| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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Are men aware of what porn does to their sex drive?
Q. With all this so easy to reach pornstuff these days and especially men of all age groups spending lots of time on pornsites, I wonder what happens to their sex drive and joy of having sex with there partners. It makes me sad to read from so many ...
A. 23 April 2011: Just because it's not the same, by definition a substitute is good enough that you no longer need what it is substituting. Your punching bag connection further shows my point. By punching the punching bag, punching a real person loses a lot of its ... (read in full...)
I lied about NOT being virgin to GF. Should I tell her the truth?
Q. Okay so im deeply in love with this girl for 6months (me 19, she 21) Just in early march we came to the subject of our 'first time' agewise. I felt insecure and said 18, and she said 20. Cool thought that was that... Then late march she asked how ...
A. 18 April 2011: Well the good news is the lie went in the opposite direction of the way that usually causes problems. This doesn't sound like something you can live with in terms of guilt, so you should tell her. Honesty is the best policy most of the time. It's ... (read in full...)
I have this amazing GF, but I watched porn and the guilt is killing me. What should I do?
Q. Hi, I'm living with housemates and girlfriend. I love my girlfriend very much, I think she is amazing and so beautiful and incredible. I'm so lucky to have her. Last summer when we were apart, I went on porn loads during the week and I felt...
A. 18 April 2011: I hate to be the one to disagree here, but as long as it was just once, I would say keep it to yourself unless she asks. What good will telling her do? If it really and truly honestly was just once, I would let it go and move on. For instance if I ... (read in full...)
Ladies can you tell me why you hate porn or why you think other women hate it?
Q. Why do women hate porn so much? I agree that when it becomes an addiction, their is a problem. However why, when a guy watches porn only occasionally, and has sex at least once every 2 days? I mean, it's not an addiction but only to spend time. ...
A. 17 April 2011: No hiding it is definitely not the answer. I didn't say you were being selfish, I said you weren't really trying to see it from her perspective. I didn't mean to sound mean or condescending. If you hide it, she will find it eventually and you will ... (read in full...)
I think my husband is visiting strip clubs. What should I do?
Q. Hello, My husband went to strip clubs before we met. He has a group of friends that are often go. After he met me he didn't hang out with them for a while, and now recently he started going out with one of them again. He said they are just going to...
A. 16 April 2011: I doubt he would have told you that his friend asked but he said no if they had gone. He probably wouldn't have said anything about strip clubs if he wanted it to be a secret.... (read in full...)
Would adding her on Facebook put us in the dreaded "friend zone"
Q. Alright kind of a long question here. Alright, so there was this girl who lived in the room next to me in residence at university and about 2 weeks ago she mentioned that she and her boyfriend had broken up but she seemed to be over it from what I ...
A. 16 April 2011: Add her on Facebook and ask her out next year. I am dating my current boyfriend because I added him on Facebook, posted the occasional (very occasional) silly cute comment and then asked him out a month later. Adding someone on Facebook can be a ... (read in full...)
Ladies can you tell me why you hate porn or why you think other women hate it?
Q. Why do women hate porn so much? I agree that when it becomes an addiction, their is a problem. However why, when a guy watches porn only occasionally, and has sex at least once every 2 days? I mean, it's not an addiction but only to spend time. ...
A. 16 April 2011: Many women feel cheated on when their partner receives sexual gratification from a third party. Regardless of whether you think you care about those women, there's a reason you masturbate to very good looking women or women with big breasts and ... (read in full...)
How do I stop feeling so upset and anxious about his dirty texts to another girl?
Q. Hey readers, I need some help to stop hurting about my bf sending dirty/sex texts to another girl. We've been together 7 months, and everything has been really great, including our sex life. He went through a rough patch at work, working long ...
A. 15 April 2011: I remember answering this when you posted it originally, and I say the same things now as then. This guy is not going to change. He knew what he did was wrong, he doesn't respect you at all. This isn't him being in a new relationship and unsure of ... (read in full...)
I am worried about seeing pictures of him clubbing on Facebook. He's leaving for Uni soon.
Q. I'm 20 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He is going to uni this september 2 hours away from me. Which means we will probably only see each other once every 2 or 3 weeks! He will probably be going out clubbing all the tim...
A. 15 April 2011: Don't look. Find something else to occupy yourself with. Don't Facebook stalk him, or you'll begin to see things that aren't there and get nervous. When you feel tempted to check up, go to your favorite website. Or look at cute baby animal videos ... (read in full...)
Advice on buying sex toys.
Q. I am seeing someone and I want to buy some toys for me to use when we video call between our visits to each other. Thing is I have never bought and used sex toys before, and I really don't know where to start or what to think about getting, can ...
A. 15 April 2011: There are many kinds of toys. Do you mean a vibrator to use on yourself? Online is a good place to start, they're usually cheaper and many websites have reviews. You should think about what you want in a toy though, since there are different kinds ... (read in full...)
What are the advantages and disadvantages of living together?
Q. Dear Aunts, Just wondering what you can say about couples living together in one house without being married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such situations. Is this a bad thing or a good thing to do? Thanks!...
A. 15 April 2011: Living together is a good idea if you plan to get married (or stay together long-term). Some people do well as couples but struggle when living together, so it's a good thing to know about before you're legally bound. It is also nice to have someone ... (read in full...)
Are men aware of what porn does to their sex drive?
Q. With all this so easy to reach pornstuff these days and especially men of all age groups spending lots of time on pornsites, I wonder what happens to their sex drive and joy of having sex with there partners. It makes me sad to read from so many ...
A. 13 April 2011: If porn is lowering women's "market value" by being a substitute for women and sex, that equates porn with real sex. It's basically an admission that porn is cheating. Especially since you place it in a completely different category from just ... (read in full...)
I want to go back on the dating site, but my ex is there. Please help.
Q. What do you think? would it be weird if I did this? ? ? My ex boyfriend and I met on a dating site, we dated for a long time, he told me he loved me everyday and I loved him a lot. But he lied to me, cheated and dumped me.. He really hurt me.. ...
A. 12 April 2011: Why would that be weird? He can't think you're weird when he's doing the same thing. And if he does, then he's a hypocrite on top of being a lying, cheating, jerk. You shouldn't care what he thinks or let his opinion influence your actions.... (read in full...)
I just had anal sex. Am I still a virgin?
Q. Okay I know this is a stupid question but am im still a virgin? I mean...my boyfriend and I just did anal...and im wondering if im still a virgin. I'm kinda naive about that subject. Im sorry...
A. 10 April 2011: Physically and by religious standards, yes. Most people use the definition of having a penis in a vagina as losing virginity. But like it was stated several times, virginity is more a state of mind than anything else and most people would regard ... (read in full...)
How can I get the friction I need during sex?
Q. I have always had trouble reaching orgasm through intercourse but can do so by using sex toys (whether vibrating or not). I have found that I need the friction that toys provide in order to achieve orgasm where with an actual penis, it seems that ...
A. 10 April 2011: I meant the bullet kind, not an insertable one. They are only for stimulating your clitoris and very easy to add in during sex and shouldn't make him feel inadequate.... (read in full...)
Are my dark "bits" as pretty as a white girl's to my boyfriend?
Q. I am black and my partner is white. I have seen some of the porn he uses and they have white women in them, and they all have very...pink, light skinned vagina's. Of course, as I am black, I am much darker down there and I feel insecure. Are whit...
A. 9 April 2011: What is it about porn that makes all women feel insecure about their vulvas? Your bits are way prettier than those women in porn because they're real! Don't think even for a second that those women in porn can compete with you. Don't even give it a ... (read in full...)
BF is upset because I won't pick him up at the airport. Is he being unreasonable?
Q. My boyfriend is flying into town to close on his house on Monday at night, and will be here until Friday. I have class Monday until 9pm and he expects me to pick him up at the airport after class even though his flight gets in at 7pm and i have ...
A. 9 April 2011: I think he's right to be a bit upset (though not nearly upset that he's insinuating going to stay with a girl, that's ridiculously over the top) that you don't want to see him. It's unreasonable for him to expect you to skip your class just to ... (read in full...)
Did I correctly do a hand job if he had precum, even though we ran out of time?
Q. i gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time the other day. he never actually ejaculated as we ran out of time, but there was precum. does this mean that i did it right and he enjoyed it? thanks x...
A. 9 April 2011: If there was precum he probably enjoyed it. Why don't you just ask him? If you're feeling unsure about your technique, all guys are different and you could ask him to "lend you a hand" by putting his hand over yours and guiding you in pressure and ... (read in full...)
BF took money from daughter's room. I am not sure what to do about this relationship. Please help.
Q. here is my dilema...my boyfriend of 5 years is lazy , has lied a lot in the past, I found out last year that he got oral from another man when he was in his teens .. i have been thru a lot with this guy.. but i am the kind of person that sees the ...
A. 9 April 2011: I know you like to see the good in everyone, but this guy sounds like a bum. Who steals money from their partner's kid to buy beer? That's a very very very low thing to do. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you or her, but the fact that not only did ... (read in full...)
I think it missed her, but I am still worried that it could have gotten her pregnant.
Q. Me and my girlfriend had sex last night, we wore a condom but I decided to pull out just in case. I eventually ejaculated 5 mins later from a handjob. Most of my semen landed on me or the bed whilst my girlfriend said none of it landed on her. She ...
A. 9 April 2011: No, not even a remote chance. It's not like an airborne virus, it actually has to be put in there. They don't in a few seconds in the air, but they can't really move. There isn't even a small chance of this happening. Don't worry about it.... (read in full...)
My BF doesn't believe in sex until marriage but I don't think I'm ever going to be ready for marriage. Should I stay or leave??
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and he's 19, I'm 18 and he doesn't believe in sex until marriage but I don't think I'm ever going to be ready for marriage and I don't want him to compromise his morals for me so, what I'm asking is if ...
A. 9 April 2011: This is a big decision. If you two have very different beliefs or morals, it will be difficult to stay together. If you don't want to get married until later and he doesn't want to have sex before marriage, you may have to find someone else whose ... (read in full...)
I find the thought of hooking up with guys repulsive. Does this mean I am gay or bi?
Q. I feel like somethings missing. I don't know what it is, but I have an idea. It's just that every time I see couples, I wish I could have a girlfriend. I also am confused. I mean, I'm sure I'm Bi Sexual, but the sexual thought of guys is just... ...
A. 9 April 2011: I agree with wideoldman, a lot of guys your age are pretty unpleasant. You're going through a lot of changes, it's normal to be confused about your sexual feelings. You need to date a little, be around a lot of people before you can make the call of ... (read in full...)
I asked him to wear a condom and he was "offended" that I didnt trust him! Now he doesn't want the relationship anymore!!
Q. I first met this guy in summer school...i didn't have any classes with him...but from the very beginning he started showing signs of interest...afterwards I think it was in September when he added me on face book...he kept on commenting on my posts ...
A. 9 April 2011: Good for you lady! You stood up for yourself and made the right choice. That's awesome! This guy isn't offended, he was upset that you caught him in his act. Anyone who tries to not wear a condom and gets angry when you ask him to doesn't care about ... (read in full...)
I'm being pressurized into marriage because my GF whom I never really loved, got pregnant and had our baby, by lying to me about using birth control..
Q. Hello. I am in a spot of bother. I had been going out with a girl long distance for about a year, we moved in together and I was pretty sure then that it wasn't true love. After about 6 months, when she was telling me she was taking contra...
A. 9 April 2011: I agree with the below posters, you don't owe her a thing. Do not marry her. This woman deceived you in a horrible way, do you really want to be legally bound to her??? Marrying her won't make you anymore legally bound to your child, only to her. ... (read in full...)
Can I trust my bf again after he's cheated twice before? If so, how?
Q. Hello, I have been dating a guy off and on for about 3 years. Hes my absolute best friend and the love of my life. But, I have major trust issues with him when it comes to cheating and such. We've dated 3 times (this time being our third) and the ...
A. 9 April 2011: Once a cheater always a cheater probably isn't true. But twice a cheater always cheater definitely is. This guy thinks he can get away with anything he wants and you will always take him back. Don't do it, it can't end well.... (read in full...)
Are we too physically intimate too fast?
Q. My boyfriend is 17 and I am 15, and we have been together for about two months. We live in NYC. We started kissing and making out a while ago and now its almost the only thing we do. I spend a lot of time in his room, especially at night, and while...
A. 9 April 2011: This isn't going that fast if you've been dating 2 months, but you have to decide how far you want it to go and set your boundaries. For instance, do you want to wait until you're in love to do sexual things? If it progresses to hand jobs/fingering ... (read in full...)
Many random hookups have spoiled my interest in sex and my faith in true love.
Q. I don't think i can ever love a guy. I have hooked up so many times that i dont even enjoy romance or a simple kiss. Kissing doesnt turn me on like it used to, b/c im not doing it with guys i even like....I feel lost, confused and impatient because ...
A. 9 April 2011: You just need to stop hooking up. You need to stop doing it. Like you said, you're only doing it because you think it helps your self-esteem, but really it's only making it worse. You need to find another hobby, something you can do for yourself ... (read in full...)
Should I go for this older divorced guy?
Q. i have feelings for this older guy. he is 27 i am 18 in the uk i don't know weather to make my feeling known we are close and talk all th4e time. i am very flirty towards him but i don't know if he notices? he is recently divorced becaus...
A. 9 April 2011: No, the age difference is a lot. If he was interested in an 18 year old, you'd be his rebound, someone he felt he could take advantage of easily. Plus getting divorced that young is usually a bad sign.... (read in full...)
Will my strange body movements during an orgasm turn off a guy?
Q. This is kind of an embarrassing question for me. I haven't had sex in my relationships yet, but when I'm on my own (meaning masturbating) I feel that when I orgasm I squirm too much up until when I arch my back becoming stiff, and my lower body ...
A. 9 April 2011: That sounds normal, and I'm pretty sure seeing/feeling you orgasm is about the hottest thing you can do.... (read in full...)
How can I get the friction I need during sex?
Q. I have always had trouble reaching orgasm through intercourse but can do so by using sex toys (whether vibrating or not). I have found that I need the friction that toys provide in order to achieve orgasm where with an actual penis, it seems that ...
A. 9 April 2011: Unfortunately, most women cannot get enough stimulation from sex alone to reach orgasm (around 75% never reach orgasm during penetration). If you really want to orgasm during penetrative sex you're going to have to either add in a toy, or add in ... (read in full...)
Am I the only person who believes you should give advice if you have experienced a situation?
Q. I have been a member of this site for a long time and have been reading a lot of the advice that is given. A lot of it varies and not everyone has them same answer which is to be expected. A few aunts or uncles I have been following give q...
A. 9 April 2011: It always seems to depend much more on how observant, just in general, the person giving advice is rather than how much he or she has been through.... (read in full...)
G/f has decided she never wants to have sex again?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years now, and it is pretty serious.Our sex life was AMAZING until 2 months ago where she decided she was "never interested in sex" and has decided that she never wants to have sex with me again? I try ...
A. 9 April 2011: With your recent follow up I have to wonder if she's very religious? It seems odd to me to feel guilty about sex otherwise. The only two things I can think of that would make a person feel guilt from sex are religion, or a past history of sexual ... (read in full...)
G/f has decided she never wants to have sex again?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years now, and it is pretty serious.Our sex life was AMAZING until 2 months ago where she decided she was "never interested in sex" and has decided that she never wants to have sex with me again? I try ...
A. 9 April 2011: Usually a woman's sex drive is directly linked to how frequently and easily she orgasms. Was she having an easy time orgasming pretty much every time you had sex? If no, then there's your problem. If yes, then you're going to have to talk to her ... (read in full...)
How accurate are sonograms? I'm worried about who is the father of this baby
Q. Hello. I cheated on my boyfriend whilst we were going through a rough patch. I totally regret it, I have not told him but I think about it and deeply regret it every single day. I almost torture myself mentally over it. The worst part is that I'm...
A. 9 April 2011: If you had a period after you slept with the other man, so long as it was at least a few weeks after you two slept together, then you weren't pregnant with the man you cheated with. Also if you used protection with the man you cheated with but ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for 15 year olds to masturbate?
Q. Ok so I'm 15 and I masturbate. I know it is perfectly naturally but I can't help but feel awful afterwards. I don't want to but I can't help it sometimes. Is it normal I know guys masturbate but is it normal for girls especially 15 year olds ? Also ...
A. 9 April 2011: You know it's fine for guys, so why shouldn't it be fine for girls? Girls get just as horny as guys do, no one NEEDS to masturbate, everyone does it for the same reasons, fun, horniness, boredom, etc... Most people masturbate, it's harmless, it puts ... (read in full...)
Do you think this could be the start of the end of our relationship?
Q. my partners mum passed away yesterday morning. I met him at the hospital to comfort him, went back to his brothers house after- put my arm around him on the couch but when we got home he told me to save it for when we're alone(he usually doe...
A. 9 April 2011: He's just grieving. His mom died, he wants to be with his family. This is his kind way of saying, please let me be with my son so we can grieve together. You need to give him his space. A lot of people like to be alone when they are grieving. Losing ... (read in full...)
I like her and don't know whether I should contact her on Facebook or not.
Q. i went out to a bar with one of my mums friends daughter it wasn't really a date but i really like her and i got the feeling she liked me i didn't get her number but i found her on faceboook but im not on it and i don't know if i should just add her ...
A. 8 April 2011: What have you got to lose? If you think she liked you too, she'll be happy to hear from you. I started dating my current boyfriend because I contacted him through facebook.... (read in full...)
Why is Hardcore Porn so popular and why do people defend it so fiercely?
Q. Why do men get off on watching women being so obviously humiliated and abused in hardcore porn? For whatever reason the women are made to look as if they are being violated and taken violently for pleasure purposes of those watching.... I just re...
A. 8 April 2011: Yes of course people always think they're right. What's new about that? But the fact is that this is a reflection of the general consensus of most mental health professionals. Almost every meta analysis (which collects all the studies and runs ... (read in full...)
How can I get my mother to kick my sister and her kids out?
Q. i have a sister that is in her 30's and her and her kids moved in with me and my mother almost 10 years ago and they wont leave. my sister wont get a job or even make an attempt to look for her own home and expects for my mother to keep taking care ...
A. 8 April 2011: Your mother isn't going to turn her back on her daughter. She knows what she's doing and she'll make her find her own place when the time is right. For now you're just going to have to accept the more cramped living quarters.... (read in full...)
I cannot have an orgasm my body cant handle it
Q. I can't cum when i reach the point of a orgasim i have to stop my boyfriend as i cant handle the feeling in my body. we brought a vibratour to see if i could do it myself when he wasnt home but still when i reach the point i have to stop cause i ...
A. 8 April 2011: This is actually a very normal feeling for your first orgasm. Some women also report feeling very tired and disinterested suddenly. You just have to relax and keep going. It's normal to become more sensitive right before you orgasm, it's ok to ... (read in full...)
I have a really embarrassing problem. Should I tell her?
Q. hey guys, i just wanted to know, is it normal for me to 'jizz' every time i snog my girlfriend i want to tell her that it happens but im scared in case its a turn off, or makes things weird between us, or makes her go away from me shall i tell h...
A. 8 April 2011: Do you mean ejaculate (which is normally what jizz means) or precum? A bit of precum is perfectly normal, while actually ejaculating could be a bit of a problem in that it might be difficult to have sex. Precum is totally expected, there's no need ... (read in full...)
Why is Hardcore Porn so popular and why do people defend it so fiercely?
Q. Why do men get off on watching women being so obviously humiliated and abused in hardcore porn? For whatever reason the women are made to look as if they are being violated and taken violently for pleasure purposes of those watching.... I just re...
A. 7 April 2011: CharliesDevil, these researchers are extremely respected in the field of psychology and sexual research. I'm not "hiding behind research," I started researching because I saw something happening and found out more about it. I didn't just go to ... (read in full...)
Why is Hardcore Porn so popular and why do people defend it so fiercely?
Q. Why do men get off on watching women being so obviously humiliated and abused in hardcore porn? For whatever reason the women are made to look as if they are being violated and taken violently for pleasure purposes of those watching.... I just re...
A. 6 April 2011: Cerberus, I was going to send you a PM telling you to try to get ahold of yourself and stop attacking me for my opinion that I think depictions of women as cumbuckets are damaging to women, I think I'll say it here since it's relevant to several ... (read in full...)
Why is Hardcore Porn so popular and why do people defend it so fiercely?
Q. Why do men get off on watching women being so obviously humiliated and abused in hardcore porn? For whatever reason the women are made to look as if they are being violated and taken violently for pleasure purposes of those watching.... I just re...
A. 6 April 2011: Sorry, but this idea of it being fantasy is very VERY troublesome. Porn isn't fantasy. Fantasy implies that it is something you created in your head, something that requires some amount of creativity. I cannot think of anything more opposite of ... (read in full...)
Why is Hardcore Porn so popular and why do people defend it so fiercely?
Q. Why do men get off on watching women being so obviously humiliated and abused in hardcore porn? For whatever reason the women are made to look as if they are being violated and taken violently for pleasure purposes of those watching.... I just re...
A. 6 April 2011: I already answered this on this question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/boyfriend-and-i-have-completely-opposing-views-on.html But as for there being a demand for violent porn where women get humiliated and degraded? It's because that's what... (read in full...)
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