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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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One or two of my friends have started organising social events without me!
Q. dear uncles/aunts; I find myself getting slightly frustrated with some of my friends. Would like some opinions. I meet varied people from all over, travelling, work, hobbies etc, and every now and again I really meet someone I grow close to. ...
A. 21 March 2014: you introduced folks and they became friends too... that's great.. clearly you have a knack for knowing who gets along.
I think you are being overly sensitive..
if they make plans and invite you and you can go then go and it's great...if you ... (read in full...)
Should I be upset at my boyfriend for sending my friends on facebook friend request?
Q. Hello I was wondering am I being silly, jealous or insecure? Should I be upset at my boyfriend for sending my friends on facebook friend request? Is this normal? He doesn't know them and I dont see the point.But could i be harboring feelings of ...
A. 21 March 2014: did you ask him why he did it? maybe he just wants to be able to see what they are saying too?
... (read in full...)
How could a FWB be any good with a virgin?
Q. I want to understand how an earth this is even possible for a guy to be attracted to and why? I've never, ever understood it! This guy I know, we've been talking for months and we've been out about three times and he asked if I wanted to be friends ...
A. 21 March 2014: because getting laid is getting laid.
DO NOT accept his offer... your first time should be with someone special that you love that loves you back!
FWB IMO is for divorced older folks who have an itch to scratch....
the key ... (read in full...)
Facing the guy that hurt me, advice?
Q. Hi, I posted not long ago about my situation with a boyfriend who I met at my works meal and he was our waiter, he was very full on telling me that he loves me after 2 weeks and took me to meet his mum then dissappears on me and I never hear from ...
A. 21 March 2014: I would go and look your absolute drop dead best (professional all the while) and just treat him like the rest of the wait staff... in other words, ignore him.... (read in full...)
I want the money that my Dad saved for me while I was ill
Q. I have been on abilify for four years and have been slowly getting smaller doses. And I want to be off it cause of increased urinating, tremors muscle twitching. I was on Geodon for a while. I am really hoping to get off of it next week cause I got ...
A. 21 March 2014: Gawd OP you sound JUST like my 29 yr old son who is on SSI.
He blew a total fit last week because his dad who is his payee would NOT agree to let him manage his own money and move in with a girl he just met. My son has impulse control issues. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my family I'm pansexual?
Q. Hi. Ok, so um, im a pansexual. This is something that has been known to me since I learned what it was. I have always been pansexual. I have told two out of my three friends , they are completely accepting. But I actually find it extremely annoying ...
A. 21 March 2014: Nope no need to "come out" You are who you are...
sexuality is a spectrum for everyone... some of us are more willing to accept the fluidity of our sexuality and therefore define ourselves as bisexual or pansexual.
WHO you love and why ... (read in full...)
My boy keeps lying to me, but insists that he loves me and only me?
Q. Alright so before you tell me to just "dump his ass", actually think about this. Basically, the guy I'm with right now is the best guy ever. I love him to death. And he loves me. He does so much for me, as do his parents. Through his life, he has a...
A. 21 March 2014: I will NOT tell you to dump him. You are not ready to stop the emotional abuse you are receiving. And yes lying to you and emotionally cheating on you is emotional abuse. He is emotionally cheating on you. Will it take him physically cheating on ... (read in full...)
This guy is a scum. Do I tell his gf?
Q. My ex dumped me about a year ago. We had been together for 4 years, including 2 years LDR. We planned to get married, but he broke up with me 2 months before we could finally see each other. He thought I was too clingy. He cheated on me twice before ...
A. 21 March 2014: yep you just sit there in the mess you made yourself.
Had you blocked him and moved on with your life you would not know he lied or he had a new GF and you would not be worried about HIM OR HER.
KEEP the focus on yourself... ... (read in full...)
I think my husband has a crush at work and its making me uncomfortable
Q. Would anyone else think anything of this? Or am I just being paranoid? My husband of 6 years has recently started a new job. He's been there about 2 months now. He works in a team of 7 others, one Man and six women. For the past 3 weeks he h...
A. 21 March 2014: OP your follow up is very disconcerting and worrisome to be honest. I think the time has come to worry. He got home and didn’t want to be with you and talk about it.. he just went right to bed… HE TOOK HER ON A DATE…. (he treated right?)
HE SN... (read in full...)
Can long term relationships can work when a woman who is substantially richer than the man?
Q. Dear Cupid, I wondered if you thought long term relationships can work when a woman who is substantially richer than the man? I am a very wealthy woman but I have not been able to find single guys to date who have the same level of wealth as...
A. 21 March 2014: I don't think it's the inheritance that's causing the issues. It may be how you carry yourself or the lifestyle you choose to lead due to the available assets.
I have almost always made way more money than my spouse. I currently make over 35... (read in full...)
I think my husband has a crush at work and its making me uncomfortable
Q. Would anyone else think anything of this? Or am I just being paranoid? My husband of 6 years has recently started a new job. He's been there about 2 months now. He works in a team of 7 others, one Man and six women. For the past 3 weeks he h...
A. 20 March 2014: ya know it's a good point... why aren't her gf's consoling her?
I know if i broke up with my guy it is not my buddy from work I want to be with...
... (read in full...)
This guy is a scum. Do I tell his gf?
Q. My ex dumped me about a year ago. We had been together for 4 years, including 2 years LDR. We planned to get married, but he broke up with me 2 months before we could finally see each other. He thought I was too clingy. He cheated on me twice before ...
A. 20 March 2014: no you do what CaringGuy suggests... you block him and move on.
she'll find out soon enough and to be honest you telling her will NOT change her actions or feelings which will frustrate you more.
your goal more than likely is to hurt him by... (read in full...)
I think my husband has a crush at work and its making me uncomfortable
Q. Would anyone else think anything of this? Or am I just being paranoid? My husband of 6 years has recently started a new job. He's been there about 2 months now. He works in a team of 7 others, one Man and six women. For the past 3 weeks he h...
A. 20 March 2014: HE called. She's in crisis and as a friend he's helping...
I agree with honeypie however, not today but soon have her to your home or meet her for dinner somewhere and make her your friend too..... (read in full...)
Fiance is having people at our home, not telling me and then lying when caught
Q. Need your perspective to work out if I an being unreasonable or not... found oout my fiance has been lying about people coming over to our house whilst I am out at work and am really annoyed at him for omitting to tell me, and lying about his day. ...
A. 20 March 2014: Bottom line, yes you are being unreasonable.
I understand your feelings to some extent. I have lived in and owned my home for 24 years. When my now husband opted to give up his apartment and move 2 hours to be with me, it became OUR HOME. ... (read in full...)
Isn't it better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at all?
Q. I met this girl while I was traveling in Thailand where I ended up saving her life, 3 months later she leaves Canada and comes to Australia for a year working/traveling. Everything was going great for the first few days then when we talking about...
A. 20 March 2014: She’s making it clear to you that she is not interested in a relationship with you and she’s being very kind about it. If you continue to push her it will result in her cutting you off entirely.
BTW you said “I ended up saving her life” we... (read in full...)
How do I keep her interested in me during her month away?
Q. So I've recently started dating a girl I quite like; we get along well, we enjoy each others company and we can joke around with each other and act coupley. Basically I want to be in a relationship with her. Now there is a problem; we've b...
A. 20 March 2014: A month is not a long period of time in the span of life... i know it can seem like a lifetime when the one you love is away.
when my husband and i were dating and LDR we had a routine... I called him to wake him up at a set time every day at h... (read in full...)
IS it crazy for me to try to work things out with my ex?
Q. I broke up with my bf last November after being together for 2 years. We're both in our mid 30's and were in somewhat of a long distance relationship causing us to only see each other on the weekend. The main reasons for the breakup was that we were ...
A. 20 March 2014: I think that for the short term he should find a place to live Near you when he gets a job...since you are not sure you want to live with him yet and he has a history of not being mature and responsible.
It's hard to go from LDR to local and NO... (read in full...)
I think my husband has a crush at work and its making me uncomfortable
Q. Would anyone else think anything of this? Or am I just being paranoid? My husband of 6 years has recently started a new job. He's been there about 2 months now. He works in a team of 7 others, one Man and six women. For the past 3 weeks he h...
A. 20 March 2014: He's got a work crush... BTDT... both my work crushes and my spouses...the fact that he talks about her all the time to you is annoying but it means he's processing it to include her properly in your lives... he's NOT hiding it.
I would ea... (read in full...)
It's early days, but after just two dates - were his actions charming or creepy?
Q. Hi Agony Aunt folks I have a question , So I met this guy online we had 2 dates so far he is a cop and seems very nice a lot different form the last guy I dated I have had bad luck lately in the men department and seem to end up with abusive men so ...
A. 19 March 2014: HE kept a plastic spoon? yeah that's a bit odd....... (read in full...)
Heard rumours about this married guy I like. Should I tell him about the rumours, without sounding jealous, nor like a gossip?
Q. I have a good friend in the office. In fact i've a crush on him but will never act on this feeling because he's married. Don't want to get hurt as going out with a married man, it's the worst thing of all to do. Guess he also feels attracted to...
A. 19 March 2014: It is NONE of your concern or business so I'd say nothing.... (read in full...)
Does he hate me being on top?
Q. Hi, I have a new (a few months) boyfriend. We're both 20 and he lost his virginity to me. The first couple of times we had sex I went on top for a fair bit... but since then we haven't, and I've tried to initiate that but he just seems to want to be ...
A. 19 March 2014: no clue why he feels that way... you have to ask HIM.
... (read in full...)
My relative may pass away in the near future. I want to date, but should I delay and wait until I have work through my grief after my parent passes?
Q. Dear Cupid, It's looking likely I will have a parent pass away in the next few months after what has been a pretty tough time helping support them through their decline. I am single and would love to meet someone. I have had short term...
A. 19 March 2014: My mother died when I was 35. But she was ill so we had nearly a year to emotionally be preparing for this. While it might seem odd to folks, you are already mourning your loss. (and for that I am sorry)
DO NOT SET time frames for yourself... (read in full...)
Would a blood test tell if she were still pregnant?
Q. this is a kind of medical question so i only really want to know if its possible. so basically in early January my sister told me she had just miscarried at 3 and half months. however since then she has yet to get her period. she also has gained ...
A. 18 March 2014: so let me see if I have this right
your sister ASSUMED she was pregnant. IF she took a home pregnancy test, that still has to be confirmed by a doctor.
then she got a ONE day spotting/bleeding incident so the woman who ASSUMED she was preg... (read in full...)
My husband had emotional affairs and I left him! What are my rights?
Q. After years of marriage I found out that my husband had emotinal affairs in the skype,chating,calling,and meetings with his ""women friends.Maybe not only emotional only. He intoduced me a woman 2 years earlier,and she started sending me thank yo...
A. 18 March 2014: we cannot advise you. YOU must get a lawyer ASAP... (read in full...)
I want my older sister and her kids to go back to her own home!
Q. Okay, so I have an older sister who is 34 years old!! and she really annoys the shit out of me. When she and her 3 kids come to visit my parents I avoid her and stay out of the way.But lately shes been coming over the weekends. Her kids are all ...
A. 18 March 2014: Pneumonia is not normally contagious. http://www.webmd.com/lung/understanding-pneumonia-basics but it does leave you feeling crummy. I can assure you if I had three children and pneumonia I would be staying with someone who could take care of ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend made fun of me, says I dress to impress other men and then broke up with me!
Q. hello I am Iin desperate need of help! Last night me and my boyfriend got into an argument about him being very critical of everything I wear! He made jokes and basically called me a hoochie!I told him I didnt like Iit and he shouldnt call me that. ...
A. 18 March 2014: When someone misbehaves (his treating you the way he did) and then apologizes it makes those of us being abused want to forgive them and hope the won't do it again. They will.
UNLESS he is in treatment and is admitting he has a problem, the... (read in full...)
His new job isn't leaving much time for me...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years. We don't live together as of yet. He's started working a new plumbing job and it's getting me down. There's only 4 guys working therefore my bf is on call 24/7. Prior to this job my bf was ...
A. 14 March 2014: OP is it your plan to support this man? if not quit calling and texting him at WORK.
he's not cheating on you or ignoring you to go hang with the boys he's WORKING and some jobs require more than others...
being a plumber is a hard jo... (read in full...)
My girlfriend and a friend of mine openly flirt in front of me!
Q. Ok so i have a situation where my girlfriend and a friend of mine are openly flirting in front of me. Now when i say flirting i dont mean anything so blatant where i could say to either of them come on your taking the piss but a situation where if ...
A. 14 March 2014: so your concern is that you will be left without a gf and in a socially awkward position? NOT that the woman you love may not love you?
To be honest, if they are flirting in front of you and there is nothing you think going on behind your bac... (read in full...)
I need help as my godmother spirals out of control!
Q. Hi everyone, I need help as my god mother spirals out of control! My godmother and my parents have know each since they were 14. My mum and dad were dating and my godmother and her partner were dating. My dad and her husband were best man fo...
A. 14 March 2014: You should join Al-anon and alateen... it's an organization for folks who's lives are impacted by alcoholics.
She is still in the denial of a problem stage and this could go on for a long time. Her children bailing her out and trying to "save he... (read in full...)
My husband throws temper tantrums every day!
Q. The problem I have is that my husband regularly has pointless, angry outbursts and I'm the only one around to hear them. In front of other people he's as quiet as a lamb. We love each other. He tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me e...
A. 14 March 2014: yep my husband "lets his hair down" around me too.. why is it that wives are always the ones subject to their bad behavior when we are the ones who should be treated better.
When my husband gets angry or intolerable I leave the home.
it's ... (read in full...)
All of a sudden he's become secretive?
Q. I think I know the answer to this but just want some opinions and how to handle it please My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. In the first year he was meeting up with a girl behind my back but they both swore it was just as friends....
A. 14 March 2014: Do you even have to ask?
you know what's going on... he's hiding something and unless it's your birthday... you know what it probably is.
he's BLOCKED you on facebook so you can't see what he's doing, who he is friends with etc...
do ... (read in full...)
I've changed but her father doesn't believe it
Q. How do I prove to my girl friends father I'm not a bad guy. We have been dating for about three months and have pretty much had to hide it from for parents because they hate me. Yes, I have done somethings wrong in the past but I have changed....
A. 14 March 2014: TIME is the only way to prove this. continue on the straight and narrow...
Is Sara over 18?
if she is under 18 I suggest you wait till she is 18 to date her but you can be her friend.
If she is over 18 but having to abide by the rules... (read in full...)
Need a place to turn in a marriage where I feel like I have no choice
Q. My stepdaughter has always been a source of problems, particularly when it comes to her relationship with her mother: whatever stepdaughter wants, stepdaughter gets. Over the near 17 years of my marriage I've been mostly able to afford these ext...
A. 14 March 2014: I agree that you need to see a lawyer and find out what the options are.
if you have been married for 17 years you probably are closer to daddy then step daddy in feelings (at least I would hope so) but the money train has to end....
I wou... (read in full...)
His texts are becoming less frequent and he always leaves the conversations hanging. Lost cause?
Q. I began seeing a guy at the start of this year after meeting him on an online dating site. Now we immediately hit it off and in the back and forth of our conversation we figured out that he worked in the company I was just starting in. Things de...
A. 14 March 2014: Agreed.. he's not as into you as you are into him.
and "lets me friends" is in the offing.
also "I'm not ready for a relationship (with you)" is coming.
he's not worth trying to make it work... but he might be a nice casual friend... N... (read in full...)
Should my friend's fiance pay rent or not?
Q. Ok so my friend and i are thinking of moving in together. Her fiance stays over 5-6 dys a week. I think its fair that he contrubutes to sum of the bills but she says no. She says firstly there is no way in hell he will pay as he dont earn that much ...
A. 14 March 2014: I agree with the aunties who say NAY to this arrangement.
the follow ups clearly make it clear he lives with her 6 out of 7 days and visits his family on Sundays. He uses water, electric and food. He's basically living with her.
she is bein... (read in full...)
My crush invited me to her wedding!
Q. So I get emails from a girl who I used to hang out with a year ago (She knows I had feelings for her). I asked her whats new in her life since we had not been communicating for a while, and she says she is getting married and would like if I came ...
A. 14 March 2014: She's excited about getting married and is forgetting you have a mad crush on her.
It's not meant to be cruel or rub it in your face, she probably always considered you a nice guy and a friend and now that you are in touch just wants to share th... (read in full...)
Should I call the manager to see I have the job?
Q. What should I do? Do I wait or just call? So I went for a nursery nurse interview and the manager said she liked me and ask me to come back for a day trial even though I couldn't really give good answers to 1 or 2 questions. Anyway I went for...
A. 14 March 2014: Yes by all means call her and ask if you are still in the running for the job.
... (read in full...)
He broke up with me but I don't feel like it's over
Q. I have recently been dumped my commitment phobic boyfriend. We were together for over 2 years, lived together, travelled a lot and I knew from day one he had a lot of emotional baggage. Now he's left me, but he still texts every morning and even...
A. 14 March 2014: The best way to help him is exactly what everyone has said... you go NO CONTACT and leave him alone and let him work it out on his own.
HE is not your problem or responsibility.
... (read in full...)
How should I go about this without seeming needy or desperate?
Q. Hi folks! Background: I met a girl about a month ago(someone new to my University). I immediately obtained her number and her Facebook, and on the very same day I walked her home after class. A bit over a week ago I took her out to lunch, which ...
A. 14 March 2014: just an FYI... in August my husband sent me some text messages (we were at our yearly convention and in different hotels at the time) I did NOT get them until NOVEMBER.
yes that's correct.. they were SENT in August and RECEIVED in November... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating says he's not ready for a relationship
Q. I've been dating this man for over a month and I must say, it has been great. We got on really well and there is chemistry. But the problem is, last year he got out of a long term relationship and told me he's not ready to date (despite him tel...
A. 14 March 2014: "I'm not ready for a relationship" is normally the part of the sentence we hear... the part that the speaker leaves out is "WITH YOU"
I would not waste my time sitting around "being friends" with a guy in the hopes that he might change his mind... (read in full...)
Drinking is killing my relationship.
Q. Hi. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend from almost 1 year. We both like to go out. We both are social drinkers. But he loves drinking and he goes out every weekend to drink out, or if not out then at home. Everything was going good. We wer...
A. 14 March 2014: I will tell you what you should do but you won't like it.
YOU NEED TO END THE RELATIONSHIP.
the man, if not an alcoholic already is going to be one.
clearly he already has an issue with alcohol.
there is NOTHING you can do or say to... (read in full...)
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