A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please can you give me advice - my boyfriend and I have a great relationship, however he now wishes to make love without using condoms. I am not happy with this, as by his own admission he slept with a lot of women in the past .I just want our sexual relationship to carry on with him using condoms ....but he says he wants to intensify our relationship by not using them. Advice appreciated.
View related questions:
condom, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): Demand full STD testing now and at six months and see the physical results both times.
Don't forget to ask the doctor to include Herpes tests (IgG) as doctors don't test for herpes (HSV1 and HSV2) unless you specifically ASK for them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): Not a good idea- he doesn't sound trustworthy to me. He slept around and probably still does so I would say no even with std testing and contraceptives. Let him find someone else. Nothing is worth risking your life or and you don't unwanted pregnancy with an unreliable man.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 March 2014):
 You're in the late 30s bracket, he's had a lot of sex partners.
He needs to do is go have a sexual health check up with his doctor.
You will have to check with your doctor about your contraceptive and safe sex needs…
Is this a safe and healthy relationship? If you say you are not happy about having sex without condoms then there is obviously an issue.
You should not have sex without condoms if you do not feel it is safe.
I also think you should not have a boyfriend you do not trust, but that isn't the question you asked.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 March 2014):
+1 everyone else's advice. There is no comparison between the two, sex without a condom is so much better.
So if you trust him and you're both committed then why not?
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 March 2014):
 As long as you and him use another form of birth control, and you have both been tested and don't carry STI's, and you are in a monogamous relationship, I don't see a problem with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2014):
 IF pregnancy is not an issue and the only concern is STDs then go and get matching bloodwork... then you share your copy of yours with him and he give you his copy of his...
NONE of this "I had blood work it came back negative trust me"
one now... and if you have not been monogamous for 6 months then one at 6 months..
NO bareback riding till at least 6 months has passed between his last sexual contact with someone else and blood work.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 March 2014):
 Tell him to get a complete STD testing done, and that you will too, plus you need to get on some form of birth control before you will even consider unprotected sex.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): Go and get tested for HIV and other STD's together, first.
Share your test results, and take it from there. There are several tests that include serology tests that test the blood; as well as site samples, or cheek-scrapings. They are all offered at free clinics. Just go online and find a local free-clinic for HIV-testing. There are home-tests for HIV but they only for HIV.
There is chlamydias, yeast infection, and gonorrhea that have nasty discharges in women, and may not show up in men.
Gonorrhea causes a painful penal-discharge in men; but they may still be contagious through semen; even while under treatment and the discharge has subsided. He must abstain from sex throughout antibiotic treatment; and can't skip any dosages.
Never ever let any man pressure you into risking your health. You are responsible for your own health and safety.
If he cares about you, he'd want you to be safe.
He can give you things that he can't take back!
If he has unprotected-sex with multiple partners; he is placing you at risk of all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. He is being irresponsible and stupid. He could be infected with a number of silent
STD's, that show no symptoms. He could be a carrier and not know he is infected for years. Herpes and syphilitic infections can lay dormant for years.
You don't know his HIV status, and there is a false presumption among many heterosexuals that they aren't at risk for HIV infection. Some truly believe it is a gay disease.
Insist on safe-sex, or no sex!
You are still within child-bearing age, and if not consistently on birth-control; he'll be placing the responsibility of an unplanned pregnancy strictly in your hands.
You don't feel comfortable about unprotected sex, you are very wise. Stick to your guns!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): There are safe ways to have sex without protection. If this is really important to him you should suggest he goes to the clinic or doctors and gets himself tested for STD's first, just to be on the safe side. I would then suggest you wait until he has the all clear and then you should look into other contraceptions. I am on the contraceptive pill and for us that works but you might want to try something different, there are many ways these days to have safe sex other than using condoms but you must be sensible. Having him tested and getting onto the pill or whatever you choose should only take about 2 weeks or less and then you're free to have as much unprotected sex with him as you like. Good luck :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): Why not get tested for STIs?
If you're both clear then you can go playing in the mud with no wellies.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 March 2014):
 All of us guys like to go walking in the rain without the raincoat. We say that it's "...more natural.." and "... more intense...." (... both of which, it is...) BUT,....
When the rain includes polliwogs, the arithmetic is DIFFERENT for you... since YOU get to be the lucky pregnant lady.
STD's aside... Is this guy really just a man-whore ("...by his own admission he slept with a lot of women in the past..."), or does he give a darn about YOU??????
If you were my Sister, I'd buy you a large box of condoms, tell you to use them, and suggest that you drop this one and start looking for a REAL "boyfriend."
Good luck...
...............................
|
