tomorrow. He said he's not over me. I asked why he didn't wish me happy bir...
A. 21 August 2013: "he said he will marry me if I fly to him tomorrow"
seriously there are conditions on his marrying you?
if he truly loved you and wanted to marry you there would not be any conditions on it... why is flying to him tomorrow the crux of... (read in full...)
If a girl at work or serving at a shop that I frequent tells me "I am so bored", would you think that is a signal of interest?
Q. If a girl at work or serving at a shop that I frequent tells me "I am so bored", would you think that is a signal of interest? I have had one or two telling me they are bored, and we should get together, to take away the boredom. I realise the la...
A. 21 August 2013: the best way to figure it out is ASK HER OUT... clearly you are interested in her and are looking for reciprocal feelings.... ASK...
... (read in full...)
Anyone else ever not been invited to a baby shower? I'm engaged to her father.
Q. I've been in my current relationship for 5 years and we are engaged. I know his children, etc. The daughter is married (27 years old) and is now pregnant for the first time. She is having her baby shower in a couple of months. I only found this ...
A. 21 August 2013: I agree with Honeypie and Tisha...
the family dynamic may just be that dad is not included for whatever reasons.
check with him, send a lovely gift together if he wants.
do NOT take it personally and continue to live your full and happy ... (read in full...)
He says he can't marry me because of his parents but we are intimate. Should I stop this?
Q. Well I don't know from where do I start. I'm in a very difficult condition to be understood by anyone. My story has started one year back when I kissed him for the first time. It's not that I haven't kissed any guy before him but with him something ...
A. 21 August 2013: This man cannot give you what you want.
YOU are not responsible for him therefore you should not stay out of guilt or worry....
if he has said he won't give you what you want/need (saying I CAN'T is the same as I WON'T) and you want more, y... (read in full...)
Should I buy my boyfriend a few toiletries that he can keep at my place or is it overbearing?
Q. I'm 31 and have been dating my guy for 6 weeks. Over the past few weeks we've gotten pretty close and he's been spending 1-2 weeknights and all weekend at my apartment. He has a toothbrush at my apartment, but no other practical stuff ...
A. 21 August 2013: OP, when I was dating my husband it was long distance at first... I would drive to see him and cart all my stuff... I never asked to keep anything there... rather i had a bag of stuff that I just left in there and carried back and forth (a second ... (read in full...)
Should I buy my boyfriend a few toiletries that he can keep at my place or is it overbearing?
Q. I'm 31 and have been dating my guy for 6 weeks. Over the past few weeks we've gotten pretty close and he's been spending 1-2 weeknights and all weekend at my apartment. He has a toothbrush at my apartment, but no other practical stuff ...
A. 20 August 2013: Do not buy things for him.
Offer him a drawer in the bedroom for undies and such and maybe a small spot in the bathroom for anything he might need to keep there.
... (read in full...)
I'm in love with him but he won't give me any commitment
Q. Since March this year I have been in touch with a Korean man online. We met on a penpals website so I was not looking for a relationship. He's based in London on a two year student visa. When we first started talking it was very casual but after a ...
A. 20 August 2013: his actions and his words say that you are not that important to him... listen to both
He told you he can't handle LDR and he only wants to be friends... I'm sorry but I think you need to take this at face value.
IF you can't bear to be jus... (read in full...)
My ex and father of my child has disappeared across the world and does not pay any child support at all. How can I proceed?
Q. I have a 2-year-old son and my ex has not paid child support at all. He disappeared into obscurity once the baby was a year old; it makes me depressed that he just fled from his child, he was a good, decent reliable man before we got pregnant (he...
A. 20 August 2013: if you do not have court ordered paternity and child support I would get that NOW. I am not sure how international agreements would work so a good lawyer is in your best interest.
even if he does not pay now later on he will still be responsi... (read in full...)
We are soulmates but now he's ignoring me.
Q. I've been in a whirlwind relationship that I would consider my soulmate. He is recently divorced, a messy divorce, and has kids. I'm longtime divorced with no children. It was love at first sight for both of us and he asked me to marry him ...
A. 20 August 2013: YOU WANT IT TO BE OVER... stop hoping it's not.
what you want is for him to want you... that strokes an ego... but the truth is that you are not getting anything good out of the relationship.
I would take control and give him a call early nex... (read in full...)
My husband has many close female friends.
Q. I'am not the jealous type I'm very laid back and always tried to avoid drama by not hanging out with certain ppl. My husband got a lot of female friends he talked to form day to day I have not met them yet and they called him for advice all the ...
A. 20 August 2013: I think that women that are single are a danger to most marriages if they only friend the husband.
My last husband needed to be surrounded by women to stroke his ego... it was that I was not enough....
I would at least talk to your husband and... (read in full...)
I'm married, he's married. Do I tell him that I have a crush?
Q. I am married and I have a crush on a married teacher I met only briefly. Should I tell him? ...
A. 20 August 2013: You have a crush. That makes you normal. Having a crush on someone is not restricted to unmarried or unpartnered people.
Are you unhappily married? Are you looking for an excuse to end your marriage or have an affair?
I see no need to tell ... (read in full...)
Is being tan really considered to be more beautiful?
Q. So lately, everyone has been commenting on how pale I am. I mean its the summer time and I work as a lifeguard so you'd think I'd be super tan but nope, I have to wear a lot of sunscreen and when I don't, I get badly burned very easily and the burn ...
A. 20 August 2013: There was a time that being tan meant you were a laborer... or a slave and worked outside doing low-class work. It was more affluent to not have a tan....
then the leisure class kicked in and having a tan meant you had wealth and it was seen as ... (read in full...)
I can rarely make my girfriend orgasm, she can do it by herself but doesn't let me share in the experience and it makes me feel hurt, rejected and excluded
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I am feeling pretty low in the relationship because of an issue which has been bothering me for nearly a year. I can only make her cum at most about 1x a month and we have an active sex life. She ma...
A. 20 August 2013: OP, if you leave this woman, the probability exists that you will find yet ANOTHER woman who does not orgasm from penetration alone or even from anything you can or will do.
I agree you need to figure out that a woman's enjoyment of an intimate... (read in full...)
Five years together and his soulmate, yet his actions bother me
Q. Hi. My bf and I have been together for almost 5 years. Because of work we have lived 2 hours away for the past year. He has said he wants to marry me and I am his soulmate. When his dad died a couple of weeks ago, he told me they were not having a ...
A. 19 August 2013: why did you even assume you needed to be asked...
you have been together 5 years, you live together 2 hours away from what you consider home (although HOME is where YOU as an ADULT Live with your LIFE PARTNER)
If it was me I would have just... (read in full...)
I was upset all evening, was I overreacting?
Q. Hello, yesterday I had a meeting in the city with my boyfriend. I was a little late and when I came to the meeting place I saw him talking to his ex gf who he knows I hate very much, because she is psycho bitch. They were laughing and when I was ...
A. 19 August 2013: SageOldguy...
that leads to this:
he sees his ex and he KNOWS it bugs her... so he HURRIES the ex off even though he is HIDING nothing.. then does not mention it as to NOT ruin a nice evening... but lo and behold a friend of hers saw him talk... (read in full...)
One of them is lying. Who do I believe?
Q. i m 18 girl from india. i met a guy when i was in 12 th grade . we are together for 1 year and 3 months . we have all ups and downs as normal couple now the problem is he had created a new fb acc . he dnt share his password. he shared photos...
A. 19 August 2013: he created a new fb account and you do not believe him... so you check up on him behind his back... whether or not he's lying does not matter... YOU do not believe him....
you don't trust him... it's that simple. ... (read in full...)
Should a person spend so much time with someone who isn't a bf or gf?
Q. My bf and I see each other every week day for like 1 or 2 hours, we go to the same university and we only see each other between classes. When I go home after class, my bf hangs with a male friend, they spend the whole afternoon together fro...
A. 19 August 2013: he doesn't sound like a boyfriend more like a guy you hang out with at school.
does he ever call you and ask you to go out and do things?... (read in full...)
For my own sake, should I tell my ex how I feel?
Q. To try and keep a long story short, I left him because of his temper. He wouldn't yell, but rant on and on often saying spiteful things to me e.g. You're crazy, stuck up, bitch After a few weeks on no contact we started talking. Things were goo...
A. 19 August 2013: he knows he has a crazy temper.
best thing to do if you must tell him how you feel is to write a letter ON PAPER and mail it. but if you send it then you owe him the chance to respond... why would you want that?
he's abusive towards you and ... (read in full...)
I was upset all evening, was I overreacting?
Q. Hello, yesterday I had a meeting in the city with my boyfriend. I was a little late and when I came to the meeting place I saw him talking to his ex gf who he knows I hate very much, because she is psycho bitch. They were laughing and when I was ...
A. 19 August 2013: I'm sorry I do not think you are right at all.
I think you heavily over reacted.
He can't control where she is in the world and they ran into each other... he was ADULT and polite.
... (read in full...)
We are soulmates but now he's ignoring me.
Q. I've been in a whirlwind relationship that I would consider my soulmate. He is recently divorced, a messy divorce, and has kids. I'm longtime divorced with no children. It was love at first sight for both of us and he asked me to marry him ...
A. 19 August 2013: Are you sure you want to live your life walking on eggshells with a man who
a. has a stressful job and life
and
b. clearly has no coping skills for this stress?
the reason he does not kick you to the curb is it's easier to stay with... (read in full...)
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