A
male
age
30-35,
*ohnboyforreal
writes:Okay so im deeply in love with this girl for 6months (me 19, she 21) Just in early march we came to the subject of our 'first time' agewise. I felt insecure and said 18, and she said 20. Cool thought that was that... Then late march she asked how many times and with how many, because she didnt want to know me as a 'man-whore'? I was super reluctant and lied about losing it drunk last year (but i did just LITERALLY slept with this girl though no intercourse!), and that was it once and one person. She said the same thing really. Now im feeling such guilt that im afraid that if i tell her she will leave me. We are both first time relationships, and i just feel like a complete idiot for lying about being a virgin. I have been always honest with her but for some reason this topic touched my ego/nerve and emotionally instead of rationally i lied to protect myself.Timing-wise its the exams for uni so its NOT a good time for drama for both of us, and im thinking of her telling her in mid-may instead. But this would probably exacerbate the problem by taking so long to come out with the truth.Should i tell her the honest truth or not? (This guilt is seriously killing me, but then i don't think i can go on like this...) I don't want to affect her exams/her future career and mines, so the timing is bad i know... (Avoiding this bomb altogether/forever is another option but a dishonest one since there's no way she could know) I really don't want to imagine her reaction and if the trust damage would be absolutely irrepairable... :(
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drunk, her ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Tell her after exams and do it for you, not neccessarily for her. If you're this nervous just about lying to he, it might make actual sex with her incredibly awkward if not impossible because of your anxiety.
If you were a girl in the same situation, you'de probably be told that "he" (or "her" in your case) had no right to ask you your number of partners and that you shouldn't be ashamed...I doubt that advice would work for you, but I think this is a case where she might be in fact be quite empathetic about your situation and respect you more for telling her the truth.
If this is a make or break issue for her, then she's being judgemental.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Well the good news is the lie went in the opposite direction of the way that usually causes problems. This doesn't sound like something you can live with in terms of guilt, so you should tell her. Honesty is the best policy most of the time. It's always a bigger deal to pretend you are a virgin than to pretend you aren't. Many people actually value virginity since there's no jealousy to deal with.
If you explain to her why you lied, she may be mad but she will probably understand. I don't think her reaction will be as bad as you imagine it will be.
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A
male
reader, johnboyforreal +, writes (18 April 2011):
johnboyforreal is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni should have clarified. i have lost it to her already, and had sex with her a lot within these sex months already and she never suspected. but somehow that topic came up only last month. which is probably even worse.
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A
female
reader, tzeller +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Honestly, i think telling her sooner rather than later would be better. Who knows? Maybe she will be understanding if you explain to her your fears and reasoning for lying about being a virgin. You said so yourself that the guilt is killing you, that can't be too good for exams and school work either. You're never going to get that guilty feeling to go away unless you come clean. If she cares about you at all she will understand, or at least TRY to understand. I know i would if i was in her shoes. Just show her that you have remorse for your actions and explain to her why you lied in the first place, i really think it will go better than you think! Good luck and i hope things work out between the two of you!
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 hey,I would just tell her after her exams, the load of stress would just be brutal on her and yourself...hope i helped
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A
male
reader, johnboyforreal +, writes (18 April 2011):
johnboyforreal is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni should have clarified. i have lost it to her already, and had sex with her a lot within these sex months already and she never suspected. but somehow that topic came up only last month. which is probably even worse.
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