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female
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anonymous
writes:I am a newlywed. I have always known my hubbie is a friendly guy, especially to women but I think he has really crossed a line with his behavior this last week. He says his behavior is normal for men and I need to get over it. This is the second marriage for us both. I would love to know people's opinions. Anyway, we went on vacation to LA. First since marrying. We were in LA on Sunset. There are a lot of people who dress in costumes in order to make a buck off of tourists. They offer to pose with you and you pay them. There were 2 different sets of women wearing very little. We were in a hurry to get to a taping of a show and the first women yelled at my husband to take a picture with them. I said sorry we are in a hurry and he was openly gawking at them. One of them said to me that "Oh he has time for us. He wants to. "We went down the street and I have to admit my feelings were a little hurt but I ignored it. We were truly in a hurry. Then we passed another 2 women, with even less on than the first, and he stopped! Right in the middle of the sidewalk and started to flirt with them. To add insult to injury, one was wearing a skimpy sailor outfit and he sang YMCA all the way to our car. I told him how disrespected I felt. How hurt it made me and he told me that I should not be bothered. Normal behavior. And what a Bitch I was being. He just wanted to "interact with the "performers". I reminded him we are on what constitutes our honeymoon, that is wrong to flirt with other women in front of me. He never spoke to any of the men so if he was just interacting where was that behavior?We had the biggest fight we have ever had in our 5 years together and I think I may have made a huge mistake. Not just because of the flirting but him calling me a bitch. Several times. At one point he told me we should split as soon as we got home. I am very upset. He won't go for counseling. So men and ladies, normal male behavior or bad behavior?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): No, this isn't normal male behavior. He isn't a teenager with his buddies, but a grown man with his new wife, it is bad behavior. You should be able to communicate and tell him how something makes you feel without being called names.
I'm sure he wouldn't like it if things were reversed and men were trying to get you to pose with them and you were all into them.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIronically, he was the one who reminded me that we needed to be at the thing right away and that the meter was out of money. So our rushing down the street was actually his idea. and he wanted to go to the taping as much as I did. We did actually go later even though we were fighting tooth and nail. And it turned out to be really fun.
his wife left him, from what I understand, for pretty much similar reasons to this. He seems to think that women everywhere would be okay with this. But calling someone a bitch repeatedly because they are expressing the fact that they did not like what you did and not respecting me. Well this is just not OK.also telling me that I need to move out that just pushed it right over the edge.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 March 2014):
 Bad behavior. totally. My husband looks at other women all the time but when we have something to do and somewhere to be he's spot on target for it. He reserves his bad behavior for when we have time and he's made me know he's loving me totally. I therefore will look the other way.
IN your case, he was being very passive aggressive when you said we were late... were you going to something YOU wanted to do and he was going along for the ride? doesn't excuse his behavior at all.
Personally if he said we should split up when we get home and you can afford it, I'd say "sure, I'll help you pack"
and make it so.
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reader, like I see it +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I agree with the others - it's bad behavior. Especially on your honeymoon. And I think the fact that his response to your objections was simply to say you "should split" speaks volumes about how willing he will be to work through this with you (i.e., not willing at all).
If you decide to stay with him, be aware that this is something you will likely be dealing with for the rest of your marriage, because a precedent for these arguments has just been set. If you speak up to object to what definitely IS inappropriate behavior on his part, he'll probably just threaten to split up, since from where he stands that tactic worked this time around. He got to flirt with the ladies; you were mad but at the end of it you're still with him. He probably thinks he was able to threaten you into tolerating behavior you wouldn't otherwise put up with. Bad, bad, bad sign.
If you're okay with a husband who has as good as told you that it's MORE important that he be allowed to ogle and flirt with women while married to you than it is for you to feel respected in your marriage, by all means stay with this guy. Unless you've got some major bad habits of your own that you haven't mentioned here, though, you deserve better.
Out of curiosity, what was the reason his first marriage ended? It's quite possible that his first wife wasn't willing to stand for this sort of thing either.
Good luck and best wishes.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 March 2014):
 A douche flirts with OTHER women to make his wife/girlfriend/partner jealous... a GENTLEMAN makes ALL the other women JEALOUS of the wife/GF/partner.
Bad behavior. Calling you names? Yea so not OK and sorry, but counseling won't help at all. He doesn't think he was in the wrong.
Sorry, I agree with Ciar, he is not a keeper.
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reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 It's not normal. It's just bad behaviour.
OP, think back to when you were first dating as a teenager. Did any of these boys open ogle or flirt with other girls? They didn't when I was dating. Yes, the odd one might but we all recognized this as bad behaviour and it was dealt with swiftly and surely. It would never have occurred to any of us back then to even ask if we were over reacting because it was understood that flirting with others while you have a boyfriend or girlfriend just wasn't done. So if a teenage boy can control himself back then, why can't a grown man do so now?
I hate to say this but I think this marriage was a mistake as well and no amount of therapy will fix poor character.
My opinion is your husband is not a keeper.
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