Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
What is the deal with my husband and this strange woman?
Q. I am a newlywed. 6 months married. I am starting to see some really off things about my husband and I want to get some advice or opinions from others. I love my husband, he has some wonderful qualities but I think I may have made a mistake in ...
A. 6 May 2014: so just because this woman showed up and asked for something under the table, you are leaving your husband or was this the straw that broke the camels back.
I agree that before you rat her out make sure you are protected... and if you are divo... (read in full...)
Am I obligated to stay because he supported me through school?
Q. My husband of six years has a good heart, generally, and we have a three year old daughter together. I care about him a lot, but I can't stand living with him anymore. He is often very moody, controlling, and can have massive temper tantrums....
A. 6 May 2014: I like the idea of offering him alimony in a divorce if you can afford it.
I also strongly like the idea of seeing if he's willing to go to therapy and couples counseling... BOTH private therapy for him and couples for the marriage.
DO NO... (read in full...)
He always wants sex
Q. Okay, so my boyfriend won't stop trying to have sex, we can never stay in a just watch a dvd, he always trys it on, and I tell him no but he will carry on until he gets it, should I say something? Thanks ...
A. 6 May 2014: IF you say NO and he persists you keep saying NO and then he forces you and it's rape pure and simple... CONSENT is required for it to NOT be rape.
IF you don't consent it's rape. Date rape but still RAPE.
tell him NO
the next time he as... (read in full...)
I need to stop liking a co-worker
Q. Hello Thanks for reading if you do . This is probably a daft question but see how it goes , I have been working with this girl nearly a year now and we get on rather well . Well we have always had a banter and she winds me up and I wi...
A. 6 May 2014: Agree with "don't go cold on her" that will not work well.
But back off... keep it all totally work related.
IF she asks then you can tell her what's up and why (it's rather flattering when someone has a crush even if you are not interest... (read in full...)
Is the lack of trust in this relationship fatal?
Q. I have been with the same man for three years...but before i met him i was married for 8 years to someone else. The man i was married to cheated and lied to me multiple times. It took me a long time to trust the man im currently with because of my ...
A. 5 May 2014: I am not sure you can fix this.
If you have not given him a reason to doubt your faithfulness then the whole belief you will cheat is in his mind.
Counseling together and alone might help.
Have you ASKED him what you need to do to prove... (read in full...)
How can me and my family help our brother after his divorce? He has given up on life.
Q. I know this isn't much of a relationship question but we really need help. My brother was married for about 7 years and divorced. He tried to be strong but after a while he completely gave up and now he has no self esteem. We as a family have no i...
A. 5 May 2014: There is nothing you can do.
You can't fix him. You have told him to ignore her, to block her, to get therapy... all good advice but if he does not wish to hear it or take the actions, then there is nothing you can do.
What you can do is te... (read in full...)
Is this age difference morally wrong?
Q. Big question. Is it morally wrong to date a guy this young? I'm 22 almost 23, seeing a guy who is 17 almost 18. (We live in Texas so he's legal age of consent). He is wonderful to me, spends all his time with me, shows public displays of affection ...
A. 5 May 2014: I see no problem with it if you are both happy as long as you are not sexual for 6 months. Even if the age of consent is 16 with you being over 21 it could still be statutory rape and I would not want to tread with that.
5 years is a lot in ... (read in full...)
Is he right -- am I being selfish?
Q. Im in need of some advice, i been with a guy for 7 years and is has been a roll coaster. i feel like he is so selfish and only cares about himself but yet again, he says im selfish. we are in a long distance relationship hes in florida and im in new ...
A. 5 May 2014: for me the guy who says "you can't do better than me" is to be dumped.
I hope and pray you are NOT sending him money.
I don't think you are being selfish at all. Sounds to me like actually he is being selfish.
he moved to find a job th... (read in full...)
Do these mistakes have to follow me forever?
Q. i have been married for three years, and been working for over 10 years. i have made some mistakes in the past, concerning drinking too much, and partying. i have a past am not proud of. in the same period i was drinking alot, i dated quite a number ...
A. 5 May 2014: You say you are afraid of divorce... what are you afraid of?
saying "NO" to a marriage where you are being abused is a very brave thing to do.
He abuses you by calling you names and saying things to you to try to make you feel bad about yourse... (read in full...)
I like two guys, what to do?
Q. I am a 20 year old female. I am currently seeing two guys, one is a boyfriend of almost 2 years and the other I met a few months ago. The reason I have a second guy is because it has been getting stale with my boyfriend in recent months, and ...
A. 5 May 2014: how about you break up with both of them
get a nice clean start and move on alone.
right now you are cheating and probably lying to the Long term soon to be ex boyfriend... you are done with him and just not ready to let him go. that's not ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he'll hurt me when he hears I'm not coming back
Q. Dear Cupid Im with my bf for almost 3 years, had our ups and downs. Few days back we had a major fight, he was talking to a girl way more than he is supposed to and texting her often. He used to do like this before too, he likes girls getting al...
A. 5 May 2014: He is an emotional abuser.... well that's an easy one.
you end it with him and go NO CONTACT.
IF he can't get in touch with you he can't hurt you right?
just tell him, "I'm sorry it's over don't contact me"
then block him on email, ... (read in full...)
I rarely see my boyfriend, is this a rough patch?
Q. Hi everyone, Lately I've been find it hard to cope with how much I'm seeing my boyfriend. We've been dating for a year now and recently he got a new position at work which has limited the time we see each other. We use to see each other almost ev...
A. 5 May 2014: A new position at work can be very stressful and in his defense, most men can really only focus on one thing at a time. Work is always important and often men define themselves by how work is going. If he’s stressed at work it’s going to bleed ... (read in full...)
He is giving me mixed signals what should I do?
Q. I fell in love with this guy I know he had feelings for me We used to work together he's extremely popular and everyone likes him please don't judge but we got close and kissed he's been living with a girl for 6 years and he said after we kis...
A. 5 May 2014: You fell in love with him. Or so you say.
You know he has feelings for you… really HOW do you know this.. see the feelings he has for you may not be the same feelings you have for him.
You say EVERYONE likes him… at least that’s how it appears ... (read in full...)
He has bipolar, and sometimes I feel more like a caregiver than a girlfriend
Q. I posted this on another thread. I was replying to someone else who had posted about their problem, and I thought I would start a thread about my own problem. I'm not sure what to do about this situation with him, and I would appreciate some ...
A. 5 May 2014: OP, I'm sorry you are entwined in this mess with your boyfriend but
a. it's NOT your fault
b. YOU CAN'T FIX IT.
whether he is improperly medicated bi-polar who is using drugs and alcohol to self-medicate or he's an alcohol... (read in full...)
Do I need to tell everyone my news?
Q. Hi I moved countries and eventually settled down with a boyfriend and now expecting my first baby. I kept in touch with most of my friends and family back home and I told good friends that i'm pregnant however I did not say it to a few. Th...
A. 5 May 2014: If you have not kept in touch with someone there is no need to get in touch with them just to tell them you are pregnant.... (read in full...)
I want more from this relationship!
Q. Hi I have been seeing my man for a year now we tell each other we love every day Unfortunately due to our work commitments we only see each other every other weekend and sometimes once in the week My problem is he lives with his 2 daughters who ...
A. 5 May 2014: Call it a day.
if after a year you are not yet integrated into his daily life you are just a little something something on the side.
... (read in full...)
Girls are being inappropriate with my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, I need some help My boyfriend works at a big store and is good friends with most of his co workers. These co workers have friends that come up to their work sometimes and hang out during break/lunch time. Recently, there have been a fe...
A. 5 May 2014: I have to agree the one to be mad at is the boyfriend who won't set boundaries.
He may care very deeply for you but the ego stroke of having girls admit to wanting him is very hard to dismiss.
The issue is this.. IF he keeps them at arms l... (read in full...)
How to socialize while keeping family stuff private?
Q. I have a big problem separating my private life from my social life. And it is seriously effecting me now. I dint have social phobia in a classic way, but my family life is so full of pain and shame and grief, that basically I'm unable to meet with ...
A. 5 May 2014: when asked 'how is your son?' you reply
"He's doing the best he can at the moment" and leave it at that. or 'I'd rather not talk about it right now" is also acceptable.
nowhere is it written that you have to discuss anything you don't w... (read in full...)
What's up with this old friend?
Q. What is up with my childhood friend? He has a girlfriend but has always been very protective of me with other guys i went out with saying they arent good enough and giving them dirty looks. Hes in his 30s im nearly 30 he seems to have put his ...
A. 5 May 2014: IF you tell him you love him and he breaks up with his gf you will always wonder.
If his relationship with his current gf is strong you could strip down naked, sit on his lap and tell him you love him and it would not matter... relation... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me and has no reason for doing so
Q. I am so devastated, I am not sure what to think or what happened. I have been with my boyfriend for two years, we are the same age, we both have children (no children together) but out of the blue.... he broke up with me. I asked for a reason he had ...
A. 5 May 2014: I can promise you it's NOTHING YOU DID... this is on him.
he may not actually have a concrete reason but he has his reasons, whether it's someone new or he just can't put his finger on it, he knows you are not the one for him.
cut all con... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never invites me to his parties
Q. Hello all. Well, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and have known him well for about 7 years. Last year he decorated his backyard. I picked out the pool which is the staple of the backyard. I picked out most all of the furniture, ...
A. 5 May 2014: I assume you call him your boyfriend because you are intimate (having sex) with him.
If so, he does not consider you his GF more of his fuck buddy...
He's not treating you as a gf. I'd end it now.
no need to get into it with him as his ... (read in full...)
Could an attractive real woman make a guy less interested in porn?
Q. Right here is a question I possibly know the answer to. Lets say a guy likes a lot of porn, glamour mags, sexy photos etc. is here any way him finding a real woman who is attractive in looks and personality can change this or at least lessen it? ...
A. 5 May 2014: If it's a deal breaker for you OP that he looks at Porn, do NOT make an assumption that he will stop when he has you by his side.
If porn is a deal breaker for you, then it's better if he does not use porn regularly before you meet him and get ... (read in full...)
I had a threesome before I got married. Do I tell my husband?
Q. I was involved in a once only threesome with my ex bf and another girl. Deeply regretted. Should I tell the man I married later? He has had premarital sex but not of this kind....
A. 2 May 2014: I would not volunteer the info.. and i'd avoid conversations that may lead to bringing it up... but I am not sure I would advise you to LIE if he's asking about it.
so I guess the issue is, has he asked you about this?... (read in full...)
My B/f doesn't want to get married because he doesn't want to support me with medical bills and marrying me will have a bad effect on his retirement fee
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years told me that he doesn't want to get married anymore.. And his reasons are very selfish in my opinion. He said he doesn't want to support me with medical bills, or that marrying me will have a bad effect on his retirement fee. ...
A. 2 May 2014: IN the USA it's been known to marry for health benefits. that's the sad state of our health care.
Sadly he probably never had any intent of getting married. His excuses are just that excuses.
I hope you have signed up for health care as n... (read in full...)
My friends tell me I should give my boyfriend a BJ
Q. A lot of my friends are wanting me to give my boyfriend a blowjob, and he agreed to wanting me too when i asked. But i feel like we are kind of young for this to be happening. My friends said it was okay because we have been dating for 6 months, but ...
A. 2 May 2014: if your friends think your boyfriend needs a blow job your friends can give it to him.
the advice NOT to discuss your sex life with your friends is spot on. What goes on between YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND is your concern and your boyfriend's ... (read in full...)
He said things can't work between us but he still contacts me. Am I just a backup plan?
Q. I met a guy roughly a year ago in a bar. We began dating, we both work in the same industry so were both very understanding of the lack of time we could spend together however for three months we saw eachother at least one a day a week. at one po...
A. 1 May 2014: A man can work 12-16 hours a day and if he cares about a woman he will manage to find time to contact her and even SEE HER.
this is a default back up plan for him when all else fails.
stop wasting your time hoping he feels for you the wa... (read in full...)
Is it weird that my boyfriend of a year and a half had pictures of him and his ex girlfriends on a hard drive that he bought after we started going out?
Q. I'm keeping my question short and sweet really. Is it weird that my boyfriend of a year and a half had pictures of him and his ex girlfriends on a hard drive that he bought after we started going out? Bearing in mind he's been broken up with o...
A. 1 May 2014: nope it's just like having an old photo album of the ex.
... (read in full...)
I'm too afraid to ask him for help financially!
Q. I'm 23years plus i'm dating a guy of 29years plus getting to three years now, l love him so much but despite my love for him i'm shy to ask him when i need help financially because of my two reasons my first reason is that i'm thinking its too ...
A. 1 May 2014: Why in the world would you think that a guy you are dating is responsible for helping you financially?
... (read in full...)
Oral sex with no protection..should I worry about disease?
Q. I'm in the habit of frequenting sex workers on a weekly basis. Now, I typically use condoms where penetrative sex is concerned but there have been occasions where I've received unprotected oral sex. I've done some research and apparently, it's ...
A. 1 May 2014: my brother caught HEP C from borrowing a razor.
You should consider yourself high risk and have STD testing every 6 months.
... (read in full...)
1st pregnancy and I'm a little nervous! How will I know if water breaks?
Q. hi all agony aunts just a question. I am on my 1st pregnancy and so a little clueless about things. im only 28 weeks pregnant but a scan 2 days ago shown that my lil baby was already lying with her head downwards as if she was preparing to be ...
A. 1 May 2014: all medical concerns should be addressed with the doctor or midwife.
both of my babies were ALWAYS head down. NEITHER came vaginally even though they wanted to.
when my water BROKE it was a gush and I felt a POP both times.
now if you ha... (read in full...)
Should I reach out to this guy?
Q. So I met a guy on a dating site a few weeks ago. He messaged me first and we talked for a little bit. Turns out, we have a lot in common and he is honestly what I am looking for in a man- good looking, smart, successful, down to earth, athletic, ...
A. 30 April 2014: I don't think 60 miles for adults is that long of a distance.. that's a commute around here for some folks; but to be honest, you sent him your cell number and that's really all you can do.
what you like is an idea. you like a profile.. you don'... (read in full...)
What does this colleague want? She knows I like her, but she has a boyfriend.
Q. I'll keep this as brief as I can. A girl I really like. We work together. The word got out I liked her. She was getting back with a bf so rejected me. At work I was pleasant if I saw her but our paths rarely crossed. I tried to avoid her as...
A. 30 April 2014: I see no ego boosting either.
nothing you described screams.. attention getting behavior..
I'm with Tisha on this one... if you work with someone you have to be cordial. laughing at their jokes is cordial. using their name.. polite.
as fo... (read in full...)
Woman I'm sleeping with is becoming weird and clingy, how do I handle it?
Q. Okay, So I have a little dilemma. I've been sleeping with this woman I met. She's cool and everything and when we hang out we have a nice time, but she's becoming extraordinarily clingy. She texts things like "Do you miss me? What do you miss...
A. 30 April 2014: I think OP, that intrigue3000 may have it right... a bit of
"methinks the lady doth protest too much"
I fear that "we can be friend" (the kiss of death my mother used to call it) will NEVER work with this lady.
you have a choice... rela... (read in full...)
Should I keep trying with this guy who says we are "friends with benefits", or let it fade away?
Q. Okay, There's this guy I've known for about 4 years but we only recently started talking properly. I like him but he's a flirt so I don't know if I'm special or if he's like this with everyone. About a month ago, he dared me to kiss him so I did...
A. 29 April 2014: I would stop being physical with him.
I also suggest you stop calling him and initiating contact and see what happens.
If he calls you and wants to spend time with you NOT being physical (making out or more) then do that but DO NOT go to his pl... (read in full...)
Woman I'm sleeping with is becoming weird and clingy, how do I handle it?
Q. Okay, So I have a little dilemma. I've been sleeping with this woman I met. She's cool and everything and when we hang out we have a nice time, but she's becoming extraordinarily clingy. She texts things like "Do you miss me? What do you miss...
A. 29 April 2014: I agree with Maureen... it's harsh but it's the truth...
if you want to continue with her because she's a nice person and you can give her what she wants (a real relationship) then to get her to stop being clingy you can go clingy on her... it... (read in full...)
Since I said no living together without marriage he's backed off
Q. Hi, I would like to ask for some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months, he is 39 and I am 27. We don't live together and he stays about an hour away from me, for the last 15 months I have been going to visit him every weekend, ...
A. 29 April 2014: I'm sorry to be blunt and this is going to hurt but yeah it's just about sex for him. STOP going to see him and if you do see him stop having sex and watch how fast he's GONE....
IF after 15 months at 39 he doesn't know what he wants I can ASSU... (read in full...)
Is this man a sleaze bucket or am I a prude?
Q. I recently went on a first date with a guy in the public services blue uniform high up who I met online. He tried to kiss me intimately outside a pub in the car park which I found embarrassing and then text me later that he was going to be doing ...
A. 28 April 2014: he's not worth any effort. he's gross. ... (read in full...)
Do women care about premature ejaculation from a bj?
Q. I tend to have a problem with coming too quickly and so I expend a lot of effort trying to make sure I don't. Obviously this is an issue with vaginal sex, but what about with oral sex? I try not to orgasm too quickly when receiving oral, but...
A. 28 April 2014: The faster the better with a bj....... (read in full...)
Dating just 3 weeks, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. Am I right to ask?
Q. I've been dating a guy whomImet online for about 3 weeks now and I'm finding that as we're getting to know each other, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. I'm a fairly private, reserved woman a...
A. 25 April 2014: YOU have the right to ask questions but I wonder why are you even bothering?
He's lied to get more women to look at him. He figures that just like YOU.. he gets them hooked then it's too hard to leave.
I don't think that it's necessaril... (read in full...)
I don't want to play this no contact game with him anymore, I'm too old for it. What now?
Q. Dear Cupid I'm with my bf for 3 years, we r currently in LDR as he has some job assignments outside country. We used to talk atleast once a day even if its for 10 mts Long story short, for past few months he is not calling me when I do, ...
A. 25 April 2014: I agree that it's time to stop playing this "come chase me game" with him.
not sure how long he will be gone but when my husband and I were dating and were LDR he could go days without contact (before we were very serious)... once we got serious ... (read in full...)
I'm done, I want him out, how do I end this relationship?
Q. Hi all, I want to end my relationship with my partner. We have a baby of 10 months and he is drinking again. Binge drinkng, this is day 7 and he has wee'd the bed twice this week. I have weighed up the pro's and con's and the only pro I have ...
A. 25 April 2014: I agree you are too nice. IF it's your house and you want him out, you say "I need you to leave within xxx timeframe" give him enough time to pack and call someone to have a place to stay
who cares if he's mad or where he stays he's no longer y... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
