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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Can a man control his arousal?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have decided to get married before sex. This is his decision. I am divorced on my mid thirties and he is on his mid twenties and saids to be a virgin. Well turns out he's religious aswell. When we kiss and fondle heavily , ...
A. 1 April 2014: While I am sure there are truly folks who believe that sex before marriage is a bad thing, I think that for many it's a smoke screen to avoid something that they are uncomfortable with or unable to complete.
I think that making out and pett... (read in full...)
Don't we all smell the same?
Q. Hey guys.I've got a very weird question to ask..first off,I've been friends with this UK lady for 4yrs.cyber_friendship.we've shared a lot.she recently had a baby born.and she used to tell me she doesn't bath sometimes,they I'd ask y and she'd say ...
A. 1 April 2014: It sounds to me like she's not quite herself after the baby.
I will tell you that NO we don't all smell alike... but that does not mean we should not maintain cleanliness.
I admit that I used to be fanatical about showering daily until my d... (read in full...)
Should I cancel my membership or will that make me look needy?
Q. Hi, i'm wondering what i should do. My online date and i have been hitting it off so well, over the past few mths, that now he has decided to leave the dating site where we met for good, so that he and i can pursue a possible future relation...
A. 31 March 2014: I would do NOTHING until you have met a few times face to face.
I will tell you this. The guy exudes red flags for two reasons...
1. he's canceled his account without actually meeting you and
2. he's willing to take 4 stand ups and stil... (read in full...)
He was the perfect friend, I fell for him, now he's engaged to someone else
Q. Hi everyone , im on my phone so Im sorry if it doesn't make sense or there is any spelling errors. Ok well there is this guy, who in my seems so perfect and I've known him for a while (over 10 years, he was 6 years older.) we get along well , i...
A. 31 March 2014: OP you have known this guy since you were a wee tiny girl of 6 or 7…. And he was already a teen… He has never and never will see you as anything other than a younger family friend.
You have a mad crush on an older guy.. had you met later in... (read in full...)
Why do guys string along lots of women at once?
Q. Hi, Why do guys string along lots of women at once? I know this middle aged guy who's about to get married (to his dying fiancé) and has kids, and he has loads of women adoring him at work and is sleeping with many women from work. He's n...
A. 31 March 2014: The first thing you need to learn is that just because ONE person finds another attractive does not mean everyone will. Being stunning in looks is not the only reason to find someone attractive. Some physically attractive people have ugly ... (read in full...)
A true friend?
Q. Hi Any advice/support would be grateful. So since my friend got herself a boyfriend (they have been together over a year now) she just does not bother with me or any of her other friends. This is going to sound pathetic, but she used to...
A. 31 March 2014: let it go and know that when they break up she'll be back... some friends are like this... they devote all their time to their romantic partner and leave the friends in the dust.
it's something that only changes for some over time...
F... (read in full...)
Problems with boyfriend, Facebook, and other girls.
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and when we first started dating he would put stuff on his facebook without me having to ask him. But now it's like a war. I feel like its not fair to me that his ex's got sweet statuses and got to be his ...
A. 31 March 2014: you say "we love each other" but you can't speak for him and you should not. He does NOT love you.
Men in love shout it from the roof tops. They want EVERYONE to know they are with that ONE special girl... if he refuses to commit on facebook ... (read in full...)
Will alcohol make you have sex with someone of the same gender?
Q. Will alcohol make you have sex with someone of the same gender? Will you completely forget or not realize it happened the next day? I feel guilty a tipsy friend came on to me hard. I had zero intentions of having sex with her but it happened. I felt ...
A. 31 March 2014: most bi-curious girls need a bit of liquid courage to complete the act.... sounds to me like that's what this was.
now she's not curious and she knows and feels weird.
just make sure you keep it as a platonic friendship and let her know you... (read in full...)
I can't block the ex because we work together!
Q. Just a week ago my boyfriend told me that his no longer interested in me and wants to move forward with another girl. I have deleted all his contacts and pictures from my laptop and cell. Worst thing is we both are working in the same company. ...
A. 31 March 2014: It's only been a week... give yourself time to heal.
If you can take some time off do it. Just don't call in or not show up... plan it... stay home and soothe yourself.
the best way to move forward is to live well for yourself.
the... (read in full...)
I try my best but he gets angry and irritated with me.
Q. Why is my boyfriend behaving this way? I'm really upset.? My boyfriend is really upsetting me. He's get angry and irritated with me and is making me really upset. I'm a good girl. I try my best with him. I go to gym regularly to keep fit lo...
A. 31 March 2014: If the current boyfriend is not behaving well (and he's not) then it's time to make him the most recent x boyfriend.
I wonder if he accuses you of cheating because he's cheating either physically or emotionally.
if there is another guy that... (read in full...)
He was more supportive before the FWB started
Q. First I live in a foreign country and in a small town and luckily for the past five years I have had a male friend who I have spent a lot of time with. In the past I have helped him with many things and last year when my Mum was diagnosed with ...
A. 31 March 2014: really sex does change everything.
even if you guys want to be FWB... by adding sex it detracts from the friend part... now he fears if he treats you like a friend it will be misinterpreted as being more than fuck buddies so he erred on the side... (read in full...)
Is this normal male behavior or is this just bad behavior?
Q. I am a newlywed. I have always known my hubbie is a friendly guy, especially to women but I think he has really crossed a line with his behavior this last week. He says his behavior is normal for men and I need to get over it. This is the second ...
A. 31 March 2014: Bad behavior. totally. My husband looks at other women all the time but when we have something to do and somewhere to be he's spot on target for it. He reserves his bad behavior for when we have time and he's made me know he's loving me totally. ... (read in full...)
Does my FWB want more?
Q. Let me start from the beginning, I signed up for a dating site, decided after a few days it wasn't my thing. I later found a message on FB from a guy who found me on the dating site. He said my profile disappeared, so he Googled my email address. WE ...
A. 31 March 2014: I doubt it means more than just sex... explain the rose.. well Cindy nailed it... cheap move that looks good.
When a man cares about a woman as a person he will see her more than once every few weeks. He will move heaven and earth to see her a... (read in full...)
Never thought it would go on so long or get so serious, and now I can't live with the lies
Q. You guys have probably never gotten a problem like this before...what I'm about to say is completely disgusting but please bare with me. I randomly met a guy online about 1 year ago. It was all just fun and games at first and a few days into ta...
A. 31 March 2014: OUCH. you must tell the truth for you and for him.
oh and for all you know he's doing the same thing to you.... wow... wrap your head around that.
how about if you say "I have a confession to make and it's pretty big and i"m very sorry..... (read in full...)
Should I push for him to decide how he really feels? Should I tell him my feelings alot(that I love him)? Should I push for us to meet in person?
Q. 2 months ago I broke up with my then boyfriend of 2 years. I broke up with him because I thought he'd be better off with a girlfriend that didn't live 200+ miles away from him, and a girlfriend that he didn't have to leave his family to be with. ...
A. 31 March 2014: Ah your follow up comes through after I post... ugh
so you have met..
Cerberus is right the whole "you deserve better" break up line is BS.
if you are willing to move to be with him, then tell him that and make it so if he wants it... if ... (read in full...)
I need help in understanding ......
Q. MOD NOTE: Two questions from same asker, combined. Firstly let me say that this is kind of my last hope of getting some actual real advice. I have been with this guy for a year now actually a year since yesterday. Lately he's been really distant,...
A. 31 March 2014: While you may be physically ready to have sex, you are not emotionally ready.
As far as the "bf" goes... sorry if you two don't talk then he's not a bf... he can SAY you are in a relationship with him all he wants but unless he acts like you are... (read in full...)
Do you my find it appropriate for a woman to sit on your husband's lap?
Q. My husband and I were with friends last night. We were playing a party game and my husband drew a card which made him "Santa Claus." Two of our male friends sat on his lap as a joke and I also sat on my husband's lap. But then one of our friends ...
A. 31 March 2014: Because it was part of the game, I would not be upset either.
Now if it was not a game and you walked into a room and found a woman sitting on your partner's lap and he seemed to be allowing it or encouraging it, then yes you have an issue WI... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be touching himself while he thinks I'm asleep!
Q. Sometimes when I sleep over at my boyfriend's place and we sleep in the same bed, I think he touches himself or masturbates otherwise while he probably thinks I'm asleep. It somewhat makes me uncomfortable, because it's like "hey I'm RIGHT HERE!!" ...
A. 31 March 2014: I solved that problem by letting my spouse know that I don't mind him waking me up for "fun and games" at any time.
he just has to be gentle about the waking...... (read in full...)
Should I push for him to decide how he really feels? Should I tell him my feelings alot(that I love him)? Should I push for us to meet in person?
Q. 2 months ago I broke up with my then boyfriend of 2 years. I broke up with him because I thought he'd be better off with a girlfriend that didn't live 200+ miles away from him, and a girlfriend that he didn't have to leave his family to be with. ...
A. 31 March 2014: If, after two years of a “pretend” relationship LDR you have not met, I doubt there is much hope of this working out.
LDRs are hard but they can work. They require a few things. IF you are 200+ miles apart that means you could drive (a four hour... (read in full...)
Should I continue this long-distance relationship knowing we can't be together for another two years at least?
Q. Am I stupid to be willing to wait for so long for us to be together? My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship. We always have been. We are recently engaged. I love him very much, but I struggle with the length of time it will be befor...
A. 31 March 2014: While LDRs can work long term (we have friends that were LDR the first two years of dating, have gotten married and are STILL LDR and will be for nearly 2 more years) they have a limited life.
Being LDR when you are an adult without smal... (read in full...)
Didn't know I was pregnant so missed out on the early pregnancy care
Q. ive just found out im pregnant. thing is, I could highly possibly be around 26 weeks gone. I say this as months ago I missed a couple of periods but then they came back, pretty normal so I didn't think anything of it. recently have been getting ...
A. 28 March 2014: I had two babies.. NO scans... my kids survived and thrived and both are older than you are now.
Ultrasounds were just beginning to be used when I was pregnant with my second but only for things like checking for twins.. regular scanning was... (read in full...)
How can my grandparents and I come to some consensus? My grandparents don't agree with gay marriage and parenting
Q. Hi. I'm struggling with accepting that my grandma and grandpa don't agree with gay marriage and parenting. Their reasoning is that marriage is a religious thing (though I pointed out that many non-religious people get married) and it would be unna...
A. 28 March 2014: WiseOwle is right... it's not magic that clicks... I sense your sister is afraid to admit she's a lesbian so she's hedging her bets. Gawd I hate that we even in the 21st century CARE what one adult does with another adult... ugh.
I think y... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating belongs to a religion that does not approve
Q. Im so scared to loose again. I found a man who is nine years younger than I am. I am divorced with one child. He never been married and no kids. However he is of another religion. I am afraid of loosing him because of it. A lot of elder females ...
A. 28 March 2014: I have a good friend who is a former JW. Her advice.. RUN. RUN NOW, RUN FAR....
Yes, there are some cases of interfaith marriages working, but in cases where one or both partners are strong in their beliefs and faith and are active in th... (read in full...)
I have a massive crush on my much-older, married landlord. Would it be worth it if I could sleep with him just one night?
Q. Ok I don't know where to begin here but I have a massive crush on my landlord. Like I'm not saying I want to run of to the sunset and marry him lol, but I have fantasised sleeping with him! He's older than well by 20 years but looks like fecking ...
A. 28 March 2014: You listed the CONS as you see them. I have more. I won’t address your lack of maturity or morals. Let’s stick with the facts:
1. He’s your landlord. This is a quasi-authoritive position. He has some control over your living situation. I... (read in full...)
How can my grandparents and I come to some consensus? My grandparents don't agree with gay marriage and parenting
Q. Hi. I'm struggling with accepting that my grandma and grandpa don't agree with gay marriage and parenting. Their reasoning is that marriage is a religious thing (though I pointed out that many non-religious people get married) and it would be unna...
A. 28 March 2014: My brother is gay. In the 70s it was NOT cool to be gay.. my grandparents never knew my brother was gay... they kept asking him "when are you getting married" and my brother kept saying "when I meet the right girl" which wasn't really a lie ... (read in full...)
Should I have unprotected sex to please my guy?
Q. Please can you give me advice - my boyfriend and I have a great relationship, however he now wishes to make love without using condoms. I am not happy with this, as by his own admission he slept with a lot of women in the past . I just want our...
A. 27 March 2014: IF pregnancy is not an issue and the only concern is STDs then go and get matching bloodwork... then you share your copy of yours with him and he give you his copy of his...
NONE of this "I had blood work it came back negative trust me" ... (read in full...)
Hpv in a long term relationship. Is cheating involved?
Q. I am a 36 year old woman. I have been with my husband for four years. I have had regular Pap smears my entire life. I have been tested for hpv every single year since I was 28. My hpv tests have always come back negative. Last month, I ...
A. 27 March 2014: Actually SageOldGuy there IS NO TEST FOR HPV!
from the CDC website:
How do I know if I have HPV?
There is no test to find out a person’s “HPV status.” Also, there is no approved HPV test to find HPV in the mouth or throat.
There ar... (read in full...)
Hpv in a long term relationship. Is cheating involved?
Q. I am a 36 year old woman. I have been with my husband for four years. I have had regular Pap smears my entire life. I have been tested for hpv every single year since I was 28. My hpv tests have always come back negative. Last month, I ...
A. 27 March 2014: I personally have had two abnormal PAP smears over the years both "cells consistent with HPV" I've asked my doctor what this means and it means I've probably had HPV at some time but that my body has cleared it. Yes I had the LEEP procedure (I ... (read in full...)
I'm 21 and I'm interested in a 16 year old
Q. I'm 21 years old, and I'm interested in this 16 year old girl. I've known her casually for a couple of weeks. We both work at the same workplace at the moment where she is part time waitressing and I'm full time on the bar. She's definitely inter...
A. 26 March 2014: Of course at 16 she says she is not concerned.. .she is an emotional child in a woman's body and has a mad attraction to an older man.
let's start with at 21 if you are sexual with a 16 yr old you will become a sex offender. That sticks with ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of giving the baby up for adoption but getting no support
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm having a kid soon, and I was wondering what the cons of adoption are. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I nearly had an abortion, but was convinced not to follow through by my mother and friends. Now that I mention adoption...
A. 26 March 2014: You are so NOT wrong. I think you are very strong and brave and wise to know that a family that can afford to adopt (and has passed those background checks) is the BEST thing you can do for your child.
Since your family is not the one to be ra... (read in full...)
Sex when on my period?
Q. My boyfriend won't have sex with me when I am on my period. It's nothing to worry about to have sex on my period - what should I do??? ...
A. 26 March 2014: You should accept and respect his feelings of not wanting to have sex while you have your period.
If you feel the need to have an orgasm (as they can help relieve cramps) then masturbate.
NEVER force or cajole someone into doing something... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to look at other women and come to the conclusion that some are better than my wife?
Q. Is it wrong to look at other women if you find yourself thinking they are better than your wife in some way? For example you see a woman who has long shapely legs, and you catch yourself thinking for a second she has nicer legs than your wife. I ...
A. 26 March 2014: The fact that you compare means you already are unhappy with what you settled for. You are already loosing attraction to your wife.
My husband is not in any way shape or form my ideal physically and I gladly look at other men (and women) a... (read in full...)
I love my guy but I'm attached to my ex's baby
Q. My relationship with Hunter is going really well but he says I spend to much time with my Ex's baby. when I was with my ex I got attached to his baby because I would spend a lot of time with him but recently I started keeping his child and my ex ...
A. 25 March 2014: I think you need to stop seeing your ex and the baby.
There is no need for a teenage girl to be involved with the baby of an ex boyfriend. Where is the baby's mother? WHY are you doing the babysitting for this child.
I am betting your... (read in full...)
My Gf finds flatulence disgusting. I am afraid to share a bed with her because of it. What can I do?
Q. i cant sleep at night with my gf, we have been together for two years now but we are LD, we have reach a very acceptable level of comfort with each other, but i cant still pass gas in front of her, not yet. she finds it disgusting. Every nigh...
A. 25 March 2014: I gotta agree with Honeypie here... and I would dispute that you have "reached a very acceptable level of comfort with each other" if after two years you still have to "hold your farts"
EVERYONE passes gas. It's a normal natural body function... (read in full...)
He was rude and dismissive until I resigned ...
Q. I'm feeling a little upset and annoyed over something so your advice is appreciated. My mother in law has been widowed for the past 6 years and has always been very independent. Unfortunately over the past year her health has deteriorated so ...
A. 24 March 2014: i agree you should take it and get it in writing.
the reason he changed his mind is because (IMO) he figured that you would say "oh well" and accept the half a day per week... he had NO clue you had the ability to say "no thank you"
so you "... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me I'm no longer included in our group vacation
Q. So I am with my boyfriend for over a year , and its your typical relationships with petty fights about jealousy and everything, but we do have a good relationship. Over the last few weeks, he has changed in some ways, like always saying before he...
A. 24 March 2014: you feel like you want to leave him for good reason.
this relationship is not good... you two planned a trip and now he's opted to UNPLAN it and make a whole new trip with his friends.
part of being a couple is wanting to be together w... (read in full...)
I struggle with losing weight!
Q. Hi, I'm a 20 year old female and I'm in my second year of college at a community college. Throughout my life (and even now) I'm struggling with being very overweight. I know it's my own fault that I'm overweight but I find it really hard to lose the ...
A. 24 March 2014: Dear OP,
I used to weigh 300 pounds (at 5'2") and I had gastric bypass 4.5 years ago. It's not a miracle and I still have to work hard at maintaining my loss but it makes the mindset so much easier to manage.
That being said, there are... (read in full...)
Feeling conflicted about my older LDR
Q. I have a problem. My boyfriend and I have been together about 3.5 years, and he is 14 years my senior (I'm 22). We got together when I was in my first year at university, and we share the same core values and ambitions. However, he has been unemploy...
A. 24 March 2014: In the end.. you will struggle with this over and over even after you make a final choice... and in the end you will leave the boyfriend. AND I think you should.
You give very valid reasons why you want to end the relationship. You are 22 and d... (read in full...)
I am already pregnant. So how do my husband and I handle his parents who flipped about the pregnancy because my husband is disabled?
Q. I need some advice on how to deal with the things going on in my life at the moment. I Will tell u the back story. My husband and I were involved in an accident a few years ago and it left my husband significantly physically disabled and I'm now ...
A. 23 March 2014: Bad initial reaction from his parents who are probably still mourning the loss of their fully able bodied son.
Disabled people can easily be parents. I am HOPING that your accident (while sad) has left you two with a financial settleme... (read in full...)
Over two years together and I still haven't met his family?
Q. I have been in a relationship with this man for two and half years. he was married before and up to now he haven't take me to his house or introduce me to his family. he come to my house, he even spend the night at my house, but now am confused if ...
A. 21 March 2014: I'd stop having overnights with him.
I'd stop having sex with him.
I would not cook for him
I would not spend a dime on him.
I'd stop doing ANYTHING for him.
what other than heartache are you getting out of the relationship now?
... (read in full...)
One or two of my friends have started organising social events without me!
Q. dear uncles/aunts; I find myself getting slightly frustrated with some of my friends. Would like some opinions. I meet varied people from all over, travelling, work, hobbies etc, and every now and again I really meet someone I grow close to. ...
A. 21 March 2014: you introduced folks and they became friends too... that's great.. clearly you have a knack for knowing who gets along.
I think you are being overly sensitive..
if they make plans and invite you and you can go then go and it's great...if you ... (read in full...)
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