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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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If she can't take money from me in this crunch, what's the point of me being her fiance and see her struggling?
Q. I have been in love with American woman for two years. I met her when I was visiting US for business purpose. She also came to Pakistan and I also go here and there. I'm 33 , she is 28. We were engaged now and she has ring from my side and I have ...
A. 26 February 2014: I'm with Tisha and CindyCares on this.
1. I worry you are being scammed unless you have a date set and all the plans for this marriage are in place... If it's an "engagement" with no set date or end in site (marriage) then I 'd not consider mys... (read in full...)
I would love for us to make a step forward in living together but he is not prepared to talk about any future plans!
Q. Hi , would love an answer to a complexed dilemma . My boyfriend lives in London . I live in Scotland , we have been seeing each other for three years . I would love to see a step forward towards us living together . I was told by my boyfrien...
A. 26 February 2014: I've never been to Scotland but I've been to London and I'd live there in a heart beat.
Why does HE have to be the one to move.... when my LDR boyfriend and I (now husband) decided to make it permanent and local the move was based on common s... (read in full...)
Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while?
Q. Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while? Maybe this Isn't the case with all women, but it seems to be like a continuously notorious pattern in my relationships. Women lose interest in sex but I still want it....
A. 26 February 2014: I'll give it a shot since I live with this with my husband of one year...
Early on in a relationship it's new and exciting and you are enjoying the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship... maybe after a long period of no sexual activity.
Ser... (read in full...)
His ex limits my access to their daughter, but she's about to get a sibling
Q. I'm hoping someone can give me some advice about the situation that I have found myself in. My boyfriend and I are expecting a baby in the summer, and my boyfriend's daughter from a previous relationship is really excited about having a baby bro...
A. 26 February 2014: Well to be honest you have no standing as a live in girl friend. I strongly suggest you marry him to have any hope of getting the courts to be on your side. A stable family unit of tradition will look good in court which his where you have to ... (read in full...)
Will he be better to her than he was to me?
Q. Will he be different with her? My husband and I divorced mainly because he was very emotionally/verbally abusive and he walked out. We have a child together-so I try to maintain a civil relationship with him because of that. He has a girlfr...
A. 25 February 2014: It's possible but I would not hold my breath.
Wasn't he wonderful to you in the beginning too?
... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to give him a second chance? And I'm wrong for not holding our past over his head?
Q. I've been a single mom since my daughter was 8 months old. My ex and I got along and then i found out that he cheated on ( he fooled around with a girl at a party) we decided that we would break up but We have been co parenting my daughter and ...
A. 25 February 2014: Ah the dreaded friends problem.
Well you have a couple of choices here... but let me tell you what my husband did...
when we first got together is was a very casual NSA/FWB type of thing. I'm a bit older than he is so when his then friend... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to give him a second chance? And I'm wrong for not holding our past over his head?
Q. I've been a single mom since my daughter was 8 months old. My ex and I got along and then i found out that he cheated on ( he fooled around with a girl at a party) we decided that we would break up but We have been co parenting my daughter and ...
A. 25 February 2014: Feelings are neither right or wrong. THEY Just ARE.
I think folks can change. and I think that young partners who cheat (a kiss) really are to some degree just young and foolish.
Time has passed both of you are more mature.
I would T... (read in full...)
We've been talking on the phone for 6 months, dating for 5 weeks, we are a perfect match and he has asked me to move in with him!
Q. I was speaking to a guy on the phone for about 6 months, he always asked me out on a date but going from his picture he wasn't my type. Then my car blew up and he said he knew someone who had a golf so 1 afternoon my mum and 1 went up to see it and ...
A. 25 February 2014: I would wait... it's way too soon.. tell him you will consider it after you have been dating exclusively for a year.... (read in full...)
I still love him with all my heart but the butterflies have gone.
Q. So.. When my boyfriend and I first started talking I would get butterflies and get really super happy when I talked to him, but now I don't get super happy or butterflies. Is this a sign that we need to take a break or what? I'm so confused on what ...
A. 25 February 2014: it's a sign that you are settling down.
butterflies and super happy are feelings when something is new... you can't expect them to last forever....
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going through a tough time at the moment .....
Q. How can I help my depressed boyfriend? It hurts to see him so down So my bf have been really distant lately and we had a big arguements cause I was so frustrated and angry with him. I said he doesn't deserve me. and he was really hurt about th...
A. 25 February 2014: Is he seeing a doctor and getting treatment for his depression? If not, that's the best way to help him is to guide him towards help.
I would not constantly ring him... but I would not fall off the face of the earth... what's your normal routi... (read in full...)
He doesn't know how to have a conversation with me!
Q. I've been seeing a male friend for a few weeks. I think he's a lovely person... he admitted he has feelings for me last weekend and he said he wants to be in a relationship with me in the future. The only problem is, I'm confused as to whether I ...
A. 25 February 2014: It's just not there for you with him.
I think it's best if you don't drag out the relationship in hopes that it will change.
He's not a talker and you are and that's an inherent personality trait that you aren't going to change for either of yo... (read in full...)
First one night stand has me wondering why boys are like this!
Q. On Friday I had my first ever one night stabd! But I really havebt taken it well I didn't know the guy I had met him that night And had spent most of the night with him we had got to talking and he took me back to his. Obviously everything happened ...
A. 25 February 2014: I hope you found your ID (you did lose it right it wasn’t just a trick to try to get contact with him was it?)
His lack of contact does not mean you are not good in bed. It does not mean you are not attractive to him. It means you had a ONE NI... (read in full...)
Why is he acting like this? A late mid-life crisis?
Q. ok so theres this guy at work and usually i just say hi then carry on with my work. like i dont pay him much attention recently every time i walk past him he'll pretend to punch me(without making contact) /lightly punch my arm or like pretend to ...
A. 25 February 2014: As a 54 yr old woman with a playful personality and friends of all ages I think you are over thinking this.
I wonder if you may be concerned that he finds you attractive and is going to hit on you.... I don't think that's the issue.
If... (read in full...)
He wants me to move away with him but I can't stand the thought of leaving my friends and family behind
Q. A year ago, I met the man of my dreams. I am 21, and he is 27. He is originally from Australia, and had spent the last three years living in the uk. He moved over here to live with his father who is a British citizen. We met through mutual friends,...
A. 25 February 2014: I would sadly let him go back to OZ and I would end the relationship with him. LDRs with no plan to end the distance do not work and you are too young to be tied to someone who you will see so infrequently (someone said it's a 12 hour trip by plane ... (read in full...)
I am friends with a guy but it's too soon after my recent break up to take it further. What can I do? I don't want to lose him as a friend or potential partner.
Q. I broke up with an ex about 6 weeks ago and for the past 3 weekends I've been hanging out with a male friend. He's been wonderful helping me get over my breakup but last weekend he began dropping hints how he thinks I'm "wonderful", he said loves ...
A. 25 February 2014: Honeypie as usual gives GREAT advice.
You need to tell him that while you think the two of you may have potential you are not ready and you don't want to risk ruining what you could have in the future by letting him be your transitional guy (the... (read in full...)
We've both confessed that we like each other, but he seems to be talking less?
Q. We've known eachother for a few months now, met up a couple of times, and as the weeks went by I started to like him. We would talk to each other almost everyday, and feelings got stronger on my part. The other day, we were both flirting like crazy, ...
A. 25 February 2014: wait and see what happens on the date...
just verify with him the night before that it's still on.
other than that let him go.
he's probably got other things going on and is relaxed about getting in touch with you because the date is set... (read in full...)
My husband went out with another girl while we were engaged and now I'm wondering if it happened more than once!
Q. I am in despair, and don't know what to make of it. I am married for 2 years, and have a 3 months old child. A week ago i found out from a so called "friend", that during the time when we were still engaged my husband went out with a friend o...
A. 25 February 2014: I am sorry you are in despair.
You have a 3 month old child and you are breastfeeding (kudos for that) you are FULL of hormones and those will color your thought process deeply.
FIRST THING I advise you is to NOT Make any decisions wh... (read in full...)
How can I deal with these noisy people?
Q. This is quite a basic question but I feel like I need some objective advice on the matter. Basically, I live in a halls of residence at university so I don't expect silence in the slightest, I knew when I moved in that there would be noise and so ...
A. 24 February 2014: since the hall manager is not being effective I also suggest noise cancelling headphones and a vibrating alarm under your pillow....
as for the fire alarm... just tell the hall manager "I'm sleeping in noise cancelling headphones with a white... (read in full...)
Now then ...what about sexual fantasies in committed relationships?
Q. Hello, I have a strict question about sexuality/fantasies in relationships. First off, I have come to a point with my girlfriend where I'm pretty certain everything can be put in the open if asked correctly, that is, it works generally with...
A. 24 February 2014: I desire never to exercise and eat all the junk food I want.
NOT happening. But boy it' would be nice wouldn't it.
OP you are really looking to stir up trouble where none is needed aren't you?
As for double penetration... you can pu... (read in full...)
I am losing sleep and feeling really down on my self because he is having trouble getting over this, he makes me out to be such a horrible uncaring person!
Q. Okay I am having issues getting through a little speed bump with my boyfriend. There has been absolutely no cheating or lying just something from my past he cant get over. We had known each other for quite some time but only started seeing each ...
A. 24 February 2014: YOU did not irreparably damage your relationship you were NOT in a relationship when you were away. EXPLAIN TO ME HOW YOU CAN DAMAGE something that does not exisit.
His behavior is indicative of Retroactive Jealousy (RJ) and that is a fo... (read in full...)
Why was my boyfriend more experimental with his ex?
Q. I know from little conversations we've had here and there that my boyfriend had much more experimental sex with his ex. Questions like: have you done this or that before? To which he might say yes.. We have a great sex life anyway, he tells me I'm ...
A. 24 February 2014: I used to be a swinger. when I met my current husband I was active in the lifestyle.
Now we are totally monogamous. I'm NOT the way I am now because I was any happier then.. in fact, my sex life sucks the big one... but experime... (read in full...)
Why am I kept separate from his friends and family after dating for over a year?
Q. Okay me and my boyfriend have been dating over a year. Ive only met his mom once, 2 of his friends once and that was a year ago when we first started dating. He doesnt take me around anyone for whatever reason because he says im boring. Our ...
A. 24 February 2014: This is way beyond having NOT met his family and friends…
This man deliberately excludes you from his life. I am not sure if you are sexual with him at all but if you are CUT IT OUT… that will REAL FAST tell you exactly where you stand with him... (read in full...)
Husband says he can't make love, but I caught him pleasuring himself! What should I do?
Q. My husband I have been married for 28 years. Second marriage for us both. He is 71 now and I an 10 years younger. The problem is that I still have a healthy sex drive and since my husband turned 65 he has claimed he doesn't get excited anymore....
A. 24 February 2014: I would NOT have an affair but I would go to him and say
"dear husband it's clear you are no longer sexually interested in me, I'm willing to remain married and be discreet but I require your approval to take a lover to satisfy my sexual needs... (read in full...)
When my girlfriend gets mad, she doesn't scream, she doesn't shout, she just shuts down!
Q. Hey guys. I'll go ahead and jump right in. I'm a 30 year old male. I've been seeing my gf for just over a year now. We have talked about moving in together within the next year or so and marriage, but her behaviors are totally destroying our r...
A. 24 February 2014: I agree with YouWish.
she's using it to "punish" you and get what she wants.
It would be one thing to do what my husband does which is to shut down walk away and get over it and then it's over and done... or to shut down walk away and come ba... (read in full...)
His breakup excuse has confused me!
Q. My boyfriend broke things off with me after 3 years saying that I am an "amazing" person but his "taste" has changed over the years since we have been together. What does that even mean?? I feel awful. I am a beautiful girl and was nothing but ...
A. 24 February 2014: It's not you it's him. He is not in love with you but he loves you and you are amazing you're just not the one for him.
He did you a favor. It doesn't feel like that right now but if he was not going to be able to be the man you needed him or w... (read in full...)
Hurtful comments from stranger .........
Q. Today I went to a coffee shop and ordered myself something to drink. While I was about to leave the shop, I walked by a group of guys and they were looking at me and laughing at me. I heard one of the guys said, "did you see that girl?" "Did you get ...
A. 24 February 2014: You assumed the meant you.. it could have been a girl on their phone.
Because YOU think you are ugly you assume everyone else thinks you are too.. it's what YOU bring to the table that's affecting how you feel.
AND, even if they WERE comment... (read in full...)
Is it natural to have doubts after breaking up with someone?
Q. Me and my boyfriend of 2years have just broken up and I am obviously feeling very mixed and heartbraking emotions right now. I just feel better explaining on here and if anyone can give me any reassurance or advice it would be greatly appreciated. ...
A. 24 February 2014: If after two years of LDR he's not made a move to end the distance then I fear that you are correct that he's not interested in progressing the relationship as you are.
HE TOOK THE LEASE without discussing it with you and while many of the aunts... (read in full...)
What is left to do safely without getting HPV?
Q. I am a a 31 year old female recently divorced and now dating again. Recently I got out of an almost year long relationship with a man, and I now test positive for HPV after my Pap Smear. Here is the situation: We did everything right, we both ...
A. 24 February 2014: OP a dental dam basically looks like a piece of saran wrap that is laid over the woman's genitalia when performing oral sex. the thought of licking plastic or having plastic on me for oral sex seems to defeat the purpose for me at least.
Perso... (read in full...)
It feels like I am no longer good enough for him!
Q. Hello Dear cupid ladies and Gentlemen. I'm in a very confusing situation with my boyfriend of a year. For starters our relationship is going straight to the ground. Since January we've been fighting a lot every single day! And he's been acti...
A. 24 February 2014: He could be cheating but I'm betting it's the fighting.
My hubby really put forth an effort this weekend and I realized it's because I've been practicing being kinder to him lately. I've been very angry with him and picking fights.
what ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for females to ban their partners from watching porn?
Q. Is it normal for females to ban thier partners from watching porn? My girlfriend of one year does not like it if I watch porn. I was not too bothered because she is very attractive to me and sex is really good long sessions, leaving us both hap...
A. 24 February 2014: Based on your question, I would as a woman have no issues or concerns with your proposed use of porn.
I think if I was with a man who declined to have sex with me and replaced me with his own hand and porn I would be more concerned but then I w... (read in full...)
We have rekindled our childhood romance.
Q. Hell!!! I've been dating a guy for three months and we both still have feelings for each other from when we were kids. We dated when we were 16 years old and I still feel like a nervous teen since we rekindled the flame. At least twice a week...
A. 24 February 2014: Asking the type of wedding you want does not make him a good guy. It does not mean he wants to marry you or that he loves you. IT means he knows the right questions to ask a woman to keep her on the hook and thinking he may be the right kind of ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cannot express his emotional needs and its driving me away!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years but have only recently lived together. Up until lately we have been doing very well 99% of the time. We have strong feelings for each other and are an ideal couple. I am 28 and he is a few years youn...
A. 24 February 2014: OP you said “there have been times when I just needed him to speak up and/or do things without being told.”
Really? Why?
Why can’t he always require this prompting? I do.
I have ADHD and unless I have been taught in the EXACT situat... (read in full...)
Broken up for 1.5 years yet still cry almost every day
Q. Has anyone else ever thought about something an ex did even though you've been broken up for a year and a half? The thing he did was two years ago. I don't want to say what it was. I cry nearly every day. My parents think I'm mentally ill as I ...
A. 24 February 2014: You are carrying around this pain as a way to punish yourself.
You don't want to let it go. For some reason still hurting about something that happened two years ago that you have no control over is being kept around to protect you from somethin... (read in full...)
Boyfriend not responding..does he just not want to see me?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm hoping you can help me decide what to do here because I'm really worried but not sure if I should be more mad than upset. My boyfriend of 4.5 years was playing a gig with his band. He is the drummer and has to drive, so he tol...
A. 24 February 2014: I would not worry. If he was in danger or hurt his family would notify you. they don't have to notify you for him being an idiot and blowing you off.
He's probably fine and just sleeping off a long night that probably involved too much booze.
... (read in full...)
Big Girl with Low Self Esteem. And I just lost my virginity to my married friend. What should I do now?
Q. I’m sort of a big girl who has always had a very low self-esteem because of my size. As a matter of fact, up until a week ago I was still a virgin at 26 thanks to my insecurities. I’ve been best friends with a guy since high school that I’ve alw...
A. 24 February 2014: Dear OP,
I’m sorry. You must be hurting so badly on so many levels. My post is not going to soothe that hurt. Rather it’s going to make it worse. But I think you need the reality of the situation thrown in your face.
You said “I think we bot... (read in full...)
I thought the date went well but I've been getting mixed signals since
Q. Hi I've been talking to this guy for over a month now, we have skyped a lot, I feel like we know each other very well, we have met up once it was very good, everything went so well, we tried to meet up again and he pulled out at the last minute, ...
A. 24 February 2014: If you are serious about finding a long term mate this guy is NOT A CANDIDATE...
I'd vote for "thank you for a lovely date, clearly we want different things, NEXT" and move on.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I am cheating because I am 'too loose".
Q. Help, my boyfriend, we've been together for 2 years and he thinks I'm cheating because I feel "loose", and I feel it to. We used to have sex everyday, but it began to lessen. Now we have sex once every two weeks, and even then I still feel loose, I ...
A. 24 February 2014: you need a smarter boyfriend... this one is a moron.
... (read in full...)
3 month anniversary post on girlfriend's wall. What do I say?
Q. My three month anniversary with my girlfriend is today. She has asked me to post a long post on her wall. We have been through alot together and really are thinking about the future together. What do I say. Please help.. I need help fast I am ...
A. 24 February 2014: Wow.. she asks you to do something completely juvenile and immature and you say "yes dear but I don't know how"
WOW... KEEPING relationships OFF of FACEBOOK or twitter or any other social medial is a sign of maturity.
she's an attent... (read in full...)
How do I get an aggresive suitor to back off a little without chasing him completely away
Q. This year, I told myself and God that I am going to get married. I don't have a boyfriend yet but just dating. I went to Dublin to see my ex December and even though the long distance is still an issue we are still very hopeful. Then when I came bac...
A. 24 February 2014: I f he wants to come and visit and see you and meet to see if you even fit together IRL then I would let him. BUT the cost is on him and since it’s HIS choice you have no need to feel guilty.
Let him know that it’s just a “meet and GREET” ... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend talked terribly to me and now I think he's broken up with me
Q. Hello I am a 36 year old female in a long distance relationship with a 48 year olf man. I love him very much but, in the pass he has been very verbally abusive, calling me bitches and saying fuck you! I forgave him when he asked for forgiveness and ...
A. 24 February 2014: Ok so as long as he’s not breaking up with you it’s ok for him to call you names?
He calls you bitch.
He says “fuck you”
You are having phone and video sex with this man… Have YOU EVER MET HIM FACE TO FACE and spent any time with him?
Ho... (read in full...)
Not sure if I'm bisexual or just bi-curious!
Q. I am really confused about my sexual orientation. I have liked guys for all my life. I feel attracted to men and sometimes in a sexual attraction,but I was always uncomfortable with the idea of sex whenever it got to where me and a guy were alone. ...
A. 24 February 2014: Sexuality is fluid. It's a spectrum... there are folks that are axsexual meaning that no one or no thing makes them sexually aroused.
Some folks are only interested in members of the opposite sex totally and that's fine
some are only interes... (read in full...)
What is left to do safely without getting HPV?
Q. I am a a 31 year old female recently divorced and now dating again. Recently I got out of an almost year long relationship with a man, and I now test positive for HPV after my Pap Smear. Here is the situation: We did everything right, we both ...
A. 23 February 2014: More than likely I've had HPV at least once according to my doctor. He says my body has probably naturally 'cleared' it (after my procedures I'm sure)
I have had two abnormal PAP SMEARS over the years... both "cells consistent with HPV" but not ... (read in full...)
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