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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I've been waiting for him to get the divorce and get a mortgage with me, and now that he says he will, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be!
Q. You may know from previous posts I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just had a weeks break as I could not cope anymore with only seeing him once a week. I have taken up Ho vies and made new friends but at the end of he day I still ...
A. 1 July 2014: nope you are not missing anything... and you are not over reacting.
in two years he will have some other excuse.
a ring for engagement purposes IMO only works if you SET a date within a few weeks of getting engaged and book the venue.
... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him to get the divorce and get a mortgage with me, and now that he says he will, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be!
Q. You may know from previous posts I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just had a weeks break as I could not cope anymore with only seeing him once a week. I have taken up Ho vies and made new friends but at the end of he day I still ...
A. 6 June 2014: I think you are doing the right thing. My 40 yr old hubby and I (age 54) just refinanced the house and will be selling and buying a new house in a few years...
he's making excuses because he likes it the way it is and he wants what he wants (... (read in full...)
I am seriously questioning myself as a man
Q. I am a 46 year old married male who has been married for 24 years to the same way too beautiful wife, I have a type 1 diabetic since age 3 and I have been physically disabled after getting hurt on the job and needing dual knee replacements and a ...
A. 13 May 2014: The other thing folks have seen with WLS is an almost IMMEDIATE (like in the hosptial before weight loss starts) reduction in the diabetes and insulin requirements.
... (read in full...)
How can I get my mother to view my fiance and upcoming wedding more positively?
Q. My Mother is completely against my future marriage and it's creating a lot of arguments/tension/and anger. My mom lives overseas, so she has never met my fiance. I have tried to tell her about him and the wonderful guy I think she is, she barely w...
A. 13 May 2014: I am sure this is very hard for you. The best thing I can tell you is that hopefully she will get over it sooner rather than later.
My son is going through a very similar problem with his Stepmother and father (they raised him so she's more lik... (read in full...)
I am seriously questioning myself as a man
Q. I am a 46 year old married male who has been married for 24 years to the same way too beautiful wife, I have a type 1 diabetic since age 3 and I have been physically disabled after getting hurt on the job and needing dual knee replacements and a ...
A. 12 May 2014: I don't think your wife is cheating either and I totally understand why you feel the way you do.
I will only speak to the medical conditions since I have experience with them.
I had gastric bypass (RNY) in September 2009 and while I have had... (read in full...)
I am struggling to see a future with my boyfriend
Q. I love my boyfriend more than anything but am struggling to see a future for us because of how useless he is with money. We earn roughly the same - take home about £1500 a month. I own a small house and manage to pay all my bills on my own and st...
A. 12 May 2014: I married a man who lived at home and had his mommy taking care of him not paying rent etc... he was a child emotionally and it never worked out.
i'm sorry if he can't manage to know that adults have very little disposable income after paying... (read in full...)
He threatens to break up because we haven't seen each other for a few days
Q. My boyfriend is mad because we haven't seen each other for a few days, what should I do ?. I last saw him on Wednesday. It was his fault that we didn't see each other on Thursday,and I was busy on Friday and Saturday. He sent me a text today, sa...
A. 12 May 2014: I agree that I would take him at his word and never see him again.... who needs that kind of negative accusatory behavior?
NOT only would I NOT go over to his house, I would never initiate contact and the only time I would take his call is to sa... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is moving in - how do we work out finances?
Q. My boyfriend of five years will be moving in to my home soon. I am excited but also a little anxious. He would prefer i sell my home, or rent it out and get a place together. I have a mortgage which i manage on my own and can't afford to rent it out ...
A. 12 May 2014: YOu say "boyfriend's name here, we have to talk about money. I realize it's not romantic and it's not fun but to just move in together willy-nilly would not be wise."
then you figure out what your utilities are (assume that they will go up a... (read in full...)
I need to gain some clarity about what this relationship would mean!
Q. I met a man online several years ago. He and I got along until he told me that a woman from his past wanted to come back in his life. At the time I had just stopped dating someone else and was trying to see what was going on with us. So he end up ...
A. 12 May 2014: It sounds like he is interested in having you around ON HIS TERMS only.. something like FWB for sure.
I would not bother to waste time on him if you want more than a casual thing.... (read in full...)
Can you lose weight in the vagina area?!
Q. I have a vagina question! So, in the last couple of years (since I've been with my current BF), I've noticed that my labia looks different. They seem a bit longer - for want of a better word... I have lost about 8 kilos or so in that time. Is it po...
A. 12 May 2014: Its the weight loss.
after I lost over 100 pounds I had to have reconstructive surgery to remove the excess skin and part of that was the tightening of the mons which also helped the labia and vulva.
now that I've sadly gained weight I'm all p... (read in full...)
I told her I couldn't be with her anymore because she is married and she didn't take it well!
Q. Hi everyone, I have been dating a married woman who is in a same-sex marriage. We have only been dating for a month and a half and I have already fallen for her. We have done a lot of stuff together and she has never treated me as her mistress. ...
A. 12 May 2014: you were wise to end it. the married woman is cheating on her spouse with you and she's also probably lying to her spouse.
therefore she's able to lie to and cheat on the person she supposedly loves most dearly. This means if you were her pri... (read in full...)
Will he grow out of his stubbornness? Or is this just something I'll have to get used to?
Q. Hi everybody. Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years, but we recently had a 'break' from the relationship. We've been together since we were 17 years old and everybody always used to say that we would be the couple that would be ch...
A. 12 May 2014: It's his personality. He will NOT outgrow it.
If he WANTS to he can learn to MODIFY it, but his inherent nature is NOT going to change.
You have to decide if the pain of his being stubborn is worth being with him.... (read in full...)
Is he seeing someone else where he lives?
Q. Ive been told by his mates that hes seeing somone else where he lives. Ive confronted him about it and all he says is no im not I was even told her name which I looked on fb and it says shes in a new relationship, he doesnt have a fb pg so I cant ...
A. 12 May 2014: if you have only seen him for one day since January this is not much of a relationship.
It's not necessarily up to him to decide if you have a relationship with him or not.
If you rarely see him, if you don't trust him, what's holding you to t... (read in full...)
Give me some ideas to make him miss me and get excited about me again!
Q. I'm so depressed right now. There's so much trouble withmy boyfriend of 5 years. He's not the same with once we knew each other. He's busy with his friends and we are rarely see each other. How to make him miss me and excited about me again? ...
A. 9 May 2014: OP this is not a suggestion on how to make him miss you. If he rarely sees you as it is, then he already has the chance to miss you. I'm sorry to say this but I think there is not a way to salvage what is already pretty much a dead ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for a guy at work, but I'm married
Q. I'm 54, married with children (grown up) and I've become obsessed with a guy at work who is younger than most of my children. I get on so well with him, but for some time my feelings toward him have become sexual. What the hell do I do??...
A. 9 May 2014: MODS... can you advise us is the OP male as the post says or is the OP a female as most of us assumed? [Mod note: the OP selected "M" as the gender, there is no other way of identifying the gender. Assume male unless otherwise informed by the OP.]... (read in full...)
He just can't let go of my past
Q. Hello aunts, I'm having a dilemma with my current boyfriend. We have been dating for a little over a month now and we really enjoy each-other and fell in love and love spending time together when we can. We are almost one person and I've had pre...
A. 9 May 2014: I know the OP is hoping someone will at least suggest that this is fixable and will get better but sadly it won't.
It's only a month that's not a lot of time and I strongly agree that cutting your losses and moving on is the best thing for yo... (read in full...)
Should I go for it, the fourth time around?
Q. Should I go for it, the 4th time around? I went yesterday for girls night out and met someone I dated and we broke it off 3 times already. I didn't see him for about a year. It started with one night stand, and then we continued going out and ...
A. 8 May 2014: I'm with your friend... this is never going to be the relationship you want. I would not even bother to start up with him again.... (read in full...)
Is the new hair, the underwear for the gym, and texting her friends for her pleasure or for someone else's?
Q. Ok over 2months ago me and my girlfriend joined a gym together thought it would bring us closer which it didn't cause I wanted to use the weights and she was only the light equipment for the first few weeks we went 2 times a week then our kids had ...
A. 8 May 2014: I agree she may have a crush on her trainer.
I also wonder if maybe this working out is bringing her a sense of empowerment.
it may be for her... which still may bode badly for your relationship because if she is not 100% happy with the r... (read in full...)
I want to forget my ex but how?
Q. My boyfriend broke me up a week ago, then he deactivated his Facebook account. I beg because I love him so much, I have done everything for him. It really hurts, he doesn't answer my text and when I call him, he will turn off his cellphone. What ...
A. 8 May 2014: It's been a week. Time will heal this pain.
DO not contact him.
DO NOT stalk him.
You must respect his desire to end it with you and accept it.
You have my permission to mourn fully for six weeks:
you can go without makeup
you can w... (read in full...)
He acts like a child when he wants to go see his family and when he's with them! I feel like I want to start afresh!
Q. I have been with my partner for 4 years. when we first met he moved over to the area i was from after meeting on a works holiday. he was happy and seemed to want to spend all time together and put his past behind him (for the first 2 years). Now he ...
A. 8 May 2014: I am going to agree with jls022. Family relationships are not a trivial thing. Being close to your family is not abnormal.
when my mother was alive I spoke to her daily. I had a husband, children and friends.. but my mom was still very imp... (read in full...)
I am fed up of arguing about her wanting breast enlargement surgery!
Q. Hi everyone, I need some advice on a frustrating situation that I am in. About 7 months ago I had a breast enlargement. At 22 I was fed up of feeling self conscious, unhappy and miserable about my body. I never ever developed more than buddin...
A. 8 May 2014: IF you are fed up arguing with her then don't argue with her.
EWO is right, her body her choice. I'm not sure why it bothers you so much that she is doing the same thing you did.. having some work done to make herself feel better.
Everyon... (read in full...)
Does the girl code mean I can't date my soon-to-be married best friend's ex?
Q. Would it be wrong of me to go out with my friend's ex, even though when they went out they were 17 and my friend is now actually getting married this winter? I have known my friend for almost 5 years, and she was the first friend I made when I mo...
A. 8 May 2014: The only person who can answer the question of if she would be ok with this is your friend.
I agree you need to ask her how she feels about it.
I had a friend who dated a guy I had been with before.. it was odd and weird but in the long run it ... (read in full...)
I need ex-boyfriend advice: will he change if I stop answering his calls?
Q. my ex bf and I have been playing this back and forth game for a while now. he says he does not want to get back in a relationship and he does not want commitment, I do. but yet he continues to call me and not let me go and move on whyyy? will he ...
A. 8 May 2014: He is not going to change. YOU have to be the one who changes.
You have to block his number and not answer his calls or texts. Also block him on Social media.
YOU want a commitment from him. He figures that you are stupid enough to think ... (read in full...)
I don't want to give him a second chance but I said I would to settle him down. Now what?
Q. Its been almost a year since me and my ex broke up ... He double timed and after knowing that i broke up with him .. He is constantly appologising and asking me to come back but i never forgave him... But yesterday he texted me that he attempted ...
A. 8 May 2014: He's being a blackmailing manipulative EX boyfriend.
YOU owe him nothing and he is just trying to get you to do what he wants and does not CARE about you.
It's not your fault or problem if he harms himself. I would tell him that you are not... (read in full...)
He said I shouldn't have "put all my eggs in one basket" after I told him what I thought about him! What should I do now?
Q. Hi everyone I split up with my bf of four years six months ago. I'm 25. The split was amicable as we both wanted different things. For two months I've been chatting to a guy online. We chat most days and I really like him. We've spoke on ...
A. 8 May 2014: Yep CindyCares nailed it.. the minute you made it clear he was not getting laid he was done with you. At least he didn't show up and try to pressure you into sex (which happens plenty too)
LDRs can work but not until people have met and real... (read in full...)
I have started to really like this guy who is 3 years older and has a girlfriend but has been really nice to me, but now I'm confused!
Q. I have started to really like this guy and he is three years older than me I am 15 soon to be 16, he has a girlfriend but recently has been texting me and being really nice and leaving kisses,and at first I only thought of him as a friend but now ...
A. 8 May 2014: OP, you are too young to realize that starting out as friendly chat and progressing to winks and kisses and smiley faces is how it works...
He IS cheating on his GF unless she knows he's sending you winks and smiles and kisses... does she know... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him to get the divorce and get a mortgage with me, and now that he says he will, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be!
Q. You may know from previous posts I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just had a weeks break as I could not cope anymore with only seeing him once a week. I have taken up Ho vies and made new friends but at the end of he day I still ...
A. 8 May 2014: I would not get a mortgage with him.
I also would not sit around and wait for him to leave his wife... if he's not getting a divorce after 7 years separated then he's not serious about ending the marriage.
I will tell you that my first husban... (read in full...)
What might be her intentions?
Q. Hey there, I need to make decision and might need some other pionts of view about it. Long story short. My ex Gf broke up with me, for some reasons, and she behaved pretty mean and hurtful at the end. So I decided for me to go NC and stuc...
A. 8 May 2014: It really does not matter what her feelings or intentions are... you can't make your choice to contact or not contact her based on what SHE wants.
You have to do what is best to take care of yourself.
I think it's better to just continue ... (read in full...)
In an LDR for 3 years, we rarely see each other, and have had sex 3 times! She says she loves me but I'm not sure she wants to be with me. What should I do?
Q. Hello.I am a 31 year old guy and I have been in a relationship with a younger woman for the past 3 years.We live around 100 miles from one another but have kept things going but I rarely ever see her and in those 3 years she has come up to see me ...
A. 7 May 2014: your follow up tells me all I need to know
"her mother has assured me"
do you have a relationship with this woman or her mother?... (read in full...)
In an LDR for 3 years, we rarely see each other, and have had sex 3 times! She says she loves me but I'm not sure she wants to be with me. What should I do?
Q. Hello.I am a 31 year old guy and I have been in a relationship with a younger woman for the past 3 years.We live around 100 miles from one another but have kept things going but I rarely ever see her and in those 3 years she has come up to see me ...
A. 7 May 2014: This is not a girlfriend.
This is not even a long distance relationship.
I got to 100 miles apart and 3 years and knew what I needed to say.
END it.
she's NOT into you.
she's not faithful
she's not honest or trustworthy.
she lies to ... (read in full...)
My ex's mum messaged me and I'm not sure if or how I should respond!
Q. Today my ex's mother has facebook messaged me. It is the first time I have heard from her, and I was relatively close to his family, so am not sure whether to respond or how. The message was nice, she was sorry to hear about us breaking up, she ...
A. 7 May 2014: if you want to have a relationship with her and not him that's fine.
IF you are not comfortable with that then you can say "thank you for the update take care of yourself" and move along...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend accused me of dating the phone repairman!
Q. I'm female of 23plus and my guy is 29yearsplus we've been dating getting to 3months which l love so much but sometimes i still wonder if he loves me as a result what happen of recent, this how it happen two weeks ago when an enginner who repairs ...
A. 7 May 2014: I think that 3 months in is a huge milestone for many couples.. it's when reality starts rearing it's ugly head.
The reality is that your boyfriend has insecurity and self-esteem issues that lead him to accuse you of things that didn't happe... (read in full...)
It's obvious there is something 'off' about my new neighbor, how do I deal with it?
Q. I think there is something wrong with my new neighbor . He is in his late 50s, has a very sweet wife, grown children and an 8 years old granddaughter. We live in our house for 3 years, and mostly young families with small kids. They just moved in a ...
A. 7 May 2014: I vote for a guy with lack of social skills and a bad case of forgetting he's older... he's flirting badly..
A few "oh bob you so remind me of my grandfather when you say silly things like that" statements should put him in his place.... (read in full...)
What type of condom do you recommend for the first time?
Q. Hi! So I am a virgin currently. My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex. I'm a virgin and he isn't. My question is: What type of condom do you recommend for my first time? He wants to use fire and ice but I'm not so sure since if it hur...
A. 7 May 2014: plain name brand lubricated condoms would be my bet.
durex or trojan... I would not go for fancy at this point.
I also would suggest a hormonal method of Birth Control for you such as an implant or pills before your first encounter.
Cond... (read in full...)
Am I gay? Am I straight? How do I find out?
Q. I am a 30 year-old man confused about his sexual orientation. This is a looong question, but I request you, PLEASE do read it is entirity. MY GAY PHASE: As a kid I was a sissy. I used to always be scared of things, used to cry easily e...
A. 7 May 2014:
I think that LABELING yourself as gay, straight, bi, asexual, or pansexual is useless... I don't even think in this day and age it matters.
I think you need to "go with the flow" get out and meet people, men and women... and don't say NO... (read in full...)
No money for child care -- how do I go out and meet people?
Q. I feel so lonely , im going to b 30 next yr and well ive only got my little girl shes the best thing I have, and even her dad left ume before she was even born. I met someone else but he has since last yr been working away and I think hes with som...
A. 7 May 2014: Do you have anything like Parents without Partners?
http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/
it was a godsend for me when I was newly separated with 2 small children... while there are events for just adults many events are for the paren... (read in full...)
Is he cheating, texting her, wanting her back?
Q. I have been in a relationship for going on 6 months. After falling madly for each other I thought that we were doing great. He was attentive, we rarely had harsh words and he ended up moving into my apartment with me. Just last month I noticed that ...
A. 7 May 2014: I agree with YouWish. He moved in too soon for starters
he's hiding things.
he's deflecting things to make it seem like YOU are the bad guy when it's him misbehaving.
Tell him you need time to think about things and have him go stay ... (read in full...)
Do I join my parents' birthday celebration, or stay with my partner for his?
Q. My dad and step mum both turn 60 this year and as their birthdays are two weeks apart they have decided to throw a joint party on the weekend in between their birthdays. They've never had a party before and I never see them on their actual ...
A. 7 May 2014: Personally I think breastfeeding babies are more portable than not.
IF it was ME and I was fixing a bad patch with my dad I would go to the 60th birthday party. 60 is a milestone. I'm at the age I only celebrate birthdays that end in 5 or 0 an... (read in full...)
White lies, half-truths, minor deceptions...are they bad signs or just normal human behavior?
Q. Are small half-truths or deceptions insignificant or significant in a relationship? I have been in a relationship for a couple of years with a woman who is different from any others I have ever known. She is very outgoing, very social, and a lo...
A. 7 May 2014: I agree with those that say this is not lies.
She's not sneaking around or lying to you... and yes sometimes plans change at the last minute.
I think this issue is your own insecurity more than anything.
... (read in full...)
He wants me to move in, but I'm worried about his nasty sister, and my independence
Q. I met Andrew 4 years back. we have Ben dating ever since. He is a very good man and I love him very much We even have a beautiful 5 months baby girl together . He has another of 7 years old call her Anita Anita's mother has been in the pi...
A. 7 May 2014: your title says "HE WANTS" what do YOU want?
I think you do not want to move in to be the in house babysitter and that's a good thing.
Also he does not want you to move in to be near YOU as much as have a caretaker for his child.
I'd de... (read in full...)
Anyone have experience at speed-dating?
Q. I was the anon who wrote this question originally: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-re-enter-the-dating-world.html Well, an update, things are going well so far, not saying it in an egotistical way, here's hoping it continues ;) ...
A. 7 May 2014: I've never done an official speed dating thing but I think your friend's attitude is great... "what do I have to lose and I have everything to win" THAT'S how you meet folks...... (read in full...)
Why is she taking birth control?
Q. I'm in a LDR, my girlfriend and I are in different countries due to school and we can see each other every three months or so. she is on the pill. why would a girl be on birth control if she is not supposed to be sexually active?...
A. 6 May 2014: Well if you have sex when you see her every three months then she's sexually active with you. That's one reason to be on the pill.
the other is that for many women the hormones in BCP help regulate their periods.
younger women can be made mo... (read in full...)
How's a nice way to ask her ex in laws to get to know me so they can see I'm not a monster and how does everyone else deal with the ex dad?
Q. Hi, I'm in a relationship with a girl that is going through a divorce and a mother of two kids. Her ex is an ass and that's being nice to the guy, he cheated on her,was emotionally and verbally abusive to her and really broke her down. She is trying ...
A. 6 May 2014: If you sleep over when the kids are there you could affect her custody depending on what her agreement is or what else happens.
I would NOT sleep over when the kids are there.
I also would NOT ask the ex family for anything... I would ... (read in full...)
What is the deal with my husband and this strange woman?
Q. I am a newlywed. 6 months married. I am starting to see some really off things about my husband and I want to get some advice or opinions from others. I love my husband, he has some wonderful qualities but I think I may have made a mistake in ...
A. 6 May 2014: so just because this woman showed up and asked for something under the table, you are leaving your husband or was this the straw that broke the camels back.
I agree that before you rat her out make sure you are protected... and if you are divo... (read in full...)
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