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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I'm done, I want him out, how do I end this relationship?
Q. Hi all, I want to end my relationship with my partner. We have a baby of 10 months and he is drinking again. Binge drinkng, this is day 7 and he has wee'd the bed twice this week. I have weighed up the pro's and con's and the only pro I have ...
A. 25 April 2014: I agree you are too nice. IF it's your house and you want him out, you say "I need you to leave within xxx timeframe" give him enough time to pack and call someone to have a place to stay
who cares if he's mad or where he stays he's no longer y... (read in full...)
New guy I'm seeing admits to having herpes, should I continue seeing him?!
Q. Let me start off with giving you some background information; I just got out of a three year relationship (like early this month!) with my first boyfriend. he confessed to cheating on me 1 time 6 months ago, we broke up. I recently got tested and ...
A. 25 April 2014: Cindy, points well taken.. remind me to drink two cups of coffee before answering next time...
OP, I Have had "cells consistent with HPV" twice and have had two LEEP procedures to remove abnormal cells... no problems since then..
I think he ... (read in full...)
New guy I'm seeing admits to having herpes, should I continue seeing him?!
Q. Let me start off with giving you some background information; I just got out of a three year relationship (like early this month!) with my first boyfriend. he confessed to cheating on me 1 time 6 months ago, we broke up. I recently got tested and ...
A. 25 April 2014:
well I love CindyCares and rarely disagree with her but in this case I'm going to say "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater"
I would see him. I would NOT be sexual with him just yet (necking is fine) but I would consider having some ... (read in full...)
Am I deluding myself? Should I make a move on this aged 40s guy who I think flirts with me?
Q. Hi, i want to know if this man has a thing for me or i am deluding myself? I know a man professionally and don't see him often but when i do he is always looking at my chest, flirting with and more importantly always going above and beyond when i a...
A. 25 April 2014: I would say go for it if you are interested in getting an itch scratched. do not allow him to meet your child, do not consider that this would be anything more than a fling.
the age gap is large and the places you two are in life may be insurmou... (read in full...)
If I start dating someone else, should I inform my FWB after a few dates, or should I wait for sexual intercourse to take place before performing my notification duty?
Q. I have a bit of a dilemma: I'm in my late 40s, and I have a lady friend in her mid 50s. We are what I believe is called these days "friends with benefits", i.e., I have my manly needs, she has her womanly needs, and once a week we get together to ...
A. 23 April 2014: I think personally that you should let her know that there is someone you are interested in and therefore it's time for you two to stop scratching your respective itches until you can determine what's going on with the new woman.
Perso... (read in full...)
Am I too young to be interested in my older colleague?
Q. So I'm in my teens and me and this 27 year old guy have been texting recently and I knew really believed in love but I think I love him? He is the only person who can make me smile and I can't wait to work when I know he is on the same shift we have...
A. 23 April 2014: if you are over 18 then you are not too young.
the bigger issue is you really don't want to get involved with someone you work with... the breakups are always MORE difficult than if you don't have to see each other every day at work.
y... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my friend dates underage girls?
Q. Hi. I am a 31 year old male. I have a friend who is 23 who dates a lot of underage girls who are maybe 16-17 years old. In fact, it has become a running joke in our circle of friends that his girlfriends are teenagers. However, in the time I have k...
A. 23 April 2014: A 17 yr old girl is delighted to have a 23 yr old man pay attention to her. If it was a 21 yr old and a 27 year old no one would think twice.
You at 31 see these girls half your age and think Ephebophilia (adults interested in older teens) ... (read in full...)
I found out my married lover is not planning on getting divorced after all! Who should I confront, him or his wife?
Q. I fell for my coworker who told me that his wife had left him, only to find out from another colleague that they are actually planning buying a new house together! I feel so stupid and sick to the stomach, but I can't bring myself to say anything...
A. 23 April 2014: I have to add my voice to the chorus...
I'm sorry you had to learn this life lesson the hard way. I can't improve on anything anyone has said... Honeypie nailed it (as usual).
I am going to ask you to THINK about WHY you want to tell the... (read in full...)
Sex isn't what I thought it would be!
Q. So I've recently lost my virginity to my lovely boyfriend, and we have sex when we can but we both have house mates which makes the situation slightly awkward! He made my first time great, and although it was still uncomfortable, he was very swe...
A. 22 April 2014: If by SEX you mean penis in vagina... then yeah... for MANY women, there is really not much to it... I enjoy it because the man I love is enjoying it but orgasms are not going to happen from straight penetration.
For it to be a good happy s... (read in full...)
Does "friend's with benefits" want more from me or am I fooling myself?
Q. Some background: I have been seeing a 39 year old man for over a year, we both come from very different social backgrounds, he has never lived overseas. I come from Sweden originally, have lived in various countries and am still dealing with culture ...
A. 22 April 2014: YOU are NOT a "glorified" FWB you are an FWB in full glory.
FWB means FRIENDS with benefits... not BENEFITS of friendly people... people who are friends can do this... you are thinking of fuck buddy where there is NOTHING but sex...
When ... (read in full...)
Is what I'm doing such a bad thing?
Q. I am in a long term relationship but I still speak to an ex without my partners knowledge. Is this really that wrong? I know having my cake and eating it will probably spring to mind but it's really not like that. My boyfriend is a great guy an...
A. 22 April 2014: what's wrong is not the friendship with the ex... time heals a lot of wounds and you two managed to maintain a friendship. I'm friendly with my ex.. we are not FRIENDS but we contact each other now and again to touch base.. nothing more...
BUT... (read in full...)
My wife's turning into a slob
Q. Hi, My wife's tidying habits leave a lot to be desired. We've been married 10 yrs and previously I let it go to young kids and caring for her mum. But now her mum is no longer here and the kids are at school full time. Examples are finishing a ...
A. 22 April 2014: A couple of things here..
a. she may be mourning her mom. I lost my mom at age 35 and it destroyed me. I'm 54 now and not a day goes by I do not miss her... A book called MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS may help both of you.
b. she may NOT know whe... (read in full...)
Would it bother you to learn that your bf/gf had smoked weed in the past?
Q. Hi Everyone! Quick question here: When I was dating my ex-bf I told him that I had smoked weed with some friends a few times before we started dating (I was 21 at the time and had smoked a total of 7 times in my life) and he FREAKED out, and sa...
A. 22 April 2014: Ok here is where I stand on it… I have lots of friends who do not use, some because it’s illegal, some because they don’t want to smoke, some because they don’t like the feelings from it. NONE of my friends begrudge me my use. I use DAILY. I ... (read in full...)
What next? I don't want her to lose interest!
Q. So I signed up for eHarmony recently. It's been a long time since I've really dated anyone, and I've had absolutely zero luck finding anyone in the real world. Most of my "matches" are either girls way too far away or a bit too old for me (into...
A. 21 April 2014: 2 emails a day for 2 weeks....
yep I'd say it's time to call... I would offer your number to her while asking for hers... she may feel more comfortable calling you or giving you her number if she has yours....
then USE it... time t... (read in full...)
I want to leave my long term partner, but I don't know how.
Q. I need advice on how to leave my long term, live in boyfriend. This is long, I thank anyone who takes the time to read this. We have been together for a long, long time. I am 29 years old. We have been living together for the past year and a...
A. 21 April 2014: I adored my ex husband's family and they me. We survived the divorce and you too will survive the break up.
Since you asked him to move in with you and you signed the lease and gave the deposits I assume it's in your name and on your credit.... (read in full...)
I'm not sure we can get over these differences!
Q. I've always dated guys my age or slightly older however I've been seeing this guy (for 7 months) who is 4 years younger than me. I'm 27, he's 23. We get on really well but he does a few things which I'm not sure about. For example we went ...
A. 21 April 2014: I think that at 23 he's just not matured yet... and at 27 you have.
do you say "bill you are embarrassing me?" when he does these things? If not, you need to say "while these things are fine at home I'd rather you not do them in public" OF ... (read in full...)
On and off for a few years, will it ever get serious?
Q. I have been on and off with this guy for a few years now. He's a great guy, he obviously has commitment issues. Do you guys ever hear or see an on and off relationship become solid? Or am I seriously wasting my time? Maybe it's the naïve girl in me ...
A. 21 April 2014: He doesn't have commitment issues in general he has them with you in particular because YOU ARE NOT THE ONE for HIM.
Oh he likes you... and you'll do in a pinch but you are not his be all to end all and as such you will never have a commitme... (read in full...)
A shotgun marriage for me leaves me jealous of other people's white weddings!
Q. Hello. I have been married for 11 months to my partner of 5 years. We got married without a wedding as I was pregnant so basically we didn't have enough time or money for the wedding. Now whenever I hear someone is getting married I get so jealous ...
A. 21 April 2014: For an anniversary why not have the whole shebang... renewal of vows, a cake a big party etc....
either at 5 years out or 10 years out would be nice... or both if you want.... no reason not to.... (read in full...)
Should I ask her about her sexual past?
Q. I have been dating a new girl for about 6 months now. Recently we were at the grocery store together when we passed a bottle of chocolate syrup. My girlfriend laughed and said: "I haven't had that stuff since I licked it off some guy's d*ck." M...
A. 21 April 2014: If you are trying to find out something about a PARTICULAR person (i.e. this woman you like that you may want to run from should she engage in casual sex now or in the past) then the ONLY way to find out where SHE stands on this is to ASK HER.
... (read in full...)
Husband says he feels like a prostitute because I want him to have sex with me? What can I do?
Q. My husband does not have a sex drive anymore. We are both young in our mid-twenties. We have been together for nearly 10 years. Our sex life has been at times amazing and at times sparse. I always seem to want it more than him. In the past he has u...
A. 18 April 2014: you have been given great advice by many.... I just want you to know you are not alone.
my husband sounds just like this... and we thought it was LOW-T but he's 40. the only way to check is blood work and while his T is in the low end of normal i... (read in full...)
Any Easter traditions or ideas we can partake in?
Q. I started dating a Jewish guy (I am Catholic) 6 months ago. We have moved in together recently. Things are going great! With the upcoming holidays (Passover and Easter) we find ourselves spending time with each other's family and taking part in each ...
A. 17 April 2014: there was a time in my past when we had a bunch of mixed religion couples one Jewish one not...
we invented EASTOVER... took the best parts from both holidays and held it on the Sunday AFTER EASTER as long as passover had started at least 2 ... (read in full...)
I Need Serious Advice
Q. It has been two weeks since me and my previous ex-"boyfriend" ceased contact. The story behind us is very long, so I will try my best to keep it short. Basically, we met over the internet (Instagram precisely) last summer. You know the usual f...
A. 17 April 2014: My take on it and this will be short...
Jared used you.
He wanted OUT of his relationship with his EX and he had NO clue how to go about it so he used you to FORCE her hand and make her leave.
ONCE she was gone and he was free of her, he n... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is WAY too much into gaming
Q. Hi guys. Alright.. so I recently got engaged to a wonderful young man. There's only one problem. His ONLY interest seems to be videogames. I ask him what he's passionate about and he literally has no answer. All he does all day, every day is play ...
A. 16 April 2014: OP you made a statement but you did not ask for advice.
If you want advice on how to get him to game less, I have nothing...
IF you are asking what you should do, well that's going to be your choice but, I advise you to break the engagement a... (read in full...)
Should I be friends with him or not? I think I am attracted to him though I am happily married and deeply in love with my husband!
Q. I have been married for 6 years and I am deeply in love with my husband . However I have a friend very close to my heart and we get along really well ! We like each other's company and do spend a lot of time chatting on Facebook ! Recently, I have ...
A. 16 April 2014: If you value your marriage I would suggest that you NOT do it... it's playing with fire...
not because men and women can't be friends but more because
a. you yourself know this is not a good idea otherwise you would not be asking and
b.... (read in full...)
Teen daughter asked me to get her a vibrator
Q. caught my daughter (15) using my vibrater she finished then came to me she said that had sex once and did not like it she like pleasing her self better than she asked if I could get her a vibrated of her own an teach or help her to makes sure she is ...
A. 14 April 2014: OP I'm older than your husband and I think he reacted incorrectly.
I'm actually sorry you went to him... this was NONE of his concern. YOUR daughter trusts you enough to come to you with something that has to be very hard for teens.
When ... (read in full...)
Why would he say I act strange and weird when I'm hanging out with my husband's friends?
Q. Hello. I am so confused, and I really hope to gain some insight. I have never had an issue with my husband hanging out with his friends. In fact, I think it's good for him. However, there are times I feel like I should be included with hanging out ...
A. 14 April 2014: I would ask my hubby to elaborate on why my behavior was strange IN HIS opinion... not just because his friend said it was.
and if wives/girlfriends etc are included in "get togethers" you should be invited as well. ... (read in full...)
Should I date a guy who does drugs?
Q. Would this put you off someone ?. I met a guy recently. He seems really nice,and it seems like we have things in common, but something happened today which made me feel uncomfortable. I was in a pub with him. Another woman who was in the pub...
A. 14 April 2014: Everyone is assuming they smoked pot. "smoking drugs" could be crack or meth too.... and for me it would strongly depend on which it was....
"drugs" is really very generic... "smoking weed" or "smoking pot" or "smoking grass" are all ... (read in full...)
Why would my ex boyfriend get mad about me being with someone else and then assume I would tell my boyfriend about him?
Q. Recently my ex boyfriend started calling and texting me. He found out I've been talking to another guy. The new guy is in the army. I'm happy being with the army guy. Its just that my ex boyfriend is acting like doesn't like me being with someone ...
A. 14 April 2014: It doesn't really matter.. he's an EX and he's an EX for a reason... he has NO say in your current life...
I am NEVER friends with an ex... friendly and civil yeah.. but actually friends... no way.
just ignore the EX.... ... (read in full...)
Why can't she just wake up and see life away from this idiot?
Q. Why do people stay with abusers? Especially alcoholics who get nasty when they drink? I have a friend in this situation, she is married but they have no children and it would be straightforward for her to leave but all she does is complain and get ...
A. 13 April 2014: I am not sure if it's the pain that has to be addressed or not... how they cope with their demons is what needs to be addressed partially.
I have several close friends who are ACOA... one has never touched drugs or alcohol and it is her choice. ... (read in full...)
Why can't she just wake up and see life away from this idiot?
Q. Why do people stay with abusers? Especially alcoholics who get nasty when they drink? I have a friend in this situation, she is married but they have no children and it would be straightforward for her to leave but all she does is complain and get ...
A. 12 April 2014: To the last poster who asked for my take on "why they are alcoholics" I disagree that there is a set reason for people. I guess for your ex he needs to come up with rationale as to why he does what he does.
I talked to a friend about this las... (read in full...)
Return it or wear it?
Q. My boyfriend got me a solid rose gold bangle for my birthday. It's simple, thin band that's beautiful. It's exactly my style. Only problem is that I have tiny wrists and big hands and it sits a little uncomfortable on my arm. Rubs against my wrist ...
A. 11 April 2014: he told you to change it... so how about if the two of you go together to swap it out for one that fits better.... (read in full...)
Dream wedding and budget woes, am I asking for too much?
Q. My fiance and I will be together for four years the end of June. We got engaged the end of this January and I wanted to figure things out with my education before we got into the thick of wedding planning. I'll graduate with my Bachelor's in English ...
A. 10 April 2014: We went to vegas and got married last year. All guests were invited to join us at their own expense for travel and hotels but we paid for dinner after the wedding for everyone.
it was not all that expensive and it was fun.. most folks WANT t... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if he is still my boyfriend! Advice needed!
Q. I'm in a difficult situation. I have a boyfriend, although, I'm not actually sure if he is still my boyfriend. Weird, I know!. He has Bipolar Disorder. He only started taking medication this week, but I don't think it is helping. I have been wit...
A. 10 April 2014: I see in your follow up you already referred to him as an ex. “I had a missed phone call from my ex today.” AND you are liking someone else and wondering about being with him…. It’s time to move on from the current boyfriend to being alone for ... (read in full...)
Between family and school I'm just too tired to perform like I used to
Q. I feel stupid writing this but I’ve been struggling with this for a while and I just…I don’t know what’s going on. Ever since I hit my second year at uni, my motivation has plummeted. I had (and still have) a lot of things going on at home, like my ...
A. 10 April 2014: The very first thing you need to do is get a complete medical work up to rule out any physical problems.
then once you are medically cleared it's time to start taking charge of your mental health. It's possible you are suffering from depress... (read in full...)
Facebook friend question
Q. Just a quick question. I want to know would you think it was strange/weird if someone sends you a Facebook request when although you've chatted briefly you haven't exchanged names. Would you think it was odd how they managed to find out your na...
A. 10 April 2014: I think if we had mutual friends that it would be ok but if it's just someone i run into at a store or something then I would wonder why they tracked me down and be a bit concerned that they might not be too mentally stable (i.e. might be stalker ... (read in full...)
Has anyone lost the love of their life? Do I keep fighting? And how do I deal with the thought of her with someone else?
Q. Hi All, Here's my situation that I need advice on: I was dating a girl for around 6 month who I was madly in love with, she was the girl of my dreams, I have never been happier. Then all of a sudden one day she turns round to me and says s...
A. 10 April 2014: Poor you! You are in such pain. She did you a favor by breaking it off after just 6 months. She could have dragged it out even longer but she was BRAVE and told you the truth. I am sure she hurt too. I know when I broke up with my first serious ... (read in full...)
Texting--am I asking for too much?
Q. My bf and I text throught the day and everuthing is fine but sometimes he disappears and doesnt txt me back in a long time, and when ge returns he said he went to do something. I dislike it a lot, because I think he should be courteous and ...
A. 10 April 2014: Yep think you are asking too much as well.
IF you have something VERY important that needs to be discussed ASAP then you can call him, but casual chitty chat texting does not require jack-rabbit responses.
Expecting someone (anyone) to be a... (read in full...)
Is it usual practice to do STD tests for male infertility? Should I get tested too?
Q. My boyfriend went to the doctors for a general check up. He told the doctor that he was thinking of having kids in a couple of years, but didn't want to find out if he had fertility issues when it was too late so he asked if there was any way of ...
A. 10 April 2014: Makes sense to me as some STDs can be dormant or have no symptoms and can cause infertility.
As for STD testing, anyone who is sexually active should have them until they are 100% long term committed to the same person.
My doctor ran them ... (read in full...)
Why can't she just wake up and see life away from this idiot?
Q. Why do people stay with abusers? Especially alcoholics who get nasty when they drink? I have a friend in this situation, she is married but they have no children and it would be straightforward for her to leave but all she does is complain and get ...
A. 10 April 2014: Oh Thank you for the follow up OP. I can see that this is very hard for you and that your friend is in a way worse place with her situation than I am. Clearly she’s not ready to even admit his role in this or her role in enabling him. I DO NOT ... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing holding my head high and ignoring him ?
Q. He was my best male friend We had a blazing row and he hasn't spoken to me in 7 months despite me asking to be friends and texting etc hes ignored the lot He ignores me at work and hangs around with new friends He saw me last night and was...
A. 10 April 2014: Even if he did notice you ignoring him, clearly he does not care...
he's made it clear that he wants nothing to do with you... his choice... hold your head high and just walk away.... (read in full...)
We've been together for three years but he blocked me on Facebook?
Q. This is going to sound as pathetic as it is but it's irritating me. I've been with my partner for 3 years and we have never been friends on facebook. I don't use it much but about 2 months ago I sent him a friend request. Not only did he decline ...
A. 10 April 2014: I'm on facebook. My spouse is NOT. But if he was I would NOT block him or unfriend him.
I think that he's hiding something too...the fact that he's blocked himself from not only you but your friends and family is rather suspect...
My fr... (read in full...)
Why can't she just wake up and see life away from this idiot?
Q. Why do people stay with abusers? Especially alcoholics who get nasty when they drink? I have a friend in this situation, she is married but they have no children and it would be straightforward for her to leave but all she does is complain and get ...
A. 9 April 2014: Sorry this is so long but if folks don't live this life I find it very weird that they think they can speak about what goes on in our heads.
You just described MY life I had to check your country flag and make sure you are not one of my friends ... (read in full...)
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