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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Will spending time apart really help us?
Q. Okay my boyfriend and I have been dating a year and 3 months and we live together. It feels like our relationship is running into the ground. I'm not sure if its because we spend all our time together or what. Our daily routine is he goes to work at ...
A. 19 May 2014: What you have is very typical of couples that get into a rut. While sending him away may seem like a good idea... it's just going to band aid fix the bigger wound. And once he comes home it will start all over again.... and you will be back to ... (read in full...)
I'm getting attention from much younger men!
Q. I am 45 and, after being separated for about 4 years now, I have recovered from what was a horrid and long relationship and am almost ready for a new one. The 'problem', if it is one, is that I am very confused now that I've realised I have ...
A. 19 May 2014: My husband is 13+ yrs younger than I am. Trust me he is the one who is large and in charge in our marriage.
Age has nothing to do with personality only maturity and at 45 a man who is 30ish is probably as developed maturity wise as is going to... (read in full...)
He doesn't care for intimacy
Q. I am 52 years old, married my high school sweet heart a year ago - my first marriage and his second. He has been single for 20 years. We have not had sex in 7 months. There is no intimacy either - no kissing, no cuddling. He says he doesn't know why ...
A. 16 May 2014: step one with a man of his age is a complete medial work up including tests for depression and hormonal levels.
once that checks out and is not the cause then the next step is to figure out what has changed in the last 7 months.
were you in... (read in full...)
What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or bi curious
Q. What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or at least bi curious? Then they say there are studies to back it up. Maybe so, but studies still cannot speak for every woman in the world. Or men for that matter. It's total bul...
A. 16 May 2014: I am bisexual woman and I have had lots of bi-curious friends... and also totally straight friends who have never even considered it.
I think that the idea that ANYONE can be anywhere on the sexual spectrum is accurate... but to think that EVE... (read in full...)
He doesn't get jealous. Does this mean he doesn't love me? Or is unfaithful?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. And there's something that's bothering me. He is not jealous at all. He don't care if my ex's text me he don't care if I cheat on him he don't care if guys hit on me or flirt with me in front ...
A. 16 May 2014: Jealousy is not about love.. .Jealousy is an emotion that is rooted in insecurity.
ARE you cheating on him or texting with ex partners to get his attention and see if he loves you?
... (read in full...)
I'm so sick and tired of being leeched off of.
Q. Here's the situation. I use to live alone in a two bedroom apartment. One room for me to sleep, use computer, hang out, etc. The other room was my workout room with all my weights, benchs, punching bag, etc. I enjoyed the solitary lifestyle. My own ...
A. 15 May 2014: Yeah it's probably breaking the law to have that many in the same apartment of your size. I would go to the landlord and ask them for some help in getting them out..
An official letter from the landlord saying that they have to vacate in 60... (read in full...)
Should I confront my sister over her affair with a married professor?
Q. My little sister (age 20) and I have always been so close and tell each other everything. She has always been very conservative and reserved. I've never had to worry about her because she has never given me a reason to. Well just recently, I notice...
A. 15 May 2014: I guess I'm in the minority.. she's 20. she's legally an adult.. she's making a bad judgement choice but SHE is not the cheater or the homewrecker he is.
she's acting the way she is because she knows she's wrong. OR she knows you think she's wr... (read in full...)
Wife said I could leave so she can take care of ailing mother.
Q. My wife and I have been married for 3 years and been together for 6. We are very happy and close and I couldn't ask for a better partner! Sometime before we met her mother was diagnosed with a rare cancer and given a very brief life expectancy, ...
A. 15 May 2014: IF you think you should stay with her as a good supportive spouse then you tell your wife "I married you for better or worse and I'm staying" her reaction will tell you what your next step would be.
it sounds to me like she may want out of ... (read in full...)
Her unreliability is making me question the relationship
Q. I am a 21 years old guy, am in medical school and i have been dating this girl for 5 months. And i really like her and i know that she really likes me. And i really want to see where this relationship goes. Beside she is my first real girlfriend ...
A. 15 May 2014: How often are you seeing her?
how often is she breaking plans?
it may be that she is not that into you and you need to move on.... but if she's regularly not seeing you and breaking plans either weekly or every other week... with some we... (read in full...)
Married to a man but confused about my sexuality!
Q. I've never felt as troubled as recently. I'm married for about more than a year and a half to a loving man. He's one of the greatest thing ever happened to me. He loves me, makes me smile and always gets me the best things. I think i love him...
A. 15 May 2014: I am a bisexual woman that is married to a man. When I married him forsaking all others meant women too.
IF I wanted to have a sexual thing with a woman I could but he would want to come along for the ride and be aware of what was going on. I... (read in full...)
Boyfriend showers with his friend?
Q. My boyfriend was telling me about a drunken night the other weekend, and told me he ended up showering with his (guy) friend. Then he told me that he'd also showered with a different (guy) friend on a couple occasions. I was confused, and as...
A. 15 May 2014: I will be naked in front of anyone. I am not ashamed of my body nor do I hide it.
I don't like to shower in my private home with anyone even my hubby as we don't have a lot of room in the shower.
If I had a sick friend who needed help I wo... (read in full...)
What’s wrong with my friend? How can I help her?
Q. I have a friend. She’s like a sister to me. I’ve known her since she was born, which is 6 months after me. Our moms were best friends and they were both single moms. I had no father and her parents were divorced. For years I’ve thought that she has ...
A. 15 May 2014: As a woman who was VERY close to a "smother mother" and did not grow up until my mom died at 35 and my dad refused to baby me the way my mother had (MOTHERS that LOVE TOO MUCH are sometimes harder to cope with than mothers that parent properly) I ... (read in full...)
What does it mean?
Q. What does it mean when a guy does these things? What does it mean? So my boyfriend of 9 months (we didn't have sex) started acting distant and irritated with me and I couldn't stop hurting:( He'd ignore me for days when we argue and get ...
A. 15 May 2014: OP why do you care what his reasoning is? Figuring out WHY you care at all about how this man feels or why he is doing something will help you get past it and move on.
That's the part that's bugging you, you wonder what he's up to when in trut... (read in full...)
I feel disgusted he saved an inappropriate picture of his daughter's friend!
Q. Hi There, Agh, I am actually a embarrassed to write about this. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to any of my friend about it in the last 3 days. I have this habit of going through my boyfriend's email, phone, etc. It's a bad habit, I ...
A. 15 May 2014: Ciar, and OP, I understand why both of you think he admitted he was keeping the picture for wank material and maybe I think too much like a guy BUT
The original comment “But he also admitted that I was right about the picture and why he saved... (read in full...)
Why does he choose to not invite me to functions where the Gfs and wives are invited? I am feeling excluded.
Q. Hi all, I'm feeling a little left out and rejected. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over four years. We got together at 17 and have been together since. We have a really good relationship together and normally I find we can t...
A. 15 May 2014: Your update tells me he just NEVER thought about it.
THE fact that he's ok with you going this week bodes well.
Go and enjoy and you may find out it's boring as hell and not want to go any more anyway.... (read in full...)
I want to stay friends with 'the other woman' but she says she hates me
Q. I am a separated male who still is friendly with my wife, we have 2 beautiful teenage girls and we remain very close after 6 years of separation. We still share family vacations and days out as a family and even the bed 1 - 2 times a month. I live...
A. 15 May 2014: DO you really care about this woman? If so, you will respect her enough to leave her alone.
If you don't want your wife to know about this then I think you need to re-evaluate your marriage since you are NOT separated even if you live apart. ... (read in full...)
He spends most of his time on the phone to her when I am with him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years, I found out he'd cheated on me 3 times during the first 10 months of our relationship both physical and emotional cheating. He 'realised his mistake' and I took him back. Our relationship ...
A. 15 May 2014: Honeypie is correct, your focus is on the wrong person.. HOW she behaves has no bearing on you... you are not in a relationship with HER.
IF you are not happy with the behavior of your partner in your relationship then the bad behavior is ... (read in full...)
How do I reject this sweet, disabled guy?
Q. How do I respond to this?! Him: Why were you not in class today? Me: I was a little sick this morning - didn't wanna chance a 50min 4pm lecture :P Him: It's been a while hey? I really missed you. Me: I know, right? It's feel like foreve...
A. 15 May 2014: Oh that's EASY OP... if you have a crush on someone.. just talk about him to this guy.. that friend zones him right there...... (read in full...)
Is she losing interest already?
Q. So I went on a date with a girl I met online last week. I thought it was great, we just walked and talked for like a few hours, although I thought that I might've been a bit more awkward than I normally am, but in general I thought we hit it off. At ...
A. 14 May 2014: Maybe she's saving it up to be interesting on the date?
wait and see how Sunday goes before you fret about anything.
I think Honeypie has given very solid advice.... (read in full...)
What to say to this inquisitive but kind work colleague?
Q. a woman at my workplace similar age to me (35-40) may at times asks me what I think of my colleagues, she has only been working at my workplace a few months and I dont know her well and dont work everyday with her, but I do li...
A. 14 May 2014: I agree with "she's ok" is a perfectly fine answer.
I also think if pushed you can say "it's not my style to talk about other people" and move on... no need to criticize the other person.. she's just trying to feel her way... not in a very smo... (read in full...)
I want to move on, to find someone who will support my choices
Q. Hi. I am 22 years old and have only ever really liked (had a crush on) one person. Ever. I know that he is a total momma's-boy and a gigantic crybaby who thinks that the world should bow down to his gigantic ego because he could have been a doctor, ...
A. 14 May 2014: how come you have to see his picture?
if you keep it and look at it yourself then you are just pouring salt in the wound...
stop looking a a picture and wishing the guy could be what you want and realize he is who he is and you wishing and ... (read in full...)
I want to stay friends with 'the other woman' but she says she hates me
Q. I am a separated male who still is friendly with my wife, we have 2 beautiful teenage girls and we remain very close after 6 years of separation. We still share family vacations and days out as a family and even the bed 1 - 2 times a month. I live...
A. 14 May 2014: You've already lost whatever friendship you had with this woman.
she wanted more than friendship and a bit of hanky panky on the side.. you just wanted to scratch your itch.
you are enjoying an alternative marriage (basically you are married ... (read in full...)
Boundaries with a patient- husband is a physical therapist- please would like some advice
Q. Will try to be brief :-) SOme history: Im 43, BF is 48- we are both divorced and in a solid trusting relationship for past 6 months. Knew each other 3 years as friends so good foundation. BOth very happy. We live separate for now and everythi...
A. 14 May 2014: I am not sure of the ethics involved but if you trust him and what bugs you is HER behavior there is not much you can do.
5 years is a long time for PT which I have done over and over and it rarely lasts more than 6 months. It seems that this wom... (read in full...)
How do I reject this sweet, disabled guy?
Q. How do I respond to this?! Him: Why were you not in class today? Me: I was a little sick this morning - didn't wanna chance a 50min 4pm lecture :P Him: It's been a while hey? I really missed you. Me: I know, right? It's feel like foreve...
A. 14 May 2014: Ya know just because he rolls instead of walks does not make him any different than any other guy.
He has not asked you out.. yes he's making it clear he likes you... but all you have to do is make it clear that you are not interested i... (read in full...)
He spends most of his time on the phone to her when I am with him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years, I found out he'd cheated on me 3 times during the first 10 months of our relationship both physical and emotional cheating. He 'realised his mistake' and I took him back. Our relationship ...
A. 14 May 2014: fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on me.
you have forgiven him THREE TIMES...
now he's being rude like Cindy said.
you've made it clear to him what you want and why you want it and yet he still disregards you.
i'd end it.... (read in full...)
BF won't show me his phone
Q. Here is a brief bit of background to shed some light frist. My current boyfriend once lied to me and I forgave him but I am finding it incredibly hard to forget in the way that he wants me to. This is most difficult when it comes to his behaviuor...
A. 14 May 2014: You forgave him but you don't trust him.
Have you told him you want to go through his phone because you don't trust him?
do you realize if you don't trust him there is no relationship?
I think it's admirable that you ASK permissio... (read in full...)
Anxious about retaking my driving test
Q. So first of all I should begin by saying that I suffer from mild depression and moderate-extreme anxiety depending on how I'm feeling. A couple of months ago I failed my driving test. I'm a very competent driver but the moment the driving proctor ...
A. 14 May 2014: I flunked the EYE test. I had no clue my vision was so bad. I had to get a note from the eye doctor saying I had enough vision to drive. I do.
i then went and flunked the driving test.
so it was my third strike or i was out. I managed t... (read in full...)
How can I tell my sister I am pregnant?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles i am a 35 year old lady with 3 beautiful children and have just found out i am expecting baby number four with my husband of a year and a half (his first baby) my dilema is that my little sister has also found out that she is ...
A. 14 May 2014: My cousin is only 3 months older than I am. She was the second child to my mother's older sister and I was my mother's first.
I never heard of any issues between the sisters concerning this, in fact, the fact that they were both pregnant at the s... (read in full...)
My gut tells me I should leave him alone.
Q. I have a few questions about friendship, and where you draw the line. My situation: A couple of years ago, I started a new job where I met a lot of new people. However, only one person seemed interested in talking to me. At first, I thought he was...
A. 14 May 2014: NO I would ignore him. he's bad news. It needs to be all about what's good for you and your marriage and this guy is not either of those...
does not matter what's good for him. Your concern needs to be your hearth and home... and he does not ... (read in full...)
Does her Skype fling mean it's over for us?
Q. My wife and I regularly share digital gadgets so when I used her iPad I was surprised to discover it open on a Skype chat with a young guy half her age (we're both early 40s, busy professionals, married 15 years with 2 kids). He'd sent a photo of ...
A. 14 May 2014: I agree with RevMick 100%... she was having a midlife crisis.
ehe emotionally cheated.
she wanted this with you but did not know how to approach it.
I strongly suggest that she get some personal counseling to deal with her midlife crisis a... (read in full...)
He found a smudge on the wall .........
Q. I have been living with my partner for 10 years. We have 2 kids. My name is not on anything because I am trying to up my credit score (bad credit). He is an ocd neat freak. I am messy. The house isn't a nightmare, but it's not pristine either. He ...
A. 14 May 2014: OP, I am a very messy ADHD person. My hubby is OCD neat(truly he made me wash all the dishes at thanksgiving before I sat down to eat because he can't cope with anything out of place) WE have no pets, we have no small children and yet we still have ... (read in full...)
How do I react to my daughter dating a non-Jew?
Q. I have a daughter who is in a relationship with an atheist man. In order to be with him and out of our disapproving sight she moved far away. Now she wants to reconcile with us and come back home. We are willing to reconcile with her, but not if she ...
A. 14 May 2014: Dear Friends and other Aunties and Uncles,
With all DUE RESPECT, (and the gang of regulars knows I respect them deeply) I do not think as "outsiders" you get the severity of this issue. Cindy seems to touch on it more than anyone.
Judaism... (read in full...)
How do I react to my daughter dating a non-Jew?
Q. I have a daughter who is in a relationship with an atheist man. In order to be with him and out of our disapproving sight she moved far away. Now she wants to reconcile with us and come back home. We are willing to reconcile with her, but not if she ...
A. 13 May 2014: I am a Jew married to a non-Jew.
My son just got engaged to a woman who is not jewish and his father and stepmother are about ready to sit shiva for him and it's breaking his heart.
Why is this man so detrimental to her? Is it because he's n... (read in full...)
I feel disgusted he saved an inappropriate picture of his daughter's friend!
Q. Hi There, Agh, I am actually a embarrassed to write about this. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to any of my friend about it in the last 3 days. I have this habit of going through my boyfriend's email, phone, etc. It's a bad habit, I ...
A. 13 May 2014: OP while it's over and done and I think that's best for you since you don't trust him, I have to say I believe him when he says he saved the picture because it was funny.
If it was safe enough to post on facebook, I doubt it's really wank material... (read in full...)
I am seriously questioning myself as a man
Q. I am a 46 year old married male who has been married for 24 years to the same way too beautiful wife, I have a type 1 diabetic since age 3 and I have been physically disabled after getting hurt on the job and needing dual knee replacements and a ...
A. 13 May 2014: The other thing folks have seen with WLS is an almost IMMEDIATE (like in the hosptial before weight loss starts) reduction in the diabetes and insulin requirements.
... (read in full...)
Is this friendship appropriate?
Q. Hey. I have a little-big issue here. I've fallen for a girl way younger than me, she's 16 years old. She's extremely intelligent and mature, but at the same time she's a teenager, so she knows how things work but doesn't have a life plan and I know ...
A. 13 May 2014: Personally if you don't talk regularly I would not make any changes at all.
You have no clue in 4 years your feelings may be the same and hers may grow. Or it will naturally peter out if you don't nurture it.
I'd just go with the flow and ha... (read in full...)
People think I'm her sugar daddy
Q. I'm 32 and have been dating a girl for 18 months. She is 11 yrs younger then I am and even though its been a year and a half both our families still don't think our relationship will last. I love her. And I hate to say that in the beginning I didn't...
A. 13 May 2014:
Of course age gaps can work. My husband is 13 yrs younger than I am.
she was over 18 when you met... you've been dating 18 months and want to progress to the next step.
the only way to get your family to chill is through experience. ... (read in full...)
Why does he choose to not invite me to functions where the Gfs and wives are invited? I am feeling excluded.
Q. Hi all, I'm feeling a little left out and rejected. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over four years. We got together at 17 and have been together since. We have a really good relationship together and normally I find we can t...
A. 13 May 2014: Men in love want to show off their love... they want their friends to meet her... they are proud of her. He is not treating you like you are special or important in his life because you are not.
Personally, I would not even bother to ask him w... (read in full...)
LDR and suddenly he's harder to contact. Am I overreacting?
Q. My bf works for UPS and goes in work at either 3, 4, or 5am and gets off no later than 11. He always text me after he's done which he did today at 10 am "goodmorning sleepy head :)" I text him back about 5 mins later and never got a text back. ...
A. 13 May 2014: you didn't panic like a "typical girl" you over-reacted like an insecure LDR partner.
Insecurity has no place in any relationship but it's harder and more painful and debilitating in an LDR.
Perhaps you are not cut out for an LDR.
Maybe ... (read in full...)
We were friends only earlier, as I was in a relationship. How can I now let him know I'm single?
Q. While I was dating my old boyfriend, I became friends with a guy who I later realized was interested in me. I informed him I had a boyfriend, and our relationship remained platonic. I have since broken up with my boyfriend, but don't know how to ...
A. 13 May 2014: What's wrong with being overly blunt? Some guys really need to be "hit over the head" about things. (girls too like me)
Do you see him regularly... that's not hard at all to let him know... you just mention that you're now single and ready to... (read in full...)
How can I get my mother to view my fiance and upcoming wedding more positively?
Q. My Mother is completely against my future marriage and it's creating a lot of arguments/tension/and anger. My mom lives overseas, so she has never met my fiance. I have tried to tell her about him and the wonderful guy I think she is, she barely w...
A. 13 May 2014: I am sure this is very hard for you. The best thing I can tell you is that hopefully she will get over it sooner rather than later.
My son is going through a very similar problem with his Stepmother and father (they raised him so she's more lik... (read in full...)
I am seriously questioning myself as a man
Q. I am a 46 year old married male who has been married for 24 years to the same way too beautiful wife, I have a type 1 diabetic since age 3 and I have been physically disabled after getting hurt on the job and needing dual knee replacements and a ...
A. 12 May 2014: I don't think your wife is cheating either and I totally understand why you feel the way you do.
I will only speak to the medical conditions since I have experience with them.
I had gastric bypass (RNY) in September 2009 and while I have had... (read in full...)
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