A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone , im on my phone so Im sorry if it doesn't make sense or there is any spelling errors. Ok well there is this guy, who in my seems so perfect and I've known him for a while (over 10 years, he was 6 years older.) we get along well , i find i can easily talk to him and he makes me smile and laugh a lot:)Recently I've been going through a hard time as my family had some bad news about another family member. He knew about this and he was there for me. He's like the perfect beat friend you always want, we would flirt with each other and have fun, we were both so care free and we both so happy together. A couple months later he got a girlfriend, honestly it broke my heart. This guy who i honestly fell in love with, is in a relationship with another girl. It broke me. I knew a relationship was meant for two and not three, so i stop texting him and only talked to him when he asked me something. The girl he's with is loud and honestly she doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. That's not the worst part.A few weeks ago I found out he asked her to marry him, first I didnt care because I was so mad and angry at myself for falling for him. After the shock hit I just cried and cried, I even cries myself to sleep. Knowing we could never go back to the way we were, how do I get over him or show him what he's missing?Thankyou for reading sorry for it being so long and boring :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 OP you have known this guy since you were a wee tiny girl of 6 or 7…. And he was already a teen… He has never and never will see you as anything other than a younger family friend.
You have a mad crush on an older guy.. had you met later in life when you were say 22 and he was 28 it might have been different but you can’t undo the past. To him you are the “younger sister he never had” sort of thing. I know this hurts you and will make you cry more but it’s the truth.
IF you do anything to “try to make him see what he’s missing” you will feel even more hurt and upset and stupid and foolish. So the best thing to do is figure out how to get over this and smile for your big brother… cause that’s what he is for you…
So what you do is try to find a way in your heart to truly want him to be happy with her. That’s love. When you love someone you want them happy even if it means not being with you. IF you truly love him you want him happy. SHE (even if you can’t see it) makes him happy. Learn to embrace her and make her your friend too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): To "show him what he's missing" would only be showing him that he's missing a silly, immature girl out for revenge - which I know isn't you deep down.You have a crush, Hun. You've known him so long and your puberty curiosity regarding flirting has developed around him, leaving you with a heart wrenching crush and him with a little sister figure. You may have been flirting, but he'd have brushed it off as you being a "little kid", whether he ever said that or not, and that's if he even noticed you were flirting. He may have stuck you in the "baby sister" box since day 1 near enough and you can't cross that family-like boundary, even if you'd just met, the age gap is too much for this age.Then there's the obvious fact that he is IN love with, not just crushing on, a woman and planning on marrying her. As his lifelong *friend* you should try to be happy for him, but that's not going to be easy at your age to put your feelings aside and focus on his.You know him better than we do, so surely you know he wouldn't make that commitment (proposal) if he wasn't deeply in love and happy?I don't believe your jealousy is as much the crush as it is fear of losing contact with him because there's a grown, adult lady "taking the special spot in his life that you probably felt (subconsciously) that he didn't need because you had each other to talk to, but he is a man and you are a girl. You are bound to be a wonderful girl, so don't think of it as patronising, but he was never going to be your Prince Charming, even if it felt like he could be. He was your confidant and that counts for a lot. He supported you, so wipe those tears, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and support him when you feel ready too without judging his choice of life partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): He only felt affection for you as a friend. He was trying to be like an older-brother. He's a nice older guy, probably good-looking, and he gives you a lot of attention. Now you're a young girl going through puberty.
Perfect recipe for a schoolgirl crush. What you call flirting was strictly one-sided. In your eyes it was more; because you wanted it to be. No one will ever convince you otherwise.
Six years ago you were only six or seven. There wasn't much real flirting going on. You took things a lot more seriously when you hit 13; then you saw any attention he gave you as something special. It was, as friends, and like brother and sister. I'm not going to change how you feel; only how you may have interpreted his feelings.
Of course you're going to think the worst of the woman who comes along and takes him from you. He is 22 or 23 years old. He wasn't in-love with you. If he asked her to marry him, he is in-love with her. He feels she cares the way he wants her to. No one needs your permission or approval.
They are adults.
You're very young. Nature has wired your developing mind to get-over crushes quickly. You're hurting now; but as you mature, you'll have a better understanding. Crushes seem like love; but they fade-away. You can crush on several people at a time. It can last years, or just a few days.
Try to be nice to his new fiance'. He would want you to like her, and her to like you. You'll need a little time before that happens. So try checking out some cute guys more of your own age. It's time that you gave that a try.
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