A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Will alcohol make you have sex with someone of the same gender? Will you completely forget or not realize it happened the next day? I feel guilty a tipsy friend came on to me hard. I had zero intentions of having sex with her but it happened. I felt like wow did I just take advantage of her the next day when she said she had a crazy dream? The following week we did it again although this time she may have been sober bc about 10 min in she stopped me n got up. Not sure if she got up before or after she orgasm. Perhaps I should stay away from her or what do u think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): You're a confirmed lesbian. If another female is hitting on you and she has sex with you, then wants to do it again?
She was a lesbian all along. If she was drunk when you had sex the first time. She was a drunk lesbian. When she called to do it again, she was a sober lesbian. The question is pretty much a no-brainer.
Alcohol does not turn people gay. It will lower the inhibitions, and allow people to do what they're afraid to do when sober. I think she used alcohol to get up the nerve to come-on to you. Not because she is some straight female experimenting. She didn't just hit a switch.
If you are messing around with a patron at your place of business; you should be more concerned about that.
If you are both messing around on your own free-time and off-premises of your place of business. She's just a lesbian hitting on you; and just hasn't confirmed that she is gay.
Mainly because you haven't asked. her actions shout the obvious. Shes sounds like a total creep.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 OP, I know you did not initiate anything with her and that it was she who came on strong. And I understand, NOW, that you did not know she'd been tipsy until after the fact so I get that you didn't do anything wrong really.
However, many a man has probably offered that same defense from inside a police station. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. This is really an aside anyway.
Back to point, it was most likely that she was interested physically but not emotionally. She may be gay, but I highly doubt it. Like WiseOwl E mentioned the gay friend makes for a handy guinea pig, but who wants to be a guinea pig?
We were always told that sexual orientation was something we were born with and that to think otherwise was ignorant. Now that it's trendy to experiment, especially for women, we're told something completely different. I think a lot of this bi-curiosity is simply part of the trend. Thanks to porn many women seem to think it makes them more attractive to men. So I wouldn't put much stock in this woman's attentions and, frankly, I'd keep her at bay.
There's another double standard here. If she were a man she'd be labelled a pig or a player.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 March 2014):
 most bi-curious girls need a bit of liquid courage to complete the act.... sounds to me like that's what this was.
now she's not curious and she knows and feels weird.
just make sure you keep it as a platonic friendship and let her know you can accept that if you can....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPeople I never came onto this woman. This lady comes in and wants a message I'm like okay cool I normally give her massages. She then wanted a nude massage I'm like okay I've done her a nude massage as well so I thought nothing of it. Then she goes massage my inner thighs. I never initiated anything even when it came down to sex she literally told me to do it and I asked several times were she sure. The second time she was sober n like I said before came on to me again even literally telling me to get my ass out my bed and come be with her. Like I said the second time maybe her being sober she stopped me about 10 minutes into having the actual sex act. She hasn't discussed anything although she still ask that I touch her. Right now I'm just keeping my distance bc I'm not keen on someone who's back and forth. I really felt awful that I may have taken advantage of her but how she came onto me the second time was very bold and somewhat irritated since I was so hesitant. I had no idea she had been out drinking the first time til she told me the next day she had been tipsy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): Alcohol can make you do things you wouldn't normally sober.
For example, me and my friend of the same gender were VERY drunk one time and ending up having sex. The next day we just found the whole thing amusing and both being straight just took it as having a bit of a laugh/fun. We both knew it wasn't something we would ever do sober. It was probably the same for your friend and being drunk she just wanted to experiment and do something outside of her comfort zone. Trying it again with her was a bad move, if she had wanted to I expect she would have made the move herself. My advice is don't try anything with her unless she tries it first and is sober. Maybe try talking to her about it if you are really unsure about what she thinks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): If you weren't drinking as well I think it could be classed as assault, both times. Stop coming onto someone who isn't sure about their sexuality and isn't even sober enough to explore it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (31 March 2014):
Good thing you're a woman because feeling guilty is most likely the worst that will come of this. If you'd been a man you could have been charged with rape. How's that for a double standard?To answer your question, I'd say the fact that she came on to you twice suggests she knew exactly what she was doing but just needed a little liquid courage. This does not mean she is gay or even bisexual. Just that she was curious so I would not pursue this at all. Back to my first response, be very careful, OP. There is always a first time for everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): Once is a possible mistake, twice isn't. She meant for it to happen, even if not entirely sure it should.
Either talk to her to find out where you stand, or drop contact completely; carrying on confused will probably hurt one of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): Your post was nonspecific as to who did what. Only after you added more details can anyone tell who made the first move.
She knew what she was doing, and she is just having her first lesbian experience. You're the chosen guinea pig.
I worn you, don't attach your feelings. She'll play with you like a toy, get her fill, and run back to the closet. These days,telling gay people not to attach feelings; is like telling you to do just the opposite.
Emotionally, gay people should always use caution when they dabble with "curious" people just coming out of the closet; or not sure if they want to come out.
They are strictly exploring the physical-side for the experience.
That is not enough evidence to mean that they are falling for you. It takes a lot more than rolling in the sack. When people first come out, they get attached; because they can freely share a secret. The temporary-attachment and attraction soon fades; and they're off to the next experience with someone else.
We've all been there, and done that; but somehow forget. First coming-out, you have to determine what personality type is compatible. Anyone may do when it's your first gay experience. You think you're in love, you're just enjoying the sex mostly. You're tasting it for the very first time.
I know exactly how it goes. People have to deal with it when it happens. Don't let her use you. You're the one who is out and established. Use common-sense, and protect your heart.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 March 2014):
 Let me tell you a story about alcohol/drugs and sex......
One time, when I was in the Virgin Islands, I was at a favorite watering hole of mine. A young couple came in... the lady was pretty as could be... the young man, clearly, a free spirit.... His hair was colored blue and red and yellow....and was wild, much like an "Afro."
They sat at the bar for their drinks.... not far from me. I couldn't take my eyes off this young guy..... After a few minutes, the young man said to me:
"What's the matter, old man? .... haven't you ever done anything even remotely crazy????"
I said, "Yes, back when I was in college, I had sex with a parrot.... I think I may be your FATHER!!!!"
Alcohol, indeed!!!!....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 March 2014):
 I don't think she decided to try a little walk on the "gay" side because she was drunk. I think it was more of a "liquid courage" thing for her. It was something she had wanted to do for a while and she felt it was easier to do it being drunk.
I wouldn't sleep with her again unless you two can talk it out a little. And I would make that pretty clear to her.
Did you take advantage? It depends on how darn drunk she was. Was she tipsy/buzz drunk (not very drunk) or I can't remember my name drunk? If it was the first I think SHE took advantage of you. If it was the latter, then yea, even if you just played along. Someone who is "I can't remember my own name drunk" are not (legally) able to consent.
However, I DO think she was FULLY AWARE of what she was doing and what she wanted from you. After all she came back for seconds, but being sober made it harder for her I think. Because that means she has to ACCEPT that she is a lesbian or at least bi-curious and she might not be fully OK with that.
Which is also why I suggest I don't engage in sex/intimacy with her til you two have talked this out.
Just because she is hot doesn't mean you have to drop your panties at her whim, does it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI accept who I am and have no inhibition about my orientation. I was not drinking that night. I did not blame her either. I wrote in post I felt guilty bc I later found out she had been out drinking which made me feel like wow did I take advantage of her. But when she went out the next week and came in sober and wanted to get intimate with me that's when I felt like okay well I didn't take advantage of her. I thought she may be conflicted since she stopped me while we were having sex. Although she initiated it all I definitely went along with it bc I'm lesbian and she's really hot. My concern was should I just stop altogether talking with her. I told myself the first and second time we wouldn't have sex if she came on to me. I hate that I enjoy her but I do. She of course knows my orientation. I just initially felt really bad for going along with sex. She never discuss it nor do I.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): Alcohol only lowers the inhibitions. It doesn't define sexual-orientation. Perhaps deep in your subconscious, you have a curiosity to see what it was like. You don't make the same mistake twice. The first time may be incidental, the second-time is deliberate.
You are having inner-conflict with your own feelings and some denial is at play. Don't blame her. You went for a second opportunity, and used alcohol as your liquid-courage.
Being gay, one of the things that I always make sure of is never to have sex with someone too intoxicated. In a way, that is taking advantage; even if the person would be willing otherwise. I don't like being around anyone sloppy drunk. It better to put them safely to bed.
They are not in full control. However; if they voluntarily want to do it anyway; they are pretty much aware of what they are doing. For you, the first time may have been less intentional. If you're both were drunk, and sober enough to have sex without passing out in the process; you both know what they are doing. intoxication lets down all your normal defenses, and there is no hesitation to proceed with the plan.
It is always better not to leave anyone an excuse that can become a moral or legal-issue. Both should be consenting adults.
It's becoming a game among females these days to play with experimentation. Making a game of sexual-orientation is destructive and manipulative. Songs may make it something of a joke; but there are people struggling with their sexual-identity and it isn't funny. People have committed suicide; or have been killed as a result. Gay-bashing is no joke, and gay people are not toys. We are people with feelings.
If you don't want to accept it as who you are, stop doing it. Wait until your mind is ready and willing to accept that you may be gay or bi-sexual. Don't use drugs or alcohol as an excuse; or a way to take advantage of other people.
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