A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why is my boyfriend behaving this way? I'm really upset.?My boyfriend is really upsetting me. He's get angry and irritated with me and is making me really upset.I'm a good girl. I try my best with him. I go to gym regularly to keep fit look good for him and feel good for me.I never lie to him and would never cheat on him but he keeps saying a lot of girls are cheats and I better not cheat on him blah blah. I don't feel like ringing him like I use to:(I don't like the way he speaks to me sometimes. But other guys I come in contact seem to be really sweet and gentlemanly with me and I wish my guy was like that. I've been together almost a year and I'm starting to think about this guy who's really sweet and nice to me:( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 If the current boyfriend is not behaving well (and he's not) then it's time to make him the most recent x boyfriend.
I wonder if he accuses you of cheating because he's cheating either physically or emotionally.
if there is another guy that's catching your eye, then you are walking that fine line of emotional cheating too....
best bet is to tell current bf that you no longer wish to be accused of cheating and if he does it again you will leave. Same with being insulting and rude. if he can't treat you better than he treats a stranger than what's the point of being with him?
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 Then stop trying your best. His turn now. Give him a chance (and the incentive) to try his best for you or risk losing you completely.
OR
Kick him to the curb. He's had every opportunity to be a decent man and he chose to blow it. Let him suffer the consequences and hopefully he'll be a better man to the next woman.
Either choice is reasonable, I think.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 March 2014):
 I suggest that you STOP being a "good girl".... and START being a BITCH.... THEN, see how he likes having a BITCH for a G/F.....
IF'n he's content with that... then have at it, and make him your slave.....
If'n he catches on, and expects you to be HIS wiping mat.. then YOU need to say to him: "Hey, Hunchy-bunchy, I think you have missed it.... that I am quite dissatisfied being your foot-wipe mat... and, the next time you act like that will be the LAST TIME that you get to speak to me..."
That should work. Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): You have been to college, keep yourself fit and say he doesn't know what he has got having you?As he is not appreciating you and you will not answer his calls you may as well end this so called relationship.You're already looking for the next boyfriend and comparing him to them, so you should be mature enough to finish it. Face to face. Then walk away. It's over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): Just ignoring him is a passive-aggressive way of handling your problem. You've got to tell him what he's doing that is upsetting you. Then if he doesn't do anything to correct his behavior; you have to decide if it is better to breakup with him.
Just not answering him is just playing games. You have to handle your problem with maturity. I think you want to breakup with him. Just do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll his friends & family says he's really into me & talks about me constantly but I feel like he doesn't speak to me right. The other day we're on the phone & he said I think I'm smarter than him cause I went to college wth? Who talks like that. There was a lady near him (his friends wife) she shouted at him not to speak to me like that.
I try my best but he doesn't seem to appreciate me & it don't think he knows what he's got.
He keeps ringing but I'm ignoring I don't feel like talking to him:( he will most probably say I've got someone else which is why I'm ignoring him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): Could this be projection? i.e. he is cheating or thinking about it and projecting his own bad behaviour onto you?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 March 2014):
 If your noticing other guys then your relationship with your boyfriend is over, it's run it's course.
Just because you go to the gym, keep fit, it doesn't make you a good girlfriend, but if that's what impresses him, appearance, then he's pretty shallow and sounds very insecure.
Most guys are gentlemanly if they want to impress you, or, they have simply been bought up to respect women. I wouldn't expect men in general to behave any other way than respectful unless they were total morons or very drunk
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): Your boyfriend is losing it. He has probably witnessed several relationships for his friends and family members fall apart. In many cases, infidelity is the culprit. He thinks he's preventing you from getting any ideas by laying down the law.
He may also be having guy-talk with his shady mates; who may be filling his head with bullsh*t. They behave one way around you, and differently when he's around. They may also be jealous of you as a couple, and saying things about you.
When people get overcome with jealousy and/or insecurity; there is no trust in the relationship. You're now feeling the effects.
Being aggressive and controlling is going to get the opposite effect of what he's looking for. He's pushing you toward other guys; trying to keep you away from them.
As for the other guys; of course they're nice and polite. They don't have to live with you, and put up with your quirks. They have no reason to be anything but extra nice.
Just how nice are they being? How are you showing your appreciation of it? They may be flirting and coming on to you. He may be watching you when you're unaware.
Overreacting to your positive-feedback to all the male-attention and flattery.
Guys are always extra nice when we're coming on to you. If you're over-enthused about this "niceness;" naturally you're making your boyfriend nervous. His behavior is immature and irrational. Maybe not altogether without some merit.
If you're so naive that you don't realize when guys are coming on to you; an insecure or jealous boyfriend is the last thing you need.
Don't be too naive. Don't allow your boyfriend to bully you; but don't let flirtation disguised as being "nice" fool you either. If you think he's being paranoid,it may be time to get out of this relationship.
Put your foot down about the bullying and bossing. If you act like a prissy little girl; and don't stand up for yourself, guys treat you accordingly. Like a bimbo. Show your strong-side and put him in his place. Then he'll trust and respect you more. That goes for "sweet and gentlemanly" guys as well.
If you act hollow between the ears, he'll go nuts. So you've got to make sure all the men around you are on notice. This girl's eyes are wide open. Be nice, but keep it cool. If he doesn't get the point, give him the boot.
Oh, by the way, if you have another guy in-mind; make sure it's not totally apparent to your boyfriend.
Blushing, gratuitous smiles, and being extra chummy with other guys obviously flirting with you; will make him suspicious and jealous. Time for a talk, find out why he's acting like a jerk?
If you're sure he's going nuts, and you think you might want to start seeing another guy?
You may want to breakup with him first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): "Why is my boyfriend behaving this way?"Because he is a controlling, verbally abusive jerk and you let him get away with it. "But other guys I come in contact seem to be really sweet and gentlemanly with me and I wish my guy was like that."I'm sure your guy was like that when you first met, that's how controllers and abusers lure their victims in. "I've been together almost a year and I'm starting to think about this guy who's really sweet and nice to me:("Sorry, but if being sweet and nice to you is all it takes for you to be interested in a guy then you're likely to fall into the same trap. Controllers and abusers are charming sociopaths who play to a woman's insecurities and vulnerabilities by appealing to her ego and her vanity. Any guy can be sweet and nice to get what he wants, you should be seeking out guys with more substantive qualities.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (30 March 2014):
 Your boyfriend is a bully.
Maybe he's been cheated on in the past and he now has issues where fidelity's concerned HOWEVER, this doesn't give him the right to accuse or insinuate that you would behave in that way or threaten you in any way.
I think his actions are based on fear, fear of losing you, the irony being that this behaviour is exactly what will drive away. Self fulfilling prophecy if you will.
This guy has problems and is taking them out on you.
If your boyfriend can't speak to you and treat you with respect and civility then he doesn't deserve you.
If it were me I would tell him straight that I was worth so much more and let him know that although I would never have cheated, I felt it was reasonable to be free to find someone else. Someone who would love me and respect me. Then I would leave him.
If you choose this path just be prepared for him to apologise and beg to have you back, but I would stay strong and keep walking.
Just remember, as you said, you're a good girl and therefore deserve some respect. If this guy can't man up and mend his ways I would rethink him.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
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