A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:You guys have probably never gotten a problem like this before...what I'm about to say is completely disgusting but please bare with me.I randomly met a guy online about 1 year ago. It was all just fun and games at first and a few days into talking with him he wanted to see what I looked like....I started sending him fake pics I found that are not really me. I know this is a horrible thing to do but there are reasons (selfish reasons of mine) that I did this. I am overweight and honestly just don't like the way I look in real life and I just wanted him to like me without judging me so I sent pics of some beautiful woman. I thought at the time he probably wouldn't accept the real me. I've even sent him fake nudes. I've also lied about my name and where I live. He thinks these fake pics of this girl are beautiful and perfect so I kept going along with it thinking that I was actually making him happy.Him and I have been in a 'long distance relationship' for a year...I've been sending him fake pics and lying to this poor man for a year and I feel like the most horrible person in the world. I didn't want to tell him the truth because he really seems to care about me and I don't want to hurt him so badly...even though I'm hurting him anyways. He honestly seems like a great guy.I never intended for this to go on so long because when I met him I never thought I would end up loving and caring about him so much. This guy tells me he loves me and wants to be with me forever and honestly...I feel the same. I know if I tell him the truth all of that is going to change. I can't live this lie anymore, I feel guilty for hurting him. His family and friends have seen my 'pics' and they all think I'm beautiful and it just hurts to know what I'm doing. They are all going to be shocked when I tell them. I need your guy's advice on how to come clean. I know there's no easy way to do this. Do you think there is anyway he would actually get through this with me and forgive me? I'm really insecure about showing him the real me. What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 OUCH. you must tell the truth for you and for him.
oh and for all you know he's doing the same thing to you.... wow... wrap your head around that.
how about if you say "I have a confession to make and it's pretty big and i"m very sorry..." and give him the link to this question
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (30 March 2014):
I agree you should watch Catfish which shows this type of thing happening time and time again. I have seen a few episodes where the people have been able to overcome the lies, but often that's when both parties have been lying about themselves. Incidentally, are you totally sure he is who he said he is? Why have you never video chatted?
It's going to be hard, but one thing I will say about Catfish is that the people always feel relieved after the truth is out so you are better off doing it soon. But maybe take this opportunity to work on yourself a bit? Maybe lose some weight and style your hair differently or something? You shouldn't have to feel that you need to be someone else for someone to want you. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): So you've catfished someone, find the programme catfish on YouTube and see that literally 100's of people do this and regret it. It may help you with wording how to tell him if you see the show and what they say to each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): Im going to try a different approach...
Is there anyway you can make yourself look like the woman the pictures?
Chances are, he won't want to speak to you again if he finds out you've been lying.. and since it sounds like you really love him, why not use this opportunity to lose weight and improve your appearance (and your insecurities)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 March 2014):
 Sooooo, you've committed a collosal screw-up. Therefore, you are entitled make a collosal confession.... and expect a collosal "What the F**k were you doing, girl?" from this unfortunate guy....
The ironic thing is, that he - like you - was enamored of the electronic exchanges that you and he made. YOU were other-than-honest about divulging who were are/were. MAYBE, he did something similar. (Any chance?)
IN any event..... take a deep breath and "come clean" to him. In a long-shot, he might tell you that you are NOT a total jerk.... and he might allow communications to continue. If so, you may count your lucky stars and be VERY contrite. IF he tells you that you're a creep, for what you did...... then swallow hard, admit to yourself that you were a creep (as you did in this submittal)... and get on with your life.... knowing that you will NEVER do something like this again...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): I wrote this post. Thank you all for the replies. I know what I did was awful...I've been severely depressed and crying every day over this. I never intended to hurt this guy...it's something that got way out of hand and way out of control for me and it was like I couldn't stop it. I know that sounds like bs but it's true. I don't know what I was thinking. Very bad choices on my part. The thing is...this guy is honestly amazing in every way. I have never felt this way about anyone. He means a whole lot to me despite what I did. I've told him very personal things about my life and have told him about some of my problems, and he has been so supportive. Even though I've lied so much...I've also told the truth about a lot of stuff. I was totally myself (mentally and personality wise) with him. I'm honestly thinking about needing a therapist to deal with this issue...I feel so bad and confused. Breaking his heart is the last thing I want to do.
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (29 March 2014):
 I am really the only person on here that watches Catfish? Tell him, but don't expect anything, you've already hurt him. Google Catfish and watch a few episodes and you'll see just how devastating this kind of behaviour can be.
On the flip side, I can understand why you did it, but please, if you do care about him, don't let this go on any longer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): Can I just say that, if he starts saying things like "I'll forgive you if you send me real nude photos", he's no good anyway.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (29 March 2014):
 cont....
(sorry I got posted too soon)
If you end up getting hurt then, to be honest, I feel it's your due.
I just hope you learn from this and never do it again.
I wish you well AB x
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (29 March 2014):
I don't think that there is any easy way out of this mess.
This is exactly why we warn people, who write to us about their LDR boyfriend/girlfriend who they've never met but KNOW it's the real thing, to be careful.
Your intentions may not have been malicious but the resulting mess is awful for you and will heart breaking for your poor boyfriend.
You say you have an issue with your weight and thought that this guy wouldn't like you if he saw your real picture. You said you wanted him to get to know the real you.
How was he getting know the "real" you when everything you then said and all the pictures you were fake?
Did you not at any point consider that he might one day find out? Things must have got quite "close" between you for you to be sending him nude shots!
How will you feel if it transpires that this guy is very overweight and maybe unattractive? That he's being lying about who he really is?
Just because you have a low self esteem and are ashamed of your appearance does not mean that he would have felt the same. You never gave him the chance to know who you really are and to maybe love the "real" you.
I think you need to write him a letter, explaining how you feel about him, at least let him know that that part is genuine, but that because of your issues you have lied about your appearance and that all the pics you sent him were fake.
You must tell him how sorry you are and how much he means to you and offer to send him a true picture of yourself if he can find it in his heart to forgive you.
Then you must wait for his reply. He will no doubt be very hurt and shocked because all this time he has thought of you whilst picturing another woman in his mind. He will experience a form of grief for the woman he has loved and lost.
The internet is powerful tool but so many people, like you, do not consider that the person they're talking too on the other side of their screen is a real person, with thoughts and feelings and the capacity to love.
You have played a dangerous game and will now hurt a man you have fallen on love with.
Just to note, I am also overweight and was when I met my husband (who is a hunk) on the internet in a chat room.
I was totally honest from the start because I did not want to waste my time with someone who wasn't worth it and who couldn't see past my size.
We talked for a few weeks before he asked to see my picture and then I sent him a head shot. He said I was pretty and I told him I had issues because of my size, he said he would still like to have some idea of what I looked like, so I sent him a nice picture. Long story short, we met, fell in love, married, the end.
I know you didn't expect to fall in love with this guy but you also didn't think about whether he might fall in love with you.
I'm sorry I can't say anything to make you feel better and I'm sure you're not a bad person but you have made a big mistake and must do your level best to end it now and not lead this poor guy on any more.
If you end up getting hurt then, to be honest, I feel it's
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): He knows your personality, not your looks. That said, I'd question the sexting pictures of "you". Was it always of the same woman?
I don't really think this is going anywhere because you're both expressing "love" on fantasies - a) because you don't know each other in real life and b) because you've lied to him a lot.
Come clean or end it; it may turn out that doing both is necessary because you'd have to start fresh.
I'm not saying you shouldn't be confident with your body; you should, but if it bothers you so much that you'd use fake pictures, maybe you could try losing weight to make yourself feel better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 March 2014):
 Come clean and be prepared for him to never want to talk to you again.
I don't think he will forgive you, the reason you gave was an excuse. You set yourself up for failure and you set him up to fall in love with a person that doesn't exist.
How can he trust ANYTHING that comes out of your mouth? Anything?
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A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (29 March 2014):
 Basically explain to him that you were extremely self-conscious and were afraid you'd be judged. But also explain how you are aware of what a horrible mistake it was to lie and keep the lie going. This way you'll be owning up to your actions. However, don't expect him to want to stay with you as you've already broken his trust quite a bit. Just say you understand if he wants to end things but that you just wanted to come clean about your actions and how terrible you feel about it. If anything he's going to need time to vent and let this go as it will be a hard pill to swallow. So give him time after you tell him. But like I said, don't expect any sympathy from him. He will most likely be angry but the best thing you can do is give him space and time to heal and regain his trust in you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): Delete your subscription to the website on which you have been chatting with him and go completely out of his life.That is the only way out.If you reveal your real identity to him he will ridicule you and get very angry and say things that will depress and hurt you, because what you have done is completely wrong .
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