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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why can't she just wake up and see life away from this idiot?
Q. Why do people stay with abusers? Especially alcoholics who get nasty when they drink? I have a friend in this situation, she is married but they have no children and it would be straightforward for her to leave but all she does is complain and get ...
A. 13 April 2014: I am not sure if it's the pain that has to be addressed or not... how they cope with their demons is what needs to be addressed partially.
I have several close friends who are ACOA... one has never touched drugs or alcohol and it is her choice. ... (read in full...)
Why can't she just wake up and see life away from this idiot?
Q. Why do people stay with abusers? Especially alcoholics who get nasty when they drink? I have a friend in this situation, she is married but they have no children and it would be straightforward for her to leave but all she does is complain and get ...
A. 12 April 2014: To the last poster who asked for my take on "why they are alcoholics" I disagree that there is a set reason for people. I guess for your ex he needs to come up with rationale as to why he does what he does.
I talked to a friend about this las... (read in full...)
Why can't she just wake up and see life away from this idiot?
Q. Why do people stay with abusers? Especially alcoholics who get nasty when they drink? I have a friend in this situation, she is married but they have no children and it would be straightforward for her to leave but all she does is complain and get ...
A. 10 April 2014: Oh Thank you for the follow up OP. I can see that this is very hard for you and that your friend is in a way worse place with her situation than I am. Clearly she’s not ready to even admit his role in this or her role in enabling him. I DO NOT ... (read in full...)
We've been together for three years but he blocked me on Facebook?
Q. This is going to sound as pathetic as it is but it's irritating me. I've been with my partner for 3 years and we have never been friends on facebook. I don't use it much but about 2 months ago I sent him a friend request. Not only did he decline ...
A. 10 April 2014: I'm on facebook. My spouse is NOT. But if he was I would NOT block him or unfriend him.
I think that he's hiding something too...the fact that he's blocked himself from not only you but your friends and family is rather suspect...
My fr... (read in full...)
Why can't she just wake up and see life away from this idiot?
Q. Why do people stay with abusers? Especially alcoholics who get nasty when they drink? I have a friend in this situation, she is married but they have no children and it would be straightforward for her to leave but all she does is complain and get ...
A. 9 April 2014: Sorry this is so long but if folks don't live this life I find it very weird that they think they can speak about what goes on in our heads.
You just described MY life I had to check your country flag and make sure you are not one of my friends ... (read in full...)
Are cheaters always cheaters?
Q. My ex constantly cheated when we were dating. I was even the one he cheated on his ex with. I forgave him everytime because I loved him and thought he loved me to death according to the commitment he gave and he would beg his parents and friends to ...
A. 9 April 2014: Some will say "once a cheater always a cheater" but I don't know that it's true for everyone.
my ex husband lied and cheated on me... but not his current wife.
my dad had ONE affair with a woman after being married to my mother for over 25... (read in full...)
Do people tend to stick with life plans they made early on, or do other priorities start to take over?
Q. This is a very brief question I have, but how many of you stuck to life plans that you made in your teens? I stuck to the same job I wanted in my early teens and went to the university that I wanted to go to in my teens, but I know it's highly u...
A. 9 April 2014: I am 54
at 16 I planned to be a teacher. I wanted to get married make babies and live happily ever after...
at 18 I went to college away from home that lasted a year and i moved home and transferred schools... deviation from plan ... (read in full...)
Did my B/f enjoy the anal play?
Q. Hi everybody. Keep it simple. I've been with my boyfriend just over four years. We've always had a good sex life but never really experimented with anal play. This was due to a previous experience I had when I lost my virginity with a different...
A. 9 April 2014: Leave it alone for now but watch his body language in the future... my husband often enjoys it but NOT always so I just watch for the body language that says he wants penetration... a spreading of the legs and a slight lift of the hips usually ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he ask me out on a second date?
Q. I went on a blind date the other week.(we both know what each other looks like) He was very excited about meeting me-so he drove 2 hours to my town so we could go out to dinner. I let him pick me up at my house ..we went to eat and the conversation ...
A. 9 April 2014: well the last time you spoke to him he was feeling terrible right?
is it remotely possible he's still sick? my husband just finished THREE weeks of feeling like crud because he had Pneumonia. He was able to get up and go to work but other th... (read in full...)
I am in love with his brother, help?
Q. I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship with this guy for nearly 4 /2 years, I dont know if I feel the same about him like I used to, sex doesn't work anymore and I feel as though the spark has gone. However a few months back I got drunk ...
A. 9 April 2014: I can't improve on what Honeypie said.
end your relationship with the boyfriend
DO NOT speak to the brother (and don't mention it to the boyfriend leave it to the brothers to work it out)
and just because your bf cheated on you in the pa... (read in full...)
Is my FWB falling for me?
Q. I have been in a fwb relationship for almost two months now.he generally emails me throughout the day to see how I am doing or just random talk through emails. I really connect with this man and am catching feelings. If he wasn't feeling the same ...
A. 9 April 2014: It can happen. It did for me... and to this day I'm not sure if I fell for him first or his falling for me made me fall for him.
We started NSA/FWB in late December 2010 and by April 2011 we had a good idea this was progressing. We both fou... (read in full...)
Do men find a curved tummy a turn off?
Q. I was wondering if men find a curved tummy a turn off? I'm not overweight by any means (although I used to be), nor am I particularly thin. I'm probably relatively average for girls my age in my country (about size 10, 5ft7/170cm, 65kg/143lb)but my ...
A. 9 April 2014: Women are supposed to have tummies... this whole "bikini bridge" thing is crazy... we need body fat to have our periods and to pro-create... we are supposed to have hips and tummies...
take a look at Marilyn Monroe:
http://media-... (read in full...)
This incident made me question whether our core values are in sync
Q. I feel very disappointed in my girlfriend of almost 4 years yesterday, but I don't think she understands the core issue (or maybe it's not an issue). We are 29 and 28. We were in a car driving to a birthday event about an hour away with my gir...
A. 8 April 2014: I am kind. I am compassionate. I help others in need. I DO NOT EVER give to beggars on the street and certainly not those that come up to my car and ask. NEVER. I donate to Combined Federal Campaign
I won't give money either.
are th... (read in full...)
Why is he pushing me to drink alcohol? Is there something weird about his actions?
Q. i have been seeing this guy for a little while now and we met at the club, and i was drinking a little and just being fun. ( no sexual stuff involved.) After that I've noticed that everytime we go out, and alcohol is present he pushes me to drink...
A. 8 April 2014: "do it for me" oh hell NO.
I live with an alcoholic and he went to the store and bought a case of something he knows I'll drink so we could drink together... I'm trying to avoid booze due to health issues.
drunks hate to drink alone.
I'd ... (read in full...)
How can I move on? Still having trouble getting over my ex.
Q. Hi, I was with a younger guy (12 years diff) for a year. It ended messy and we no longer keep in contact. My problem is I can't get over him and still love him so very much. I feel constant pain and hurt and would just do anything to talk or see h...
A. 8 April 2014: you dated him for a year and it broke up badly... you don't say how long it's been since you broke up but if it's been a short period of time, then time helps heal.
If it's been a long time, then you may need some professional guidance on ... (read in full...)
Why is she so distant after I told her we could only be platonic friends?
Q. Hi there I had a female friend whom I shared alot of things with! We were only platonic and we knew it since day one! Then,one day I felt she's pushing for it to be more than platonic and I told her she's a great girl but I only think of h...
A. 7 April 2014: YOU knew it... she was clearly hoping for more than just friends... now that you have made it clear there is no shot in the world for more than friends, she is distancing herself because she wants more and settling for less hurts too much.
... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend but want to have sex with a married man
Q. I am 26 years old I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years, he is 20 years older than me. We bought a house together last year, I love him more than anything but the spark in our sex life has dissapeared. I want to have sex with someone else, there ...
A. 7 April 2014: would they hate you for wanting to cheat on your boyfriend or would they hate you for assuming that a married man away from his wife and baby would cheat on his wife or would they hate you for trying to make you make a married man cheat on his ... (read in full...)
A bridal shower the second time around?
Q. Ok, so if you have been widowed young and get remarried again, is it improper to have a bridal shower if you had one the first time?...
A. 7 April 2014: I've been married 4 times. Ive been divorced three. I have one girl friend who has stood up for me at 3 out of the 4 weddings.. it's become a running joke with us... all my my friends celebrate each and every marriage for me..
while you... (read in full...)
Seeking advice for BBW sex and how to become a premature ejaculator.
Q. I have been dating a wonderful woman for nearly 4 years and we both know once we sort out our families and other commitments, like work, we will get married, move in together, start a family etc. That’s not the issue; I’m just letting you know we ...
A. 7 April 2014: well if you google Sexual positions for BBW there are tons of pages:
http://mattforney.com/2013/07/01/the-bbws-ultimate-guide-to-fat-sex/
http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/relationships/sex+tips-246940.html
http://www.essence.co... (read in full...)
My boyfriend treats me badly and calls me names when he's drunk
Q. I really need help, I have a boyfriend who treats me bad and calls me names when he gets drunk! He accuses me of cheating and I never have. every thing is fine when he's sober, he says he loves me and wants to marry me, but when he drinks he ...
A. 7 April 2014: OP I am married to an active alcoholic (as opposed to one in recovery). We are working closely with our doctors and in the nearly 4 years we are together my husband has gone from “I have NO problem” to the very important “I drink too much and ... (read in full...)
We had one threesome and now my partner wants to do it and I don't!
Q. Hi Ive been dating a guy for a little over a year now. We see each other every weekend and once maybe twice through the week. We have an amazing sex life and we enjoy each others company, we have the same interests and everything is just...
A. 7 April 2014: You must tell him.
No harm no foul... you tried it (big of you) and you didn't like it... that's fine... but NOT telling him is not fine.
I was a swinger. I was very open and sharing in my last marriage... in fact, I met my current husband w... (read in full...)
I have a problem with my long distance relationship.
Q. I'll include the story of how this relationship came to be, just in case it helps. Last year in October a friend of mine added the most wonderful girl I've ever known into a Skype conference call. We immediately noticed things we had in common a...
A. 7 April 2014: Oh dear, young love is hard enough, adding long distance, it’s going to be near impossible.
It’s hard to figure out love in the first place… and that’s with being close enough to see each other regularly.
Long distance relationships can work... (read in full...)
Job interview included working for a full day, for no pay!
Q. This isnt a relationship question but im hoping someone can help. My niece who is 19 and currently an office temp wants to get in to hairdressing. She saw that a well known salon in our town was looking to hire trainees so she applied - sent h...
A. 5 April 2014: here in the states that's illegal. you have to pay them if they work even if it's just one day.... (read in full...)
You shouldn't hide anything in a relationship, right?
Q. Hey everyone, Me and my boyfriend been dating for like 2 weeks I know it's still short but he thinks it's disrespectful to look through his phone... I don't have a problem with him going through my phone but he claims he doesn't go through my messa...
A. 5 April 2014: why would you need to go through his phone unless you don't trust him?
and after just two weeks... that's not a boyfriend it's still someone you are dating and getting to know...
I personally HATE when my husband goes through my phone... ... (read in full...)
Is she disinterested, trying to get my attention, or make me jealous?
Q. Hello Cupid I was wondering what are ways that girls use to make you jealous or seek your attention!How do you know they are just being disinterested or making you jealous ? I am very social person so I hang around lots of different people ...
A. 5 April 2014: if you like her be yourself and go out with her... stop worrying what to make of it and what her motives are.
she contacted you so that's the open window you need to see if this could be something...stop playing games and worrying about what i... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend tell me he wants a baby when he doesn't even want to live with me?
Q. My boyfriend told me in January that he wants a baby. I was delighted and started eating a healthy diet and looking for a job in his area as I assumed we would of course be moving in together. I never discussed that stuff with him at the time tho...
A. 4 April 2014: "would it be wrong of me to go out tonight and look for a new bf"
yes but not because of him.... you can't go from one man to another without some space between the two to figure out what you want and need in a life partner.
clearly he was ... (read in full...)
How do I end this relationship I regret getting into?
Q. Hey, so, about 4 weeks ago I got into a relationship with this guy. We met on a dating website months after my messy breakup with my last boyfriend, and I wanted to move on. This guy was sweet, but I don't think that he and I have ANY chemistry. ...
A. 4 April 2014: I agree that "let's be friends" is the "kiss of death" as my mom used to say.
just say it's not working out and move on..
... (read in full...)
Why do guys not commit to the girl they were with, but with the next?
Q. Why is it that every guy I have dated, is now in a serious relationship, or engaged? But while they were with me, they did not take me serious at all. I was a good girlfriend, I prob could have i?mproved in some stuff. But above that why do guys do ...
A. 4 April 2014: Because they fall in love. It took me a long time to figure this out.
they just were not your fit... you will find the right guy and he will have come from a line of girls that were not the right fit for him.... and poof you two will ride off... (read in full...)
He wants me to sell my home and buy a bigger house but his drinking concerns me
Q. Hello there - Am after some advice. I am 40 years old and am living with my partner and our 6 month old baby. To cut things short my partner has always struggled with alcohol but is a loving partner and a wonderful Dad and never drinks at ...
A. 4 April 2014: What he means is that you can pay off your mortgage earlier by making extra payments and having more equity in the house… it does not matter what he means or wants…. It’s still like Tisha said.. he’s NOT hearing what you need/want/said. It’s ALL ... (read in full...)
How to deal with people that look you up and down and stare?
Q. I am a self conscious person, quieter at times, and hate confrontation. Whats the best way to deal with people who look you up and down and/or stare when they meet or see you? Yes, yes we all stare a little.. but you know those peop...
A. 3 April 2014: well for me I would smile and wave a tiny little wave at them... it will make them uncomfortable enough to turn away.
I guess folks do it to me too but I've never noticed...... (read in full...)
Help, my boyfriend is being weird!
Q. Hi there I've been seeing this guy for just over 6 wks now and things were great, he would call me and text me everyday. He would ring me up say he missed me and say you staying at mine tonight and would always want me around, he would make time for ...
A. 3 April 2014: It was 6 weeks and that's not a lot of time... the fact that you guys crammed 3 months of dating into six weeks just makes it feel that way.
He's moved on to the next 6 week relationship. As long as you have all your things then just block a... (read in full...)
Can we stay friends? We dated and were intimate.
Q. I met this guy online 3 months ago, We have been dating off and on during that time period. We have been intimate and that has been a major problem during our "relationship" I have called it off several times because he didn't want to be exclusively ...
A. 3 April 2014: I agree with all the previous answers... The reason he does not say "goodbye" is the hopes you will change your mind and put out for him again.
Best bet is for you to take control and end it.
He wants friends you don't.
you want to date ... (read in full...)
I don't know if my husband will stay in the marriage if there is no swinging involved!
Q. My husband and I got together 4 years ago. He was honest and said he was very sexual from the start. Our sex life was brilliant and after about six months we decided to try swinging, we didn't get off to the greatest start as the first guy was ...
A. 3 April 2014: OP I see your follow up and realize that your marriage is not going to survive. You went into the marriage agreeing to swing. Now you don’t want to (and that’s perfectly fine BTW) but if you want to change that rule you have to accept he may not ... (read in full...)
Can I be happy with a man who isn't funny?
Q. I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats ...
A. 2 April 2014: Chi girl makes a hugely important point and I just saw a piece that shows that children of high intelligence get jokes faster and better than lower intelligence children... it seems intelligence is needed for a sense of humor.
makes sense to... (read in full...)
What do people think? I'm 21 and he's my 40 year old lecturer. I'm falling for him. What should I do?
Q. Ok, so i've some how developed a lot of strong feelings for my male lecturer. He's definitely hitting the 40's and I'm 21. There's something about him I love, we've talked a lot on a personal level too, we just ... click. I've pretty much fin...
A. 2 April 2014: you have a crush and as such will interpret any little thing as feeding your hope and desire that he returns your feelings.
i think that once you are no longer a student at the uni, then it would be ok to date him... but not until you graduate... (read in full...)
Neither one of us is prepared to make the first move
Q. Dear friends, There is a colleague at work to whom I have been attracted to but I have never showed any interest in him because he,s 7 years younger than me. We went together to a business trip and we had a really good time without any explicit...
A. 2 April 2014: In agreement that since he is a work colleague it's better to just walk away and let it lie.
his way of "telling you" seems childish and a bit suspect...
... (read in full...)
Has any woman here suffered from PMS and been able to 'manage' it without taking anti-depressants?
Q. Has any woman here suffered from PMS and been able to 'manage' it without taking anti-depressants? I start to feel extremely weak and depressed about 5-7 days before my period. Often I feel nausea and for about 5 days before my sleep pattern is...
A. 2 April 2014: My doctor always told me that Vitamin E and the B vitamins and no sugar or caffeine (even natural sugars) would help with my very severe PMS (it was probably more like PMDD but they did not have that diagnosis back then)
so I would switch t... (read in full...)
Can I be happy with a man who isn't funny?
Q. I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats ...
A. 2 April 2014: I speak fluent sarcasm. It's a lost language on my hubby who really can't get it. He has a sense of humor but not the same as mine.
I get what you are saying and I often wish he got me more than he does...but he has a sense of humor and he does ... (read in full...)
I don't know if my husband will stay in the marriage if there is no swinging involved!
Q. My husband and I got together 4 years ago. He was honest and said he was very sexual from the start. Our sex life was brilliant and after about six months we decided to try swinging, we didn't get off to the greatest start as the first guy was ...
A. 1 April 2014: I'm a former swinger. I know of very few marriages that survive swinging I have to be honest.
what made you guys decide to go the swinging route?
are you on SLS or are you meeting these folks some other way?
My former husband and I wer... (read in full...)
Should I leave this man?
Q. My husband and I met 6 years ago. He lived in a different State and so we began a long distance relationship. After three months he moved across the country to be with me. Soon after I got pregnant. We really only had been dating for 5 months (3 ...
A. 1 April 2014: kids do better with a single calm parent than two fighting ones... do not stay with this man if you are unhappy and your fighting is affecting your children.
you have asked to go to counseling and he refused. ask him to move out. IF he ... (read in full...)
I like him but he's 11 years younger then me
Q. So there's this guy I have been talking to and seeing for 8 months now. My mother says I should not date him or even think about it cause he's younger then me and that a relationship with him won't last. He say's he's interested in me, wants to be ...
A. 1 April 2014: A mere ten year gap? I’m 54 and my husband will turn 41 his next birthday… we are a bit more than 13 years apart. However we did not meet till my husband was past 35 and did not marry till he was 39. I am sure that when he was 22 and I was 35 it ... (read in full...)
He broke things off since he was falling for me and now I might be pregnant! How do I handle this?
Q. Hey so I'm 19 and I recently lost my virginity to a 28 year old anyway we were sort of together with no labels for two and a half months. He decided to block and delete me out of his life as he was "falling" for me I know I was used worst thing is ...
A. 1 April 2014: if you took your pill as soon as you forgot then it's probably ok...
worry and stress can make you late too.
best advice... go get a pregnancy test.. Pee On A Stick (POAS) and see what it says.
NO need to contact him if you are negat... (read in full...)
We've hooked up twice but have yet to make it past second base, and now I'm wondering if she's not that into me!
Q. So I'm in college as is the girl I've been very interested in for over a year. I've been working hard at getting on her good side, texting her almost every day "randomly" running into her between classes. If I had to guess it's been pretty obvious ...
A. 1 April 2014: I agree that she probably likes you right back but is not going to permit herself being used.
If you like her and want to date her and have a relationship with her then make it so... the relationship comes first the sex comes second.
F... (read in full...)
Can a man control his arousal?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have decided to get married before sex. This is his decision. I am divorced on my mid thirties and he is on his mid twenties and saids to be a virgin. Well turns out he's religious aswell. When we kiss and fondle heavily , ...
A. 1 April 2014: While I am sure there are truly folks who believe that sex before marriage is a bad thing, I think that for many it's a smoke screen to avoid something that they are uncomfortable with or unable to complete.
I think that making out and pett... (read in full...)
He wants me to sell my home and buy a bigger house but his drinking concerns me
Q. Hello there - Am after some advice. I am 40 years old and am living with my partner and our 6 month old baby. To cut things short my partner has always struggled with alcohol but is a loving partner and a wonderful Dad and never drinks at ...
A. 14 March 2014: I live (and love) an active alcoholic... I see you have agreed that you would be mad to agree to his plan.... I concur.
Alcoholics when sober are charming lovely people and when drunk are impossible.
I would never subject children to being ar... (read in full...)
Is she disinterested, trying to get my attention, or make me jealous?
Q. Hello Cupid I was wondering what are ways that girls use to make you jealous or seek your attention!How do you know they are just being disinterested or making you jealous ? I am very social person so I hang around lots of different people ...
A. 19 February 2014: Well none of us can speak for ALL women as all women (after age 18 we are women NOT girls) are different.
I can't even speak for your girlfriend. I suppose that if you have been playing stupid games with her (giving her three days space sounds... (read in full...)
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